shah269 0 #1 April 28, 2010 Nothing and I do mean nothing annoys me more than these chicken heads and their infinite attention to detail when it comes to planning their weddings. I mean really! If the world could harness the intellectual horse power of your average wanna be princess chicken heads uses in planning her super amazing special day and instead use that energy to find a cure for cancer or a cure for hair loss and erectile dysfunction the would be a much better place! Really! Setting up miniatures of the event to figure out who sits next to who? Using MS project to determine the time line of the wedding? 15 different variations of the "play list", all of which sadly include the electric slide and the chicken dance but never include such great wedding songs as "smack my bitch up", "baby's got back", CHRIS CORNELL - "PART OF ME" , so as to account for her moods and potential level of bloatedness! Spending what most third world nations spend in national defense on a dress that you will only ware for 15 minutes and which will no longer be her size 12 minutes into it? To which I have but two words, OPEN BAR! I don't care who the hell I'm sitting next to! As long as she is just taking up one seat and isn't prone to bombastic gas I can live with it! And no i don't give a flaming elephants ass as to what kind of flowers are sitting in the middle of the table, I'm just going to take them with me when i go. And the music, it's a wedding.......it's purgatory for DJ's....so odds are i'm not there to show of my amazing white guy dance moves! And since you banned me from bringing my smoke machine and glow sticks....well you took away all the fun! As for your brides maids....Addicted To Love by Robert Palmer...that's what they should look like. Your hotter sluttier friends! Because let's face it they aren't there to support you! They've been on a crash diet of sugar free Red Bull and news paper ever since they found out you were getting married before them in an attempt to hid their contempt for you and rage towards the last guy who they dumped! They are there to land another sucker who now thinks that all this is a great idea! As for your dress.....really! $10k for what best could be called an overpriced curtain? How about you take that $10k and use that to buy your great man a sexy motorcycle! It's the least you can do for dragging him from one tasting to another from one freaking flower shop to another! Just hit BeBe and get something tight and go commando! And for the love of god don't write your own vows! A simple "Woo hooo I got one who doesn't ask me to pull his finger mom!" will do! Oh and one more thing! Eat up! Say hi to cheeseburgers and bourbon! Why? Simple that way when people see your wedding pictures 2 years from now they will compliment you on how great you look now due to having lost the cheeseburger and bourbon, weight due to the financially not being able to afford food so as to pay for the banquet hall, instead of giving the usual BS reply "nice flowers". Words of wisdom by yours truly Dr. Shah.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #2 April 28, 2010 If you don't get it, then you will have troubles with relationships. Not all women want a big wedding, but just about every women I have ever known wanted *their* wedding. Remember that women has been planning her perfect wedding since she was about 4 years old. She has dreamed for her entire childhood about being a princess, about being that Disney fairytale that gets to live happily ever after. Some take that to a level that is beyond comprehension, but the underlying reason is easy to under stand. Knowing that makes it easier to help make HER day include you, but to make sure that HER day is all HER day.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildcard451 0 #3 April 28, 2010 ....I can't find any critique. Well said. A priest, the two of you on a beach at sunset. Come back. Throw a hell of a party. Game Over. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
amstalder 0 #4 April 28, 2010 Courthouse wedding and a big ass party.. That is, if I give up on my dream of being the crazy cat lady (minus the cats of course... That animal is the spawn of satan.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kmills0705 0 #5 April 28, 2010 I don't think your going to have to worry about this any time in the near (or distant future) Shah.... just a hunch.Kim Mills USPA D21696 Tandem I, AFF I and Static Line I Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
