Ex-Troubles

[SkySurfSnow 0]

I was once engaged to a women to be married. We were together for about 6 years. We did the on again/off again for one and a half years. About 8 months ago I decided to salvage my emotional wreckage and what was left of my dignity and get on with my life. I haven't been in communication till today. Apparently she just got dumped by a guy she fell for without reciprocation. Now she's threatening to kill herself and politely called to ask me if I want the engagement ring/various photos/paintings back....that I was the best thing that ever happened to her...etc...
Of course, I love her still and I always will, but she obviously hasn't changed...even though I gave her plenty of space to get on with her life(obviouslySo my beautiful opinionated skydiving friends:

What's a good man to do?
Allow no contact
Allow minimum contact (Phone calls)
Allow moderate contact (Phone calls/meeting for lunch)
Allow maximum contact (Full access)
Tell her that it's wrong for her to try to hold me emotionally hostage
Run away screaming

I can't understand how anyone that is smart and beautiful with a bright future would want to kill themselves over something like this...I mean, ya gotta keep trying till ya find the right one.
Thanks, friends.

[gale 0]

In my lowley opinion, I think you need to stand up for yourself and say that it's not OK for her to hold you emotionally hostage like this. I've been in this situation before with someone saying they are going to commit suicide and it's just plain wrong.
That being said, if you care about this person and want to help her, then I think you should talk to her and try to help as much as you feel comfortable with. While it's not OK for her to put this kind of threat at your feet it is OK for her to be asking for help. Hopefully that's what this is, and she just doesn't know how to go about getting help some other way.
By the way, any threats of suicide should be taken very seriously and if you think she may at all act on them CALL SOMEONE. Don't stand by and let things happen. If the situation is serious it can get out of control in a hurry.
Even if you don't feel equipped to handle the situation yourself (and that's OK) you can make sure she knows that there are other sources of help out there for her. (A crisis line, counselling, other friends, family, etc.)
Good Luck. Take Care.
Gale
Life's not worth living if you can't feel alive

[Jessica 0]

Run away screaming. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated. Don't undo all the good you did by getting on with your life. If you really think she's going to hurt herself, call the police.
The door is open
We are way the fuck up here
Might as well get out.
~ FallingMarc

[Lindsey 0]

Damn....it won't let me vote twice.......so I'll just say it again.....RUN.....FAR......FAST.....FURIOUSLY.......be polite of course, and point out her counseling options.....if she's threatening suicide.....well, that ain't the greatest sign......DON'T LOOK BACK!!!!!
Peace~
Lscribble scribble
Eve was framed!
http://home.earthlink.net/~linzwalley

[indyz 1]

Call her parents, friends, the police, or whoever it takes to make sure she doesn't actually go through with it. If you get involved again the problem might go away for now, but it will only come back worse later on.
And to make that last sentance clearer: Don't even call her back to get your stuff. Drop her completely.
--
Brian

[Michele 1]

O.k., I'll bite (it's almost dinnertime).
Run far, run fast, run screaming down the streets.....that's my vote. Don't bother getting anything from her - she will find a way to make it more....
Yeah, I know, harsh. Do you know family she's close with? Someone you can call and tell that she's in emotional trouble? She needs professional help, not validation from you that she's worth it. She needs counseling, not romance. I am all for romance. I think it's great (and I miss it so much). But this isn't romance, this is, as you so eloquently put it, emotional hostage taking.
She needs help - but not from you.
She needs attention - but not from you.
Let her family know, and then stay out of it.
And of course you still love her. but don't go down that street again, it is a dead-ender.
(Sorry if I sound harsh, but I really think this is the only avenue to go down...).
Ciels and Pinks-
Michele
If you really want to, you can seize the day; if you really want to, you can fly away...
~enya~

[freeflir29 0]

Dude.....Get all the expensive stuff you can out of her. Then run away screaming!!! Who needs a losers drama in their life. Sounds just like when my ex-wife called me up crying and told me she was pregnant. (Her "new" boyfriends, not mine) Well...after about 5 minutes I finally got my laughter under control enough to pick the phone back up and told her what a dumb slut she really is. Then I promptly hung up on her. Geez....I still laugh about that one. This chic is just trying to manipulate you. Plain and simple.
"It's all about the BOOBIES!"

[rgoper 0]

dude, avoid her like the plague. there's an old adage that i heard nikki sixx from motley crue recite once: "you can paint a trash can gold, but it's still a trashcan" no reference to your ex's demeanor or otherwise. i hate to admit this, but i'm 43, been married 4 times, i was ignorant enough to marry the 3rd one twice (we had kids) we divorced, (again, trust me, it's worse the second time around) and i swore off getting married, but then the "right" woman did come along, we've been married since 1987, and still going strong, so never lose hope, but don ever go back to see what's "behind door number one" either. "and this too shall pass"
Richard
Best Wishes, Much Happines Is In Your Future!

[SkySurfSnow 0]

Just to clarify, I did call her Mother and all of her friends that I had phone numbers for.

[lazerq3 0]

Yup...I agree with everyone else....call her family or friends or whoever..let them know shes threatning suicide and then get out!!! If you ask me I personelyy think the whole suicide thing is just for attention for her..... although I wouldnt assume anythng and still let someone know that she needs help.......Hearing form experts which I aam definatley not!! a lot of people that say they want to kill themseleves are mainly looking for attention and wanting help!!! The ones that want to kill themsleves just do it wiht no questions asked....so again I'd say NEVER ignore someone thats threatning there life BUT dont feel you have to be the knight in shining armer jsut cuase shes having problems....let someone know and let the professionals help her....if she wants help she'll get it ......but if shes just looking for you as a way out ............dont buy into it!!!
jason

[MrHixxx 0]

Poster: SkySurfSnow
Subject: Re: Ex-Troubles
Just to clarify, I did call her Mother and all of her friends that I had phone numbers for.

