Should I tell parole offficer?

[popsjumper 2]

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If only the prison system was clean as well....ha.

Yea....no drugs there at all.

No sex either.
Damned boring place.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[JerryBaumchen 1,050]

Hi pops,

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No sex either.

Just the other day the newspaper ran a long story about the number of Corrections Officers/Personnel at Coffee Creek ( the women's prison here in Oregon ) being convicted of having sex with the inmates.

You're just in the wrong state

JerryBaumchen

[jtval 0]

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No sex either.

yea, I would have her get her tubes tied and then tell the P.O.

Sounds harsh but I have no time and little patience for drug addicts who don't want help.

Shortyj,
your sis is no good for you, themselves, the children, society.
if she wants help, she's the only one that can get it. You cannot force a drug addict to go clean. It only wastes your time and frustrates the drug addict.

Love her, try to guide her, but don't trust her.

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[d_squared431 0]

In most states the is a 24 months rule for reunification with the biological parent. after that the parental rights are removed and that child/ren are place in group homes or moved from foster home to foster home. It would be ideal for a family member to become legal guardian or adopt based on the states laws.

Again, in many states there are not any financial help or medical for the kids and that falls fully on the relative carting for them. Here is the kicker, a non relative based on the state would receive 480-900 per child per month. Then, they get child care vouchers for before/ after school or preschool. There are regulation to how many hour a Forster child can be in daycare per week.

Before the child/ren can be place there are back ground checks, and about 20-40 hours of classes the relative has to take. It is a very long process. Did I mention that back ground check comes out of the relatives own pocket?

I went thru all this and put out so much money to the point I was flat broke. I even had a call with my mom in tears at one point that I was going to have to have my brother placed somewhere cause I couldn't get help to care for him. I was missing 3 days of work a month for court medical and visitation for my dad and his mom who were meth heads. For 2 yrs I fought to keep him and he is still with me. Toughest two years of my life.

I have no idea where or even I his real mom is alive. My dad is homeless living in a shelter in NorCal. I had to move cross country and relocate because of them. Prior to relocating I was verbally threatened and had to have Tpo's and file a report each time I received calls. It isn't as easy as one might think to "just carrying for a child of a relative." especially the emotional issues the child/ren have from this.

I am not trying to discourage anyone from taking in there family members chil/ren. it was no matter how hard and stressful the best thing I ever did.

TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1
I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH
You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly

[davjohns 1]

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Well guys she did tell the po that her test was going to cone back dirty. They told her if it did she would do 1 1/2 yrs I guess that's better then 3 1/2 and if it comes back clean, parents are thinking about letting her stay with them only if she goes and get help.

This seems to have gotten missed in there somewhere.

This is probably a better solution than anything we suggested. I didn't figure her taking responsibility for her actions was an option. Glad it is going as well as we could hope.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[janz 0]

Hey JT! About a month ago went to funeral of 43 yr old female coworker who drank herself to death. Beautiful 8 yr old daughter and husband who tried to get her help about a year ago but your right. She didnt want the help for whatever reason. The sadest thing seeing little girl at funeral. Just dont understand.

[BillyVance 34]

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Hey JT! About a month ago went to funeral of 43 yr old female coworker who drank herself to death. Beautiful 8 yr old daughter and husband who tried to get her help about a year ago but your right. She didnt want the help for whatever reason. The sadest thing seeing little girl at funeral. Just dont understand.

That sucks.... a family intervention works sometimes. Not always, as in that case. But for the OP, it's something they can use on the mom. You don't stop doing drugs, your kids will be attending your funeral way too fucking soon. Then hope to god it works...

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[catfishhunter 1]

I only read a couple of replies but let me put it this way. If your sister OD's and you did nothing how will you feel? Heroin isn't a bad decision it is a serious physical addiction that won't just go away. Jails, institutions or death unless she choose recovery and it doesn't sound like she is ready for recovery. I sent my brother to jail and I'll do it again in a heart beat. He is now living with us and has 7 months clean and is working a program every day. He wasn't going to stop so I sent him where at least I knew he wasn't going to be found dead with a needle in his arm. You make a choice dead sister,mother daughter or live locked up mother sister daughter you can all visit and talk to instead of taking flowers to once a year.

