I need a Christmas Miracle.

[Michele 1]

My father is very sick. About a week or so ago, he went to his Dr., thinking it was just the flu or a cold or an upper respiratory infection. He underwent many tests, including a CAT scan. While he has, in the past, had cancer (and a bad case of that, too...he beat it back...), the concern was that his lymphoma had come back in his lungs this time.

It's not cancer. It's emphysema.

My father is not a smoker, and does not have the gene defiency which occasionally causes emphysema. My father is 83, and he is well down the road of this illness. He can't breathe deeply, he coughs terrifyingly, and is exceedingly pale; his beard, grey and tan, matches his skin. Furthermore, he's been cold for a while; can't warm up at all, according to him. I had lunch with him about 10 days ago, and his hands were so cold I couldn't believe it.

For the first time, my father brought me the news somberly. If you knew my Dad, you'd realize that most of the time, he's laughing, joking, playing around. He has a finely honed sense of humor, and is still working (just committed to another play; a part he has been wanting to do for several decades; according to him, he's old enough now to do it justice...).

In this last year, my father has fallen several times, breaking bones. His ribs late last year, his hip and ribs again in May this year, and his ribs again in late September, all from falls. He wouldn't go get a neurological work up because, as he says, he's calm and not nervous at all. His sense of humor, you know? But he didn't go in, even after all those falls, to see if something was intrinsically wrong. It's been a rough year for him. A really rough year.

This time, I can see something's really, really wrong. He will be seeing a specialist later this week; they're talking about surgery, although I don't know what kind. I am trying to be hopeful, but the illness itself is scary, and because he's not a young man, it's worse. And the complications of it are even scarier; congestive heart failure, complications from influenza and/or pneumonia, et cetera.

Most people are diagnosed when they are 50-60. Males have a higher rate, both of infection, and morbitiy. And emphysema is the 4th leading cause of death in the US. I've been reading a lot this afternoon about this illness, and it's not a pretty thing at all.

And it doesn't look good...

I'm drinking myself stupid tonight, because I feel like I'm going to blow apart at the seams. My father and I have not always had the best relationship; both of us, when younger, had tempers the likes of which were rare. He and I worked hard, very hard, to develop our relationship into what it is now: a loving, caring, respectful, fun, cherished friendship. I call him one of my three best friends, my brother and my best friend being the other two.

I am angry at something, I am terrified, and all I've ever asked God for was a peaceful, quiet, gentle passing for my gentle father. And I'm scared this won't be peaceful. (And of course, his death may not happen right now, either...but still, this is how I feel right now.) I heard him coughing this afternoon, and it physically hurt me to hear it.

I don't know what will happen if (when) he passes. That's my father. My hero, my mentor, my best friend, my Pop. That man has been in my corner since I was born, despite whatever hoorah I got up to, or whatever trouble I've had. He's always been there, loving me, guiding me; a rock for me to hold on to when my life got too tough. And he's always been there to go with me for lunch just because, or to run out to dinner on the coast just because. I am so scared that our "just because" times are over, and that he won't be here this time next year.

Dad and I are flying to my brother's for Christmas. We are not sure he can handle the flight, primarily because of the plane's pressurization. He will be talking to his specialist this week, so we'll know something for sure soon. But still...sitting with the possibilities of all of this has made my head spin. I know that the Dr. will have the best information, but that doesn't stop me from thinking about, and considering, the death of the most important man in my world.

I need a Christmas Miracle. I really, really need one...

My father is so very, very sick...and I'm terrified.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[LuvToFly 0]

Michele,

You've asked for a Christmas miracle, and yet I saw that miracle in the midst of your post.

I know so many people that did not get along with their parents growing up - people that now live in terrible regret that they never patched things up prior to their parent passing on.

But not so with you. It's clear that you and your father have cherished times to hold onto. And in the world of unforgiveness that could have been yours, there is, without doubt, a Christmas miracle in that.

We would all like to keep those we care about around forever because of the cherished time, but the most we can really do is to show love and caring while they are here - and it sounds like you have done just that.

It may not be the miracle you asked for, but it is probably the one means the most in the long run.

Will keep your father in prayer.

TOM

"The helicopter approaches closer than any other to fulfillment
of mankind's ancient dreams of a magic carpet" - Igor Sikorsky

[weegegirl 2]

You have NO idea how much I relate to your post. I am so sorry for your situation. My suggestions to you are to spend as much time as you can with him, even just sitting there and holding his hand. Be strong, for him and yourself. Pray lots, there is much comfort there. And keep the faith. Hang in there. I will keep him in my thoughts and prayers.

[ladyskydiver 0]

My best wishes to your dad. Hope he receives a Christmas miracle.

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[Deuce 1]

I'm sorry Michele.

I've prayed for you and your dad. That's all I got.

[freefalle 0]

You and your father are in my prayers Michele. Be blessed.

[cocheese 0]

One miracle coming up. Insurance may not cover miracles, but we do. You'll see. And one for you too Weegirl.

[waltappel 1]

Michele,

It is not you who needs the miracle, it is your father. After reading your post, I think it's safe to say that he has one--you.

Walt

[skydiverbry 0]

Lost my aunt to the disease but it was very progressd. You're Dad I feeel in my heart WILL get pass this. Many prayers from me and my family GOD BLESS Bryan

--------------------------------------------------
Growing old is mandatory.Growing up is optional!!

D.S.#13(Dudeist Skdiver)

[micro 0]

tell your Pops we're all over the prayer thing here in TN... give him a great big hug from your Nashville family.

michele, i'm so sorry for this news. i wish i could hop out there on a plane and be with you. stay strong, as best you can. make sure Len knows how much you love him.

btw... shouldn't you praying for a Hanukkah miracle?

love you.

I miss Lee.
And JP.
And Chris. And...

[RkyMtnHigh 0]

You've always been eloquent with your posts..and writing. You are definitely gifted and your heart has been amazing as long as I've known you thru here. This particular post of yours brought tears to my eyes for several reasons.
Michele, you have a loving, caring, unconditionally supportive family here to help you get through this tough time. I admire your inner strength. Just know that you are loved and that so many of us are here for you.

_________________________________________

[legalart 0]

Your Pop chose you for your smile, a smile you still share with all of us who know you.

He taught you to love, he taught you to care for others, he taught you to battle the endless bullshit we face day-to-day.

I hope he will be ok. I know he loves you dearly.

Do you think he could ever be more proud of his daughter than for what she did this year? I think not.

Love and Hugs
Rick

[Michele 1]

you guys are sweet, and it is dear to me that you all are here for me. I've received all the pm's but haven't responded just yet; forgive me that. I just can't concentrate. I couldn't even get a buzz going, which is just as well I suppose.

It's going to be a hard few days until Dad sees the specialist.

Thanks for all the wishes and the prayers, both for my Dad and for me. I've got to find a way through this, and be there for him...and you guys have helped.

This whole thing just sucks.

I'm going to go to bed; I doubt I'll sleep, but I'm going to lay down nonetheless. I wonder if I'll ever sleep again?

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[VisionAir 0]

Prayers sent

Huh?!? What cloud?!? Oh that!!! That's just Industrial Haze
Alex M.

[Billy 0]

Prayers for your whole family sweety!

Geeze I'm a wuss, and a Dad, with a daughter. Be sure to tell your father what your feeling.

A Big ol Daddy HUG for you and pray you have a wonderful Christmas

Natural Born FlyerZ.com

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

Michele,

I so can totally relate. My thoughts and prayers are with you. May you find a certain peace amoungst this stressful situation.

(((((HUGE HUG)))))

Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[wmw999 2,334]

If your dad can't take the plane ride (and even maybe if he can), take the train or a car, in slow easy stages, staying in nice places. Take the time off work.

You'll have the trip of a lifetime for both of you.

I wish you and your dad the best, Michele.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[j0nes 0]

I'm very sorry to hear about your father's condition. My grandfather had severe emphysema as well. It was really rough watching the guy that used to throw me around in the pool as a child get winded shuffling 25 feet to the bathroom. As morbid and crappy as this sounds, make the most of the time with him now because it will only get worse from here.

[EMSchick98 0]

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!

"me you alcohol a rig a car and a bunch of planes what could posibly go wrong" - Pruitt

[hooked 0]

Dear, Dear Michele, all my prayers are for you and your Father. I know how hard it is when the 'man in your life' (father) is ill. I lost my father years ago to cancer, to watch him suffer was the hardest thing to bear. Your father's miracle is you, hon. I wish I was there to give you a loving hug, but know my 'cyber hug' is there with you and your father. If your father can't fly, see if he can get there comfortably by other means.

Hugs and love, Jan

--------------------------------------
Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings.

[eph1eleven 0]

in all seriousness, your father is 83, has had cancer, and currently has emphezema...

this leads me to believe you are anywhere from 30-60 years old yourself...

which is a grown, functioning adult...

it hurts, but we all die, it is the only guaruteed thing in the world...

make the most of what you have now, and come to peace with these facts, together.

live each day as if it were your last...fly free

[swedishcelt 0]

I can relate to your post as well Michele. I'm sorry you have to go through this too. Be your strong caring self and keep faith. I'll keep you, your family & him in my thoughts and prayers.

[skybytch 259]

Quote

It's emphysema.

My grandmother had emphysema. For the last 5 or so years of her life she carried around an oxygen bottle every place she went, and could never be far from her nebulizer (a machine that delivers medication that helped her breathe easier).

Emphysema is NOT what she died from (neither was the lung cancer that she beat back a few years before she died). She died when she was ready to, peacefully, with her daughters at her side as she and they had wanted.

Do not assume this is a death sentence. Do not assume that he will continue to be as sick as he is now after seeing the specialist and starting on the medications. Yes, his quality of life will suffer, but he's a strong man. He will deal with what adjustments must be made.

Quote

But still...sitting with the possibilities of all of this has made my head spin.

When you've spent enough time considering the negative possibilities, please take an equal or greater amount of time to consider the positives. Sit for awhile with the possibility that it's not as bad as the internet might make you think, the possibility that he will continue to live a full life for many more years in spite of the disease, the possibility that when it's time he will leave this world in the quiet, peaceful way you are hoping for. The power of positive thinking isn't just the name of a book.

Hang in there. You are both in my thoughts.

[Salsa_John 0]

I hope you get your miracle.

In the mean time, I send prayers and vibes your way.

Blues,

John

"You did what?!?!"

MUFF #3722, TDSM #72, Orfun #26, Nachos Rodriguez

[skydaug 0]

I have had the chance to meet this man Michele speaks about 24 years ago durring the teenage years she speaks of. He treated me nice even though i was dating his daughter. He is truly a gentle man, at least he was to me.

Michele, I pray that you wiil feel confort that he loves you today as much as he has in the past. I know where your love stands and how strong it is for your family.

I pray for his confort and hopefully his healing.

Hugs
John