Nataly

I wouldn't know... But from some of the stories I hear from my boyfriend, some of these people have a very distorted view of reality... An example: one resident asked my boyfriend's counterpart (ie: the other lifeguard) to inflate a raft for their kids... He initially politely refused because it was big and there was no pump... She insisted, so he blew into it and blew into it and blew into it... For about half an hour... Not only did the kids not play with it, but at the end, the lady insisted on giving him a "big tip" for his efforts. Fifty cents. Yep. Half of a euro. You couldn't even buy a breath-mint for that. We never did work out if she was deliberately being offensive, or if she really thought a "poor person" (ie: working-class) would actually appreciate that kind of money, or whether she had no idea whatsoever that fifty cents was about as worthless as an already chewed piece of gum... Hmmm... "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Here is the key: *after* spending $7000, you have no negotiating power left. You should have requested a discount *before* spending that kind of money. Also, unless I misunderstood you, I get that it's not that you wanted a free pack-job specifically, but rather there was a cost left of $60 and that you consider a $60 discount to be perfectly reasonable considering a total purchase of $7000. However, aside from it being "too late," there is the added problem that "$60 discount" sounds reasonable, but "free reserve repack" does not. Yes, technically $60 is $60, but associating a discount with the reserve repack was the wrong approach. In my opinion. So the problems were: 1 - timing, 2 - perception/justification. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Yep, human poop. And it's a highly secure and private appartment building for the uber rich. It wasn't a tourist, as only residents have access to the pool... "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

unless she gets into Karate and she could then be called Brook Leigh That was my first thought!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Can't stop laughing... My boyfriend is a lifeguard for one of the most expensive appartment buildings in Monaco... He just sent me a text telling me he had an unexpected couple of days off whilst the pool was being cleaned... Because some of the residents threw human feces from their balconies into the pool to protest about the reopening of said pool for the summer!!!! Ah ha ha ha ha!!! Guess being filthy rich doesn't necessarily make you civilised!!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

So you get stalked a lot? I've learned to share less "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I'm of two minds about this... There are people like John Mitchell, who openly are who they are, share real and honest information about themselves, respect others when they post and don't seem to have problems with other people... Then there are users who feel they have nothing to hide and share too much information, leaving themselves vulnerable to attacks, criticism, judgement, and yes, even stalkers. There are users who are uncomfortable with sharing too much and are selective about giving away personal info... They generally stay away from personal topics altogether. Then there are users who hide behind anonymity in order to harass, bully, insult and generally make other users miserable. The internet is full of those, unfortunately, and their biggest prey is the second kind of user (naively discloses all or too much information). So whilst I agree that some information is better kept to yourself, I still think the real problem lies with the last kind of user and that not enough is done to weed out these people. That said, they do exist, in large numbers, so using some precautions to avoid dealing with them is just plain common sense... On a final note, I think many of us are grateful that the mods on here have a relatively low tolerance for bullies, keeping this site a pretty nice place to post most of the time. So thanks mods

He is a nester... Which is absolutely fantastic in many ways, but he is definitely not keen to go exploring. So yeah... Tricky. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I pee in your general direction!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

My shower - my right to pee in it!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Doesn't the fact that you're even asking the question suggest that it's not a good idea?? Just sayin'... Hope you recover soon. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

No need to remind me - I already do it (As a purely precautionary measure, of course!!) "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

