How to get rid of her

[bigway 4]

My partners mate from the UK has come to stay with us.
The idea was she was coming over to Australia with $10,000 and was going to travel around OZ and use our house as a base.

So she tells us she will go to asia for a month on the way, she ends up staying in asia for three months. The day before she arrives here she phones ME up and asks me if she can borrow $500 so she can pay the departure tax etc in thailand.

In other words she arrives here without a cent to her name. So she comes over and now needs to look for a job. There is only a couple of jobs available on internet each week at the moment and she does not think she needs to go out and look for work as she will find something on the internet.

So for the past THREE months she has been sitting in my living room watching my big screen from when she gets out of bed at 1 pm till when she goes to bed at 4 am. for three fucking months.

When she wants to use the car, she comes up to me and says "where are the keys". She does not ask to use the car, just asks where the keys are.

She is a bar manager back home and over here you need to do a course for $70 to be allowed to serve any drinks at all. She has not even done this despite me giving her over $2000 in loans.

Now my brother was in a terrible accident in the USA recently and spent time in hospital over there. He is coming home as his injuries are really casuing him problems and he is going to stay at my house. He now has to sleep in the garage in the cold of winter because she is a lazy fucking cow who is taking the piss.


Now to top it off, MY partner and I have spent the last three years bulding our home up to be a nice comfortable home and when we have people around we invite them and make sure the house is in a nice state and we organize it properly.....

Last night at 1 am i hear a voice, a males voice, a 24 year old lebanese gangsters male voice yelling and screaming and threatning someone down the phone and going on about lebanese values or some sort of shit.
I am not racist but with all the lebanese gang killings in my cityu of recent i am not very comfortable.
And i am extremly slutted off that she never even mentioned anything about having this stranger to me inside my house.

If she wants to bring a friend over or a boyfriend over, fine, but she should be asking if that is ok first. She is a guest in my house, even though she now somehow gets to contribute to the rent, not a fair share but she does contribute. Even though she has made me sick to my stomach that I can not even leave my office downstairs to go upstairs,.... oh no shit, I sit down in my office all day and all night working and she cooks my fucking food and does not even offer me anything???!!!

How the fuck do i get this leach out of my house. All i know is that if i say anything to her it is not going to be very nice, actually, if i say anything to her i know that i will end up kicking her out that very instant. I want to respect that she is my p[artners friend but everytime i walk into my house, there she is sitting on my couch with her soda cans sitting next to her on the suede couches, eating my food, watching my cable and using my wireless connection. It makes me sick in my stomach and makes me feel worse and worse as this anger is building up to the point where i want to leave my own home.


To make all of this worse, my brother is coming to stay, my best mate of 18 years is coming to stay and another one of victorias friends is coming to stay and one of my skydiving buddies....all next month, and i know she will just keep sitting on that couch.


Alot of people think this girl is very attractive, I admit she is or was but to me i feel physically ill and do not know how to deal with the anger i am feeling from this person taking the piss.

I knwo that is i say antyhing to her that it will ruin my partners friendship with her cause i will NOT be able to control the disgust in my voice that i have towards her.


Is there anyone in sydney who will take this tramp off my hands, is there anyone who can get her visa revoked and deport her? Help!

.Karnage Krew Gear Store
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[skymama 35]

It's simple. You say, "my brother is coming in ___ days and since he's family, he's going to stay in that room. You have overstayed your welcome and it's time for you to leave. If you're not gone by the time he gets here, I will help you move by throwing all your shit out onto the lawn." Then, follow through with it.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[wildcard451 0]

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It's simple. You say, "my brother is coming in ___ days and since he's family, he's going to stay in that room. You have overstayed your welcome and it's time for you to leave. If you're not gone by the time he gets here, I will help you move by throwing all your shit out onto the lawn." Then, follow through with it.

QFT

[NWFlyer 2]

3 months? I think it's Dear Abby who says "no one can take advantage of you unless you let them." Give her a deadline (<2 weeks would be appropriate in my mind) and tell her she'll need to leave by then. And write up a promissory note for the money you've loaned her. You'll probably never get it back but at least you'll have it documented in writing (I believe that in the U.S., if you have a signed promissory note, you can at least deduct the loss from your taxable income. No idea what the rules are down there). You're letting this "friend" walk all over you.

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[bigway 4]

The thing is, I am not letting her walk all over me, I am letting her feel secure in a foreign country where she knows nobody.
Anyone comes to stay with us and ends up not being able to afford anything, well i am the sort of person who if i have something then my friends are welcome to it. She may not be my friend but she is my partners friend, and I feel like it would hurt their friendship.
Also, we told her she can come and stay during her 1 year work visa in Australia, she toild us she would be traveling alot and staying in three month blocks or something, of course being polite we say, sure, stay as long as you need to. The thing is, I dont think she can understand the difference between being polite and taking advantage. Surely now i dont say a word to her except for get the soda can off my couches, surely she should know she has overstayed her welcome.

