what to do about unsupportive parents

[airgirl24 0]

so after 2 tandems, and letting my parents know that when i go back to school, id like to start my training in the poconos...not telling them specifically when, but just throwing it out there...trying to be a nice daughter and let them know what im up to...here are their responses:

dad: with a pissed off look on his face, "how do you plan on paying for it while your mother and I are paying for school for you?". he explains that hes not mad at me for wanting to skydive in the first place, or for going, and hes not mad at his skydiving friend who took me and my friend that weekend, so i said to him, "but can you blame me for experiencing something new, and falling in love with it {regardless of it being skydiving, vs. sticker collecting}..and he said no. he basically siad he is jsut scared bc people can die, and its jsut too much on the edge for him.

mom: after she got home for NC last night, and she siad "so dad told me u jumped again,,,,whered ya get the $$$?....AND "that was your last time..you're a poor college student and this isnt fair to your father and me to put us thru this, and to waste $$ u dont have"

ok fine, i realize that they are working their asses off so that i wont have any loans to pay off when i graduate...but how do i explain that im not trying to be ruthless and selfish?...im just wanting to do someting that I can not go 10 minutes with out it popping up in my mind??

how did you guys handle your parents when you started skydiving?

they may have given me life but skydiving gives me breath
..katie..
http://community.webshots.com/user/goalie85

[lisamariewillbe 1]

Id love to say the age old Look red grab red ... but in a way your parents are right. However I would if I were you, pony up, get your own student loans, get a job and while putting yourself through college, put yourself through AFF. If your parents are going to put conditions on their helping you through college then they are not doing it for the right reasons. Just make sure you finish college then you can get those loans paid off. If you love to skydive and want to continue in progression then do it.

I would also suggest you inform them of the stats, send them to dz.com and let them browse, maybe even get them to do a jump. Most people are ignorant to the perticulars of this sport, hell I still am.


EDIT to add -- My father wont talk to me until I promise not to jump again...yet he used to be a skydiver... guess what? I choose my freedom, they may have given me life but skydiving gives me breath

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[sharimcm 0]

My mom flipped when I told her I was going to go through AFF. My dad planted into her head all the military rigging he had experience with that skydiving was dangerous and canopies were only good for 7 years, etc. They both asked me how I was getting the money to make the jumps, but they didn't have much to say when I told them I got a second job to support my habit. Still to this day, my parents haven't once come out to watch me make any jumps, and are still totally against it. I just don't tell them anymore when I go to the DZ. If they call when I'm there, I just don't answer, and I'll call them when I get in the car ready to leave. I honestly don't think they even can fathom the thought that I've jumped out of a plane more than 50 times... Keep your chin up and keep jumping.

"I had a dude tip his black cowboy hat to me after I provided him with a condom outside my hotel room at 3-something in the morning." -myself

[wildcard451 0]

Paying for your college? Unsupportive? Sounds rather supportive to me. I think they have a quite realistic outlook on things. I made my first jump as a college sophomore, when my parents were covering the bit of undergrad that my scholarship didn't cover. I loved jumping, and knew that i it what I wanted to keep doing.
However, I couldn't afford it. Had I known about becoming a packer to pay for it, well, that would have been a different story. Now that I am in graduate school, and my parents don't pay for anything, they still quite often talk to me about how much money I spend jumping. I think that, while annoying, is very supportive. They know I live on a fixed budget, and remind me from time to time that I need to use it properly, like any good parent would.
I think your parents are right on the ball about the money issue. As for the scared that you will die, well, mine are too. My family lives 10 minutes from the DZ I jump at, and every time I leave the house when I pop by, Mom gives me a good "please be safe, be careful, watch out for other idiots, love you, see you later"
You have the rest of your life to skydive. It'll be that much sweeter when you can do it as you please. This is not a sport for those without disposable income, or cannot make the sport pay for itself. Good luck talking to your family. I know it can getting pretty heated.

/hopes this rambling made sense.

[popsjumper 2]

Tough situation, I know.....

1) Get a Sugar Daddy to pay for your jumps.
(very good)

2) Threaten to quit school until they get off your back
(not good)

3) Continue the dialog...keep them communicating.
(very, very good)

It seems that that their concern is with spending the $$$ on jumping instead of spending it on school which would relieve them of some of the $$$ burden.

4) How about a part-time job?
(not a bad idea)

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[mailin 0]

If your parents are working as hard as you say they are to put you through school - CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY!

Me and most of my friends had to put ourselves through school - you musn't understand how lucky you are - thats great!