That should be the extent of what you should do, other than just being a friend to her.
Honestly, what value can you place on any love she would claim to have for you when she doesn't care for herself... Being the best thing that ever happened to someone doesn't exactly equate to soul mate either. Those word are about as fatal as "But he has a great personality"...Don't allow her to arrest the progress you've made since you left. Go find the right one...
-Hixxx
"Sous ma tub, Dr. Suess ma tub"

[wildblue 4]

Run away. Run far far away.
Don't talk to her, make sure she has none of your numbers (change them if need be)
Threatening suicide is -usually- just a threat. In that sense, it's considered a form of emotional abuse. (so of course, Dr. Drew's first question would be "was she abused as a child?")
Don't fall for it. Let her family help her out/worry about it.
Now, let's say she finds you in two years and says she got help, her life is in in order, and she just misses you and would like to get together. Then, it'd be a harder decision. But right now, you just need to stay away. Besides the fact that you're not sure if she's mentally stable, if you get back together, you may never know in your heart if you got back with her because you wanted to/loved her; or if her threat worked on you.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving

[lazerq3 0]

Quote

(so of course, Dr. Drew's first question would be "was she abused as a child?")

Oh come on now ....everyone knows that the FIRST question is..."wheres your daddy"!!!.....the abuse is usaully the second!
jason

[E150 0]

Bloody hell!
It did not work for you guys before, why should it work for you again?
She has got to sort herself out. You can not do it for her. The best people to help her would be her family and friends, not someone who she has been/is emotionaly envolved with.
Good luck to her.

[Scratch 0]

Yup What they all said. Run, don't look back, don't look down, just run.
Been there, done that( the helping her out thing ).
It is not worth it, really really not worth it.
I actually went off blonds for about ten years as a result of that chapter in my life.
( A Pavlovian thing I would imagine).
That has passed though......
My R0,02=$0,0017
Every day above ground is a good day.

[flyhi 24]

Sam Kinison said it best, "She wants to use you as an emotional tampon that has to be there 4 or 5 days a month. And the rest of the time, she won't even acknowledge your existence."
I was in the same situation a while back. Cut the cord and get on with your life. You will look back on it as the best thing you ever did.
flyhi
"To understand Mankind, you must look at its two root words; Mank and Ind."

[DENGOPHER 0]

In terms any skydiver can understand... SPINNING MALFUNCTION CUT AWAY CUT AWAY !!!!!!!!!! MY .02
just jump!!!!
gopher

[INSANEDADDY 0]

That is funny reading all of the post about this topic. I am going through the same shit right now. We did the off an on thing for almost three years. I gave her numerous chances to change her behavior. Nothing but empty promises. You cant change people. It will be hard at first but cut away from that spinning malfunction. I am going on my first date tonight in almost three years. WAHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rhino 0]

Be the bigger person.. Be there for her with the strict understanding it is as friends..
Me personally.. I have a tendency to believe all that stuff is mind games to I tend to be a bit cold about it. If you have it in you and you believe she is sincere it might not hurt to help her out. After all Karma is a bitch.
Rhino
Blue Skies .....

[sunshine 2]

Maybe it was the relationship with the other guy that made her realize she really did love you….or she might just be lonely. In either case you need to give her a few months by herself to let her figure out what she truly wants. People can change their behavior and everyone is entitled to a 2nd chance, but when they start asking for 3rd and 4th chances, that’s when it’s time to just say NO.
When in emotional situations often times people just say things they don’t really mean. But threatening suicide is serious. With counseling and good friends that stand by her, she can get better. Give her time and see her again in a few months. At that point you’ll have to make a decision as to what you want to do. It's hard to put your heart on the line cause nobody likes to be hurt. But if you don't take a chance sometimes, you might always wonder what could've been. In life it’s all about taking chances, if things were guaranteed it really wouldn’t be much fun now would it?!
"Who gave Phreezone the remote again?!" ~ Goat Blower

[ADRNALN 0]

I was in the situation. Dated this girl for 10 years, all through college, moved in together. But in all honesty we didn't like each other, at least thats the way I saw it. Any way we broke up and she would call when she needed help around her apt. Then she called asking me to get a credit card for her, because hers was taken away and she need it for work. I had to just stop picking up the phone and retruning messages. I think she may hate me now but I am much happier not being played and crapped on.
RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!

[james1010 0]

My humble opinion . . . sounds like she's stringing you along. It's easy to say and hard to do, but you should wish her well and send her on her way . . continue with your life. You mentioned you contacted her family . . that's the best you can do. Ofcourse, the heart is a funny thing and only you know what's really in there. LOL
James

[SpeedRacer 1]

Quote

had to just stop picking up the phone and retruning messages. I think she may hate me now but I am much happier not being played and crapped on.

Yep, that's the way it goes! The more shit you take, the more shit you're gonna get!Speed Racer
"Fill your hand, you son-of-a-bitch!"

[Sebazz1 2]

Tim, i am sorry to hear about your frustrations. It seems from your post that you made a decision to move on. I would keep that path you already chose. Of course help you ex if possible but it sounds like you have done enough. Change the locks on your house. Avoid contact.
Or get your tandem rating take her on a skydive and ...................... Oh never mind, can't do that. Good luck buddy!
SEBAZZ.......

[SkySurfSnow 0]

Thank you, my friends. I appreciate the all of the kind advice. I shall continue on the blissfull path that I have chosen and walk my seperate way.