Nervous Husband - Wife jumping, please read

[The_Don 0]

I didn't go to college.. But .. WTF?

Ameliorating ???

I am NOT being loud.
I'm being enthusiastic!

[Gretsch 0]

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I didn't go to college.. But .. WTF?

Amelioraing ???

I think the T went skydiving.
http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?va=ameliorating

transitive verb : to make better or more tolerable

I'm still here. Still reading. Thanks again everyone! I hope the people we meet at our local DZ are as nice as you!

-Gretsch
...like fetch with a GR. :)

[azureriders 0]

Gretsch,

I just read your original post to this thread, please forgive me for not reading through the other 50 some odd post as it is late and know what most of them say anyway. I will however take the time to tell you a story that I think you may like/need to hear.


It was a little over a year ago and I was, as I normally am, looking for some new quality employees. One applicant, who went by Rusty, and I had spent quiet some time hashing out some details while his two week notice transpired at his other job. At some point during this time Rusty learned that I was a skydiver and let me know that it was something he always wanted to do. By this time this guy was looking real promising and I offered a tandem jump as part of his signing bonus. Rusty was overly enthusiastic about his bonus. Surprisingly, only two weeks after I hired him, he told me that he would have to reconsider the jump. A couple more weeks and a couple reminders and it became evident that he did not wish to jump, for what ever reason, and the issue was dropped.

Fast forward almost one year. It is Saturday morning; I had made a couple jumps before taking a quick break to borrow a phone and call to check on the crew. My foreman tells me that Rusty was a no show no call but all was well otherwise. I thought that odd but continued with my weekend of jumping. Sunday night on my way home, as I come back into service of my phone, I get a voice mail. It was my foreman, informing me that Rusty had actually been killed in a car crash that Friday night.

Fast forward several more days and you find me entering the funeral home to pay my respects. It takes awhile to make my way into the chapel, although Rusty and I had only known each other for less than a year, we had many old mutual friends. Once inside I find his wife sitting in the back, one arm still in a cast from the wreck, several pictures of Rusty in her lap. As I wait my turn to speak with her I over hear her saying "That is not my Rusty, this is my Rusty" while pointing to the casket up front and then to the pictures in hand. The wreck must have been bad and she was still shaken, both mentally and physically.

Now it's my turn, as I reach her I take a knee to get to eye level. I have seen her many times as she stopped by the job site over the last year, but it was obvious she did not recognize me in a suit. "It’s me, Joe" I say. It takes only a few moments for her to acknowledge my identity. Her first words to me were not "he loved his job", nor "he enjoyed his work". No, her first words to me were "he wanted to jump". I admit, it toke me a second or two to regroup my thoughts, and lucky it did. The words "and I was going to take him" were on the tip of my tongue when she burst out her next statement, drowned in tears, "and I would not let him." Somehow I managed to keep my composure and offer what condolence I could. However, as the gravity of her statement landed, my wife behind me and several others around me simply lost it.

Now I come from a backwoods country upbringing where a funeral is a community thing, not just a few family members. Point is I have been to my share of them. We still dig the graves of our family and friends with shovel and pick, simply because it is the last thing we can do for them. I have been a pallbearer more times than I can count. Out of all this, I have never had anything hit me harder than this woman’s grief, for she knew that Rusty missed out on a dream, because of her reservations about his life, that came to pass, jumping or not.


I hope this story offers you some help in your decisions, although I don’t know if it would me, if I were in your shoes. For while I believe you should not hold someone’s dreams back, I also believe it is your duty to do every thing in your power to keep your wife safe.

As for how my wife handles my jumping, well she normally gives a good hard push just before chasing after me, but that’s just us.

Sorry for the long post, but it is a very true story that hit hard with me and I thought I would share it. Again I hope it helps.

Blue Skys

[Ratty 0]

I met my current BF after about 3 months of going to the drop zone. He has been a sky diver for many years and has quite a few hundred jumps under his belt. He has no problem jumping himself but like you gets really nervous when I jump. He even shouted at me once because i didn't flare all the way on my one landing (I'm very light jumping a student canopy, just wanted a bit of fun).
If you love a person you will always worry, its just a matter of learning to hide that worry for their sake.

