Wife doesn't want me to make 1st jump

[Riverdome 0]

Aside from having to get over my own fears my wife doesn't want me to jump. Won't even go to the DZ, has no desire to see the damage she says.

We're happily married with 2 kids + 1 on the way and I understand her concerns about becoming a widow - that kind of talk is not helping me get over my own fears. I don't want to do it behind her back but am at that point. Better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission?

Certainly someone has had a similar experience, any advice?

[airdvr 197]

You probably won't be able to change her feelings, especially if she won't come to the DZ. Do you have any intentions of getting more involved after your first jump or is this a one time thing?

Please don't dent the planet.

Destinations by Roxanne

[davelepka 4]

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any advice?

Yeah, don't jump.

No joke, but with 2 kids and 1 on the way, I can only assume that your existing kids are younger, so what happens if you break a leg on your jump? Your wife is taking care of 2 your kids (and soon a baby) and you, all by herself.

Let's say everything goes great. With 3 your kids at home, when do you predict you'll have time and money to dedicate to jumping? At a minimum, it's a couple thousand dollars and 20 trips to the DZ to get a license, and then another couple thousand dollars for gear and money for jump when you do get the DZ. Do you really foresee that sort of time and money in your near future? Without the support of your wife?

Maybe you just want to make one jump, for a 'bucket list'. Ok, great, wait until the kids are older. Ditto if you want to presue jumping as a hobby, wait until you have the time, money, and support to be able to actually persue it.

I have two kids, 14 and 10. By the time my son (14) was born, I had about 1000 jumps and was working full time in the sport. I never stopped jumping, but I also didn't start any new, dangerous hobbies when my children were young. I thought about it, and wanted to do some different things, but held back for all the reasons I stated above. Time, money, and the young kids being priority. With my daughter being 10 now, my mind is starting to wander a little, but the point is that life circumstances will eventually change (especially in terms of young children, they won't be young for long).

[davelepka 4]

Another quick thought, how about a wind tunnel? It's like skydiving, it's fun, and it's quite a bit safer and easier to 'sell' to the wife. If you don't live near a tunnel, wait until the baby is born, and take the wife on a vacation somehwere there's a tunnel. Orlando and Hollywood both have tunnels and are popular vacation spots. The tunnel is a half-day activity, the rest of time you can do 'couples' stuff. Maybe she would even try the tunnel?

[skymama 35]

My advice is that you shouldn't do things behind your wife's back when she is strongly opposed to it. Respect her opinion if you want to remain a happily married guy and talk about a compromise (maybe when the kids are older?).

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[Riverdome 0]

I don't have the money to commit to a full-time hobby/sport but assuming I enjoy the jump I could see a jump a year or so as a possibility.

Hate to not go but not looking to create bad blood at home either.

[Remster 24]

You have to weight what's more important to you: your relationship with your wife, or jumping out of a plane. None of us know you or your situation, so it's up t you.

Remster

[DrewEckhardt 0]

Quote

Aside from having to get over my own fears my wife doesn't want me to jump. Won't even go to the DZ, has no desire to see the damage she says.

We're happily married with 2 kids + 1 on the way and I understand her concerns about becoming a widow - that kind of talk is not helping me get over my own fears. I don't want to do it behind her back but am at that point. Better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission?

Certainly someone has had a similar experience, any advice?

Do you have investment savings, life insurance, and accidental death policies that total 25X your annual salary and without skydiving or general aviation exclusions? That's what your family will need to replace your lost salary if you die (they can draw about 4% a year indefinitely).

Do you have health insurance and savings to cover co-insurance? A broken leg with complications can run up a $100K tab.

Do you have short and long term disability policies that will cover all your living expenses? Broken bones and lost work are not uncommon.

If you've got that covered skydiving may be a sport for you.

Otherwise you made those kids and they're your responsibility. In 30 years even the youngest will probably be self supporting and you can live more for yourself.