amstalder 0 #6 April 28, 2010 Quote I don't think your going to have to worry about this any time in the near (or distant future) Shah.... just a hunch. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildcard451 0 #7 April 28, 2010 QuoteCourthouse wedding and a big ass party.. That is, if I give up on my dream of being the crazy cat lady (minus the cats of course... That animal is the spawn of satan.) How YOU doin? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #8 April 28, 2010 Quote....I can't find any critique. Well said. A priest, the two of you on a beach at sunset. Come back. Throw a hell of a party. Game Over. Amen brother! Save the money pay down your debts invest in sex furniture buy jump tickets for your friends travel the world! but that being said....don't forget the open bar! My last wedding, which i had hopped would be my one and only but fate didn't have it in for us, was very low key. partly because we were broke but partly because she her self was one very cool chick. And I have to admit, I am very saddened that her and I didn't work out. Maybe I'll get lucky and find another girl just as cool as her but less prone to 3 year long mood swings.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #9 April 28, 2010 QuoteI don't think your going to have to worry about this any time in the near (or distant future) Shah.... just a hunch. Darling, i know what you are thinking.....and I know...one day...but not in this life time. Fate just dose not have it in for us. But if in the next life you are walking along the beach and you see a Persian God in a skimpy speedo doing Yoga with a bottle of sangria next to him and some fruit....sit down and just maybe....maybe.....it will be me.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildcard451 0 #10 April 28, 2010 QuoteQuote....I can't find any critique. Well said. A priest, the two of you on a beach at sunset. Come back. Throw a hell of a party. Game Over. Amen brother! Save the money pay down your debts invest in sex furniture buy jump tickets for your friends travel the world! I agree. Taking on that much debt into a relationship just to have a princess day is financially irresponsible. /blows my mind some of the weddings I have been to Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 35 #11 April 28, 2010 Quote But if in the next life you are walking along the beach and you see a Persian God in a skimpy speedo doing Yoga with a bottle of sangria next to him and some fruit....sit down and just maybe....maybe.....it will be me. When a girl sees that, that's when the little voice in her head says, "run away, run away!" She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #12 April 28, 2010 Quote I agree. Taking on that much debt into a relationship just to have a princess day is financially irresponsible. /blows my mind some of the weddings I have been to People don't have to go in a huge amount of debt to have a nice wedding. The women can still have her day and still has a lot of details to take care of and doesn't have to spend a lot of money. I think our wedding cost about $2000 when it was all said and done. It was a very nice wedding at a pretty country chapel. It also had two kegs of Shiner free for the taking.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #13 April 28, 2010 Quote When a girl sees that, that's when the little voice in her head says, "run away, run away!" You've yet to see me doing Yoga in a speedo on the beach (FYI, it's amazing how simply saying I practice Yoga alters a girls demeanor on a date...riding..nothing...traveling..nothing..skydiving..nothing..Yoga..BAM! She's in!) But yeah it's sick! $40+K on one evening! Of which 1/4th of that is for a dress? Sadly I think I may be screwed in the future regarding this issue. Sadly many many many women have this notion in their head of having some huge spectacular wedding...even though deep down they know full well that what they really want is her, her man, beach, priest / rabbi / mullah / pimp at sunrise and to say "I do" as the run ruptures the horizon (see in shape, bendy, romantic and eloquent you know you want me!)Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kmills0705 0 #14 April 28, 2010 Quote Quote But if in the next life you are walking along the beach and you see a Persian God in a skimpy speedo doing Yoga with a bottle of sangria next to him and some fruit....sit down and just maybe....maybe.....it will be me. When a girl sees that, that's when the little voice in her head says, "run away, run away!" Thus proving Skymama is all knowing!!!Kim Mills USPA D21696 Tandem I, AFF I and Static Line I Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skybill 22 #15 April 28, 2010 Hi 269, Yup, weddings, 'ya gotta' remember that one of those extravaganzas is,"Their Day!!" It's all about them!! You,"the groom" has only three things to do during this fiasco; #1 "Show Up!!" #2 "Don't get in the way!" and #3 "Don't fall down!!" Otherwise, have a nice day!! BTW, Weah you from dude?? 