MAKE EVERY DAY COUNT
Life is Short and we never know how long we are going to have. We must live life to the fullest EVERY DAY. Everything we do should have a greater purpose.

[jtval 0]

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Hey JT! About a month ago went to funeral of 43 yr old female coworker who drank herself to death. Beautiful 8 yr old daughter and husband who tried to get her help about a year ago but your right. She didnt want the help for whatever reason. The sadest thing seeing little girl at funeral. Just dont understand.

Neither do I. But, I have had some friends who I almost allowed to drag my life into hell while I THOUGHT I was helping them. Never again.

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That sucks.... a family intervention works sometimes. Not always, as in that case. But for the OP, it's something they can use on the mom. You don't stop doing drugs, your kids will be attending your funeral way too fucking soon. Then hope to god it works...

Hope is good....Maybe her sis will snap the fuck out of it.


John (catfishhunter) Good Advice.There comes a point when even though you love that person, they lie,cheat and steal from you and ruin the sanctity of you home. I know you have some personal experience with staying straight. I hope your bro finds that strength ,too.

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[Amazon 7]

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Hey JT! About a month ago went to funeral of 43 yr old female coworker who drank herself to death. Beautiful 8 yr old daughter and husband who tried to get her help about a year ago but your right. She didnt want the help for whatever reason. The sadest thing seeing little girl at funeral. Just dont understand.

Neither do I. But, I have had some friends who I almost allowed to drag my life into hell while I THOUGHT I was helping them. Never again.

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That sucks.... a family intervention works sometimes. Not always, as in that case. But for the OP, it's something they can use on the mom. You don't stop doing drugs, your kids will be attending your funeral way too fucking soon. Then hope to god it works...

Hope is good....Maybe her sis will snap the fuck out of it.


John (catfishhunter) Good Advice.There comes a point when even though you love that person, they lie,cheat and steal from you and ruin the sanctity of you home. I know you have some personal experience with staying straight. I hope your bro finds that strength ,too.

Big +1 JT.... you can not help those who are so self centered to not give a shit about anyone around them... and have te attitude that they would rather be dead... than to not have "FUN" as my cousin told me. I guess I just have a far different idea of what "FUN" is.

[popsjumper 2]

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There comes a point when even though you love that person, they lie,cheat and steal from you and ruin the sanctity of you home.

...and I agree that jail would be just about the only option if/when the person was unwilling to change and it got to that point.

Legal question:
I know in Florida they have the Baker Act where one can be confined in a hospital or something for a period of time either on a voluntary basis or a forced basis. I wonder if that route was taken, would the P.O. have to know about it...assuming that he didn't show up on a surprise visit or something.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[janz 0]

I would think the HIPPA laws would protect the privacy of the patient. Interesting since they just went into effect in 2003.

[Conundrum 1]

Who has custody of the kids?

You cannot, I repeat, CANNOT help someone who doesn't want help. It doesn't matter how hard to try or what you do or what you try and intervene with or force on them. The only person that can change them, is them, that's it. There's nothing else.

[fernjack455 0]

Sorry to say, but your sis is most likely a lost cause. Family should concentrate on saving her children. Junkies must hit bottom and then reach out themselves for help.
Would hate to be in your shoes.

[Southern_Man 0]

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I would think the HIPPA laws would protect the privacy of the patient. Interesting since they just went into effect in 2003.

There are exceptions to HIPPA. State laws on reporting requirements also differ. Generally a state hospital or health care facility would not report something like that unless required to do so. Health Care professionals do not like being an agent of the penal system.

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

[Andy9o8 0]

Baker act involuntary commitments require a mental illness element, which generally is not satisfied only by drug addiction and active usage, even if severe and potentially life threatening. Most other states have similar provisions, with similar standards.