[Gretsch 0]

Thank you for taking the time to share that with me (us). I was very moved by your words.

Thank you all for your advice and your stories.

Please know I won't stop her. She needs to do this and I need to support her. I am trying to find the strength to help her and you ALL have helped me so much and in turn, you've helped her. I am going to follow everyone's advice (except tomvailco's. I'm far too chicken to jump right now, but I'm actually considering it).

I'm going to learn all I can. I'm going to help her in any way I can. She will have the best cheerleaders at the DZ. Two cute little girls and one old fart husband!
This has been very upsetting for me, and you have all helped put me on the right path. There is no guarantee of safety. There is always the possibility bad things can happen, but education, a good instructor and good gear can help decrease the risks.

I know I've said this a lot, but I feel I need to say it again - THANK YOU ALL.

Oh hey, there are pictures of her first jump here if you want to see the wonderful lady you have all helped beyond what mere words can descibe.

http://picasaweb.google.com/tsteffes

Thank you so much!

If any of you are in the Michigan area, please email me ([email protected]). I owe you an icy cold drink of your choosing!!

-Gretsch
...like fetch with a GR. :)

[okalb 78]

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I met my current BF after about 3 months of going to the drop zone. He has been a sky diver for many years and has quite a few hundred jumps under his belt. He has no problem jumping himself but like you gets really nervous when I jump. He even shouted at me once because i didn't flare all the way on my one landing (I'm very light jumping a student canopy, just wanted a bit of fun).
If you love a person you will always worry, its just a matter of learning to hide that worry for their sake.

Funny you should say that. I have over 2000 jumps and my GF has over 1000. We both have no problem with each other jumping, but for some reason it makes me really nervous when she jumps on days that I am not at the DZ. She feels the same way and worries when I am at the DZ without her. When we are both there, we rarely jump together, she is either doing 4-way or AFF and I am organizing, but we still feel better. Just a weird thing I though I would throw in there.

Time flies like an arrow....fruit flies like a banana

[somebodynew 0]

I just want you to know I love you! I've done exactly 2 tandems - I didn't even tell my husband about the first one until after the event. I will tell you that you can only enhance your relationship by your support of your wife's dream. I think that a true soulmate will support anything that encourages their mate to become the authentic person that they are meant to be. While there is an adrenlien addiction there is much more to this sport - I'm not sure what it all is and I may never be able to explore it fully - but your wife is a lucky woman and I hope that you will join her in the awesome world of skydiving.

I used to cry, now I hold my head up high..
and you see me, somebody new...

[Gretsch 0]

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I just want you to know I love you! I've done exactly 2 tandems - I didn't even tell my husband about the first one until after the event. I will tell you that you can only enhance your relationship by your support of your wife's dream. I think that a true soulmate will support anything that encourages their mate to become the authentic person that they are meant to be. While there is an adrenlien addiction there is much more to this sport - I'm not sure what it all is and I may never be able to explore it fully - but your wife is a lucky woman and I hope that you will join her in the awesome world of skydiving.

Aw thanks! You just completely made my day. I love my wife so deeply, I would do anything for her. She is the best wife a man could ask for.

-Gretsch
...like fetch with a GR. :)

[matthias 0]

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Please someone tell me that she will be fine..

There are no gauruntees, that's why the waiver exists. However...I would strongly encourage you to go to the DZ with her and observe the AFF lvl 1 first jump course. Talk to her jumpasters, talk to other instructors, riggers, the S&TA, ask any question that comes to mind about the gear, how it works. I wont say this will or will not make you feel any better, but it should minimize your fears of the unknown...which from my observations thus far is where most of the fear in non-jumpers stems from.

my 0.02

_________________________________________
trance/house mixes for download:
www.djmattm.com

[kelpdiver 2]

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The fatality rate in skydiving is 1 in 225,000. The fatality rate of treadmills is 1 in 10,000. (ACSM, Guidelines for exercise testing and prescription 6th edition) Your wife will be quite safe as long as she takes a conservative path and has good instructors. By her good gear and allow her to stay current and she'll be fine.

Do you really believe that treadmills are 16 times more dangerous than skydiving. The driving bit is ridiculous enough, but this is insane. It's not even true.

