Funerals..I'm going to hell for sure

[turtlespeed 212]

Ahh - just burn me and toss me out the window.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[BillyVance 34]

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I mentioned to my ex that I wanted to be cremated and
then have a big party.

She said that's what she had planned...



...and told me the date.

Just out of curiousity, what was the date?

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[JohnDeere 0]

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...and told me the date.

Sounds fun. We'll be there.



Be afraid, be very afraid.

Sweet, but I didnt get the invite

Nothing opens like a Deere!

You ignorant fool! Checks are for workers!

[JohnMitchell 14]

PM sent.

[tigra 0]

My Uncle Joe always had an off beat sense of humor. When he was dying from lung cancer and knew he didn't have long, he sent my mother a remote control whoopee cushion with instructions that it was to be placed in his casket and set off during the wake. She brought it with her but didn't do it. She took a look at some of the people there and decided most of them wouldn't survive the shock!

[FlyingJ 0]

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My Uncle Joe always had an off beat sense of humor. When he was dying from lung cancer and knew he didn't have long, he sent my mother a remote control whoopee cushion with instructions that it was to be placed in his casket and set off during the wake. She brought it with her but didn't do it. She took a look at some of the people there and decided most of them wouldn't survive the shock!

Oh dear lord. I now know exactly what I will do.

Killing threads since 2004.

[BillyVance 34]

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My Uncle Joe always had an off beat sense of humor. When he was dying from lung cancer and knew he didn't have long, he sent my mother a remote control whoopee cushion with instructions that it was to be placed in his casket and set off during the wake. She brought it with her but didn't do it. She took a look at some of the people there and decided most of them wouldn't survive the shock!

Oh dear lord. I now know exactly what I will do.

Will you have Walt Appel do the honors? Even he can't fuck up a funeral twice.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[tigra 0]

Well Walt probably wouldn't chicken out like my mother did!

[BillyVance 34]

I copied and pasted the last few posts and sent them to Walt. He'll get a kick out of it.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[skyrider 0]

One rule to remember..

Take more chances! "Al Frisbie's farewell tape"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRHrfMAR1iE&feature=channel_page

[happythoughts 0]

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I mentioned to my ex that I wanted to be cremated and
then have a big party.

She said that's what she had planned...



...and told me the date.

Just out of curiousity, what was the date?

At a lot of funerals, people walk by the graveside and
toss in momentos. Flowers, poems, or things that
left an impact on your life.

I told the funeral director to toss my ex in.

[johndh1 0]

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...When my dad died, my aunt, his sister, was snapping pictures away of my dad like it was a reunion...

You know, odd as it seems to take pictures of the at the funeral, I've heard that it's not been that long ago that it was tradition to set the deceased up in normal positions, like at a dinner table or in a parlor chair. That was just odd!

Roll Tide Roll

[riddler 0]

Well, you may not have loved her, but chances are you love some of the people that did love her.

For those people, you just gotta lie and say nice things. It makes them feel a little better. It's a game, yes, but no different than any of the other games we play when interacting with people.

Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD

[fendor1369 0]

My wife knows to set me ablaze and give my friends beers. Forget the whole funeral thing it's bull shit.

People paying tons of cash for a coffin that is going to be placed in the ground for all time... are you kidding me that is a lot of lift tickets
Just my .02

John - D.S 1313

"I'll jump it, Np. It's all good"

[warpedskydiver 0]

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...When my dad died, my aunt, his sister, was snapping pictures away of my dad like it was a reunion...

You know, odd as it seems to take pictures of the at the funeral, I've heard that it's not been that long ago that it was tradition to set the deceased up in normal positions, like at a dinner table or in a parlor chair. That was just odd!

Or in a Cadillac in a pimp suit!

[skydived19006 4]

Once, Yogi's (Berra) wife Carmen asked, "Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" To this, Yogi replied, "Surprise me."

“You should always go to other people's funerals. Otherwise they won't come to yours.” Yogi

I attended a Baptist funeral a couple of years ago, it was the most uncomfortable funeral I’ve ever sat threw. The minister literally spent half an hour attempting to save soles. He kept asking everyone to put your hand up if you’ve been saved, if you haven’t been saved, if you’d like to be saved, etc., etc., etc. I’m agnostic (probably more like a chicken shit atheist), I sooo much had to resist the urge to put my hand up, and start making my way to the isle. Once there announce “Brother, I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be in the parking lot with a cooler full of ice cold beer! There’s plenty to go round!” I would have done it too, I had the beer in the cooler, were it not out of respect for my wife’s friend (mother in the casket).

