mr2mk1g 10 #26 May 23, 2005 Two parrots are sat on a perch. One turns to the other and says: "Do you smell fish?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aerohaga 0 #27 May 23, 2005 Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa. Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac? He was up all night wondering if there is a Dog.For my part, I know nothing with any certainty, But the sight of the stars makes me dream. -Vincent Van Gogh Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mr2mk1g 10 #28 May 23, 2005 Two monkeys are sat in a bath. One says to the other: "Ooh ooh oohh aah aah aah". The other one says: "Well if it's too hot for you put some more cold water in". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aprilcat 0 #29 May 23, 2005 This really mean man came out of his house and noticed a snail high up on the top of his hedges. Being a jerk, he grabbed the snail and hurled it as FAR as he could, then got in his car and headed to work, not thinking about it again... ....for another year. He was in his home enjoying a cold beer after work when some LOUD banging started at the front door. He whips the door open and there stands the snail with a mean look on his face, shaking his little snail fist and yelling 'WHAT was THAT about???!!" ~~April Camelot II, the Electric Boogaloo! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydivingNurse 0 #30 May 23, 2005 For all the musicians on the site: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor. Thanks so much, I'm here all week and don't forget to tip your waitress! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wartload 0 #31 May 23, 2005 I have two favorites: Everyone knows that ducks fly in a "V-shaped" formation, but have you ever noticed that one side's longer than the other? Do you know why that is? There are more ducks on that side. ============= A city feller was driving around in the country one day, when he spotted a curious sight. A farmer was holding a pig up to an apple tree. He stopped to watch as the farmer let the piggy sniff at apples until he found one that he liked, then picked that apple and gave it to him. Then he picked up another piggy and went through the process again. Finally, the city guy couldn't contain himself any longer. He yelled out the window, "Hey! You there! What the hell are you doing?!!" The farmer calmly answered back, "Feedin' apples to my pigs." "Yeah, I can see that, but it's the way that you are doing it. Are you too stupid to see how much time it wastes to do it that way???" Again unflapped, the farmer replied, "Yeah ... but what's time to a pig?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wartload 0 #32 May 23, 2005 QuoteDid you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa. Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac? He was up all night wondering if there is a Dog. Bumper sticker: DYSLEXICS UNTIE! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MochaSkyChick 0 #33 May 23, 2005 Quote Two Goldfish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says: you drive, i'll man the guns. I'm not sure why this one still has me giggling... It's all about the visual... PMS #62 Zarza R[red Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #34 May 23, 2005 A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour, surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black? Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir." The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, closely...... "A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?" "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KevinMcGuire 0 #35 May 23, 2005 One day the queen of England is paying a visit to a local hospital and getting the grand tour from the Hospitals head of administration. While walking down the hall, the Queen peers into one of the rooms and is shocked to see a man feverishly masturbating. Her tour guide quickly explained that the man has a rare condition where his testicles produce sperm at such a rapid rate that if the pressure is not removed then his testicles will rupture. "Oh dear" replied the queen "that poor man" and continued on her tour. A while later, the queen and her tour guide had moved to another floor when the Queen peered into another room and saw a nurse giving oral pleasure to one of the patients. Appalled, the queen demanded an explanation to which the her guide asked. "Do you remember that poor chap down stairs suffering from over productive testicles? "yes" replied the queen. "Well" replied the guide "Same problem, better HMO" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
srsublime 0 #36 May 23, 2005 Two pinguins are on an iceburg floating down the river. One penguin turns to the other and says "you look like you're going to a formal." The other pengiun turns and says "well who says I'm not?" Orfun #21... thanks PsychoBob! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpergirl 0 #37 May 23, 2005 A baby polar bear asks his mom, "Are you sure I'm a polar bear?" Moma polar bear says, "Of course you are. Go ask your dad. He'll tell you the same thing." Baby polar bear asks his dad, "Are you sure I'm a polar bear?" Daddy polar bear says, "Of course you are." Baby polar bear says, "Are you SURE? Are you sure I don't have any brown bear or koala bear or some other kind of bear in me?" Daddy polar bear says, "Yes, I'm sure. I'm a polar bear. Your moma is a polar bear. Your grandparents were all polar bears. Why are you asking this?" Baby polar bear says, "Cause I'm freezin' my ass off!!!!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KevinMcGuire 0 #38 May 23, 2005 I'd forgotten that one. I love it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PsychoBob 0 #39 May 23, 2005 Q. Why do women have legs? A. So they don't leave snail trails everywhere they go."I'm not a gynecologist but I will take a look at it" RB #1295, Smokey Sister #1, HellFish #658, Dirty Sanchez #194, Muff Brothers #3834, POPS #9614, Orfun Foster-Parent?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MochaSkyChick 0 #41 May 23, 2005 That's cute. PMS #62 Zarza R[red Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bodyflight.Net 0 #42 May 23, 2005 Quote Q: How do you make a Venetian Blind? A: You poke him in the eye That's as FUNNY as a SCREEN DOOR in a Submarine!!! Pink Suits, Blue Skies & Fast Air, Dawn Suiter PMTS #3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TrophyHusband 0 #43 May 23, 2005 why did cavemen drag their women around by the hair? because if they drug them by the feet they would fill up with mud. "Your scrotum is quite nice" - Skymama www.kjandmegan.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpergirl 0 #44 May 23, 2005 EEeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Icon134 0 #45 May 23, 2005 Quote That's as FUNNY as a SCREEN DOOR in a Submarine!!! Speaking of screen doors... Women are a lot like screen doors... cause you've got to bang em a few times to loosen them up... (having said this... I feel dirty now and need to go wash my mouth out with soap...)Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #46 May 23, 2005 Unless you just actually said that out loud, washing your hands with soap should do... you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bobster 0 #47 May 23, 2005 A cop was hidden at the end of a bridge waiting on some good speeders. All of a sudden a red convertible came flying over the bridge doing 30 mph over. The cop pulled him over and asked him what his rush was. The guy replied that he had a patient waiting on him. The cop asked him what he did for a living. He told the cop he was "an anal spreader". So the cop said "what is that"? The guy said "just what it sounds like. I'll lube up and get a finger in then my fist, then start using spreading devices to stretch it out to 4,5, even 6 feet wide. So the cop asks him "what do you do with a six foot asshole"? The guy replies "you put him at the end of a bridge with a radar gun!"_________________________________________ Boboso Rodriguez Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #48 May 23, 2005 d'ja hear about the two Irishmen who walked out a bar?. . . . . I never heard of such a thing either.My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freefal 0 #49 May 23, 2005 Two guys walk into a bar... the third one ducks. "Ignorance is bliss" and "Patience is a virtue"... So if you're stupid and don't mind waiting around for a while, I guess you can have a pretty good life! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freefal 0 #50 May 23, 2005 A guy get's pulled over for speeding down in LA (that's 'Lower Alabama' by the way). The good ol' boy state trooper is looking at the guy's license and says, "It says here you're supposed to be wearing glasses but ya ain't got no glasses on." To which the guy replies, "It's ok, I've got contacts." The trooper looks stearnly back at him and says, "Look, I don't care who you know... It says here you're supposed to be wearing glasses!" "Ignorance is bliss" and "Patience is a virtue"... So if you're stupid and don't mind waiting around for a while, I guess you can have a pretty good life! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