[skyjumpenfool 2]

See if she'd be up to a compromise....
Ask her if she'd be willing to go out to a DZ and hang around for a couple hours to watch. Not to jump or to watch you jump, but, just to see what it's all about. Sometimes, understanding extreme sports can ease the fear. ….Then again, sometimes not?

Birdshit & Fools Productions

"Son, only two things fall from the sky."

[Nataly 38]

Skydiving is not an activity that requires a lot of physical fitness (although being in good health never hurts). Falling through the air is not hard on muscles / joints... Opening the parachute doesn't require any strength... Landings (done properly) are soft... You can have high or low blood-pressure, you don't need flexibility or agility or sense of direction, et cetera, et cetera. In fact, if you go for a tandem, you are basically a passenger and have very little to actually take care of yourself (aside from smiling for the camera!!)...

HOWEVER... Skydiving IS risky, you CAN die, and things DON'T always go well. The good news, however, is that even though the risks are not negligible, they do not significantly increase with age... The reason I am telling you all this, is to reassure you that skydiving will still be an option for years and years to come. My mom and I did our first jump course together and she was in her 50s

Things usually go just fine, but why don't you put it off at least until your baby is able to poop on its own? Your wife's concerns are not totally irrational (for once!)...

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[ryoder 1,384]

Self-rectifying problem;
As soon as you start spending every weekend at the DZ, you will soon be single.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[Riverdome 0]

Quote

Your wife's concerns are not totally irrational (for once!)...

No she's not being irrational I just don't like what she's saying!

Thanks all for the honest advice. I almost didn't post the question thinking that the replies would be too pro-diving, seeing as how ya'll love it so much.

[airtwardo 6]

We're happily married with 2 kids + 1 on the way and I understand her concerns about becoming a widow...

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Wow...maybe a good time to do a little cost/benefit analysis huh?

I can't speak from direct personal experience, when I met my wife I'd already been in the sport over 17 years so she knew that was part of the package.

I do have a few friends that stopped jumping during the pregnancy and resumed once things settled down.

Since this is I take it your 1st jump, one kinda has to wonder why you chose this particular point in your life to do it?


Why ~ what's the benefit?
Be really honest with yourself on this, is it a bucket list thing, recapturing lost youth?
Is it a part of your ordinary personality to pursue expensive high risk hobbies?
Is the foray into the sport a one & done thing or do you aspire to become active in Skydiving long term?

I know why I jump as do most people, it's an informed decision with the pro's and con's weighed out.

In many case there are definite sacrifices we make but feel what we are getting back is worth it....is that the true in your case?

Cost~ what do ya have to lose?
Again something ya need to look hard at.

Your wife being upset and stressed during pregnancy isn't a good thing, but there are degrees of both - you know better than us how stressed she'll be...what effect it might have.

Her concerns are very real to her, an EXTREMELY serious matter in her eyes.

Disregarding those concerns either openly or by sneaking around 'could' raise questions in her mind regarding family commitment stuff.

Again you know better than anyone here if your minimising of all that will harm the 'happily' part of the marriage thing.


The odds your getting hurt or killed on your 1st jump as very small but they are not nonexistent.

Your wife no doubt is thinking in terms of worst case scenario. She probably wants you around for a while and the 'possibility' this endeavor spotlights, scares the hell out of her.

At the very minimum I'd hope you've taken measures to protect the security, the financial future of your family. . .

I'm the father of three myself and though my kids are grown and on their own, lessening my responsibility in that area...I made sure I had full medical and close to a million in life insurance in place while they were young.

So...I'm not suggesting what you should do one way or another. You have a desire, your wife has concerns...you BOTH need to address which take priority in your circumstance.

I will say however, I love Skydiving and have been doing it on a regular basis for over 37 years. It's my passion and a real part of me and my life.

If MY wife came home today and for whatever reason said it was either her or the sport...then no question, I'd made my last jump ~ it was 4 days ago.