'Ya keep sayin' "chicken head" in ref to the "female in question??" Sounds like you from Robeson County, North Carolina like around Red Springs or sumptin'??SCR-2034, SCS-680 III%, Deli-out Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildcard451 0 #16 April 28, 2010 Quote Quote I agree. Taking on that much debt into a relationship just to have a princess day is financially irresponsible. /blows my mind some of the weddings I have been to People don't have to go in a huge amount of debt to have a nice wedding. The women can still have her day and still has a lot of details to take care of and doesn't have to spend a lot of money. I think our wedding cost about $2000 when it was all said and done. It was a very nice wedding at a pretty country chapel. It also had two kegs of Shiner free for the taking. Awesome. I wish you'd teach classes. And the shiner makes it perfect. However, when I see some of these extravagant events it boggles my mind. If she comes from old school money and her parents wanna foot the bill...then live it up by all means. Story time: I was a groomsman once where the mother of the bride used the wedding as a status symbol. The groom was a fraternity bro of mine. -Church: 17th century landmark with no indoor plumbing and once the congregation sat down, the pew backs were too high to see the wedding party. -Obligatory country club reception. - Bride's mother invited an extra 50 guests from out of town to the rehearsal dinner/reception without informing the groom's mother first --- she the proceeded to say, in front of the guests, "what's the matter dear, can't you afford it?" - The bride/groom family had to sit together in one pewbox - hence dubbed the "Penalty Box" - The groomsmen were getting drunk with the flasks we were given for groomsmen gifts off in another box, and started sharing with the bridesmaids when they found us out. - When the bride's mother kept bragging on how much she was spending, even the bride was so pissed at this point of the reception that our table started ordering the most expensive champagne, liquor, etc available at the open bar. Added a cool $5k to the bill. After all, we were just helping her improve her story at that point.They divorced 2 years later when she cheated on him. Oh well. Makes for a good story and memory. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peek 20 #17 April 28, 2010 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bridezilla_%28term%29 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skybytch 259 #18 April 28, 2010 A mail order minister, a couple friends, a couple more friends with cameras, an airplane, a landing area. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 1,853 #19 April 28, 2010 I know a young woman who spent more time planning the wedding than she did thinking about whether or not she had the right man and taking care of the relationship. The wedding cost about $10,000. Her marriage lasted less than 3 months.... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blacklabjumper 0 #20 April 28, 2010 My two friend Matt and sarah are getting married in June and these people know how to do a wedding. Go to www.skydivewedding.com I can;t wait for their wedding in June. Check out the information page with a breakdown of the afternoon's events. These are the two coolest and nicest people you will ever meet.Rodriguez Brother #1626 Dudiest Skydiver #1962 DPH #-2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shotgun 1 #21 April 28, 2010 Quote Not all women want a big wedding, but just about every women I have ever known wanted *their* wedding. Yep. "Mine" was a drive-thru wedding in Vegas, with some strange dude as our witness. (Can't say I had been planning that since I was four years old though. I spent most of my younger years thinking I never wanted to get married.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #22 April 28, 2010 Quote I know a young woman who spent more time planning the wedding than she did thinking about whether or not she had the right man and taking care of the relationship. The wedding cost about $10,000. Her marriage lasted less than 3 months. Although the numbers vary, that's a common situation that I see. We've always maintained that the wedding is unimportant; that the marriage deserves your efforts. Our wedding was in a garden and cost less than $300 (in 1984). We had fun party later with the jumpers at a hotel. The marriage has been going strong 25+ years. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #23 April 28, 2010 QuoteThe idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all the same, so we might as well dress them that way. That's why a wedding is like the joining together of a beautiful glowing bride, and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device created by women because they know that men are undependable. So in case the groom chickens out, everybody just takes one step over and she marries the next guy. That¹s why the wedding vow isn't 'do you take Bill Simpson', its 'do you take this man'. Jerry SeinfeldStupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Conundrum 1 #24 April 28, 2010 We had a nice wedding, but I certainly wasn't sitting around planning shit all day, nor did I "dream" of a perfect wedding as a little girl. I wanted it to be nice, but the cost associated with weddings is ridiculous. We spent most of our money on DJ, food, alcohol, and our week long honeymoon. That's all anyone really cares about anyway. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydived19006 4 #25 April 28, 2010 One friend of mine swears that if ever he does get married, it's going to be in Vegas, midget Elvis officiating.Experience is what you get when you thought you were going to get something else. AC DZ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
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