The 1 in 1000 annual death rate is pretty well established. For all the (few) US jumpers that aren't USPA members, remove all the lifetime USPA members that aren't active. 1 in 70,000 (give or take) per jump.

Driving - 1 in 6500 Americans per year die.
Treadmills - no idea, but you have to remember that users of treadmills aren't nearly as healthy as the typical skydiver. They come in heavier and with more cardiac problems.

-----
The original poster has valid reasons to be worried. It's isn't a safe sport. I'll tell him that avoiding risk isn't a sure plan either - one of my closer girlfriends died of recurrent cancer at 32 without a sign until it was too late. Most skydivers, I hope, recognize that the risk is there but value the experience skydiving gives.

[Judit 0]

Thank you for everyone, I really enjoyed this thread. Great posts and advise. There is not much new I can say after all these posts but I'd still like to say a few things.

First of all, you are amazing and I hope your wife knows just how lucky she is!

Life is dangerous regardless what we do. There is only one sure thing in life once you are born that you will die. You don’t have to be a skydiver for that. But its always up to you what you make that journey like. My husband was a racing driver for 15 years and died in a road accident. Some of people who went to work on 9/11 might have never done anything that is considered dangerous, might have never sat on a plane cause they were too afraid and they got killed by one. There are no guarantees in life so make the maximum out of the time you have!

There is a girl in our group who comes with her boyfriend to the dz every weekend, comes to all the parties and the club nights so although she's never jumped she became one of us. If she stayed at home to worry, she'd miss out of all the fun she's having this way. Go with your wife to the dz and get involved enough to become one of us And I'm pretty sure long enough you spend there more intrigued will become to find out for yourself You won't regret it but YOU have to make that decision.

I went on this journey with my mum. Naturally she worried when I started jumping so I decided to show her all my videos, explained how a rig worked, took her to the dz, she did a tandem and she absolutely loved it. Last year we went on a skydiving holiday together to Spain, while I was jumping she and her friend were on the dz watching me or shopping in town somewhere. It was awesome to be able to share a holiday like that with my mum. I'd lie if i said she doesn't worry anymore but she understands. She knows what this means to me and totally supports it. She knows if I die doing it at least I'd have died doing something I absolutely love.

Good luck to both of you!

Skydiving is not a sport, it's a lifestyle!

Take risks not to escape life but to prevent life from escaping

[udder 0]

But it is safer than a shitload of other sports. And serious road riding(bicycle) for many years nearly certainly involves the addition of some metal to your body. I know no less than a dozen cyclists with metal in them.

Im still amazed that big mountain climbing is socially acceptable and applauded while skydiving, which is infinitely more safe is made out to consist of the lunatic fringe.

"In one way or the other, I'm a bad brother. Word to the motherf**ker." Eazy-E

[tbrown 26]

If your wife progresses well with her training, she should probably be alright. A few students who just don't seem to "get it" are cut loose, politely or otherwise, for their own good - and ours. But that's a small minority, as most people who commit to the student progression are motivated and pick up safe habits.

Anything can happen every single time a load goes up, stating with the possibility of a plane crash on takeoff, something we really dread because we're so helpless to do anything about it but sit tight & pray. Things can happen in the air, under canopy, even coming in for a landing under a perfectly good parachute. Just like driving on the freeway, a safety concious jumper can get creamed by some idiots who are only thinking of themselves.

To be very honest, it is more than a little likely that a jumper will have an injury at some point and may carry some "metal" around in their body for life. I was fortunate to have my own "metal" removed after just a few months, but I know several people with permanent "metal". We live with it, some of us treat it as a badge of honor. Jumping is just too deeply beautiful to stop and for the most part we do have the risks figured in our favor. I like to tell my friends that our sport is "safe enough".

What I have also seen though is that the sport has ruptured a lot of relationships and marriages. IF your wife is really serious about wanting to jump, nothing in the world is going to stop her, not if she wants it that badly. I'll be honest, this can really test your marriage. My own wife knew I was a jumper when we started dating and though she doesn't jump herself she loves how happy it makes me. She knows I'm safety conscious, but she also admits that she gets a twinge of fear at some point during the day every time I go out to jump. Then she thinks of the good things it does, and she lets go of the thought.

