Favorite one-liners or routine for tandem interviews.

[Samurai136 0]

Student: Skydiving is on my list of "things to do". I've already done bungie jumping and...

TM: Bungee Jumping?!?!? WOW. I've never been Bungee Jumping. That's way too dangerous. I just stick to skydiving.------

TM: (after breifing and harnessing student) I want you to promise me something. Please, please, please do not leave the aircraft without me.

Student usually get a good laugh and agrees.


Ken

"Buttons aren't toys." - Trillian
Ken

[Eule 0]

I'm a student, not a video guy or TM. I did hear this one day with a TM and a somewhat nervous tandem
going through ground school:

TM: When we're up there, do you want to fly the parachute?
Tandem: Uh, is it hard? What do I do?
TM: Oh, it's easy. If the parachute opens, I make sure-
Tandem: Waaaaah!

Another day, I was on a wind hold and was BSing with some of the tandems waiting to go. One lady
volunteered that a) it was her birthday and b) her brother and several of his friends were all going to
come with her, but as the date approached, the excuses got thicker, so she ended up coming alone.
She thought this was funny because the men involved were all firefighters. I hung out nearby when the
video guy walked up and did the ground interview, "why did you come out today" etc. She mentioned her
birthday and the video guy was about to go on when I stage-whispered to her, "Tell 'em about your
brother!" She lit up and told the video the same story she told me. She went up, jumped, and landed -
the video guy ran up to her on landing:

Video: How was it?
Tandem: YEAH! Oh my god! Great! Whooo!
Video: Do you want to say anything to your brother?
Tandem: [Looks directly into the camera and points both index fingers at lens] You SUCK! Wahoo!!!

The video came out great. It seems like the TMs and video guys are often rushing to make a load, and
maybe you do this already, but enlisting the help of students or fun-jumpers who are hanging out and
talking to the tandems might help add to the video.

(Edited to add:)

Lots of possible variations on this one:
Video: Hey, I see you put the hook knife back on that tandem rig.
TM (to video): Yeah.
TM (to student): Uh, don't show this video to my parole officer, OK?

Eule

PLF does not stand for Please Land on Face.

[Joellercoaster 6]

Quote

"Ok, now tell me, what's the signal for if you're in trouble."
(Wave hands in air with mouth open.)

BWAAAAAHHAhahahahahahahahaha!

Oh, I'm gonna use that. In fact, I now resolve to do thousands of jumps and become an AFF/I, just so I can use that.

--
"I'll tell you how all skydivers are judged, . They are judged by the laws of physics." - kkeenan

"You jump out, pull the string and either live or die. What's there to be good at?

[gravitysucks 0]

Quote

Student: Skydiving is on my list of "things to do". I've already done bungie jumping and...

TM: Bungee Jumping?!?!? WOW. I've never been Bungee Jumping. That's way too dangerous. I just stick to skydiving.------

Hey, I actually agree with that!

My fav:
Do you golf? You know the difference between a bad golf shot and a bad skydive? A bad golf shot goes "Whack.... SHIT!" and a bad skydive goes "SHIT!....WHACK."

That usually gets some nervous laughter

[peregrinerose 0]

I'm not an instructor, but pack, so get to eavesdrop on all the student training.

My favorites are "make sure the boys are corralled" and "Arch like you're a six year old boy peeing through a chain link fence without using his hands"

That second one is definitely the best line I've heard with any student.

Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda

[Peej 0]

Vidiot to passenger: How you feeling about this?
Passenger: I feel great
Vidiot: Show me your hand
Passenger holds up hand and it's dead still. Vidiot then shakes camera vigorously.

Apparently the passengers LOVE it

Advertisio Rodriguez / Sky

[noblesmelissa 0]

Some good ones ive heard at the dropzone...

Tandem: How long have you been doing this?

TM: I just came to deliver a pizza today and they were short staffed...

***************************************

TM: then we are gonna exit the aircraft and make faces at your camera guy. we're gonna fall for a while and then Ill pull the ripcord. Im not gonna tell you what happens next 'cause if the parachute doesn't open, then it's just wasted conversation...

