"Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About"

[McDuck 0]

Mil Millington is a new favourite of mine...as of five minutes ago. I'm getting this book, since the limited selections on his website have me laughing out loud at work.

Here's a few teasers from his web site that resonate with me:

# Whether her cutting our son's hair comes under 'money-saving skill' or 'therapy in the making'.

# Shortly after every single time Margret touches my computer, for any reason whatsoever, I have to spend twenty minutes trying to fix crashes, locked systems, data loses, jammed drives, bizarre re-configurations and things stuck in the keyboard. There then follows a free and frank exchange of views with, in my corner, 'It's your fault,' and, in hers, 'It's a curious statistical anomaly.'



Edited to add: Oh, and this one...

Margret doesn't like to watch films on the TV. No, hold on - let me make sure you've got the inflection here: Margret doesn't like to watch films on the TV. She says she does, but years of bitter experience have proven that what she actually wants is to sit by me while I narrate the entire bleeding film to her. 'Who's she?', 'Why did he get shot?', 'I thought that one was on their side?', 'Is that a bomb' - 'JUST WATCH IT! IN THE NAME OF GOD, JUST WATCH IT!' The hellish mirror-image of this is when she furnishes me, deaf to my pleading, with her commentary. Chair-clawing suspense being assaulted mercilessly from behind by such interjections as, 'Hey! Look! They're the cushions we've got.', 'Isn't she the one who does that tampon advert?' and, on one famous occasion, 'Oh, I've seen this - he gets killed at the end.'

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[popsjumper 2]

True story:

Trash day. I take the bin out to the curb and start to walk back. She comes out with a frown on her face and, saying nothing, turns the bin around 180 degrees. Huh???

Much to my regret, I said something. I said, "What was that all about?" That lit the match and the explosion happened in milliseconds. She started with, "The bin is supposed to go THAT way not YOUR way." She ended with, "Don't you tell ME what to get pissed off about, asshole!"

I got in the car with my son and went to the park.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[McDuck 0]

Sounds like it would fit right in with his examples.

Now I want to know how many of the women who have been in long-term, healthy and committed relationships have ever pulled the "who is your female friend and when do you plan on having sex with her" deal on their partner. That one cracks me right the hell up.

Or guys, how many of you have endured that play unjustly (honestly)?

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[Brains 2]

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She says she does, but years of bitter experience have proven that what she actually wants is to sit by me while I narrate the entire bleeding film to her. 'Who's she?', 'Why did he get shot?', 'I thought that one was on their side?', 'Is that a bomb' - 'JUST WATCH IT! IN THE NAME OF GOD, JUST WATCH IT!'

You know, i love my fiance' to death but this exact thing happens in our house nightly!!

Never look down on someone, unless they are going down on you.

[McDuck 0]

Me too, brother, me too.

This is another one at least a few of us can relate to:

Regarding insomnia-

"What I don't do is turn to Margret and, at intervals precisely judged to be 'just long enough to have allowed the other person to have got to sleep again', keep saying, 'I can't sleep' and, 'I can't sleep' and, 'Really, I just can't sleep' and, 'I'm still awake, I just can't sleep' and, 'Pheeeeeeeeeeeeee - I can't sleep' and, 'I don't know what it is; I'm tired, but I can't sleep' and, 'I can't sleep' and, 'I can't get to sleep' and, 'I'll be so tired in the morning - look at the time. But I can't sleep'. Because that's the kind of behaviour that can lead... to... someone... snapping."

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[BillyVance 34]

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Much to my regret, I said something. I said, "What was that all about?" That lit the match and the explosion happened in milliseconds. She started with, "The bin is supposed to go THAT way not YOUR way." She ended with, "Don't you tell ME what to get pissed off about, asshole!"

I got in the car with my son and went to the park.

How long ago was that?

I take it you didn't have the balls to reply with something like, "I thought menopause wasn't going to hit you until much later?"

But then again, you wouldn't be here postwhoring like the rest of us.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[waltappel 1]

An ex and I used to argue about whether dishes should be rinsed before being put into the dishwasher.