My friend Kathy finished school with $60k in student loans to pay back - and she now works as a social worker

If I were you I would do what my parents ask - they're saving you A TON of money. The sky isn't going anywhere, wait until your done with school and can afford to put yourself through AFF quickly. Otherwise, being a broke college student, without financial help from the rents will make jumping pretty infrequent, and thats not safe.


Good luck,

Jen

Arianna Frances

[Lindsey 0]

Skydiving is expensive. They should not have to pay for it if they don't want to. Putting a child through school is expensive, and the fact that they're willing to do that for you should be met with a certain degree of appreciation. I'd say putting off skydiving until you're financially able to support yourself would be prudent. The time goes by much faster than you'll imagine.

linz

--
A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail

[ccowden 0]

You should get a job as a stripper so you can pay for skydiving. Would that help things?

Just kidding, but I think a job is a great idea. That way you can fund your skydiving. Like stated above, if your parents are going to help you with college, then they should realize that it allows you to have some fun and do other things with your money. If you have to live as if you are paying your own way through school, then it kinda defeats the purpose of them helping.

If they are going to condition their support, then get student loans and continue your dreams, both in school and in skydiving. But don't give up a dream or a passion for someone else.

[Ashtanga 0]

I would probably wait until you get out of school and when you have a job and can support yourself and your hobbies start AFF. Skydiving is an expensive sport. Your parents are right. If you can pay for skydiving you can pay for school instead.

Personally I love the sport but it is not the most important thing in my life. I used to think it was but I learned differently. If you want the story PM me. Health, Friends and Family are more important.

[Thanatos340 1]

Quote

how did you guys handle your parents when you started skydiving?

That was Easy..

First I paid my own way through College by working two and 3 Jobs at a time while going to school fulltime. Then AFTER I got out College and got a Stable income, I then paid for my hobbies.

You parents have a VERY valid point. You should listen to them. They are supporting you, You must live by their rules.
When you are supporting yourself (And that means NOT getting Any money from them for College or anything else) then you make your own rules.

After your 18th Birthday, Your Parents Dont owe you anything. If they are paying your way through College.. You owe them quite a Bit.

[lisamariewillbe 1]

wow we kinda for once agree on something,

however I still say get student loans , keep the job you have and jump... yes the sky will be there tomorrow but you may not be.

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[FallingAngel 0]

I agree with what most other people said. If skydiving is something you really love, keep talking to your parents about it and get a job to support it. If they're still really against it, either wait to jump until after school (which sounds hard) or take out student loans (which I'd try and avoid). But over all, I'd recommend waiting until you're financially able to get all your training and stay current.

As for my parents, I was (am) very lucky. My dad's been jumping since I was little and I made my first jump in highschool, my parents even helped pay for my skydiving for a while (in the form of birthday, Christmas, and graduation presents, but really really nice). I happen to share the same passion as my father, so I'm not lacking support. By the time I started jumping, my mom had gotten over any fears or issues she had with skydiving.

[skybytch 259]

Sorry if this sounds harsh but... I agree with your mom. If your parents are paying for you to go to school, they do have some say in how you spend money - even if it's money you've earned.

Skydiving will still be here after you graduate and get a real job.

[airgirl24 0]

i totally hear you on this one. and believe me, i have friends who are still paying their college life off...10 yrs later.

they paid for my sisters full 4 years..and she only had like 2 grand to pay off total.

so i know what its like to scarifice for your children, i watched them do it once, and im watching them do it again.

im just more or less dissapointed that they arnt recognizing my gratitude...and arnt offering their support. they know that i know what i have to get done while im at school....im not stupid, i know what priorites are..but its like they arnt recognizing how well they raised me.


oh well....it will work out..it always does

they may have given me life but skydiving gives me breath
..katie..
http://community.webshots.com/user/goalie85

[lisamariewillbe 1]

Someone mentioned earlier about getting skydiving as gifts for things bdays and holidays, once your through aff that seems a easy way to stay current, yea you wont be jumping 20 times a month, but as long as you stay current...

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[Ron 7]

Quote

ok fine, i realize that they are working their asses off so that i wont have any loans to pay off when i graduate...but how do i explain that im not trying to be ruthless and selfish?...

You are being selfish.

Your parents are paying for your school. They have the right to not have you blow money on an activity that is not towards that goal.

Options? (Your not going to like them):

1. Cut the purse strings and pay your own way through school.

2. Suck it up and finish school. Realize that your parents ARE supporting you. They are trying to set you up for LIFE, not some stupid hobby. Once you get out of school without any loans (thank your parents). Get a job and make your own money and you can do anything you want with it.

