Religion and relationships

[npgraphicdesign 2]

Let's say you have a woman living in the US for 15 years or so. Pretty separated from her family...the rest of the family lives in Morocco, and they're very religious. She's as atheist and anti-religion as they come.

So, what are the chances of her falling back onto her roots later in life, becoming religious, immersing herself back into the culture, etc? Right now, she's the farthest away from that as possible...but what are the chances of that happening later in life?

[redlegphi 0]

23%

[npgraphicdesign 2]

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23%

Wiseass :P

What i mean is this: WHen someone has some incredibly strong cultural roots, even though they chose to live and exist away from them...is it still something that lies dormant in one person and can be awakened for one reason or another?

[redlegphi 0]

Pretty much anything's possible I suppose. If she was to go back to her religious roots, I'd wager that it'd be because of some tragedy (death of a family member or some such thing) or an enduring hardship (living in poverty, medical issues, etc.). Most people I've met who become atheist do so based on a logical thought. It takes a pretty significant emotional event to overrule logic, though it can happen.
So, as the person who probably knows her best, how does she tend to react to hardship? That'll probably give you the best insight into answering your question.

[DesertDevil 0]

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Let's say you have a woman living in the US for 15 years or so. Pretty separated from her family...the rest of the family lives in Morocco, and they're very religious. She's as atheist and anti-religion as they come.

So, what are the chances of her falling back onto her roots later in life, becoming religious, immersing herself back into the culture, etc? Right now, she's the farthest away from that as possible...but what are the chances of that happening later in life?

I think the chances are pretty high. There are probably a lot of variables, like how old she was when she left, how many memories she has of home, how often she talks to her family. How old was she when she came to the U.S? Religion is not just religion, it's a memory, a part of an identity that's hard to let go, even on a subconscious level. It's probably a part of her even if she says it's not.I personally left my country and my religion years ago. Even now, I don't believe it, but it's still a powerful influence on me.

[redlegphi 0]

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Let's say you have a woman living in the US for 15 years or so. Pretty separated from her family...the rest of the family lives in Morocco, and they're very religious. She's as atheist and anti-religion as they come.

So, what are the chances of her falling back onto her roots later in life, becoming religious, immersing herself back into the culture, etc? Right now, she's the farthest away from that as possible...but what are the chances of that happening later in life?

I think the chances are pretty high. There are probably a lot of variables, like how old she was when she left, how many memories she has of home, how often she talks to her family. How old was she when she came to the U.S? Religion is not just religion, it's a memory, a part of an identity that's hard to let go, even on a subconscious level. It's probably a part of her even if she says it's not.I personally left my country and my religion years ago. Even now, I don't believe it, but it's still a powerful influence on me.

Yes, though there's a difference between cultural religion and no shit believing in a deity. There are plenty of atheists and agnostics who get their children baptized and get married in churches. That's not because they're regressing to religion, it's just because aspects of religion have become part of our cultures.

[SivaGanesha 2]

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Let's say you have a woman living in the US for 15 years or so. Pretty separated from her family...the rest of the family lives in Morocco, and they're very religious. She's as atheist and anti-religion as they come...

At the risk of sounding sexist--I've noticed that women tend to become significantly more religious as they age. They don't, however, necessarily go back to the same religion they were raised in--but religion of one form or another seems to become increasingly important to a lot of women from their 40's onward.

Men have their own pattern which I also consider rather dysfunctional--but it is a different pattern. With men it is more that they often become passionate holy roller religious types at a very young age (their 20's)--and they tend to stick with it although they do mellow out a bit as they age.

Of course it varies a great deal from individual to individual as well--but I've noticed the above patterns with women and men frequently enough to call them patterns.

"It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

[akarunway 1]

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23%

+1 LOL

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[Meso 38]

I think it depends on how she became an Atheist. If she was raised religious and then later in life examined her faith and saw that there is nothing there and truly believes there is no God, the chances she will become religious again are low.

If she just sort of strayed from her religious teachings and now doesn't really think of religion at all then there is a chance she will be reunited with her past faiths as she wasn't enlightened at any point.

I've noticed from speaking to a lot of older people that the ones who tend to become religious at a later age are those who were never religious to begin with, yet those who were brought up religious and then became Atheist, they tend to remain that way.

[wmw999 2,146]

If she has a full, happy, satisfying life, it's probably much lower than if she feels like she's missing something.

