CrazyThomas 0 #1 March 21, 2004 so...I work in a customer oriented place, where the customer's are the key. I know....where aren't they. Sometimes customers can be the stupidest fucks in the world. Check this......A customer once asked me if you bake a Hawaiian pizza with the pineapple on it. This is after I handed it to him, with the pineapple on it. No dipshit. You can't bake it with the pineapple on it. It will ruin the pineapple flavor. What you have to do is pick off all the pineapple pieces, cook the pizza, then put them back on. We just put the pineapple on and spread it out for you, to make picking it off more difficult. I mean seriously, get a fucking clue. More dumb customers to follow. Thomas Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyThomas 0 #2 March 21, 2004 Then there's this one.....a REAL doozy. We also sell cookie dough, in little plastic tubs. 1 lb in a tub. So when I suggestive sell, (Would you like some cookie dough with that today?) The customer comes back with..... "What is cookie dough?" My favorite smart-ass reply (not yet used) is Big cookie fetus. That, or "The stuff you make cookies out of." Thomas Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IanHarrop 37 #3 March 21, 2004 My other hobby is singing in a Barbershop Quartet. I can't count the number of times I've been asked, "How many are in your quartet?"."Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me" Dorothy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vertifly 0 #4 March 21, 2004 Dude, maybe you need to get another job or go into business for yourself. ?? Is it "cookie dough ice cream" or just plain "cookie dough"? Because, quite frankly, I think that selling cookie dough is a pretty bizzarre thing to sell on its own. Don't you? If someone told me that they were selling cookie dough, my response would be either, "Why the F*^k would I want to 'BUY' cookie dough?" or "What's cookie dough?" ...because I wouldn't believe my F*^k'n ears. Besides that... What kind of place sells PIZZA and some form of COOKIE DOUGH (ice cream or not)? It is inconsistant enough to baffle the average retail buying citizen. Retail work empirically just sucks ass unless you are a VERY customer friendly person. Sounds like someone just needs a . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,164 #5 March 21, 2004 My brother used to work in an auto parts store. He said the funniest thing he ever heard was when a guy came in and asked for for something to flush out his radiator, and then something to flush out his rear end. Obviously they don't make that. So my brother said he had the presence of mind to first suggest going to the drugstore for some ex-lax, and then going into the back room and rolling on the floor laughing. Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 2,454 #6 March 21, 2004 >(Would you like some cookie dough with that today?) >The customer comes back with..... >"What is cookie dough?" Y'know, if I went to a pizza place to pick up a pizza, and someone said "want some cookie dough to go with it?" I'd probably ask something like that. Probably more like "why the hell are you offering me cookie dough? If I wanted to cook I'd be home cooking, not picking up a pizza." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rocketdog 0 #7 March 21, 2004 you all might understand this: i work @ the DZ and you should hear the customers we deal with (being in the middle of a cornfield in Indiana!) some of the best i've heard: "hi, i wanna go SKYJUMPIN" -- spoken like a true redneck! "so where is the cameraman during my jump?" -- well if you pay for the video, i would hope he'd exit the plane with you "so is it safe?" -- like i would say NO ITS DANGEROUS AS HELL?! "and all i could smell was shit" -- a student telling me why his jump was horrible... because all he could smell during freefall was the cow manure ....we asked him to take up bowling instead! see the world! http://gorocketdog.blogspot.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 2,454 #8 March 21, 2004 >"so where is the cameraman during my jump?" -- well if you pay for >the video, i would hope he'd exit the plane with you. Ours didn't at the first DZ I jumped at. We mounted the camera on the wing and it just caught his exit; the cameraman just pulled the film out after each bunch of students (SL program.) >"so is it safe?" -- like i would say NO ITS DANGEROUS AS HELL?! You should! If you tell them it's safe you're lying to them. You can get killed skydiving. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rocketdog 0 #9 March 21, 2004 Quote>"You should! If you tell them it's safe you're lying to them. You can get killed skydiving. Skydiving IS safe! However, there is a lot more *risk* involved. Risk does not equal danger. Do you consider skiing a "dangerous" sport as well..... ? Given statistics, more people die in car accidents yearly than skydiving. True, more people drive HOWEVER (i'm going off memory here) there were roughly +/- 35 fatalities last year -- possibly 2002. i think that says a lot given the # of skydivers and skydives made in the U.S. ~hollywood see the world! http://gorocketdog.blogspot.