I mean, who the fuck travels to australia and sits on a couch and watches reruns EVERY SINGLE DAY??

Does sh not find it bizzaree that I do not sit in the room that houses my home entertainment centre?

I just dont have the balls to put her out on her ass. She would be fucked if i did so and what sort of friend would my partner be to her if she stood by and let me do that to her friend? I dont think it is fair on my partner

.Karnage Krew Gear Store
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[bigway 4]

Would anyone like to offer her work on the other side of the country? I dont give a fuck if there is a job there or not.

I have already purchased her a ticket to melbourne return flight in two weeks. It was a xmas gift. I hope she decided to stay on her friends couch for life rather than come back.... or maybe i can cancel the return ticket when she gets there?

.Karnage Krew Gear Store
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[NWFlyer 2]

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being polite we say, sure, stay as long as you need to.

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surely she should know she has overstayed her welcome

Until you resolve those conflicting things, you're stuck with her. She doesn't give enough of a shit to make a (real) effort to take care of her own needs. From the way you've described things, she either 1) managed to blow though 10 grand in one month or 2) never had anywhere near 10 grand but fully intended to come to Australia anyway. Either way, she's not exactly a model of responsibility. You're enabling that, and don't be surprised if she's not out of there in a year (or she's asking you for money for a return ticket so she doesn't get kicked out of the country). She's not being respectful of you or your partner, or of the friendship she has with her partner - doesn't sound to me like a friendship worth preserving.

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[jonstark 8]

YOU are the one with the problem until you make it HER problem. Once you tell her that she has overstayed her welcome it is her problem to resolve. Offer consequences for failure to act, get a job, pay your way, clean-up, and follow through with them if she won't play ball. She's a big girl who can piss her money away in Asia so she's big enough to make friends in the amount of time she has mooched off of you and find a job or new digs.

[bigway 4]

Not up to me though is it to decide what her friendship is worth to my partner.

She did have the money, she was staying in asia for a month, though she ended up staying for three and a half months or something.

I would say to any of my friends or family to stay as long as they need to but at the age of 30 i have always though people know that when someone says that to you that it means they are there for you, i would not have thought she would take that as meaning we will help and provide for you while you watch reruns on tv all day.


Today I have turned the wireless off from the modem, I am dissconecting the cable tv so she only has three channels of informercials and I am letting her know that the inssurance company has said hse needs to sit the OZ drivers license test or she can not drive my car now it has been three months. (law).

I am meeting my landlord this week and will ask him as he is a mate to write me a letter saying that if we have guests living in our house for longer than three months then the rent will go up from $700 a week to $900. Making it cheaper for her to stay in a backpackers.
or
I am going to cancel her return ticket from melbourne so she has to find a job to be able to get back to sydney.


Maybe i am gutless, I just dont like being nasty to people even more do not want to ruin her friendship with my partner.

Three months ago, I was finally in a place that I called home after being traveling for 10 years around the globe, today I feel like my home has been raped and pillaged.

.Karnage Krew Gear Store
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[bigway 4]

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YOU are the one with the problem until you make it HER problem. Once you tell her that she has overstayed her welcome it is her problem to resolve. Offer consequences for failure to act, get a job, pay your way, clean-up, and follow through with them if she won't play ball. She's a big girl who can piss her money away in Asia so she's big enough to make friends in the amount of time she has mooched off of you and find a job or new digs.

I agree with what everyone is saying. That is my problem, I feel the same way you guys suggest i should.
I just dont know how to do that to my partners friend without feeling like shit about it.
I dont know anyone who would put me in such a position so dont know how i would expect my partner to react to this.

My partner has said i can kick her out and she is obviously upset by it but i will feel terrible for doing that to their friendship.

I wish she would just fuck off on her own accord.


Anyway, today is not the day to do it as today I am trying to find a way of avoiding her because i dont want to be arrested.
Sometimes you have bad days when you should not deal with problems and leave them for a better day. today is that day. She has fucked me off so badly that if i see her today all my feelings will be brushed aside and she will be out the door with her bags being thrown at her.

Trust me, I am not chicken shit about kicking her out, I would get alot of pleasure doing it and it would be exactly what she deserves. I am chicken shit of hurting my partner though

.Karnage Krew Gear Store
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[RALFFERS 0]

It's quite clear that, she has overstayed her welcome, but more than that, abused your good nature - and she will continue to do so. I know you don't want to be mean, but, dude, if you don't grow a pair [I mean that in the kindest way possible] & get tough with her this will never end.