Gotta have yer priorities straight!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[Rstanley0312 0]

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Self-rectifying problem;
As soon as you start spending every weekend at the DZ, you will soon be single.

Life is all about ass....either you're kicking it, kissing it, working it off, or trying to get a piece of it.
Muff Brother #4382 Dudeist Skydiver #000
www.fundraiseadventure.com

[cocheese 0]

You want Pro-diving advice?

Go jump. Lie to her about where you are going. Get video. Show her the video a few days later.

Tell her how it changed your life for the better and that it was the best day of your life. Yes even better than when your kids were born and when you got married.

If that doesn't work out too well, post another thread and we'll give you more advice.

[Phillbo 11]

Are we talking about a Tandem here or an AFF jump ?

[Nataly 38]

Want some advice? Take all advice with varying doses of salt...

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[airtwardo 6]

Quote

Are we talking about a Tandem here or an AFF jump ?

Yes.

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[wmw999 2,122]

Plan a trip to Disney World, spend some time in the wind tunnel in Orlando while you're there. You can all spend some time, including the kids.

That'll probably be cheaper than starting to jump.

Wendy P.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[Riverdome 0]

Quote

Are we talking about a Tandem here or an AFF jump ?

Tandem

[DiverMike 5]

I don't know all the details, but that may change things a bit. The overwhelming number of tandem students do not become licensed skydivers, and the financial commitment is small. It is also much safer. For a couple hundred bucks you can scratch that itch , check the box in your bucket list, or whatever.

Having said that, I went 29 years between my first and second jump. The sky will always be there. Your kids are only young once, and they are always more important than any fun you think you may be missing.

For the same reason I jump off a perfectly good diving board.

[Phillbo 11]

Do it ... But don't hide it from your wife because when you get home you will not be able to keep quiet about it.


I like advice around having her go to the DZ and watch a few tandems to see really how docile the landings can be.

[Southern_Man 0]

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Self-rectifying problem;
As soon as you start spending every weekend at the DZ, you will soon be single.

Yup, usually these kinds of things just work themselves out.

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

[TsunamiGilligan 0]

I was in the same situation a couple years ago. I had always had a mild interest in skydiving, but every time I mentioned it my wife nixed the idea. My interest wasn't strong enough to make a big deal about it, so I never pushed it. I did try the tunnel in Orlando, which got me a little more interested, but still not enough to push the issue.

Then one of my buddies decided that he wanted to get a group to do tandems for his bachelor party. My wife caved to peer pressure and let me go. After seeing how much I enjoyed it, she got me a gift certificate for another tandem a year later. Not long after that, she saw a groupon for a first jump course and gave me that as a gift. She may not have realized what she was doing, but once I got through FJC, I wanted to be a skydiver.

She felt much better about it after I was able to explain the safety equipment to her. Learning about reserves, AADs, and all the emergency procedures gave both of us the confidence that skydiving was an acceptable risk. Lots of things in life have potential risk. Managing risk is a personal decision, and everyone needs to decide what their own level of acceptable risk is.

I don't have any kids, so that wasn't a factor in my decision. However, I do know a lot of skydivers who do have kids.

[FlyingRhenquest 1]

What are you afraid of, that must be dealt with in such urgency? Heights and falling? Those fears are there for a reason. They're not unreasonable fears. Death? You should be afraid of death. You have responsibilities beyond yourself now. Should you die before discharging them, your family will have much harder lives than they would if you were around.

Before every jump I tell myself, "This could be my last jump. I could die on this jump." And I'm OK with that. If I'm ever not OK with it, I won't make the jump. Even with all my training, with all the safety gear and the ever growing body of experience, sometimes shit just happens and you die. If you try to deny that, I think that you will become a complacent skydiver and the likelihood will just increase.

At this point in your life, there should be no way you could look out the door of that plane, tell yourself "This could be my last jump. I could die on this jump," and be OK with it.

I'm trying to teach myself how to set things on fire with my mind. Hey... is it hot in here?