***************************************

tandem: do you still get nervous?

TM: I get nervous every time we get to the door. Then I jump and the butterflies in my stomach go away. I think it's because they are too scared to follow me out the door...

[riggerrob 558]

Video pans across scenery and wing tip, then pulls back into cabin to focus on snoring TI, who wakes up, yawns and connects shoulder hook.

[Speer 0]

Our DZ has both a civilian operation, and a military free fall school that often alternate loads. This certainly not a routine, but hilarious when it happened...

We're waiting on the call, and there are three jumpers in basic MFF course turning onto final on their first jump with rucks. The TM says to his tandem; "Here come three Tandems in for landing now... watch how the TM lowers his student down with a lanyard prior to landing". About that time, the first jumper releases his ruck sack... however, the lanyard had not been properly connected, and the ruck tumbled approx. 100 feet to the ground. The student was in shock, and I thought the TM was going to bite his tongue off as he rapidly tried to explain what had really just occurred.

Russ

Generally, it is your choice; will your life serve as an example... or a warning?

[GrendelKhan 0]

When I did my jumps the instructors were constantly cracking jokes and it did an amazing job of putting myself and my friends at ease. There were lots of lines to the tandem customers along the lines of, "So which one of us is supposed to pull th ehandle?", "Why is the airplane taking off? How do we get back?" "I've never actually jumped before, but I had to find a way to pay for a tandem of my own.", my favorite though, "Is this an altimeter or a watch? If it says 1500 is that 3 o' clock or should I be thinking about pulling a chute or something?"

Grendel Khan-The Official DZ.Com Newbie Forum Nuisance
"They sicken of the calm, that know the storm."

[mfrese 0]

The sad part is I've read this whole thread and haven't picked up a single new line to use.
Generally, you have to spend a few minutes getting to know the person or group to make sure you're not offending them (the five people from the church group will not find all the "5th connection point" jokes funny, and gay people won't really like the "hey, you're not homophobic, are you?" comments). But assuming they're not Catholic, try this one:

"I'll bet when you decided to skydive you didn't think you'd be getting strapped to the front of an ex-priest, huh"?

Doctor I ain't gonna die,
Just write me an alibi! ---- Lemmy/Slash

[Samurai136 0]

This was a completely unrehearsed between myself and the student.

TM: So Travis, where are you from?

Student: I'm from ***, Iowa. My dad is the mayor. The competition flys in ***

TM: HUH?!? Isn't there a DZ in your backyard?

Student: Yep. We can see the runway from the porch.
TM: Travis, thanks for driving an extra hour or so to make a skydive with us today.

Video: Man, Why would you drive that far?

Student: Because *** SUCKS! Skydive Iowa Rules!!!

Video and TM: Dude. You've got to meet the DZO.
He was like that the whole time. Next season he came back for another jump and brought 15 friends who all jumped.


Ken

"Buttons aren't toys." - Trillian
Ken

[homer 0]

Quote

But assuming they're not Catholic, try this one:

"I'll bet when you decided to skydive you didn't think you'd be getting strapped to the front of an ex-priest, huh"?

I'm Catholic HA HA HA not funny


Our video guy usually says while videoing "have any last words to say to your family before loading the plane" I usually like to say "Now, remember DON'T LOOK DOWN" it usually makes them smile or chuckle a bit.

CSA #699 Muff #3804

[Skykat108 0]

Vidiot: So (TM's name) are you ready to go?
TM: yeap
Vidiot: got your altimeter?

Yeap!

Goggles?

Yeap!

Student?

Yeap!

*vidiot walks around TM*

Are you sure you're not forgetting anything?

Nope!

what about your parachute?

Oh Sh**!

*TM runs back and grabs rig*


We dont' do it often, but when it's slowed down a bit we'll run this with students that are pretty easy going.

[livendive 8]

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TM: Steve, did you take all your pills this morning?

I imagine most places have some variant of that one. If my student doesn't seem like a prude our's goes:
Vidiot: So, Dave, did you take your pills this morning?
Me: Yeah
Vidiot: Did you take the blue pill, or the red pill?
Me: The blue pill.
Vidiot: That's Viagra you dumbass!
Me (to student who suddenly remembers they're sitting in my lap): Ooops, sorry about that.

