Muenkel 0 #1 August 20, 2002 HER SIDE OF THE STORY: He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it. I don't remember doing anything to make him upset, but could tell there was something wrong, the conversation was quite slow going so thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I was getting really worried, What had I done? What was bothering him? Was he mad at me? I tried to cheer him up, but it didn't work. Was it me or something else? I asked him if he was upset with me, and he said no, but I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I loved him, and he just put his arm around me! I didn't know what the hell that meant because, you know, he doesn't say it back or anything. We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to break up with me! Why didn't he want to talk about this? So I tried to ask him about it, but he switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to sleep, hoping he would get the hint that I was upset and wanted to talk. I was so hurt that he was out there watching TV while I was in here going though emotional turmoil. Then after 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex. I thought that maybe he would open up after we shared an intimate experience like that, but he still seemed really distracted. I was so upset, but I just cried myself to sleep. He didn't even notice how upset I was! I don't know...I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I don't know what to feel anymore. I'm on >> > > emotional overload. I'm so confused. I don't think he loves me anymore. Why does he have to play mind games with me? I mean, do you think he's met someone else??? HIS SIDE OF THE STORY: Played like s h i t today -- shot 83 - can't putt. >> > >> > _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFXpert 0 #2 August 20, 2002 I really don't know what to say. I don't think a golf game would cause' that much animosity. Men are funny and sometimes need their space. It's best to just let them be and let them come around after they've figured out whatever shit they needed to. If you pressure for them to talk, when they probably don't want to, it aggravates them even more. Like a guy, I get in these moods, as well, and as Skymama can tell you, I just leave and sit somewhere by myself for a little while and when I'm ready, I come back and join the crowd and have a good time. I look at it as, not wanting to bring anyone else down b/c I'm in a shitty mood, or, not wanting to be annoyed at chipper people when I'm pissed off. I always come back around and it almost never takes very long. I just like to be left alone during these times. Men are the same way, for the most part. However, even when they need their space, most would still respond with an, "I love you, too." Even when I'm pissed off or my boyfriend is pissed of, we can still profess our love to each other. So basically....there's no way to tell you for sure what's going on and the only advice I can offer is to give him his space and if he wants to later, he'll talk, if he doesn't, he'll bounce back soon enough. It's not necessary to always know what's bothering them. Men don't always need to talk about their problems the way women do. Give it a little time and keep us posted. I hope all is well, soon. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildblue 4 #3 August 20, 2002 Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?'' And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of. And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months. And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person? And Roger is thinking: so that means it was... let's see... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means... lemme check the odometer... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here! And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected. And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600. And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure. And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs. And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy. And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a goddamn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it... "Roger", Elaine says aloud. "What?" says Roger, startled. "Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have said... Oh God, I feel so..." (She breaks down, sobbing.) "What?" says Roger. "I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse." "There's no horse?" says Roger. "You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says. "No!" says Roger. He's glad to finally know the correct answer. "It's just tha... It's that I... I need some time," Elaine says. (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) "Yes," he says. (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says. "What way?" says Roger. "That way about time," says Elaine. "Oh," says Roger. "Yes." (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.) "Thank you, Roger," she says. "Thank you," says Roger. Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand that, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.) The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either. Meanwhile, Roger, while playing squash one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Bill, did Elaine ever own a horse?"it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFXpert 0 #4 August 20, 2002 Geez, that was long...but point made! Yup, women tend to analyze EVERYTHING. I know I'm guilty of it. I've had to train myself just to trust what I know. I know my boyfriend loves me and if he doesn't do or say something I think he should have, I've learned, for the most part, to brush it off and not bother myself w/ the long analytical process. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #5 August 20, 2002 Wildblue, you get it! _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jessefs 0 #6 August 20, 2002 LMFAO!!! that was damn funny. I've got to send this to my girlfriend, she's gonna love it <* Spread the Love! *> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nigel99 144 #7 August 20, 2002 you're kidding right?Experienced jumper - someone who has made mistakes more often than I have and lived. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #8 August 20, 2002 Hey Carrie, don't let any of these guys give you grief about the "analytical process". That's not a woman thing, it's a people thing. People think about(or over-think/analyze) what is interesting to them. Women are interested in talking to their girlfriends about relationships. Guys think and talk about other stuff. Example: Talking about a 2 hour game for 4 hours the next day. See ? It's all about your interests. Actually, here is the secret. Women only obsess about this if they feel uncertain. Women who feel they are getting the attention that they need, don't worry about it. If you misunderstand women, you aren't listening. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFXpert 0 #9 August 20, 2002 kidding about what? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JumpNFly 0 #10 August 20, 2002 soooooo true... Carrie I totally agree with you... just wish sometimes it were easier The key to walking on water... Is knowing where the rocks are Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFXpert 0 #11 August 20, 2002 yea, it's not always easy, b/c it's natural for us girls to want to talk about our problems and b/c we care about our men, we want to help them w/ their problems, as well. However, I really have a good understanding of men and I realize that no matter how much I might want for my man to talk to me when he's upset about something...tis better to leave him alone. Sometimes, after I leave him alone, he even, later, tells me what was bothering him. In this situation, tis best to just listen and only give advice when asked for it. I'm the same way, I don't want someone's advice unless I ask for it. Most of the time, I just need to vent. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rdutch 0 #12 August 20, 2002 I for one have never been able to say the L word (love) doesnt mean I havent loved someone its just hard for me to say. Must have bothered the hell out of the signifigant girls in my life. Analysing weather I cared or not. I tried very hard to show it I just cant say it. The first and second story pretty much sum up my way of thinking totally. The one girl I stay with will have to be the one that accepts me for that and doesnt leave over a word. Women do think way to much men are a lot less complicated than they think. Dont worry, everything is probably fine. If there is something wrong we will tell you. Ray Ray Small and fast what every girl dreams of! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 2,400 #13 August 20, 2002 >kidding about what? The original post, uh, wasn't serious. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pammi 0 #14 August 20, 2002 QuoteI for one have never been able to say the L word (love) doesnt mean I havent loved someone its just hard for me to say. Must have bothered the hell out of the signifigant girls in my life. Analysing weather I cared or not. I tried very hard to show it I just cant say it. The first and second story pretty much sum up my way of thinking totally. The one girl I stay with will have to be the one that accepts me for that and doesnt leave over a word. Women do think way to much men are a lot less complicated than they think. Dont worry, everything is probably fine. If there is something wrong we will tell you. Ray Personally, I think the "L-word" doesn't mean that much. Sure it's good to hear sometimes, but too easily said to be worth too much. Actions are much more important then a single word that's thrown around a bit too often to be always taken seriously. Few, it's gotten deep for a joke thread eh? :) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFXpert 0 #15 August 20, 2002 I agree and disagree. For me, it's being able to back up the words w/ actions. I like to hear, "I love you," from my boyfriend, but like you said, it needs to be backed up by actions. I think a healthy balance between the two is necessary, for me, at least. I tend to believe a man who can't say how he feels, IF HE'S SURE HE FEELS IT, has other issues. At the risk of being *analytical*, usually not being able to say "i love you" if you really feel it stems from something that occured in your past. Either, regection, fear of being rejected if you say so, or having loved before (parents or family) and not had them care for you in return. It takes a BIG person to put themselves out there, not knowing how others will react. It's certainly understandable why it's hard for some people...but I've always been impressed with you, Ray, so I'm sure, you won't have your "L-word" issues forever. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #16 August 20, 2002 How did this thread get so serious? All I did was take an email joke and copy and paste it onto the forums for a laugh. _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildblue 4 #17 August 20, 2002 QuoteHow did this thread get so serious? All I did was take an email joke and copy and paste it onto the forums for a laugh. The women over-analyzed it... it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #18 August 20, 2002 QuoteThe women over-analyzed it... I said it before and I will say it again....You get it! _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFXpert 0 #19 August 20, 2002 HA HA HA HA HA....I didn't know it was a joke. Your profile doesn't say if you're a boy or girl (so I assumed you were the "her" side) and since i haven't been on the forums long, I didn't know from previous posts either so I thought this was your personal situation. Espcially b/c the term "I" was used in the post, intead of "her." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Spy38W 0 #20 August 20, 2002 QuoteYour profile doesn't say if you're a boy or girl (so I assumed you were the "her" side) Must refrain, be a nice person -- Hook high, flare on time Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFXpert 0 #21 August 20, 2002 What? A girl could have the name "chris", too. How was I supposed to know? Ha ha ha ha. I thought it was a real dilemna....I should get revenge for causing me so much concern.....H ah ah aha. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #22 August 20, 2002 QuoteHA HA HA HA HA....I didn't know it was a joke. Your profile doesn't say if you're a boy or girl (so I assumed you were the "her" side) and since i haven't been on the forums long, I didn't know from previous posts either so I thought this was your personal situation. [unzipping pants]yeah, I'm a boy[/unzipping pants] LMAO!!! Sorry about that Carrie. It is obvious though that you are a blonde! _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Spy38W 0 #23 August 20, 2002 QuoteWhat? A girl could have the name "chris", too. How was I supposed to know? Ha ha ha ha. I thought it was a real dilemna....I should get revenge for causing me so much concern.....H ah ah aha. Nah, wasn't talking about being mean to you, Chris used to be pretty easy to pick on.. -- Hook high, flare on time Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFXpert 0 #24 August 20, 2002 Yup, I'm blonde...but I don't think that was a blonde moment...I just think you have some serious feminine qualities about you which could lead to confusion. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #25 August 20, 2002 QuoteYup, I'm blonde...but I don't think that was a blonde moment...I just think you have some serious femine qualities about you which could lead to confusion Good one!!! Now i have people in the office wondering why i'm laughing so hard. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
