theonlyski 3 #51 January 4, 2009 whats the diffrence between a bad skydiver and a bad golfer?? (yes, i know you all know the answer)"I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890 I'm an asshole, and I approve this message Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SuFantasma 0 #52 January 4, 2009 Quotewhats the diffrence between a bad skydiver and a bad golfer?? (yes, i know you all know the answer) In Rantoul? The bad skydiver lays on the green, the bad golfer gets a bad lie on off the green.... Ask Spence !Y yo, pa' vivir con miedo, prefiero morir sonriendo, con el recuerdo vivo". - Ruben Blades, "Adan Garcia" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
theonlyski 3 #53 January 4, 2009 cricket... cricket... cricket...."I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890 I'm an asshole, and I approve this message Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
spindlee 0 #54 January 4, 2009 A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?' 'My wife's.' 'What happened to her?' The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her.' He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?' The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.' A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men. 'May I borrow the dog?' 'Get in line.'If in doubt, whip it out... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #55 January 4, 2009 what's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.29, but deer nuts are under a buck! Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #56 January 4, 2009 What's the difference between oooh and ahhh? <---------------> About that much.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aresye 0 #57 January 4, 2009 It's Christmas time in a galaxy far, far away... Darth Vader approaches Luke Skywalker and states, "I know what you got me for Christmas." Luke, puzzled, asks, "How?" . . . . . . . . . . "I can feel your presents."Skydiving: You either learn from other's mistakes, or they'll learn from yours. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #58 January 4, 2009 My wife and I went to the Caribbean... Jamaica? No, she really wanted to go. Yes, I know it's old and crappy - that's the point (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CazmoDee 3 #59 January 4, 2009 Guy goes to his doctor and says, "Doc, I don't know whether my wife has TB or VD". The doctor pauses for a moment and says, "Chase her around the bed. If she coughs, fuck her". Guy goes to his doctor and says, "Doc, I don't know whether my wife Aids or Alzheimer's". The doctor pauses for a moment and says, "Take her for a long walk and leave her. If she comes home, don't fuck her".I'm behind the bar at Sloppy Joe's....See ya in the Keys! Muff 4313 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KevinMcGuire 0 #60 January 5, 2009 A man comes home to find his pregnant wife in labor. Panicked, he calls the doctor and says "Doctor doctor,my wife is labor what do I do? What do I do?" The doctor replies " O.K. now , just relax. Is this her first child?" The man replies, "No you fucking idiot this is her husband" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KevinMcGuire 0 #61 January 5, 2009 Three guys and a girl are stranded on a desert island. After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she's been doing she kills her self. After another week the guys are so ashamed of what they've been doing that the bury her. After another week, the guys are so ashamed of what they've been doing, the dig her back up Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 14 #62 January 5, 2009 My wife said for Christmas she wanted something that would go from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds. I bought her a bathroom scale. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #63 January 5, 2009 ...and then the fight started... My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vskydiver 0 #64 January 5, 2009 Quote ...and then the fight started... No, I just went out and bought me some Slim Fast. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Megatron 0 #65 January 5, 2009 Q: How do you keep a baby from crawling in circles? A: Nail his other hand to the floor. Q: How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice? A: Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear. don't kill the messenger Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Baksteen 84 #66 January 5, 2009 Quote Quote ...and then the fight started... No, I just went out and bought mehim some Slim Fast. Fixed it for ya Walter, John and Mitch were stranded on a desert island after a shipwreck. Walter kinda liked the sun and the palmtrees, while the other two were anxious to get back home. After six weeks on the island, a bottle washed up on the shore. Thinking it was strong liquor they pulled off the cork and who can imagine their surprise when the bottle turned out to contain a different kind of spirit: A genie. The Genie was so grateful they had liberated him from his 10,000 year prison that he granted them one wish each. "I just want to go home" said Mitch and poof, off he was. John hesitated some, but then he said "me too" and poof off he was. Walter put off wishing for something and continued living on the island for three more months. Finally the loneliness got to him. Then one day he privately sighed "I wish I didn't have to miss my mateys so much.." and poof back they were."That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport." ~mom Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
No_Phear 0 #67 January 5, 2009 Quote Q: How do you keep a baby from crawling in circles? A: Nail his other hand to the floor. Q: How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice? A: Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear. don't kill the messenger You fucking Pedophile... Tact is not my specialty..... Dirty Sanchez #453 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
feuergnom 22 #68 January 5, 2009 Quote Quote Quote thought i'd slip that in famous last words How can you tell a good 4-way team from a bad 4-way team? A good 4-way team going in sounds like "[WHACK]". A bad 4-way team goes "[WHACK] ... [WHACK][WHACK] ... [WHACK]" . . . . [WHACK] Dont forge the vidiot ! and the perfect four-way goes like WHACK - OPEN-COMPRESSED-OPEN - WHACKThe universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle dudeist skydiver # 666 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bluepill 0 #69 January 5, 2009 What’s the most intelligent thing to come out of a woman’s mouth? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Einstein’s cock. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #70 January 7, 2009 I was getting some groceries. I walked up to the cashier, smiled, put down my things on the counter and said, "Good Evening." She smiled back and asked, "Will there be anything else?" I replied, "Yes, I'd like to buy these things." Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