There's also, as soon as the wheels get off the ground,
TM: WOOHOO! We're off! Do you know what that means?
Student: What?
TM: No more refunds!

Lots more too. I'm hoping to get some new material out of this thread.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[livendive 8]

Quote

Then back again on my third tandem, I bring my wife and her sister along for their first. I let the sister-in-law's TM get her up on her knees and snap 2 or 3 of the four snaps and yell back at him, as I am closer to the door,
"Hey Martin, you should know that she has a weak bladder"
You should have saw his face, and everyone on the load could not believe that a student had got back at a TM...........priceless

Just this past weekend, a student walked up to a TM next to me to get geared up. He asked her if she was nervous and she said yes. He started with the "Don't worry, nervousness is normal and I've been doing this for awhile..." bit, but she interrupted him and said "Oh I'm not afraid of the skydive, it's YOU that scares me."

He eventually told her she could go with me, but the moment was over and she was clearly the victor.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[MrBrant 0]

I won't share any of our TM's favourite lines , but the one of the funniest thing happened a few weeks ago:

TM finished gearing up student, walking out the hanger door to wait for the plane, when the student turns to the TM and asks (in complete honesty): "Will there be barf-bags available in the plane? Flying always makes me sick"



The funniest part was the look on the TM's face

[PeteS 0]

"Are you ready?,Head back, cross your arms' and kick me in the butt! If you forget all this just smile at the camera guy and pretend you are having fun, no matter how BAD it hurts'.

[Broke 0]

Video Guy to student: "What are you going to do today?"
Student: "I'm going to throw myself out of a perfectly good airplane!"
Video Guy: "Really, we got a new airplane?"

Divot your source for all things Hillbilly.
Anvil Brother 84
SCR 14192

[weegegirl 2]

Quote

I'm not an instructor, but pack, so get to eavesdrop on all the student training.

My favorites are "make sure the boys are corralled" and "Arch like you're a six year old boy peeing through a chain link fence without using his hands"

That second one is definitely the best line I've heard with any student.

Someone who will remain nameless always teaches the tandem courses by telling the guys to pretend they are getting a blowjob through a picket fence. It seams to be very effective, and never fails to make them laugh.

[LawnDart21 0]

Quote

Generally, you have to spend a few minutes getting to know the person or group to make sure you're not offending them

Along time ago, at a DZ far, far away.......

TM (me): "Here's your hat, let's see if it's fits"

Student: (Looking at frappe hat) "What is THAT?"

TM(me): "Its called a "Frappe hat".

Student: "Why do they call it a frappe hat?"

TM(me): "I don't really know. I heard once that "frappe" is a French word though, which makes this is a French hat. That means that the hat is smelly and ungrateful."

Student: "I'm French."

TM(me): "Now call!"

Live and learn.....lol

--
My other ride is a RESERVE.

[BillyVance 34]

I've done a few tandem videos but didn't really do any interviews, how could I, being fucking deaf?

But one student sticks out in my mind... At the end when she's just landed and gotten out of the hook-up with the tandem instructor, the little 90 lb girl says "yeah! I didn't die!"

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[livendive 8]

OK, one more that I've heard of but not personally done.

Apparent upjumper (actually a TI) starts chit-chatting with the student in the plane. He turns the conversation to the upcoming tandem jump, and the obligatory "I'm sorry to hear you got so-and-so as your instructor, but it'll probably work out ok". TM acts like it's the last straw, he's tired of being degraded, and throws a fit. "Fine. You think YOU can do it better??! Be my guest!" TM and the "upjumper" switch rigs, now the student thinks he/she is actually going with someone doing their first tandem.

Sounds cruel and maybe unprofessional, but it is kinda funny!

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[Brains 2]

I have heard of it being done with TI/Vidiot before too. And yes they were both TI's and Vidiots.

Never look down on someone, unless they are going down on you.

[weegegirl 2]

**BUMP**