Dialogue/commentary between Divot, Twardo & myself -

"from your first Oshkosh when the three of us were riding to or from one of

[RALFFERS 0]

what exactly do you mean by 'partner'? A wife, a girlfriend? - or is this a business partner or something?

The reason I ask is because if this partner is a wife or girlfriend who is living with you I would think she likewise doesn't feel comfortable in her own home, & thus have no problem with you kicking said friend out.

Dialogue/commentary between Divot, Twardo & myself -

"from your first Oshkosh when the three of us were riding to or from one of

[DrewEckhardt 0]

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surely she should know she has overstayed her welcome.

Surely she finds being permantly on vacation watching your big screen TV for 13 hours a day preferable to geting a job and paying rent elsewhere.

Your feelings aren't too important compared to her having to work.

My rule was that people are house guests for the first month and after that they were renters (now that I'm married, they're guests for a week and then gone).

After a month I started charging my sister below market rent (by about a third) without utilities.She still wanted to plop down in front of my TV and stereo, objecting that she was watching something when I came home after a 12 hour day at the office and wanted something else. I told her that she could buy her own TV and pay an even share of the satellite bill and I think she read more books.

My grandmother was _not_ happy that I'd charge my own sister rent, although I think it helped her along the path to becoming a responsible adult with a career path, health insurance, and savings.

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I just dont have the balls to put her out on her ass. She would be fucked if i did so and what sort of friend would my partner be to her if she stood by and let me do that to her friend? I dont think it is fair on my partner

You need to encourage her to leave. Starting with below market rent would be a start.

[CSpenceFLY 1]

Simple answer. Tell her to get the fuck out of your house. Give me her number, I'll tell her. I can't believe you need to ask what you should do.

[cocheese 0]

He wants her. It's so obvious.

[vdschoor 0]

Bigway, I hope I am not misreading any of your feelings / thoughts, but it looks like you are making a lot of "assumptions" .. as in YOU would never do any of these things to a friend.. the funny thing is, she obviously doesn't think about it that way, but she needs to be told that this is not acceptable behavior.

good luck, and good call on "calming down" first..

[squirrel 0]

the cheapest and most effective way may to be to buy her a ticket home. then tell her all the locks will be changed, its time to leave, and kick her ass to the curb. there is NO excuse for her behavior.

________________________________
Where is Darwin when you need him?

[ryoder 1,396]

Note to self: Free lodging available for upcoming vacation to NZ.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[bigway 4]

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Note to self: Free lodging available for upcoming vacation to NZ.

Thank fuck i aint in NZ.

By 'Partner' I mean defacto/girlfriend

Anyway, it is done. She came downstairs just after i replied to a few posts and said to me....

"Do you think when i am still asleep, that you might be able to make sure you lift your feet when you walk past my bedroom door".....


Holy fuck did shit hit the fan. It was like an explosion.

The girl is packing now.

( She got out of bed at 1:30pm)

.Karnage Krew Gear Store
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[Shell666 0]

Tell her that you don't appreciate her lazing around all day taking advantage of you, borrowing money and promising to get a job that never appears and it's time that she left.

Be calm. Be honest. Be blunt. Tell her she has XX days/weeks/hours WHATEVER to find another place to live. It's YOUR home.

And don't take no for an answer.

Stop worrying about your conscience because she obviously doesn't have one.

Above all, be CALM about everything. Don't get all riled up. Vent here. Be calm there.

You can do it!

Good luck! I hope you get your home back!

Oh, BTW, if I ever venture down into your neck of the woods, can I stay with you?? Sounds like a SWEET deal!

Edited to add: just saw your post. Looks like you have your home back.

'Shell

[DFWAJG 4]

Don't mess with Andrea!









I agree with her wholeheartedly.

[skymama 35]

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Holy fuck did shit hit the fan. It was like an explosion.

The girl is packing now.

lol...everyone has their breaking point. Good for you!

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[Broke 0]

Give her some GHB then drag the couch out of the house with her on it, and lock the doors

Divot your source for all things Hillbilly.
Anvil Brother 84
SCR 14192

[bigway 4]

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Give her some GHB then drag the couch out of the house with her on it, and lock the doors

You see, these were the sort of suggestions i was looking for.

.Karnage Krew Gear Store
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[Andy9o8 0]

3 fucking months. What a doormat you let yourself be. You need a dominatrix; maybe if you pay for it you'll see it as something of value. Please visit the US. I intend to borrow some rigs from you. Of course, I won't return them. But I know you won't do anything about it.