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kris 0 #10 March 21, 2004 QuoteSkydiving IS safe! However, there is a lot more *risk* involved. Risk does not equal danger. Do you consider skiing a "dangerous" sport as well..... ? Given statistics, more people die in car accidents yearly than skydiving. True, more people drive HOWEVER (i'm going off memory here) there were roughly +/- 35 fatalities last year -- possibly 2002. i think that says a lot given the # of skydivers and skydives made in the U.S. I'm going to take a wild guess that you have less than a couple of hundred jumps and less then a couple of years in the sport. If you really believe that skydiving is safe you need to quit the sport right now. Skydiving IS dangerous. You can do everything right and still die. Risk DOES equal danger in this definition. If you're going to compare it to driving, make it a fair comparison. Take a car with no brakes, a driver with at least a .10 alcohol level and a swinging case of narcolepsy, and a twisty mountain road. Now you're starting to get close. I've seen people get maimed for life and I've had friends die. I've only had one friend I've known killed in a car accident and I've been driving a lot longer than I've been skydiving. *muttering something about 'youngsters' under my breath*Sky, Muff Bro, Rodriguez Bro, and Bastion of Purity and Innocence!™ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 2,454 #11 March 21, 2004 >Skydiving IS safe! No it's not. Read the waiver, or the warning labels on your gear; all that language is in there because it really happens. If you're in the sport long enough, you will watch friends of yours die. That doesn't happen in most other sports. >However, there is a lot more *risk* involved. Risk does not equal >danger. Do you consider skiing a "dangerous" sport as well..... ? Not as dangerous as skydiving, more dangerous than ballroom dancing or road biking. Skiing is not a safe sport either; you can get seriously injured skiing. >Given statistics, more people die in car accidents yearly than > skydiving. That's because more people drive. Driving overall is a lot safer than skydiving no matter how you look at it, unless you drink and drive regularly. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sheenster303 0 #12 March 21, 2004 How about working in a grocery store and it is time to go home. You have one customer to get through so you turn off your light and you put a "Lane Closed" sign on the end of the register in plain view. Another customer walks up and starts to unload their shopping cart onto the belt and moves the lane closed sign out of the way. When I tell them I am closed and that they have to go another register, they yell at me for not telling them I was closed! Hello people! You moved the closed sign out of the way you moron!!!! Some people are just jackasses sometimes. But sometimes it can swing the other way too when you've been at work for the past 3 hours and you have 3 people in your line being rang up and your light is on. Someone is bound to come up and ask you if you are open. I would love to say "No I'm not. I just like to keep my light on to confuse everybody." I swear some people.........I'm so funny I crack my head open! P.M.S. #102 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyThomas 0 #13 March 21, 2004 Quote>(Would you like some cookie dough with that today?) >The customer comes back with..... >"What is cookie dough?" Y'know, if I went to a pizza place to pick up a pizza, and someone said "want some cookie dough to go with it?" I'd probably ask something like that. Probably more like "why the hell are you offering me cookie dough? If I wanted to cook I'd be home cooking, not picking up a pizza." Right..sweet....here's the deal. If I make you bake the pizza at your home, your oven will be on, and cookies are a great snack after a pizza. Oven's on, might as well cook snacks for the week. It's also good to eat raw. Would you feel better if I told you cookie dough, was BIG Cookie fetus ? Thomas Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyThomas 0 #14 March 21, 2004 Another couple "shine-offs", for our customers with a sense of humor. "Have you baked are pizzas before?" "No." "Well, just read the directions." that, and.... be sure to take off the plastic before you bake it. Thomas Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
EdC 0 #15 March 21, 2004 I used to work in the auto repair business and I would ask people what kind of car they had and an old timer told me he had a ford lincoln mercury. I asked him witch model and he said "Ford Lincoln Mercury." I went outside to get the VIN # and he was driving a chevette. Another favorite is when I would call a customer with an estimate after their car was brought in on a hook and they would decline the repairs because it was too expensive. I had one guy bring his lexus ls400 in because the brake light was on. It turned out the parking brake was set and he had drove the car in with the parking brake on. Customers can be funny. The best was a ford station wagon with a baby seat in the back and a gun in the glove box, we were looking for the wheel lock key when we found it. Big Ed Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Snowbird 0 #16 March 22, 2004 Sorry, but... I used to sell telescopes and other optics. I had a woman come in asking about a starter telescope, and I gave her the basic intro, asking questions to establish her real wants and explaining the usual things that beginners don't know. No big deal, she seemed reasonably intelligent. After about 15 minutes of this, just as I was thinking that maybe she really was a serious customer (at least 9 out of 10 cutomers weren't buyers, they just had questions and wanted to talk) she came out with the best line ever. 