Bolas 5 #1 November 27, 2007 When you discuss an issue/problem with a good friend or S.O. what kind of response do you prefer?Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #2 November 27, 2007 Depends. Women have a tendency to want to talk through their own thoughts with a friend or SO. It doesn't mean they want help. It means they're trying to get things straight in their own head. When they're doing this, it's generally good to just sympathize. I try to recognize when I'm just venting and say so, and make it clear that I don't want help solving the problem. Generally when I want help fixing something (I've already thought it through or talked it through and have decided on a course of action I want an opinion on, or have decided that I don't know what to do and want help), I'll ask specifically "what would you do?" So, I guess what I'd want a friend or SO to do would depend on the reason I'm talking about the problem. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kbordson 8 #3 November 27, 2007 QuoteWhen you discuss an issue/problem with a good friend or S.O. what kind of response do you prefer? Depends on if you're "discussing" or "venting" or "asking." Typically I would want the truth, but sometimes I do know the truth and just want someone to listen. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CSpenceFLY 1 #4 November 27, 2007 Where is the Sympathy Sex option. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
monkycndo 0 #5 November 27, 2007 When I go to my SO, I am looking for an opinion, not a sounding board. When someone came to me, it was my nature to try and help them fix what their issue was. That wasn't what they were always looking for. I have since learned to listen and then ask if they could use an opinion, without saying my idea is correct.50 donations so far. Give it a try. You know you want to spank it Jump an Infinity Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NtheSeaOrSky 0 #6 November 27, 2007 I want the truth - what they really think, but I ask prepared for the possibility I may not like what I hear. They in turn know that they can tell me whatever it is without a dramatic mess.Life is not fair and there are no guarantees... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #7 November 27, 2007 Quote When I go to my SO, I am looking for an opinion, not a sounding board. Ditto. I want opinions, advice, suggestions when I talk to good friends/S.O.'s. If I'm being a stupid or a dumbass, I want people to tell me. Quote When someone came to me, it was my nature to try and help them fix what their issue was. That wasn't what they were always looking for. I have since learned to listen and then ask if they could use an opinion, without saying my idea is correct. You see, I don't think that's fair to the other person. If you don't want their help why bother them with the problem and make them worry as well? They of course are free to do what they choose, but I feel they should at least hear you out for listening to them. If someone doesn't want any feedback, they should talk to someone completely impartial or a pet. Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #8 November 27, 2007 I would not ask somtones opinion unless i wanted it. Seems pretty pointless to do otherwiseYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #9 November 27, 2007 Quote If someone doesn't want any feedback, they should talk to someone completely impartial or a pet. My cats won't even listen when I tell them to get off the counters - how can I expect them to listen when I have a real problem? (However, there is something to be said for "kitten purring in lap" therapy when all you want to do is mope and not talk to anyone). There's feedback, and there's problem solving. When it comes to serious issues/problems, I try to be up front about what I want. "Here's my problem ... I just want to vent." [Listen, comfort, sympathize. If you're confused, ask what you can do to help. If I get to the point of problem-solving myself, by all means, chime in.] "Here's my problem and here's what I'm thinking of doing ... does that make sense?" [Provide your honest opinion on my solution, chances are you can poke holes in my idea. Ask if I want an alternative idea. If so, provide it.] "Here's my problem. What the hell should I do?" [Generally this means I have no idea what to do (or I haven't fully formulated my ideas) and I want some ideas. Give me options. Say "If I were you, I'd do this."]"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hausse 0 #10 November 27, 2007 I go along with most men. If I ask I want an honest opinion. Otherwise I wouldnt's ask. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #11 November 27, 2007 Tells you what they think is clearly in the lead. I wonder if this would differ if posted in the women's forum.Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skinnyshrek 0 #12 November 27, 2007 QuoteTells you what they think is clearly in the lead. I wonder if this would differ if posted in the women's forum. Ok Bolas, you know me, whats your fucking problem. You want an honest answer you will get one. Fire awayhttp://www.skydivethefarm.com do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shell666 0 #13 November 27, 2007 QuoteWhen you discuss an issue/problem with a good friend or S.O. what kind of response do you prefer? Tell me what you think. When I have an issue with something, I don't "sugar coat" things. If I have a problem, chances are my conversation starts with something along the lines of .... "I cannot BELIEVE this is happening" or "I am SO frustrated with". That pretty much leaves it open to a comment or suggestion. Then again, I don't go looking for the "fluffy" reply, nor do I want one. For me, even if I "think" I'm just venting, the comments and suggestions are what I'm really looking for. Thankfully, my friends know this. If you don't want a comment or suggestion, keep it to yourself. That's the only way you'll guarantee you don't hear what you should, or shouldn't.'Shell Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sartre 0 #14 November 27, 2007 I've an idea my dear. How about, you find out from whatever person you're being the shoulder for, what exactly THEY are expecting? Just ask. It's not the same answer for every person, and not even the same answer every time for the same person. Us folks (especially us female types) are not only confusiing, sometimes we're confusED. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
selbbub78 0 #15 November 28, 2007 I voted for Tells you what you think... If you are discussing a PROBLEM it is best to know what are options and what can be done to make things right however it is affecting you. I think issues need to be resolved. HOWEVER, if someone is discussing their feelings (especially females) sometimes they just need to vent. I have found listening is sometimes the best way to help a person dealing with a dreadful, or horrible situation. I feel that listening shows that a friend is there, and cares about you, and sometimes it just helps to vent some. CReW Skies, bubbles"Women fake orgasms - men fake whole relationships" – Sharon Stone "The world is my dropzone" (wise crewdog quote) "The light dims, until full darkness pierces into the world."-KDM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #16 November 28, 2007 Quote HOWEVER, if someone is discussing their feelings (especially females) sometimes they just need to vent. I have found listening is sometimes the best way to help a person dealing with a dreadful, or horrible situation. I feel that listening shows that a friend is there, and cares about you, and sometimes it just helps to vent some. CReW Skies, bubbles Well as a guy I think if a woman only want you to listen as she vents SHE SHOULD SAY SO at the outset.You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyhawke 0 #17 November 28, 2007 Quote My cats won't even listen when I tell them to get off the counters - how can I expect them to listen when I have a real problem? (However, there is something to be said for "kitten purring in lap" therapy when all you want to do is mope and not talk to anyone). You should get a dog! When you talk to them they look at you with those big I LOVE YOU eyes, give you ALL THEIR ATTENTION (wagging their tails vs eyeing the TV) and then no matter how bad it is they GIVE YOU KISSES! You can tell them everything and they'll ALWAYS be there for you!! "It is our choices that show what we truly are far more than our abilities." - A. Dumbledore Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladydyver 0 #18 November 28, 2007 I expect nothing but brutal honesty....and I do mean brutal DPH # 2 "I am not sure what you are suppose to do with that, but I don't think it is suppose to flop around like that." ~Skootz~ I have a strong regard for the rules.......doc! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livendive 8 #19 November 28, 2007 Quote Tells you what they think is clearly in the lead. I wonder if this would differ if posted in the women's forum. Nope. The women will tell you what they think you want to hear there too. Most people who know me well have learned what kind of answers I usually give. Those who don't are sometimes surprised by my candor. Blues, Dave"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!" (drink Mountain Dew) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
selbbub78 0 #20 November 28, 2007 QuoteQuote Well as a guy I think if a woman only want you to listen as she vents SHE SHOULD SAY SO at the outset. that's hard to say that a female will ALWAYS do that... i mean if a female is really upset about something and it happened right before, sometimes she will just call a friend or S.O. up to get it out, just to talk about it. A female doesn't always stop whatever emotion is on her mind to say "oh i have something i want to vent to you about"..."Women fake orgasms - men fake whole relationships" – Sharon Stone "The world is my dropzone" (wise crewdog quote) "The light dims, until full darkness pierces into the world."