The Penis vs The Management

[ladyskydiver 0]

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends off or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Sincerely,
The Penis

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You'll retire well before reaching 65
You're unable to work double shifts
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[sartre 0]

[d_squared431 0]

TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1
I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH
You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly

[eeneR 1]

Bwahahahaa OHMIGOD!!!

That is good

She is not a "Dumb Blonde" - She is a "Light-Haired Detour Off The Information Superhighway."
eeneR
TF#72, FB#4130, Incauto

[ladydyver 0]

That is hilarious.....ROFLMAO........

DPH # 2
"I am not sure what you are suppose to do with that, but I don't think it is suppose to flop around like that." ~Skootz~
I have a strong regard for the rules.......doc!

[SpeedRacer 1]

Mine is currently unemployed, but I make sure to give it career training on a regular basis.

Speed Racer
--------------------------------------------------

[freeflir29 0]

Quote

You're unable to work double shifts

Mine is often praised for working double and even triple shifts when properly motivated.

[kallend 1,635]

Quote

IYou do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working

You'll retire well before reaching 65

You're unable to work double shifts

You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work.

All untrue.

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[Bolas 5]

ROFL

So this much be the "substantial penalty for early withdrawal"

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[lawrocket 3]

Dear Management:

I would like you to reconsider the denial on the basis of the following information that I believe that you failed to take into consideration:

"You do not work 8 hours straight" - I used to and probably could, but you complain after only 20 minutes.

"You fall asleep on the job after brief work period" - See above. This is pursuant to your demands.

"You do not always follow the orders of the management team" - Wrong. I stand at attention whenever the "team" wants me to, and often even when the "team" does not request.

"You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas" - this is due to infighting among the management "team members." Perhaps communications between the vulva, mouth, breasts, etc., would ensure equal access. I can only be in one place at a time, though my friends Mouth and Fingers are willing to do as they are told.

"You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working" - actually, I spend 90 percent of my day pressuring the "management team" into utilizing me. This is not my fault.

"You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift" - Not if the management would do what I ask.

"You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing" - perhaps if the management team would seek the proper medical attention, this would not be an issue.

"You'll retire well before reaching 65" - not if I am put to work. There are plenty of other management teams who have requested my service.

"You're unable to work double shifts" - Oh, I AM able. You won't schedule me for them.

"You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work." - invaiably, this is because management has informed me that supplies have "dried up."

"And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags." - Unfair. I never take the bags in the workplace with me. In fact, sometimes you direct more attention to them than me, though I will never complain about that.

Kindly reconsider...

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[soulshine 0]

I have a new hero.

Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity!
~DEVIOUS BEEF~~FGF #69~

[ACMESkydiver 0]

Leave it to lawrocket...

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[lawrocket 3]

Of course, "the management team" finds this to be funny in an abstract kind of way, as to the "management team" this makes light of the situation.

We men, of course, find this funny because of the way it sheds light on the situation.

Dudes know what I mean.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[ladyskydiver 0]

Great response! What's funny is that my mom sent the original in an email. She's currently got a tummy ache from laughing at your response.

Hugs!

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[swedishcelt 0]

Bravo.

[kbordson 8]

Dear Penis,

With the employment at will doctine, it is wise to remember that your work hours might be terminated without notice.

Our decision to reconsider or not the option of promotion may depend on whether a contract is proposed.

Management

[Bolas 5]

Dear Management,

Perhaps some shortcomings are due to management's decisions regarding additional training/support

* Management does not always share the vital information necessary for optimum performance

* Instructructional and demonstrational videos have been requested to augment performance and been denied

* Performance recordings to be reviewed later have also been denied

* Requests of change of uniform are usually only heeded 2-3 times a year and only temporarilly

* Requests for additional simultaneous managers have been denied so harshly that termination has been threatened if brought up again.

If some or all of the above items are addressed increased performance is all but guaranteed.

Sincerely,
The Penis


Send that to your mom.

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[lawrocket 3]

Quote

With the employment at will doctine, it is wise to remember that your work hours might be terminated without notice.

Dear Management:

It has always been understood that my work depends greatly upon your wilingness to provide me work to do. Indeed, my employment is "at will" but my main concern is with my work hours.

When I first started working for you, I was fairly well-versed in the job duties, and after only a few times of figuring out the particulars of working for you (each "management team" has different needs and works a different way) you often complimented me for my great performance.

Unfortunately, what was once steady work has become increasingly rare. When I inquired whether this was my fault, you told me that, no, you were extremely happy with my performance, but the demand is just not there.

Whereas I was fully employed, I am now in the position of begging for whatever work I can get from you, the management. You have, of course, kept me busy, but in a position for which I have no training or natural aptitude - "the listener." I never intended to be in management, to be tasked with solving problems. I am good for one thing, that's all.

Quote

Our decision to reconsider or not the option of promotion may depend on whether a contract is proposed.

I don't want a promotion. I'd rather maintain the same level of work for the same pay. But since you've got me listeing, which is a "management" job, my pay should be commensurate.

I want no desk position. I only want a "desk position" more than once every two months...

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[ACMESkydiver 0]

Quote

"You'll retire well before reaching 65" - not if I am put to work. There are plenty of other management teams who have requested my service.

Penis: Kindly read over your contract again, specifically, section 2, para 'b', under 'Marriage Certificate', which outlines our no-compete clause. Any engagment by you in 'moonlighting' activities is grounds for immediate termination, regardless of the amount of work available from management.

Should you need to explore your career options with management team further, we would be happy to refer you to personnel. The personnel office is located off of 2nd Ave, on the corner of 2nd and Pine. Please enter in the side door, the one clearly marked 'I get Good Vibes at Suzy's House of Fun' in neon pink. Personnel will be able to help you with additional equipment that may be necessary to maintain your current position with management.

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[kbordson 8]

Dear Penis:

It seems that you neglected to comment on the possibility to transition from an "at will" doctrine of employment to a contract negotiation. Management feels that if a contract is decided on, then there would be many more job duties forthcoming in the future. Even added bonus days of overtime duties that would coinside with the contract signing date.

Your desire to remain at service performance is noted and with your excellent service history it seems reasonable to allow further training in that field of expertice. Efforts will be made to allow you to continue your education. Please convey to management what instructional or demonstrational equiptment you might need and it will be arranged.

Further note that the demand for jobs is present and management does appreciate your enthusiasm and input. Additionally a "desk position" can be quite rewarding.

Management