Her: "No, what good is a dishwasher if you still have to wash the dishes by hand?"

Me: "WTF?!! Just rinse the fucking dishes--it's no big deal."

Walt

[BillyVance 34]

Yeah, I've always rinsed the dishes before loading them in the dishwasher. I haven't seen a dishwasher that washed dishes spotless after loading them in with bits of food stuck on. IMO dishwashers are meant to sterilize/sanitize dishes, not scrub them.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Baksteen 84]

And then you have to dry most of them off too..

Glass and cutlery left to air dry just look nasty, IMO.
Not much point in even having a dishwasher then.

"That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport."
~mom

[cocheese 0]

Almost had to dump my girlfriend when she failed to provide her dog with a water bowl at work claiming "She just drinks out of the toilet anyway. Why have a water bowl?"(yellow labrdor)

Umm How about toxic chemicals in the water?
How about e-coli bacteria?
How about giving her a fresh bowl of water by her food and giving the dog a fucking choice?

[BillyVance 34]

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And then you have to dry most of them off too..

Glass and cutlery left to air dry just look nasty, IMO.
Not much point in even having a dishwasher then.

My dishwasher has a reservior for that spotless additive, I'm not going to get up and walk to the other end of the house just to find out the name of that stuff, but it works great, and I can set it up so that it dries the load well, with the exception of those glasses and coffee mugs with the indented bottoms.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[McDuck 0]

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Almost had to dump my girlfriend when she failed to provide her dog with a water bowl at work claiming "She just drinks out of the toilet anyway. Why have a water bowl?"(yellow labrdor)

Umm How about toxic chemicals in the water?
How about e-coli bacteria?
How about giving her a fresh bowl of water by her food and giving the dog a fucking choice?

Whoah whoah WHOAH, dude! Hold on a second...





You had a girlfriend?

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[karenmeal 0]

Your girlfriend sounds funny.


I'll have to remember the statistical anomaly line..

"Life is a temporary victory over the causes which induce death." - Sylvester Graham

[McDuck 0]

It's not my girlfriend. If I wrote anything like that about MY girlfriend, some of my DNA might still be around as evidence linking her to my disappearance, but it would be about as likely as Squeak and Cocheese getting married.

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[cocheese 0]

It's a rare thing, but sometimes I'm the dork with the hot girlfriend making everyone wonder WTF?

[Icon134 0]

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And then you have to dry most of them off too..

Glass and cutlery left to air dry just look nasty, IMO.
Not much point in even having a dishwasher then.

My dishwasher has a reservior for that spotless additive, I'm not going to get up and walk to the other end of the house just to find out the name of that stuff, but it works great, and I can set it up so that it dries the load well, with the exception of those glasses and coffee mugs with the indented bottoms.

Jet Dry... and personally I question it's ability to prevent spots...

Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife...

[BillyVance 34]

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And then you have to dry most of them off too..

Glass and cutlery left to air dry just look nasty, IMO.
Not much point in even having a dishwasher then.

My dishwasher has a reservior for that spotless additive, I'm not going to get up and walk to the other end of the house just to find out the name of that stuff, but it works great, and I can set it up so that it dries the load well, with the exception of those glasses and coffee mugs with the indented bottoms.

Jet Dry... and personally I question it's ability to prevent spots...

Nope, I had to go and find out what I had - Cascade Crystal Clear. Good enough for me.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[tmaricle55 0]

Washing clothes!!! I can't stand BLUE towels when all mine are white. After that, I wash the clothes and they all stay the color they are suppose to!!!

Muff Brother # 3883, SCR # 14796 ICD # 1 - Pres.
Yeah, I noticed and I think it's funny!

[livendive 8]

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An ex and I used to argue about whether dishes should be rinsed before being put into the dishwasher.

Her: "No, what good is a dishwasher if you still have to wash the dishes by hand?"

Me: "WTF?!! Just rinse the fucking dishes--it's no big deal."

Walt

I've had that one with more than one ex!