-KDM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skinnyshrek 0 #21 November 28, 2007 Quote Quote Tells you what they think is clearly in the lead. I wonder if this would differ if posted in the women's forum. Nope. The women will tell you what they think you want to hear there too. Most people who know me well have learned what kind of answers I usually give. Those who don't are sometimes surprised by my candor. Blues, Dave I have the same problemhttp://www.skydivethefarm.com do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites selbbub78 0 #22 November 28, 2007 Quote Quote Quote Tells you what they think is clearly in the lead. I wonder if this would differ if posted in the women's forum. Nope. The women will tell you what they think you want to hear there too. Most people who know me well have learned what kind of answers I usually give. Those who don't are sometimes surprised by my candor. Blues, Dave I have the same problem No I think everyone knows your answers "Women fake orgasms - men fake whole relationships" – Sharon Stone "The world is my dropzone" (wise crewdog quote) "The light dims, until full darkness pierces into the world."-KDM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Misslmperfect 0 #23 November 28, 2007 i didn't read all the responses here so this may well have been said already... i've come to find, ESPECIALLY in the last few months, that in general men and women handle this stuff differently. my SO now, as well as every guy i've ever dated, only really comes to me with a problem if they want suggestions on how to fix it. i, on the other hand, go to my SO and friends for all kinds of reasons, be it for advice or a way to vent (no feedback neccessary). i don't always want their opinion, but if i do i ask for it. so in short, the resonse i prefer wholly depends on the reason i chose to discuss the issue. helpful? lol Oh Canada, merci pour la livraison! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mayanosuke 0 #24 November 28, 2007 When I feel weak, I think I tend to want to hear something I want to hear. When I feel strong, I can pretty much take anything. In general, I prefer straight opinion than no response. Sympathy sex does not come w/ me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ladyskydiver 0 #25 November 28, 2007 Depends. If I'm venting, I'll warn the person listening that I'm venting, and in that case, I don't want the person to do anything other be sympathetic and lend an ear/shoulder. If I'm asking for thoughts/opinions/suggestions, I expect 100% honesty.Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 Next Page 1 of 2 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
skinnyshrek 0 #21 November 28, 2007 Quote Quote Tells you what they think is clearly in the lead. I wonder if this would differ if posted in the women's forum. Nope. The women will tell you what they think you want to hear there too. Most people who know me well have learned what kind of answers I usually give. Those who don't are sometimes surprised by my candor. Blues, Dave I have the same problemhttp://www.skydivethefarm.com do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
selbbub78 0 #22 November 28, 2007 Quote Quote Quote Tells you what they think is clearly in the lead. I wonder if this would differ if posted in the women's forum. Nope. The women will tell you what they think you want to hear there too. Most people who know me well have learned what kind of answers I usually give. Those who don't are sometimes surprised by my candor. Blues, Dave I have the same problem No I think everyone knows your answers "Women fake orgasms - men fake whole relationships" – Sharon Stone "The world is my dropzone" (wise crewdog quote) "The light dims, until full darkness pierces into the world."-KDM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Misslmperfect 0 #23 November 28, 2007 i didn't read all the responses here so this may well have been said already... i've come to find, ESPECIALLY in the last few months, that in general men and women handle this stuff differently. my SO now, as well as every guy i've ever dated, only really comes to me with a problem if they want suggestions on how to fix it. i, on the other hand, go to my SO and friends for all kinds of reasons, be it for advice or a way to vent (no feedback neccessary). i don't always want their opinion, but if i do i ask for it. so in short, the resonse i prefer wholly depends on the reason i chose to discuss the issue. helpful? lol Oh Canada, merci pour la livraison! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mayanosuke 0 #24 November 28, 2007 When I feel weak, I think I tend to want to hear something I want to hear. When I feel strong, I can pretty much take anything. In general, I prefer straight opinion than no response. Sympathy sex does not come w/ me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #25 November 28, 2007 Depends. If I'm venting, I'll warn the person listening that I'm venting, and in that case, I don't want the person to do anything other be sympathetic and lend an ear/shoulder. If I'm asking for thoughts/opinions/suggestions, I expect 100% honesty.Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