Full and happy are different for everyone, but it normally means some sort of family (or close-knit group), some sort of social group that she's comfortable with, and something to keep her busy mind and body.

Going back to religion is often to find that happy comfortable place you were in when you were religious. That happiness comes from inside, but the outside world can trigger a lot.

So, yeah, 23%

Wendy P.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[npgraphicdesign 2]

Well this story has taken a new development.

This woman and I are in love with each other. Completely...no question about it. Mutual feelings from both sides, to the point where marriage is just a matter of time until we're both set in our careers.

My family...big issue. They know that we have very strong feelings for each other. My mom specifically has said/hinted at the following:

1. If i were to continue the relationship with her, if it were to get to marriage/kids/etc, she might not 'accept her' into the family. In my mom's world, that mean she'd be cordial and civil but without any warmth or a good relationship towards my (future) wife.
2. If i were to continue the relationship with this woman, it would seriously strain, and possibly even ruin my moms/grandmas relationship with me.

The problem is...i'm VERY close with both mom and grandma. It would be very tough, if not impossible, for me to step over them and continue to be with this woman. At the same time...she is the one. Whether you believe in the concept of 'the one', this woman is it for me. I can't picture myself with anyone else at this point.

So....what the f*** am I to do????

[FallingOsh 0]

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Well this story has taken a new development.

This woman and I are in love with each other. Completely...no question about it. Mutual feelings from both sides, to the point where marriage is just a matter of time until we're both set in our careers.

My family...big issue. They know that we have very strong feelings for each other. My mom specifically has said/hinted at the following:

1. If i were to continue the relationship with her, if it were to get to marriage/kids/etc, she might not 'accept her' into the family. In my mom's world, that mean she'd be cordial and civil but without any warmth or a good relationship towards my (future) wife.
2. If i were to continue the relationship with this woman, it would seriously strain, and possibly even ruin my moms/grandmas relationship with me.

The problem is...i'm VERY close with both mom and grandma. It would be very tough, if not impossible, for me to step over them and continue to be with this woman. At the same time...she is the one. Whether you believe in the concept of 'the one', this woman is it for me. I can't picture myself with anyone else at this point.

So....what the f*** am I to do????

Do your mother and grandmother not want you to be with her because of her atheism?

1. People, even atheists, can and do become religious later in life. The fact she used to be religious may or may not push her to be religious later.

2. Will you stop loving her later in life if she does become religious again? If you can imagine yourself not loving her because of an internal decision she might make in the future then maybe the love isn't as deep as you think.

3. If you love her and marry her then you should conisder her the number one woman in your life. Mother and grandmother take a back seat to your wife even if it hurts to admit it.

--------------------------------------------------
Stay positive and love your life.

[npgraphicdesign 2]

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Well this story has taken a new development.

This woman and I are in love with each other. Completely...no question about it. Mutual feelings from both sides, to the point where marriage is just a matter of time until we're both set in our careers.

My family...big issue. They know that we have very strong feelings for each other. My mom specifically has said/hinted at the following:

1. If i were to continue the relationship with her, if it were to get to marriage/kids/etc, she might not 'accept her' into the family. In my mom's world, that mean she'd be cordial and civil but without any warmth or a good relationship towards my (future) wife.
2. If i were to continue the relationship with this woman, it would seriously strain, and possibly even ruin my moms/grandmas relationship with me.

The problem is...i'm VERY close with both mom and grandma. It would be very tough, if not impossible, for me to step over them and continue to be with this woman. At the same time...she is the one. Whether you believe in the concept of 'the one', this woman is it for me. I can't picture myself with anyone else at this point.

So....what the f*** am I to do????

Do your mother and grandmother not want you to be with her because of her atheism?

1. People, even atheists, can and do become religious later in life. The fact she used to be religious may or may not push her to be religious later.

2. Will you stop loving her later in life if she does become religious again? If you can imagine yourself not loving her because of an internal decision she might make in the future then maybe the love isn't as deep as you think.

3. If you love her and marry her then you should conisder her the number one woman in your life. Mother and grandmother take a back seat to your wife even if it hurts to admit it.

No that's not the reason. The biggest issue in my mother's eyes is that she is FROM a devout Muslim family.