It's funny because I have some friends who never left the town I grew up in, and some of them occasionally comment on my FB page that I lead an exciting and exotic life... Well, truth be told, I don't think that I do. I also don't think their life choices are any better/worse than mine, as long as they are happy with those choices, just as I am with mine (for the most part!). Now, I realise that I am in the process of selling my current place and buying a bigger, better house over here... I am nicely settled in my job... I have made friends, I am well integrated in my community (no small feat, since this region is known for not being particularly welcoming to outsiders - something to do with too much tourism...). I have been with the same guy for nearly 3 years now - we are talking about getting a cat... Yet all I can think about is I am up for a new challenge. I want to discover somewhere new. I am ready for a change. Somewhere different culturally, and also in terms of the landscape and architecture... Where people approach life in a way that is unfamiliar to me - a perspective that I had not thought of. One learns a great deal from different people/languages/cultures/environments/circumstances... Some people think I just have a commitment-phobia, but to me it's not that at all. It's just that there is SO MUCH out there to discover, and I have seen so little of it... I can always come back to somewhere I know that offers me a lot of creature comforts, but I don't want to spend my entire life *wondering* about everything/everywhere else - I want to see/experience some of it. And I'm not talking about tourist holidays - I really want to live it. Don't know where yet... But I can't stop thinking it's time... Soon... "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

How familiar are you with Aesop's fables? In particular the one about the Farmer and the Snake? Essentially the last line goes something to the effect of, "You knew I was a snake when we met, why are you surprised I bit you?" There will ALWAYS be evil in the world. Assuming it will stop is naive. That is not an excuse for it, it's simply pragmatic. I am not assuming they will stop - quite the opposite. I am saying there is only so much the victim can do to stop the harasser, since the victim is not the one who is causing the problem in the first place. Could Promise5 just stop posting on the internet? Sure! Is that really a good way to get rid of bullies online?? No. Again, lots of focus on what to do to avoid the situation and not enough focus on discouraging/punishing those who are actually engaging in the inappropriate behaviour... Promise5 - use all the security measures at your disposal to block said user. Tell moderators - hopefully they can ban her or block her from contacting you. Tell her once and only once to leave you alone. Don't engage in any further conversations with her - act like she does not exist. She may get bored of egging you on if you stop responding. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I know that perfectly well - I just used some common examples to illustrate my point. But of course bullies/stalkers et cetera come in all shapes and sizes (and genders). "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Whilst I agree that some people are better at avoiding stalker's attention in the first place, I do not believe that being coy/flirty/sexual gives anyone permission to go too far. Too far is too far. Even if Promise5 invites a lot of attention, some attention is unwanted. As long as she is clear that it is unwanted and the person does not stop, the stalker is in the wrong. Period. Whether this is a real or a hypothetical situation is irrelevant to me... My answer would be the same: unfortunately, it is the stalker's behaviour that must change, and although you can discourage a person from doing/saying certain things, ultimately, it is the stalker who has to change his/her behaviour (not the victim). I'm a pragmatic person... I know very well that it is in a woman's interest to simply avoid certain situations (dark alleys at night, et cetera)... I simply think that more awareness is needed in order to educate people as to how the PERPETRATORS need to change. (ie: it is misguided to give women a curfew to avoid them being raped - it would make more sense to give men a curfew!!! This is just an example - I am not saying either gender should have a curfew, just that we are going about solving problems by trying to get victims to change, when it is the abusers who abuse and therefore the abusers who need to change/stop.) "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Stalkers and bullies and rapists all have one thing in common - they go too far. Are we really still playing "blame the victim" here?? Promise5: I'm afraid the bad news is that you are not the one who needs to modify your behaviour... It's your stalker who needs to stop stalking... And getting someone else to change their behaviour is not so simple. Sure you can discourage them, but if they want to keep stalking you they will. Sorry. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I swear when I left Canada 10 years ago the banking system there was more advanced than it is here in France today... I'm amazed at the number of businesses that take cash or cheques but not credit cards... I get why they refuse credit cards for small purchases (each transaction costs them a fee), but the fact that they accept cheques still??? Example - I had to get an MRI scan done... Did not realise I had to pay in full in advance (& theoretically get reimbursed later - ie: never - but that's another story)... Surprise: they accepted cash or cheques but not cards... Yep... Sure... Lemme just get €360 out of my wallet - no probs ('cause doesn't everyone walk around with that kind of money on their person for just such an occasion?). Heck, last week I was at a yard sale and a lady told me she *preferred* if I paid her by cheque!!! Nuts!!! [/rant over] "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Hi Hannah, I was very touched by your story. It would be silly of me to claim that I can really relate to your experience, but thank you for giving me a glimpse into your thoughts and feelings and struggles and triumphs... Thank you for sharing and keep doing your best to be your most authentic self

