List 'o Funny Pick-up Lines

[TheAnvil 0]

These have never worked, but remain some of my off-color favorites....

Is that a keg in those pants, because I'd sure like to tap that ass!

If your left leg were Thanksgiving and your right leg were Christmas, could I meet you between the holidays?

Honey, I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed-bag.

Vinny the Anvil
Post Traumatic Didn't Make The Lakers Syndrome is REAL
JACKASS POWER!!!!!!

[flyhi 24]

"You must have a mirror in your pocket because I can sure see myself in your pants."

"Wanna see something swell?"

Shit happens. And it usually happens because of physics.

[kingbunky 3]

him: wanna dance?
her: (disdainfully) no.
him: then i suppose a blowjob is completely out of the question...

not really a pickup line, but;

him; wanna dance?
here: (disdainfully) no.
him: that's okay, i have to go for a piss anyway.

"Hang on a sec, the young'uns are throwin' beer cans at a golf cart."
MB4252 TDS699
killing threads since 2001

[gweeks 1]

I should have expected this walking around a certain part of DC with a cute little dog, but I had to give this gay guy props for creativity:

"OOOOOOOOOH, he's SOOOOOOOOO cute....... and so's the dog!"

[sunshine 2]

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What are other good ones you've heard/used?
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Where was the first one??

I wondered that too. The whole 6inch tongue, breathe through my ears is one of the stupidest things ever. Any guy that knows how to go down on a woman would know a long tongue isn't necessary...

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Of course there was this one chick in Eloy that i just walked up behind and kissed her on the back of her neck. She damn near attacked me right there in the packing hangar

OMG, i can't beleive you did that to someone. You're so bad...

___________________________________________
meow

I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug!

[Brains 2]

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OMG, i can't beleive you did that to someone. You're so bad...

But in a good way right?

Never look down on someone, unless they are going down on you.

[sunshine 2]

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Nice shoes, wanna @$%^ ?
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My favorite.

I always wear nice shoes....

___________________________________________
meow

I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug!

[piisfish 135]

Heard at the Pietermaritzburg Easter Boogie :

There's a party in my mouth, wanna come ??

scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM

[slug 1]

Hi

You must be Amazon my name is R.I.P. will you pick me up?

Sucess rate 100%
R.I.P.

[kansasskydiver 0]

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Hi

You must be Amazon my name is R.I.P. will you pick me up?

Sucess rate 100%
R.I.P.

ROFLMAO

<--- See look, pink dolphins DO exist!

[ACMESkydiver 0]

"I forgot my phone number...can I have yours?"

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[ACMESkydiver 0]

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Hi

You must be Amazon my name is R.I.P. will you pick me up?

Sucess rate 100%
R.I.P.

I don't get it...

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[Phillbo 11]

"excuse me but does this look swollen to you ?"

[wildchild 0]

"Hi, my name's _____________ . Remember it because you're gonna be screaming it all night long!"

No. I didn't forget his name - but he didn't get lucky either!!

____________________________
"If there is doubt, there is no doubt." - Tonto

[PrairieDoug 0]

Song lyrics: "If I said you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

Based on the "10 Things About Women Thread", the most likely response is probably something like "I'm flattered, but not on the first date. Maybe down the road as long as you're not wearing sandals or cheap cologne."

[pleifer 0]

my favorite, and was told by several women that it would at least be worth a coversation...

Hi, I hear voices.... but don't worry... they like you

_________________________________________
The Angel of Duh has spoke

[CrazyRock 0]

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Here's my favorite:

"Damn! You's a fine mother fucker . . . lemme pull up to that bumper and smack that monkey!"

Kelly

LOL

hehe.. if you guys don't know where that's from, it's monty pythons "ebonics language lesson" here is one site that i found that made a flash program out of it..
http://www.theflasharchive.com/f/f-85.htm

-Seth :)

[slug 1]

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Hi

You must be Amazon my name is R.I.P. will you pick me up?

Sucess rate 100%
R.I.P.

I don't get it...

Don't worry ask amazon to see the photo. she controls all distrubtion rights.

R.I.P.

[slug 1]

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My favorite:

"I'm going outside to make out. Wanna come?"

I tried a similar line the other night on a nice lady that's 40 yr's older than me and just a blank stare.

He husband of 50 yr's was cracking up.

Damn what would I have done if she said sure you sweet young thing lets go.

Note to self: stop when your ahead.

R.I.P.

[cloudynot 0]

Man walks up: You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and I've seen lots.

Girl replies: Thank you

Man replies: your welcome "Do you have a number"?

Girl replies: yes

Man replies: Can I have it?

Girl replies : Not in this lifetime

Clouds are cool to move through but not if they are NOT jumpable

[jahk 0]

"I want to watch your nipples get hard."

From a former co-worker, who in 6 months had *never* made an inappropriate remark or treated me with less than the greatest professional respect, about 2 hours after we signed off the job and were no longer working together.

Judith
_________________________________________________

Imelda Marcos just wanted some cute shoes that didn't make her feet hurt. Why's that so hard to understand?

[Duckwater 0]

Not really a pick up line but funny:

Cyndi Tortelli and I were yelling across the bar at the bombshelter about a necklace or something.

I said real loud.."Man! Have your boobs gotten bigger??"

EVERYONE in the bar turned to see the possibly larger breasts and she turned a bright shade of red and covered her chest and fled.

Mike

[skydived19006 4]

Ok, it’s funny not affective right!

Can I hang out with you until its safe back where I farted?

(When it’s time to leave the titty bar. Or any bar for that matter.)
Can I smell your pussy?
No!
Oh, must be your feet. (Prepare for impact!)

Experience is what you get when you thought you were going to get something else.

AC DZ

[kelel01 1]

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Here's my favorite:

"Damn! You's a fine mother fucker . . . lemme pull up to that bumper and smack that monkey!"

Kelly

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LOL

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hehe.. if you guys don't know where that's from, it's monty pythons "ebonics language lesson" here is one site that i found that made a flash program out of it..
http://www.theflasharchive.com/f/f-85.htm

Nice catch. That one always cracks me up.

Kelly