My family thinks in general it's a mistake to connect your life with that religion, even if they're not religious. As you pointed out, regardless of how atheist she is now, who is to say that she might not do a complete 180 later in life, become a devout follower of her family's religion, and decide to move back to Morocco to raise her kids in the Islam faith and not want to have anything to do with me unless I convert as well?

[davjohns 1]

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23%

I think you rounded some. I got 23.376% (repeating of course).

To the OP - DAMN! I hate to hear that story.

Keep in mind that Islam considers itself the perfection of the Judeo-Christian movement. Even if she becomes more religious as she gets older, she could just as easily slip into Christianity in the US. Hopefully that wouldn't be as abhorent to your maternal ancestors.

However, you are trying to make decisions (your reason for asking advice) without really good facts. You say your mother has hinted. That tells me you have yet to sit down and talk clearly and unambiguously about this issue. I strongly suggest you man up and do just that. I recognize it is a difficult thing, but you need some frank discussion time with all involved (individually and corporately) before you can go forward.

I would also suggest that you and your beloved talk about this issue and all the others that go along with marriage and family. She has the answer that we are only guessing at here. That answer may change over time, but if you start communicating well now, you will know as changes come and in what direction they are going.

Best I can do for you my friend.

dwj

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[Andy9o8 0]

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Well this story has taken a new development.

This woman and I are in love with each other. Completely...no question about it. Mutual feelings from both sides, to the point where marriage is just a matter of time until we're both set in our careers.

My family...big issue. They know that we have very strong feelings for each other. My mom specifically has said/hinted at the following:

1. If i were to continue the relationship with her, if it were to get to marriage/kids/etc, she might not 'accept her' into the family. In my mom's world, that mean she'd be cordial and civil but without any warmth or a good relationship towards my (future) wife.
2. If i were to continue the relationship with this woman, it would seriously strain, and possibly even ruin my moms/grandmas relationship with me.

The problem is...i'm VERY close with both mom and grandma. It would be very tough, if not impossible, for me to step over them and continue to be with this woman. At the same time...she is the one. Whether you believe in the concept of 'the one', this woman is it for me. I can't picture myself with anyone else at this point.

So....what the f*** am I to do????

Sorry to be harsh, but it's heart-felt:

You make it clear to your family that you will not tolerate their treating either you or your lady that way. You don't request it, you tell them. If they do it anyway, then they're willing to throw you away. What does that say about them?

You also have to decide whether you're willing to submit to your mother's and grandmother's emotional blackmail. If you do, you'll resent them and hate yourself for the rest of your life.

[Andrewwhyte 1]

I would advise the woman to run away. Any man who would allow his mother to get between him and his OTL has not yet grown up.

[Nightingale 0]

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I would advise the woman to run away. Any man who would allow his mother to get between him and his OTL has not yet grown up.

Exactly.

If your family doesn't like your lady, listen to them, take their objections under advisement knowing they care about you, and be a man and make your own decision. If your family truly cares for you, they will accept the choice that makes you happiest, and hopefully as they get to know your lady, they will see her the way you do: for the wonderful person she is rather than only seeing her family background.

[Andy9o8 0]

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I would advise the woman to run away. Any man who would allow his mother to get between him and his OTL has not yet grown up.

Read the biographies of Douglas MacArthur and Franklin Roosevelt. OK, I don't expect you to do that. But these were two giant, powerful figures of their time, right? Well, each of their marriages (for Mac, his first marriage) were ruined and made miserable in part due to unending interference (and maltreatment of their wives) by their overbearing, domineering mothers.

[Skyrad 0]

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Let's say you have a woman living in the US for 15 years or so. Pretty separated from her family...the rest of the family lives in Morocco, and they're very religious. She's as atheist and anti-religion as they come.

So, what are the chances of her falling back onto her roots later in life, becoming religious, immersing herself back into the culture, etc? Right now, she's the farthest away from that as possible...but what are the chances of that happening later in life?

Why the f*ck are you asking us rather than asking her?

When an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

[DrewEckhardt 0]

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The problem is...i'm VERY close with both mom and grandma. It would be very tough, if not impossible, for me to step over them and continue to be with this woman. At the same time...she is the one. Whether you believe in the concept of 'the one', this woman is it for me. I can't picture myself with anyone else at this point.

You're going to be spending a hundred hours a week with your wife until one of you dies (if that doesn't seem likely you shouldn't get married to her). She should be your priority.