[normiss 622]

To keep them anyway.
Damn easy for cops to Baker act someone in FL - no clue on other areas.

[Andy9o8 0]

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To keep them anyway.
Damn easy for cops to Baker act someone in FL .

Agreed.

[popsjumper 2]

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Generally a state hospital or health care facility would not report something like that unless required to do so. Health Care professionals do not like being an agent of the penal system.

That was my experience with a friend who was admitted under the Baker Act before the cops got his name. When they came to "interview" him, the docs stood up and just said, "Nope. No way until he's released." The cops waited him out.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[DARK 0]

you shouldnt tell the po op but you should make sure your parents follow through on their promise to kick her out if she used.

its tough but there comes a point were you cant help them with anything anymore if they are still using. i think the obligation is to make sure she dosnt get to raise her kids until she is clean and that maybe never. they are the ones who should suffer as little inconvenience as possible (for want of a better phrase then inconvenience)

making sure she understands that she will be given all the support necessary to stay clean or to get clean in treatment is important but once you have explained that and nothing changes you then need to explain that you wont help with anything else ever and she is on her own until she gets clean. tough love works.

[Andy9o8 0]

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I would think the HIPPA laws would protect the privacy of the patient. Interesting since they just went into effect in 2003.

There are exceptions to HIPPA. State laws on reporting requirements also differ. Generally a state hospital or health care facility would not report something like that unless required to do so. Health Care professionals do not like being an agent of the penal system.

Nor should they be. For example, it's a real dilemma of medical ethics when a hospital is asked to blood-draw on a DUI suspect and then turn the blood over to the police.

[janz 0]

Alcohol and drug addiction is a tough thing for families to go through. I don't believe everyone has to hit rock bottom to recover which I believe is just another of the many lies from AA but that should be the subject of another thread. I have seen people recover who did not hit rock bottom. Also believe that many people addicted are actually bipolar or somehow mentally ill and they are in a twisted way trying to get better by self medicating. In those cases the addiction will not stop until the underlying disease is treated.

[wolfriverjoe 1,346]

I've never heard that someone has to hit rock bottom. They simly have to hit a bottom.

That's simply the point when the person decides that they've had enough and don't want to get any worse.

For some, it's waking up in a puddle of puke and/or piss one too many times.
For others, it's being told by their families that "we love you but until you get help we aren't going to have enything to do with you."
Others require a trip (or more than one) to prison.

Some don't ever get it and thier final bottom is death.

To the OP - She won't get better until she wants to. Returning to prison, having the kids taken, being cut off from the family, ect. may help her decide that she's had enough, but without a desire to stop, she never will.

I hope you (and your family) will do what you can to help the kids, they are the true innocent victims in this situation. Make it clear to her that you love her, but won't continue to enable her.
And stick to it (and that's a lot harder to do than to say here).

Good luck.

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[Nataly 38]

I hate to sound pessimistic but I think the vast majority of people do not change no matter how hard they try. Of course there are exceptions, but they are... well... exceptional!

As many people have mentioned, the focus should be on trying to find the best outcome for the children. Look and ask around for forum and/or support groups/networks and try to take steps to minimise the damage done to them. That's the best thing to do, IMO.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[fernjack455 0]

"I don't believe everyone has to hit rock bottom to recover which I believe is just another of the many lies from AA"


Not a lie.
The vast majority of junkies and drunks could not maintain their addictions unless there is an enabler. Remove the enabler, usually a loving, yet misguided or unaware family member, the addict hits rock bottom. Without the enabler, few can support their addictions. That's when the addict reaches out in desperation. When everything and everyone is gone.
That some are able to begin recovery before they lose it all is fortunate for them. Again, usually due to the impact of a family member who is aware that enabling is so very destructive. Destructive to both the addict and the family.
Saving the children from being maltreated, abused or exploited is of utmost importance. Very serious stuff this is. I'm glad it's not me or my family.