'So, with one of these telescopes, will I be able to communicate with the aliens who land in the field behind my house?' No I am not bsing. She said it with a straight face. I told her that it would not, and that she would need to visit the metaphysical store downtown. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maxmadmax 8 #17 March 22, 2004 Years ago.... I worked at gas station on Galveston Island. Acouple of smart asses pull in and ask me where Galveston is.... I sent 'em back over the causeway to the mainland. How I did that without laughing.... Don't go away mad....just go away! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jimbo 0 #18 March 22, 2004 QuoteSkydiving IS safe! Here we go again... - Jim"Like" - The modern day comma Good bye, my friends. You are missed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
crwmike 0 #19 March 22, 2004 Thing about those meds is ...you have to take them EVERY day. Quoteso...I work in a customer oriented place, where the customer's are the key. I know....where aren't they. Sometimes customers can be the stupidest fucks in the world. Check this......A customer once asked me if you bake a Hawaiian pizza with the pineapple on it. This is after I handed it to him, with the pineapple on it. No dipshit. You can't bake it with the pineapple on it. It will ruin the pineapple flavor. What you have to do is pick off all the pineapple pieces, cook the pizza, then put them back on. We just put the pineapple on and spread it out for you, to make picking it off more difficult. I mean seriously, get a fucking clue. More dumb customers to follow. Thomas Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VisionAir 0 #20 March 22, 2004 I work at a Subway and many years ago before Subway was well known we used to get people that when asked if they would like a six inch or footlong, they would come back with "How big is a footlong?" I realize it IS a valid question for the first-timers but it was very hard to keep back the snickers and to calmly answer "12 inches" while I show them a bread. It's also funny to watch a group of teenie bopper girls come in and start giggling when asked if they would like a six inch or footlong. Huh?!? What cloud?!? Oh that!!! That's just Industrial Haze Alex M. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
napaguy99 0 #21 March 22, 2004 I used to work at a gas station. RIGHT next door to us, I mean literally--NEXT DOOR---was this restaurant called the Buckeye Hall of Fame and Cafe. You can't miss the freakin place. You don't know how many people used to come in and ask us where it was at. The best part was when someone came in and asked, "Where is Buckley Hall." Now, we're kinda close to OSU Hospitals and we would always get people coming in asking where buildings were on the Med Campus and usually I could direct them. I used to be a campus tour guide for 2 years and I did summer orientation, not to mention it was my 5th year at the school. So this guy comes in looking for Buckley Hall and I have absolutely no clue where it's at. Then he says to me, "It's like a Dave and Busters." If you don't know what Dave and Busters is, its a bar/restaurant with an arcade and pool tables, etc...somethin exactly like The Buckeye Hall of Fame and Cafe. I had the hardest time not laughing in this guy's face when I told him The Buckeye Hall of Fame--not Buckley Hall--was right next door. The job reminded me of the movie Clerks daily. "Let the misinterpretation and attacks begin." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyThomas 0 #22 March 22, 2004 QuoteI work at a Subway and many years ago before Subway was well known we used to get people that when asked if they would like a six inch or footlong, they would come back with "How big is a footlong?" I realize it IS a valid question for the first-timers but it was very hard to keep back the snickers and to calmly answer "12 inches" while I show them a bread. It's also funny to watch a group of teenie bopper girls come in and start giggling when asked if they would like a six inch or footlong. Another good one is when the customer asks if the pizza comes with cheese on it. No, really. It doesn't come with sauce either, unless you specifically ask for it, and pay extra for it. Thomas Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Fireflyer 0 #23 March 22, 2004 Quote Sometimes customers can be the stupidest fucks in the world. Check this......A customer once asked me if you bake a Hawaiian pizza with the pineapple on it. This is after I handed it to him, with the pineapple on it. Not that I would ask that question, but how are us mere mortals supposed to know you don't cook it on there? . I know I am no pizza wizard. So much for the "customer oriented place" you work at eh? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Fireflyer 0 #24 March 22, 2004 QuoteDude, maybe you need to get another job or go into business for yourself. ?? no doubt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyThomas 0 #25 March 22, 2004 QuoteDude, maybe you need to get another job or go into business for yourself. ?? Yeah, maybe. Complaining about it just helps to ease the tension. Thomas Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