If your grandmother and mother don't behave around your significant other after you've put your foot down, they can be a much smaller part of your life until they come around.

[RonD1120 58]

Don't marry a woman you can live with but rather, marry the one you can't live without. ~ Dr. James Dobson

Men in America tend to get married when it is the right time more so than to the right woman.

My $0.02.

Look for the shiny things of God revealed by the Holy Spirit. They only last for an instant but it is a Holy Instant. Let your soul absorb them.

[Darius11 12]

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No that's not the reason. The biggest issue in my mother's eyes is that she is FROM a devout Muslim family.

My family thinks in general it's a mistake to connect your life with that religion

Why is that?

I could understand if they had issues with all religions, but if your singling out just Islam?????? Too much fox news? Too much 24?

Is your grandmother and mother atheists or just think there religion is the “right one”?



Sorry if I sound like a dick! Its not really because of how your family feels about Islam but more about growing up.
Your mom dad whatever are just people and just like people there not perfect there not always right.

You should get married when you realize that the woman in your life that you claim to be the one is number one on the list.

That doesn’t mean you have to be mean or disrespectful to your mom, however it does mean that you live your life the way you and her choose, and not to the standard of others.
I don't think any woman wants to marry a man who is looking for his moms approval more then hers.

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

[Rstanley0312 0]

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No that's not the reason. The biggest issue in my mother's eyes is that she is FROM a devout Muslim family.

My family thinks in general it's a mistake to connect your life with that religion

Why is that?

I could understand if they had issues with all religions, but if your singling out just Islam?????? Too much fox news? Too much 24?

Is your grandmother and mother atheists or just think there religion is the “right one”?



Sorry if I sound like a dick! Its not really because of how your family feels about Islam but more about growing up.
Your mom dad whatever are just people and just like people there not perfect there not always right.

You should get married when you realize that the woman in your life that you claim to be the one is number one on the list.

That doesn’t mean you have to be mean or disrespectful to your mom, however it does mean that you live your life the way you and her choose, and not to the standard of others.
I don't think any woman wants to marry a man who is looking for his moms approval more then hers.

I agree with everything you said except the first bit. If she is a muslim, or a Jew, etc. and becomes devout and you are a Christian or vise versa... there is a big problem. It does not matter what your belief on religion is..... if a husband is devout to one faith and the wife is devout to another its a big problem imho. A lot of issues will be faced as a result.



Which brings me back to Seinfeld...... remember that episode whe Elaine was dating the Christian and she got pissed because he was laid back about it and not trying to save her? HA... thats good stuff

Life is all about ass....either you're kicking it, kissing it, working it off, or trying to get a piece of it.
Muff Brother #4382 Dudeist Skydiver #000
www.fundraiseadventure.com

[Darius11 12]

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if a husband is devout to one faith and the wife is devout to another its a big problem imho. A lot of issues will be faced as a result.

I think the key word there is devout and if that means intolerant as well.

For me personally I don't care what religion my SO is as long as she doesn’t try to force it on me, and I personally don't ever try to force my view ( which I am constantly questioning any way). I think forcing some one to choose a faith is like forcing someone to love you. Its just bull shit.

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

[Rstanley0312 0]

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if a husband is devout to one faith and the wife is devout to another its a big problem imho. A lot of issues will be faced as a result.

I think the key word there is devout and if that means intolerant as well.

For me personally I don't care what religion my SO is as long as she doesn’t try to force it on me, and I personally don't ever try to force my view ( which I am constantly questioning any way). I think forcing some one to choose a faith is like forcing someone to love you. Its just bull shit.

I agree with the forcing of faith.... its stupid and really cannot be done but devout does not mean intolerant necessarily. I have my faith and I consider myself devout. I have dated girls that were devout or had another faith but I could not marry them bc I would not want the conflict with kids or with the personal belief I have. I still love and respect people of different faiths or of no faith but that does not mean I can marry them. That is a HUGE part of my life and probably of theirs so if thhat does not jive I don't really see it working.

It is a tough spot really but the OP does not seem to be in this type on conflict. He needs to talk to his parents and tell them its his life and that they raised him right and to trust him. Easier said than done but thats how it should go down. IMHO

Life is all about ass....either you're kicking it, kissing it, working it off, or trying to get a piece of it.
Muff Brother #4382 Dudeist Skydiver #000
www.fundraiseadventure.com