FUN WITH TELEMARKETERS

[boinky 0]

-- If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

-- If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, as them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

-- This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

-- Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could possibly know you from.

-- Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

-- If the company calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"

-- After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

-- Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.

-- Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.

-- Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, either, now you know how it feels!"

-- Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

-- Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

-- Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

-- Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

-- Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

-- Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

-- Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder...louder...

-- Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.

Nina

Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz)
Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

[StreetScooby 5]

Very funny stuff...

I used to ask them to hold while I went for my credit card. Then, I would just leave the phone on the table and wait for the disconnect signal. After about a year of doing this, the telemarketers caught on to it. Somehow, they did something that wouldn't cause the phone to disconnect on my end (...so, no more bah-bah-bah-bah after disconnect).

We are all engines of karma

[mr2mk1g 10]

I love fucking with telemarketers and take great joy in messing about every time I have one on the end of the line.

A favourite one if I just can't be bothered but still want to mess them arround is to sit the phone next to the TV so they can listen to whatever show's on. I've had people stay on the line for ages like this. What do I care - it's their bill.

In the past I've told them to go away because I was having sex. Then hung up on them and went back to it.

Last night someone rang and I told them to hang on a moment because I was watching the A-team. I went back to them after a minute or two and told them I had to go because Hanibul had a plan and he always likes it when a plan comes together.

Anyther one is to answer the phone by saying "Good evening this is Bristol lunatic asylum, Napolion speaking how may I help you?"

Or just say "Oh my God, your one of them aren't you!?" or "It's you isn't it? How did you find me?" Then call out urgently to someone off the phone "Dude - they tracked us down again! we gotta clear outa here!"

[Buried 0]

I rarely get any.. and if i do i just say they are calling a cell phone.. With the current laws they need to hang up.

Where is my fizzy-lifting drink?

[daniel_owen_uk 0]

bahahaha loving the a-team gag
Although in this forum, you should have used the BA "ain't gettin on no plane" gag.

__________________

BOOM Headshot

[aerohaga 0]

--My Dad let a burial plan salesman talk for about 5 minutes and then asked if the plan would include burial at sea. The salesman had no idea what to say after that!
--My daughter (at age 14) told the MCI people she didn't have a phone so she didn't need long distance.
--My daugher (at age 16) told the home improvement company that "No, my dad isn't home, he's out running around with some friends for a few days...No, my mom ran away with my boyfriend, and I'm not sure when they'll be back."

For my part, I know nothing with any certainty,
But the sight of the stars makes me dream.
-Vincent Van Gogh

[tso-d_chris 0]

Do I have to put siding on the whole apartment complex, or can I just side my unit?

[Paige 0]

Now I can't wait till one of those bastards calls me

Tunnel Pink Mafia Delegate
www.TunnelPinkMafia.com

[boinky 0]

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Now I can't wait till one of those bastards calls me

LOL

Nina

Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz)
Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

[Balls 0]

I like to try and sell them something. Just whatever random object happens to be closest at the moment. I almost sold this one chick a bottle of vitamins once

----------------------------------------
....so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

[Paige 0]

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Now I can't wait till one of those bastards calls me

LOL

I mean that in the nicest way They have been plotting againist me for so long that it's go time baby

Tunnel Pink Mafia Delegate
www.TunnelPinkMafia.com

[nanook 1]

A friend from work tried to refinance his apartment.

_____________________________

"The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine" - Abraham Lincoln

[tdog 0]

Colorado has a no-call-list so I don't get calls at home anymore.

Now, at work... We get a call every hour... Dillon, my dog, is "Director of Toner Cartridges", "Director of the Watercooler", and "Director of what ever else you are selling."

When someone calls asking for the person in charge of X, we say, "Hold on, let me forward you to Dillon James at extension 29." That way, next time they can dial the extension direct!

Then, people call back asking for Dillon. Makes it simple to know who is telemarketing.

AND EVEN BETTER... My favorite was a telemarketer who said, "I just was TALKING to Dillon and I have one more question. Can you connect me real quick?"

That was funny.

Dillon now gets more mail than I do. Attached - Dillon getting his mail at the office.

[pope 0]

Yes, there is a lot of fun to be had---
But I prefer to just put myself on the national do not call registry and not let them waste my time.

On another note, you may not have known that all junk mail with a 'postage paid' return envelope is good for up to around 70lbs. So if you want to save up all your junk mail, fill a large box with it, and send it back to the original junk mail sender, then THEY have to deal with it.

[sickandtwisted 0]

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ref:On another note, you may not have known that all junk mail with a 'postage paid' return envelope is good for up to around 70lbs. So if you want to save up all your junk mail, fill a large box with it, and send it back to the original junk mail sender, then THEY have to deal with it.

You can even send other junk mail with it. It really ticks them off to get 70 lbs of someone else's junk mail.

Skymama stalker #69!!!!

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[Superman32 0]

I really enjoy getting telemarketing calls.
My favorite are newspapers, book of the month what ever... It usually start as "I'm so and so with X newspaper...." that's when I start crying and accusing it one of my friends making a a terrible prank call since I've just been diagnosed as legaly blind

I also like to make grunt noises and run to the bathroom and flush the toilet. Just tell them to hold on, I had some bad chinese food, but I'm really interested in what ever they are selling so could they start again.... OHHH God...I'm dying....that stinks [flush] Can you start again...

Inveniam Viam aut Faciam
I'm back biatches!

[tigra 0]

While these are amusing, between having caller ID and being on the Do Not Call registry, I don't deal with telemarketers.

[bch7773 0]

ah the fun of only having a cell phone... i never ever get telemarketers calling.

MB 3528, RB 1182