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Nataly

Why I don't want your emails...

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Think this will work??

Subject: UNSUBSCRIBE you stupid fuckers

Dear Tescos,

Thank you for the 5th message today about how I could lose 10 stone in 3 months... However, I do not want, nor do I need to diet. Compared to me, your spokesmodel is obese. If I lost 10 stone I would be too skinny to be an extra in a holocaust movie. People would point and stare and offer their sympathies for my evident imminent death from whatever horrible disease is ravaging my body. My friends would wonder where I vanished to if I turned sideways. No. I will NOT try to lose any weight. And NO, I do NOT want coupons for cake, lard, or ice-cream.

Thank you also for re-directing all your useless mail to my new addresss in France and for neglecting to understand my request for your post to STOP coming to me... Are you aware there are no Tesco's in France???

Finally, thank you for the broken "unsubscribe" link you keep putting at the bottom of all your messages... I know it's broken because I filled it in about a dozen times but still get all your fucking messages.

In short, stop sending me post. Stop sending me emails. Stop thinking you know what I want - in the 5 years I have been a member you have not once sent me anything useful, despite having comprehensive information about all my purchases. You know, truth be told, I only ever got the membership card so the annoying tellers would stop asking me "do you have a Tesco card" and start yammering on about all the supposed benefits. And I only ever shopped in your stores because you drove the prices down so low you put all the competition out of business, thereby giving me no alternative place to shop. But I gladly WOULD have shopped elsewhere had it been possible, if only for the sheer joy of tasting beef that came from a real cow.

No... You do NOT understand me and my wants... And if I need something, I will go to the bloody grocery store all by myself (without prompting) and get what I need.

Thanks and kind regards,

Natalie Leveille

Ps: please please PLEASE remove this email from your mailling lists.


ETA-for all you non brits, note the exaggerated (tongue-firmly-in-cheek) tone of the message... 10 stone = 140 lbs...
"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

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And if they don't stop, simply get a new email address for family and close friends and associates, and DON'T use it when shopping online, etc. :P
"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

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Given that it's actually a server you're responding to, it will most likely only serve to verify that your e-mail address is active and reachable.
Most likely increasing the amount of SPAM you get.
NEVER respond directly to SPAM.
:P

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Think this will work??



I doubt it. All you've done is tell them there is a real person on the end of the email address. They like knowing that.



Yup.

I'd just make it as spam and let your email server block them.










~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

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Think this will work??



I doubt it. All you've done is tell them there is a real person on the end of the email address. They like knowing that.



Yup.

I'd just make it as spam and let your email server block them.



Meh... Did that a bunch of times but they keep changing their mailing address... It's not really that big of a deal, but having worked for a brand that is one of the marketing greats, I am simply baffled by Tesco's consistent ability to get things wrong... I find it surprising, given they have a HUGE market share (I think the largest), they have TONS of consummer data, and are very profitable. They have everything they need to become everyone's favourite brand and yet every time I hear the word "Tescos" I involuntarily cringe... I wonder... If people weren't so price-sensitive... Would Tesco's still be so successful??

Maybe... Maybe I'm the exception and everyone else thinks they're brilliant...
"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

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How about all those emails telling you how you can add inches to your johnson? Now those are really funny when a woman gets them. :P



Oh John... You are so naïve... There are millions of women out there desperate for their man's schlong to grow an extra couple of inches... Even if it means slipping some pills in the unsuspecting man's beer!! :D:D
"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

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How about all those emails telling you how you can add inches to your johnson? Now those are really funny when a woman gets them. :P



Oh John... You are so naïve... There are millions of women out there desperate for their man's schlong to grow an extra couple of inches... Even if it means slipping some pills in the unsuspecting man's beer!! :D:D



So that's how that happened!:o
"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

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Oh, I gotcha. :)
Vskydiver just laughs at those and deletes them. :)




And then brings you a beer??! :D:P
"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

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Standard snail mail spam is easier to deal with.

1. Collect a load of it.
2. Look through it for a "Postage paid" envelope.
3. Wrap the rest of the heap of junk mail in a bag.
4. Add 5Kg of lead.
5. Stick the pre-paid envelope onto it
6. Post.

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How about all those emails telling you how you can add inches to your johnson? Now those are really funny when a woman gets them. :P



Oh John... You are so naïve... There are millions of women out there desperate for their man's schlong to grow an extra couple of inches... Even if it means slipping some pills in the unsuspecting man's beer!! :D:D


JohnMitchell definitely doesn't need anything like that! Besides, he brings me my beer. And he opens it for me! B|

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JohnMitchell definitely doesn't need anything like that!



Will someone tell V that John has hijacked her account again and that she needs a stronger password??! :ph34r::P
"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

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JohnMitchell definitely doesn't need anything like that!



Will someone tell V that John has hijacked her account again and that she needs a stronger password??! :ph34r::P



:D:D
By the way, it's 'Tesco', singular. Maybe that's why they're ignoring your emails. :P

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