I would take Sky Angel 2's advice and learn as much as you can about your wife's training program. She needs to be mindful about your own concerns too, this is not just a one way burden on your shoulders, we are ALL responsible for what we do with our lives. But if she loves it that much, you'll need to make some kind of peace with it. I think once you're around it more and understand it better, you can find that point. I hope so, for both of you. Best of luck.

Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity !

[Gretsch 0]

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I would take Sky Angel 2's advice and learn as much as you can about your wife's training program. She needs to be mindful about your own concerns too, this is not just a one way burden on your shoulders, we are ALL responsible for what we do with our lives. But if she loves it that much, you'll need to make some kind of peace with it. I think once you're around it more and understand it better, you can find that point. I hope so, for both of you. Best of luck.

Thanks!

-Gretsch
...like fetch with a GR. :)

[sartre 0]

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I have read everyone's replies carefully, and I sincerely appreciate your honesty and respect. I have to support her, and I will find a way to do it. I will go the the DZ and be there to welcome her back to earth. I don't think I could ever jump. I am not brave enough for that. But I'll cheer her on.

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate yout time. I will keep reading this forum. I do want to educate myself about what makes her happy.

THANK YOU!

-Gretsch

Believe me, she will appreciate you supporting her in this. And the more you learn about the sport, the better you will feel because you'll know what things she needs to be doing to reduce her chances of making a fatal error.

Be the person she can rave to about her excitement and enthusiasm. Be her cheering section. And know everything you can so that you can talk intelligently with her about her options. Even if you don't jump, you can make it a sort of partnership that can bring you closer.

Good luck to both of you. Your heart's in the right place; she's a lucky woman.

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[adobelover 0]

Life is risky period..there are no guarantees...EVER! You could die in your sleep tonight or in a vehicular accident tomorrow. I applaud you for being supportive of your wife. She NEEDS your support. The more educated you are in this sport the better for her and your own peace of mind. My husband jumped in the military and for years talked about doing it again. I had always said I'd only jump out of a plane if it was on fire. To make a long story shorter...I just turned 54 years old and I have almost 160 jumps after taking a static line course with my hubby. It's the coolest thing I've ever done and I can't imagine my life without spending weekends at the dropzone. I love my adopted dz family and skydiving. If I were to die doing what I love...what could be a better way to go? Who Knows..
you might actually want to try a tandem sometime. You might enjoy it too.

_________________________________________


Old age ain't no place for sissies!

[kelpdiver 2]

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But it is safer than a shitload of other sports. And serious road riding(bicycle) for many years nearly certainly involves the addition of some metal to your body. I know no less than a dozen cyclists with metal in them.

Im still amazed that big mountain climbing is socially acceptable and applauded while skydiving, which is infinitely more safe is made out to consist of the lunatic fringe.

I'm amazed too, that you believe this. Shitload of sports?

Big mountain climbing is a tiny subset of mountaineering. Many sports have a higher risk subcomponent. BASE is that for skydiving, though I know they consider it an entirely different parachuting sport.

And are all your cycling buddies downhillers? They break a lot of collar bones, but not so many femurs. Hundreds of thousands of triathletes seem to be doing well, and lots of cyclists after that.

[obelixtim 100]

Everyone here has said everything you need to hear and do....

As an instructor I make a point of inviting spouses, parents and friends to sit in on my training sessions......and I know it gives them an enormous amount of reassurance to see and hear what is involved, and to learn for themselves exactly how a parachute is built, rigged and deployed, and all the bits that go with it....also they can see how their loved one handles the training....and how they are trained......I also ask them to read the literature (training manual) I give to the trainee......

Knowledge dispels fear........

Many of these observers have gone a lot further and asked to make a jump themselves.....(part of my cunning plan of course)....

I've never had a negative reaction from any of these observers, but in fact many of them have expressed their thanks to me for helping them through an anxious time........and really its easy to do and costs nothing to make happen......

I've trained over 10000 solo jumpers in my career, and never lost one....but I know very well that could change on the next load I take up.....so my vigilance never wavers......EVERYBODY I take is special.......

I'd say that is probably the case with the instructors taking your wife through her training as well.....even though I don't know them personally.....