Obviously any such story told by a guy who is currently in a relationship must be about an ex, not his current girlfriend. It's very important that this part is understood by all. With that said, I'll throw one of my favorites out there.

We were sitting on the couch and she said she was going to do something (I don't remember what it was). I said, "OK." Her suddenly angry response was, "I *wasn't* asking your permission!" At this point I was lost. Obviously I couldn't say, "OK", so I asked, "Umm...what would have been a better response? I was just acknowledging that you told me something. Should I have just ignored you and kept my mouth shut?" I got the abbreviated version of the "I'm fine!" treatment for better than an hour on that one. Women are funny.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[chinagirl 0]

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Sounds like it would fit right in with his examples.

Now I want to know how many of the women who have been in long-term, healthy and committed relationships have ever pulled the "who is your female friend and when do you plan on having sex with her" deal on their partner. That one cracks me right the hell up.

Or guys, how many of you have endured that play unjustly (honestly)?

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Guilty as charged...but my conversation usually ends with "When, so I can get the video camera ready? And the b!tch better be hot other wise I'm not going to enjoy watching you f#ck her!!"

~Built for Abuse
www.skydivethefarm.com

[McDuck 0]

I've put off going to The Farm for far too long...

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[ryan_d_sucks 0]

Quote

True story:

Trash day. I take the bin out to the curb and start to walk back. She comes out with a frown on her face and, saying nothing, turns the bin around 180 degrees. Huh???

Much to my regret, I said something. I said, "What was that all about?" That lit the match and the explosion happened in milliseconds. She started with, "The bin is supposed to go THAT way not YOUR way." She ended with, "Don't you tell ME what to get pissed off about, asshole!"

I got in the car with my son and went to the park.

Hahahahahaha, wow..... Sometimes with women its just like "What. The. Fuck?!" Sometimes my girlfriend blows my mind with what pisses her off and her reaction to it. Dealing with dudes is SO much easier. That must be one of the perks of being gay?

[Butters 0]

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We were sitting on the couch and she said she was going to do something (I don't remember what it was). I said, "OK." Her suddenly angry response was, "I *wasn't* asking your permission!" At this point I was lost. Obviously I couldn't say, "OK", so I asked, "Umm...what would have been a better response? I was just acknowledging that you told me something. Should I have just ignored you and kept my mouth shut?" I got the abbreviated version of the "I'm fine!" treatment for better than an hour on that one. Women are funny.

Blues,
Dave

The correct response(s) were:

1] Why don't I do that for you.

2] Why don't I do that with you.

"That looks dangerous." Leopold Stotch

[Richards 0]

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Almost had to dump my girlfriend when she failed to provide her dog with a water bowl at work claiming "She just drinks out of the toilet anyway. Why have a water bowl?"(yellow labrdor)

Umm How about toxic chemicals in the water?
How about e-coli bacteria?
How about giving her a fresh bowl of water by her food and giving the dog a fucking choice?

Never understood why people let their pets drink out of the toilet. For that matter I cannot fathom why pets never asked themselves why that was the single place we chose to releive ourselves and went "WTF? I'm never drinking there again".

Girl I started dating in high school invited me over for dinner (spaghetti and meatballs). Her dog (black lab) was begging for food. She held out a huge meatball and let the dog take a bite and then proceeded to continue eating the fucking meatball!!. Couldn't kiss her after that and broke up soon after.

My biggest handicap is that sometimes the hole in the front of my head operates a tad bit faster than the grey matter contained within.

[airathanas 0]

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Sounds like it would fit right in with his examples.

Now I want to know how many of the women who have been in long-term, healthy and committed relationships have ever pulled the "who is your female friend and when do you plan on having sex with her" deal on their partner. That one cracks me right the hell up.

Or guys, how many of you have endured that play unjustly (honestly)?

WTF? What kind of woman does that kind of shit? Not me!

My boyfriend and I have the whole dishwasher thing too, but he's got me trained to rinse the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher.

Although, he likes to talk when I'm watching the ONE show I like to watch during the week. I have to continually ask him to SHUT UP. But in a nice way.

http://3ringnecklace.com/