Skydiving is expensive. If you can't afford it, don't do it.

And really don't think your parents are not being supportive of you casue you want to do something expensive WHILE THEY PAY YOUR WAY THROUGH SCHOOL.

Quote

how did you guys handle your parents when you started skydiving?

I had my own money. I bought gear and then told them whay I was doing. It had been YEARS since I had accepted a DIME from them.

If they were paying for my life, they get a say in how I live it.

"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." -- Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson Papers, 334

[lisamariewillbe 1]

So does that mean she has to ask her parents for everything she does now? Should she get their approval for food shopping? What if she goes to just ramon noodles and water? That alone can save her 300 a month... Should she ask them before she goes to a movie? Or goes out and gets drunk???

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[mailin 0]

huh?

I thought we were talking about skydiving here... I know Ron was...



Jen

Arianna Frances

[jumpchikk 0]

My dad paid for part of my college and I paid for the other half. Even when I was married (while in college), my dad still had a partial claim in what I could and couldn't do.

I've always wanted to skydive. I made a deal with my dad that I would graduate college before jumping. I graduated, got my first teaching job and the following summer, I did my first tandem.

My parents now are still freaked out that I jump. My mom more so than my dad. But, my mom understands why I do it. I honestly have the coolest mom in the world.

Get your butt outta college (this will be more of an incentive), get your career going and then go jump!
Make sure you have health insurance too.

[lisamariewillbe 1]

It had alot to do with the thread read the whole thing. Yes parents if still supporting you have a partial say in things but which one of us went through those years of college following parental orders? How many of your parents gave you money because you spent all yours on beer and partying or on other things. She is replacing that with skydiving. You all make it sound as if she should live her life by their wishes just because they are helping her with college.

Just because the sky will be there tomorrow doesnt mean she will be.

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[Mostly_Harmless 0]

Just like you I am lucky to have my parents paying for my school. It is going to be a very nice thing not to have to pay loans when I get out of school. As for paying for skydiving: I happen to land a very sweet job while I was at school (teacher got me it). It not only pays well but it is also in the field of what I am studying. Last year I did two tandems (one with my mother) and really enjoyed skydiving. I spent the entire winter putting aside money for skydiving. I made sure that I had enough money to do it and also enough money in case something happen to my job. I informed my parents that I would be saving for skydiving and that it wouldn't interfer with other money obligations (I make payments on my car, cell phone, and insurance). What I thought I was going to spend on skydiving was nothing compared to what was actually spent. Remember not only do you have AFF to pay for but you also have to pay for renting gear and evenually getting your own stuff. I think I have spend maybe $7000 in skydiving this year (including a used rig). The biggest thing I do is to make sure that I thank my parents for putting me through school. They may not like skydiving but they sure do enjoy the smile I have on my face at the end of a jumping day (which I guess is a funny way to support me). If you can get yourself a job and pay for it yourself. Also tell them that you want to commit to this and maybe even give your parents some money each weel/month to show them that you really do care (it doesn't have to be much). In the end listen to all the people who have posted already, they are the ones with experience.

_________________________________________
www.myspace.com/termvelocity

[mnealtx 0]

Let's not go TOO far with the hyperbole, ok?

I'd say there's a big difference between going to the occasional movie or a night out with the girls, and a hobby that will cost her several thousand for training, and several thousand more for gear.

If her parents were paying only tuition, and she was paying for room/board, I would say "live cheap and go for it". If her parents are giving her a 'full ride', then yes, it *IS* selfish for her to use that money for skydiving.

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[lisamariewillbe 1]

her parents arent giving her a full ride, she pays all her own bills, she works 40 hours a week and she pays for partial school. She should if she wants put her extra money where she wants...

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[skybytch 259]

Quote

So does that mean she has to ask her parents for everything she does now? Should she get their approval for food shopping? What if she goes to just ramon noodles and water? That alone can save her 300 a month... Should she ask them before she goes to a movie? Or goes out and gets drunk???

She should follow whatever rules her parents have decided are appropriate, or cut the apron strings and then feel free to make her own decisions.

I'd be curious to know what fun things the parents are not getting to do because they are spending their money on their kid's college bills instead of on themselves.

[lisamariewillbe 1]

she has tried to get loans they wont allow it... She has pm'd me and she just did not express things as well in her first post. Shes new on the forems, I want to know how many of us listened to everything our parents told us? How many of us used money for stupid things in college? Her parents dont support skydiving... the money is the underlying issue that manifest to help them plead their case to keep her on the ground. However she pays for most everything including saving for grad school and they will not allow her to get loans.

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this