SatchFan 0 #1 October 17, 2002 1. Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat" 2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella. 3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers. 4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence. 5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent) 7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever. 8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale. 9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable. 10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay. 11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party. 12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it. 13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean. 14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem, you didn't see nothin'. 15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. 16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat. 17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood. 19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free. 20. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy. 23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set and we can hit the showers." "Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?" 24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean. 25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer. 26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response. 27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need. 28. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not, unless you are gay. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
christoofar 0 #2 October 17, 2002 What is bad is that guys have to be reminded of this. You should already be born with this programming. ____________________________________________________________ I'm RICK JAMES! Fo shizzle. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blewaway5 0 #3 October 17, 2002 Oh my god!! You wrote it down, now they'll all know! It's all just way too true! Truman Sparks for President Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
coho21 0 #4 October 17, 2002 ***16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat. Dude, I gotta say I can't go along with this one. My girlfriends cat is just fine.J YSD#0009 J YSD#0009 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cajones 0 #5 October 17, 2002 Is it shaved??? The laws of physics are strictly enforced. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
geanky 0 #6 October 17, 2002 Quote 7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever. Are the 24 hours accumulative? What if he doesn't care and she is really hot? learn to fly in 3d Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cajones 0 #7 October 17, 2002 Oops, sorry, wrong thread... The laws of physics are strictly enforced. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SatchFan 0 #8 October 17, 2002 QuoteQuote 7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever. Refer to number 12. It goes in line with the whole granting permission. Are the 24 hours accumulative? What if he doesn't care and she is really hot? And yes, the hours are accumulative. If she is hot then throw the rule out the door. Just don't get caught. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #9 October 17, 2002 Quote 16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat. Ok this is bullshit. My cat is a GUY'S cat. He used to belong to an ex-gf, but she didn't know how to handle him. Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
christoofar 0 #10 October 17, 2002 I also have a BIG FAT LAZY PUSSY ____________________________________________________________ I'm RICK JAMES! Fo shizzle. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
geanky 0 #11 October 17, 2002 So if I've known him for 1 week but we've only hung out for about 5 hours I still have 7 hours to bang his sister??? learn to fly in 3d Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SatchFan 0 #12 October 17, 2002 Quote So if I've known him for 1 week but we've only hung out for about 5 hours I still have 7 hours to bang his sister??? Dude, you had better get on it. (so to speak) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #13 October 17, 2002 QuoteSo if I've known him for 1 week but we've only hung out for about 5 hours I still have 7 hours to bang his sister??? Guys...stop this. This is not a rule anymore. It's only a good guideline ifyou're in high school. Once women hit the adult stage, big bro doesn't haveto watch over them. They handle these decisions themselves. Some guyprobably has a sister who wants to take ya for a test drive. Everybody is happy. Old rule. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
geanky 0 #14 October 17, 2002 That why I've always been inclined to older women, the experience plus the no permission needed. learn to fly in 3d Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #15 October 17, 2002 not to mention the gratitude! Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflir29 0 #16 October 17, 2002 Quote not to mention the gratitude! Plus the use of the pool and Lincoln Town Car. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SatchFan 0 #17 October 17, 2002 Quote Quote not to mention the gratitude! Plus the use of the pool and Lincoln Town Car. Good call. I guess there would be lot of perks of going with an older model like the senior discount when you go out to eat. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #18 October 17, 2002 Quote Quote Quote not to mention the gratitude! Plus the use of the pool and Lincoln Town Car. Good call. I guess there would be lot of perks of going with an older model like the senior discount when you go out to eat. And the spare meds they have laying around... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
prepheckt 0 #19 October 17, 2002 Gotta love Maxim... "Dancing Argentine Tango is like doing calculus with your feet." -9 toes Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
txojumps 0 #20 October 17, 2002 Four legged cat *************************************** Awright, guys, you don't have one, so don't act like one Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
riddler 0 #21 October 17, 2002 You forgot less inhibited, more willing to take risks and better liars about what happened I love older women. I love younger women. Hell, I'm not really all that picky. Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FliegendeWolf 0 #22 October 18, 2002 Quote16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat. How could I not like my girlfriend's kitty when he's curled up and sleeping on my jacket right now?A One that Isn't Cold is Scarcely a One at All Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #23 October 18, 2002 Never date a buddies Ex.. That's just sick!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skygal3 0 #24 October 18, 2002 I guess I'm going to be a pretty lonely gal...No one gets to me without getting the ok from my 2 kitties first!!! If you don't like my cats, then there is something def. wrong with you My cats kick ass!!! p.s. I love men who own cats...and know how to purr...mmm Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #25 October 18, 2002 Quote No one gets to me without getting the ok from my 2 kitties first!!! If you don't like my cats, then there is something def. wrong with you I agree. I'm lucky though, my skyboy likes my kitty. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