Not so much any "weird" phobias, but fears developing in adulthood taking me totally by surprise... Surprising because as a kid I was pretty much fearless - I can't think of a single time in my childhood when I experienced fear. I'm not talking about jumping when someone yells "boo" at just the moment you least expected - that's a reaction... I'm talking about the panic and/or the sense of "oh shit" you get when you are doing something dangerous (perceived or real). Nervous, yes. Scared, no. Things that have scared me as an adult: actually looking out the door for the first time (jump number 17, I think!)... At the top of a steep black diamond ski hill (I should mention I don't really ski, was struggling on the "bunny hill," and so had good reason to be afraid, but why at that precise moment and not before??? Fatigue??)... In a pool, paralised with fear (because I jumped in as a teenager, thinking swiming couldn't be so hard and woke up in the hospital because aparently when panic kicks in you can mistake the bottom of the pool for the surface and once you inhale water it's not so good - it's years later and I have since learnt to swim but every once in a while, panic sets in anyway)... On the motorcycle a few weeks back, scared myself shitless because I didn't want to incline the bike to take a very sharp turn - the turn scared me like hell!!! Totally ridiculous because I've taken that turn a million times before on a smaller bike and I *know* this bike is also perfectly capable of taking that turn. And even if I spooked myself and dropped the bike there was no traffic, I was going slow, and I was wearing all the gear - worst case scenario, a few small scratches on the bike... Nothing to freak out over. Other things like that, where suddenly I have a crushing fear all of a sudden. Yes, it's not unhealthy to have a sense of how fragile our bodies actually are, but can't quite work out why these occasionally creep up on me. Maybe it's just me getting older (and wiser about danger)!!! Yep... That stuff would never have scared me when I was younger. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Neat - thanks for sharing! How did you come across this? "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

No word is ever going to be entirely neutral - each and every term is loaded with meaning (intentional or not). On the one hand, it gives language a richness and diversity; on the other hand, it's an absolute mine-field... Whilst technically the teacher is correct that there is a lingering problem with the fact that "miss/mrs" is still in our vocabulary, and technically there is nothing wrong with bringing awareness to the fact that gender equality is a slow and ongoing evolution - she simply seems to have missed the point entirely... You just can't be vexed at every single "inappropriate" term in the world - you'd be upset every time someone opens their mouth!!! Heck, you could even find reasons to be offended by what is *not* said - especially in the UK!!!!! I *do* get her point (and I even somewhat agree with her), but it's hard to take someone seriously when they take things too far, and in my opinion she does (take things too far). "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

What? Is the BF neglecting his duties? Nope - just because I can't sleep doesn't mean he shouldn't have a decent night's rest... "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Do you nibble all day long when stressed or bored or do you lose your appetite when things get tough? Do you notice different lifestyle habits when things are going exceptionally poorly or well in your life? Are you one of those people who has been skinny / fat their entire life no matter what?? (I'm bored, can't sleep and am just wondering... Me: lose when feeling down; gain when super happy.) "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I was riding on the highway at night once and scared myself because a HUGE fucking truck was stopped in the slow lane - no brake lights, no warning lights, nothing. I was going at the speed limit and had *just* enough time to avoid a collision - I look frequently in my rear-view mirrors so I didn't think twice about swerving around it. Had I been forced to make an emergency stop I think I would have been pretty fucked. Also, had I noticed it only a fraction of a second later, I would have been pretty fucked... So a totally stopped vehicle happens and it doesn't take much to be distracted and realise too late that you are creeping up on it... This is not to blame the parked vehicle, but simply a reality - we ride vehicles that go fast and even whilst following the speed limits, we sometimes think/react too slowly to avoid a bad situation. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss