ACMESkydiver 0 #51 November 9, 2007 Quote Quote If I was single without kids I wouldn't date a guy with kids. He either knocked someone up or divorced someone. Either way, that means (to me) that he either sucks at relationships, or is a terrible judge of character and if I were single, no kids, looking to date someone neither of those situations is attractive at all. The only acception I'd make would be a widower. I know there are a lot of divorcees here with kids. I'm not bashing anyone, just saying that's how I would see it from a dating perspective, so I can understand a man not wanting to date a woman with kids. I don't fall into either of those groups... yes Im a mom, with 3 amazing kids. I don't look at men who have kids like that because I know there are many many reasons why marriages fail... mine, we had no business being together to begin with, but a night of passion made our daughter and we tried to do what we thought was the best thing and had 2 boys in that process. The guy Im seeing is also a great guy and divorced... I dont look at divorcee's as being flawed goods, just that they like many other people misjudged when they thought they were marrying the right person... By your own admission, yes you do. I'm glad you have a positive outlook on your dating. Glad you separated from your hubby on good terms. I think it's funny that anyone on here cares about trying to change my opinion when it won't affect my life or anyone else's anyways! For the record, "I hope all divorcees find the right person and live long, happy lives married to them with or without kids." WTH...this is exactly why I stopped bothering with this damn website. Bonfire is becoming as pointless as SC. Worthless, time-wasting arguments every time... I'm posting the fitness thread and that's it.~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mamajumps 0 #52 November 9, 2007 Quote We all make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes make our lives so much better. VERY VERY well said J! Bravo.... and thank you! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
guppie01 0 #53 November 9, 2007 Flipping sides (and personal experience) here.... I am divorced, no kids - started dating a divorced guy with a teenage boy. FEARS galore... Understanding that the child comes first - that means what if the kid doesn't like me, then the relationship is doomed to fail. Understanding that if the relationship progresses what is my role with the child. I am not the parent; I do not have rights to discipline, or give parenting advice. Boundaries are very tough here.... Having to give up freedom to make sure that both the parent and the child are getting everything they need vs. just being able to enjoy the relationship. Oh, and did you notice the TEENAGER part - peer pressure, hormones - WHOA factor! Don't get me wrong - I LOVE KIDS - have always wanted kids, but when they are not yours it's a very delicate situation. If people (regardless of gender) get into a relationship (dating / serious) the primary focus is enjoying each other. The additional "Child" factor tosses a great deal of stress and strain thus the focus is not there. If you are lucky enough to find someone with patience, understanding, and the ability to communicate their fears/stress you're golden!!!! If someone is not than you're better off waiting. Good luck sweetie!!! g "Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?" Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU OMG, is she okay? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RALFFERS 0 #54 November 9, 2007 Well, it looks like a variety of opinions have been voiced (as expected - this is after all dz.com.) So, I guess you'll have to go with what you agree with. The fact of the matter is there is nothing wrong with wanting to date a mom, or not wanting to; it's a case of preference, nothing more, nothing less. Furthermore, in objecting to date a women with kids, all-be-it by saying it outright, or being "weird" a guy may be simply saying "I'm not ready for kids." The only thing that baffles me is the fact that the person you're currently seeing has a kid or kids of his own and is funny about you having kids... Personally, I don't mind dating with kids, in fact i almost prefer to for the reasons Twardo stated (that and I simply love kids). However, that backfired on me once, and i don't know if I could deal with the emotional toll that took on me. The short story is I met this girl that had a five year-old; at first it was great, not only did her and I get along, but Kacper loved me to death and vice versa. I loved that boy as if he was my own son and truly wanted too be involved in both their lives. Nonetheless, it didn't work out, and from what I hear, she has changed drastivally for the worse since our break-up. I feel really bad for the kid Dialogue/commentary between Divot, Twardo & myself - "from your first Oshkosh when the three of us were riding to or from one of Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DJL 232 #55 November 9, 2007 Quoteintensive purposes Sorry, gotta correct that one. The phrase is "intents and purposes". What would "intensive purposes" be anyway? Source"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shotgun 1 #56 November 9, 2007 QuoteIf I was single without kids I wouldn't date a guy with kids. He either knocked someone up or divorced someone. If a guy is single without kids, that doesn't mean that he hasn't knocked someone up. You're just less likely to know about it if he has. And getting to know someone is probably a better way to judge their character, rather than making broad assumptions about everyone who is single with kids. (IMO) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kbordson 8 #57 November 9, 2007 Firstly - Lets not just make this about how men respond to dating someone with children... but include when either in the pair might have a child. I think it takes compassion and maturity to acknowledge that a potential partner had a life prior to your appearance on the scene; That there's more to a person than just the hot bod or the attention that you might be blessed with while with him/her; That there is more to a relationship than sex. It takes understanding to want to KNOW who the person truly is... not just the fantasy of the person that you have in your mind. The fact that the person that you are thinking about dating has a child shouldn't influence how you feel about the person as an individual. BUT it might it change whether you want to have a long term relationship... which should be UNDERSTANDABLE! Some people want children. Others don't. And even if your children are perfect . . . (which most arent). . . it still takes a LOT of work. I dated a man with a young child (2yrs old)... and (for the most part) truly appreciated the honor of being able to influence his growth and development... and feel pride in now seeing the 22 year old man that he has become. There was times that it was HARD! Having a seven year old tell you "I wish you would die!" or a 13year old rebel with the "You're not my mom" and the conflict with his mother.... I could have done without those issues... but you have to be willing to take those bad times, those hits to the ego, those "problems." It's WAY more of an investment with the other person has a child. The decision to stay in that relationship changes when you're thinking about not just you... but also how the young one might feel the loss. Some people don't have that to give. Don't fault them for that... thank them for at least acknowledging it... and not just seeing you as a MILF and a quick affair... which will just be hard on you and your children. -and for the record... Goats have "kids"... lil Mart was a child, a young sir and a "wonderful man" (as I recently heard from one of the girls that he's dating.... which I was proud to hear... but thought it SO WRONG! No!!! He's lil Mart... not a "man") But not a "kid" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpoutnow 0 #58 November 9, 2007 Damn Jay, I heard Pamela Anderson wanted to hang with you. But, she's too old & with kids. Oh well, she'll just have to hang with me. I think she has a nice a nice money maker and apparently it works. Shake that groove thang People are crazy. Cuz there's more of 'em. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladydyver 0 #59 November 9, 2007 Quote Quote Because my penis is only average size. Blues, Dave OMG U jack ass I just got that... that was so not funny and if you werent one of Turtle's friends I would have taken that the wrong way....Besides most moms do Keegals (including me) and thus we can accomodate for YOUR lack of endowment.... Kegals are a girls best friend....and a guys! Could you imagine the trouble that Dave and Turtle would stir up if they were out prowling.....all I have to say is thank god for muttley!....and Dave your lucky to have emersonDPH # 2 "I am not sure what you are suppose to do with that, but I don't think it is suppose to flop around like that." ~Skootz~ I have a strong regard for the rules.......doc! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladydyver 0 #60 November 9, 2007 Quote Flipping sides (and personal experience) here.... I am divorced, no kids - started dating a divorced guy with a teenage boy. FEARS galore... Understanding that the child comes first - that means what if the kid doesn't like me, then the relationship is doomed to fail. Understanding that if the relationship progresses what is my role with the child. I am not the parent; I do not have rights to discipline, or give parenting advice. Boundaries are very tough here.... Having to give up freedom to make sure that both the parent and the child are getting everything they need vs. just being able to enjoy the relationship. Oh, and did you notice the TEENAGER part - peer pressure, hormones - WHOA factor! Don't get me wrong - I LOVE KIDS - have always wanted kids, but when they are not yours it's a very delicate situation. If people (regardless of gender) get into a relationship (dating / serious) the primary focus is enjoying each other. The additional "Child" factor tosses a great deal of stress and strain thus the focus is not there. If you are lucky enough to find someone with patience, understanding, and the ability to communicate their fears/stress you're golden!!!! If someone is not than you're better off waiting. Good luck sweetie!!! g Oh my gosh g....you crack me up!!!!! Teens definitely can put things in a tail spin.....I have two in that age group and they definitely add color to our lives. Doc's kids are older but still add color as well. Time to catch up again. Feb is too far away. I will give you a call on a good wine night and we can gab againDPH # 2 "I am not sure what you are suppose to do with that, but I don't think it is suppose to flop around like that." ~Skootz~ I have a strong regard for the rules.......doc! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
point_code 0 #61 November 10, 2007 I was a single parent with a "crumb snacher" of my own. He lives with me full time. I actually found it much easier to date women who had children of their own. There is a whole different set of responsibilities and circumstances that come with custodial single parenthood that may be understood by non-parents, but never fully appreciated. If a single guy wants to run simply because you have children then let him go, it wouldn't have been worth the trouble anyhow and he's probably mature enough to recognize that he's not ready to have kiddo's in his life. Sooner or later you'll run across somebody who truly understands the challenges you have raising children, and the hurdles they can bring to an adult relationship. When you do, it will be worth the wait. Good Luck ma'am Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
misskriss 0 #62 November 10, 2007 I think men close to your age who may have been through a divorce and have children themselves are more open to it. They've been through it and understand as they are in the same boat. I had three children when I met my now husband. Yes, he married me even though I had kids. Upon reading this thread I asked him why he would want to marry me when there are so many women without children. He told me because he fell in love with me and not all of those other women. You don't have to wait until your children are grown to find love again. There are some good ones out there and they won't see your children as baggage but as added enrichment to their lives. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cocheese 0 #63 November 10, 2007 Kids, cats, or country, Umm I gotta go. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shell666 0 #64 November 10, 2007 Quote It's baggage. Why date someone with kids when there are tons of other women who don't have kids that you have to deal with? Are children "baggage"? To me, "baggage" is a derogatory term that men and women use when they're saying that someone has some "issue" that they can't deal with. I don't think children fall into that category. You take your chances in any relationship. Ain't life fun. 'Shell Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #65 November 10, 2007 Quote Kegals are a girls best friend....and a guys! Could you imagine the trouble that Dave and Turtle would stir up if they were out prowling.....all I have to say is thank god for muttley!....and Dave your lucky to have emerson I'm not sure what this means. I think it is almost a backhanded compliment - can you elaborate for those of us that are slow of brain?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peregrinerose 0 #66 November 10, 2007 Baggage is anything that a person brings to a relationship that impacts their partner and the relationship. It isn't derogatory. Everybody has baggage. In-laws, kids, childhood issues, health concerns, pets, debt, all are baggage. Some people just have a carry on, other's need a cart to lug their baggage along, but we all have something. Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #67 November 10, 2007 Some people just have a carry on, other's need a cart to lug their baggage along, but we all have something. Quote Well put! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