I also refuse to “change my opinion” of someone after passing. I tend not to repeat clichés, saying nothing instead, or a simple “I/we love you.” Even then only if it’s true.

Experience is what you get when you thought you were going to get something else.

AC DZ

[BillyVance 34]

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Oh dear lord. I now know exactly what I will do.

Will you have Walt Appel do the honors? Even he can't fuck up a funeral twice.

Apparently, I was wrong. Walt has messed up at more than one funeral!

Once he tried to hug the dead person and the casket almost slid clean off the pedestal. It's well documented on here. And when his father died, right after the doctor pronounced his death, Walt's cell phone rang with a LOUD Woody Woodpecker ring tone. Then at his dad's funeral, his mom was upset because his dad didn't have a necktie on, so Walt took his off and put it on his dad in the casket, in full view of everybody.

But hey, he would totally do the remote control whoopie cushion deal! I mean, why do funerals have to be all sad and drudgery?

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[JohnMitchell 14]

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Once there announce “Brother, I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be in the parking lot with a cooler full of ice cold beer! There’s plenty to go round!”

I was raised Baptist (it certainly didn't take) and I think you would have emptied out 2/3rds of the church. The other third would sit there just 'cause they were watching each other.

I say again, no preaching at my funeral. Just a lot of laughing, maybe a little crying. And don't do one of those missing man formation things. That chokes me up every time.

[MikeJD 0]

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All the while you can see the old folks staring at their own mortality. Gotta be scary for them.

Frank Costello: How's your mother?
Man in Costello's Bar: Oh... I'm afraid she's on her way out.
Frank Costello: We all are. Act accordingly.

We're no more immortal than those old folks.

I do remember just after my father died going to the funeral parlour and leafing through a catalogue of coffins. The whole experience had a strangely surreal feel. The saleswoman - because that's what they are - said, 'Whichever one you choose, you won't be disappointed.' And I remember thinking, well I'd hate to be disappointed at a time like this.

Then after his cremation I went with my mother to scatter his ashes, but after we were given the urn we realised we didn't really know how best to do it. The attendant said that some people like to scatter them in the shape of a cross, so we had a go at that - but it was a breezy day and a lot of them just ended up over our shoes. And in spite of the sadness, it was funny.

[muff528 3]

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....................................
I attended a Baptist funeral a couple of years ago, it was the most uncomfortable funeral I’ve ever sat threw. The minister literally spent half an hour attempting to save soles.

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At least he didn't threaten to chop your head off.

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....................................... I sooo much had to resist the urge to put my hand up, and start making my way to the isle. Once there announce “Brother, I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be in the parking lot with a cooler full of ice cold beer! There’s plenty to go round!” I would have done it too, I had the beer in the cooler, were it not out of respect for my wife’s friend (mother in the casket).

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Reminds me of an old joke..... Never go fishing with a Baptist......he'll drink all your beer. If you must go fishing with a Baptist be sure you go with two......then they won't drink any.

[happythoughts 0]

I had a buddy whose g/f left him. She thought skydiving was cool when it was new.
After that, it had two highlights - he was doing it all
the time, and she was afraid he'd die.

He got the "skydiving or me" speech.

So, we put together a video with a dummy being thrown
from the top of a pickup. Then, we packed his rig, with him
still in it. Then carried him out to the plane and AFF'd him out.

Essentially, it was "yep, I'll still be skydiving even if I die". Sent her the video.

See, you don't have to have a missing man formation.
You can get 10-15 jumps after you die, until the smell
gets the best of your buddies.

One of my favorites United Appeal for the Dead
"Although there is no known cure for the crippling effacts
of death. We can all acquaint ourselves with the warning signs..."

[pilotsR4pimps 0]

my family knows my request. i want a conservational burial, just put in the ground, it is legal. No embalming agents, suits, non of that shit. i want to be put in the ground naked as I was born. No religious talk of any kind. Just a huge party, lots of alcohol, pot, shrooms, whatever!!!!!! Celebrate life and thats it!!!