You didn't say your wife did a jump with Santa Claus!!!!!..... How good is that!!....

My computer beat me at chess, It was no match for me at kickboxing....

[udder 0]

Yup. They're national team rowers that do three 100km cycles a week. One compound fractured his tib-fib...Onto big mountain climbing, sure it is a tiny subset but I still know an Everest summiter. 3 people died while he was on the mountain. And 2 one on his own team during his attempt on K2.

I never said cycling was more likely to results in your death, jsut more likely to result in broken bones. Skydiving may have femurs, but I'm pretty sure way less overall breakages than something like moto-x. I also know lots of road racers(motorcycle) who have smashed themselves up. If you go to your state racing champs there will be more metal per capita than on the DZ...

Skydiving is an obscure sport. There are lots of other low participation high risk sports. Just in the last month there have been two motor car racing deaths. Which has fewer participants than skydiving. This is in Aus to put in in perspective. Don't kid yourself. This isn't the only dangerous sport. There is wide variety of potentially deadly past times. And I believe serious white water rafting to be significantly more dangerous. Same with back country skiing. Cave diving. Free diving. Shark fucking etc

PS> Please don't take this as a lack of understanding the risks of skydiving. Our dropzone has had more than it's fair share of tragedy. But yes I stand by my claim that there are lots of other high risk low participation sports.

"In one way or the other, I'm a bad brother. Word to the motherf**ker." Eazy-E

[udder 0]

"Everything changes if you're riding a motorcycle. At a fatality rate of 38 per 100 million miles travelled, it would only take me 5,000 miles on a motorcycle in a year to reach the risk level of my 202 jumps. Based on this, it seems that skydiving and motorcycle riding carry similar amounts of risk." To quote from another thread.

So if you do 20 000 miles on a bike a year you stand a four times greater chance of dying. Or 8 times greater chance of dying than if you did 100 jumps a year.

Your mileage may vary. But here is proof that more socially acceptable activities are significantly more dangerous than skydiving, and have a significantly higher number of participants.

"In one way or the other, I'm a bad brother. Word to the motherf**ker." Eazy-E

[Gretsch 0]

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You didn't say your wife did a jump with Santa Claus!!!!!..... How good is that!!....

Larry is quite a character.

-Gretsch
...like fetch with a GR. :)

[pirana 0]

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Why don't you do a tandem and then you'll know why she wants to do it again.

I'll 2nd that, or 3rd it; or whatever it's up to now.

Wife and I did tandems together. She has no desire to jump again, but it made all the difference in the world when I told her I was going to enter training.

She visits the DZ occassionally and digs the people she meets, but truth is most people find the DZ is a pretty boring place if you do not jump or are not in the business in some way. Cool and sensational at 1st, but gets old fast for non-participants.

" . . . the lust for power can be just as completely satisfied by suggesting people into loving their servitude as by flogging them and kicking them into obedience." -- Aldous Huxley

[kelpdiver 2]

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Your mileage may vary. But here is proof that more socially acceptable activities are significantly more dangerous than skydiving, and have a significantly higher number of participants.

Motorcycling is a fair example - the risks are pretty close to the same 1 in 1000 per year. (Not significantly higher, mind you) But it's a bit wrong to look at it on a mileage basis - the ones going 10-20k/year are at a much lower risk per mile than the 3k/year crowd. Currency is valuable there as well as skydiving, up till the point where you start getting too comfortable. (was a contributing factor in the xray you can see of my shoulder)

[udder 0]

And to make matters worse. My girlfriend does both...

"In one way or the other, I'm a bad brother. Word to the motherf**ker." Eazy-E

[Dragonlady 0]

Hi everyone - I'm the wife that freaked out the husband. I have to say he was very supportive through the whole experience. And what an experience. What a thrill! I look at the pictures and feel that exhilaration all over again. The thought of going back up and flying out of the plane gets me all tingly again. Thanks for all the words of advice and the encouraging words. You all have made it a little bit easier for Gretsch to try and deal with me going back up again. I can't wait for spring. I want to take a day or two and just keep jumping, one after the other. I don't know if I can do that, but I think about it alot.
Thanks again for keeping my husband grounded.