Well, where did it go?

[Michele 1]

So here I am, sitting on the bleachers, waiting to have the panic hit like it did on Thursday. Waiting for the shakes, the sweaty palms, just waiting. The heat is brutal, the sun beating down on us, I am sweating. But not because of fear.
Get ready to jump. I'm waiting. Waiting for the load of bricks to land on my chest, to stop me from breathing. Waiting for the creepies to crawl down my spine. Waiting for the mental images to pop in front of my eyes, of the canopy collapsing, the plane crashing, falling, out of control...waiting.
And waiting.
In the loading area, talking to people. Waiting. Chatting with them like always, but waiting for the belly to drop. The eyes to cross. The hair to feel too tight.
Hummm. And still waiting.
Hearing the engines turn over on the plane, feeling the prop blast, climbing the stairs, waiting. Because of course fear will come. It never hasn't. We taxi, and I start to wonder where the fear went? How did I get free of it this time? Where did it go? I am still certain it will come. So I wait. I feel apprehensive, nervous, and I know it will eventually bloom into fear, panic. So I wait.
My alti works fine (thanks Sinister69-really appreciate it)...but I am still waiting. At 12,500, still waiting. There goes the rest of the load, out into the sky, there and gone in a blink - and I am still waiting. Slide down the bench, making sure the light is still green, counting the other jumpers out 1,2,3,4,5,...still waiting. Spotting. Hands on the bar, head outside the plane, body following, and I wait. I must make sure I let go with both hands this time.
Dropping off into the sky, it occurs to me that I have waited in vain. It didn't come. I am flying around the sky - no-one here, no one in my face giving me signals, and I breathe. Freely and deeply, I breathe. I smell the difference in the air up here, sharper, cleaner, sweeter and bitter at the same time. I turn into the sun, and track. I feel the speed whipping my jumpsuit, distorting my face, twisting the grin on my face. I practice knee controlled turns, speeding around and then bang! stopping. I start to chip, so I relax into my arch, and I look around. I see specks, could they be the tandems? I try to get my arms in front of me, like for rw, and that is the funniest thing I have seen in a while....and I start laughing there, at 7500 feet...I giggle, and I am having so much fun.
I reach back, and I pull the chute. I see purple and green, there, square. Reaching out, I test the risers for the first time. I pull on the back risers, although my toggles are just fine. I want to see what it's like....but it's really hard. I pull the toggle, spinning more than once. This actually could be fun - I feel my feet swing out from under me, I am really moving, but this time I can control it, so I stop, and then turn the other way. How fun is that!
I line up for an accuracy landing, near the flag in the center of the student circle. I will make it, I am sure of it, but this is the first time under this canopy so I screw up the timing of the flare, that ground is coming up fast, so I stare at it and forget to run under the canopy; instead I just fall to my knees, and then onto my hands. Up and around to the back of the canopy, and I bundle it together, and climb into the truck.
Something changed, but I don't know what. I feel the difference, but I don't know what has happened. So I don't think about it hard, because I don't want to find the fear if it has gone for good. It can stay gone.
I now understand the concept of "WWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEE"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ciel bleu-
Michele

[DZBone 0]

And, >click<, she's a skydiver.

• Quote

[mountainman 0]

Great job Michele!! I just finished AFF last week and have done 3 solos since. They are so awesome since you don't have instructors right there giving you signals and having a certain "game plan" to stick to.
I sure hope that you keep enjoying yourself and not go back to the "nerves". On my last two exits with Wildblue, I just look back, yell "Rock-n-roll" and dive out. It was excellent!!
Anyway, just wanted to say Congrats for getting more comfy and I hope that it continues. Keep it up!!![url=http://home.woh.rr.com/brandonandlaura]Updated on 6 Augusturl]and Richmond Boogie info!

[DiverDave 0]

Right on, Michele!
The sky only gets bluer from here on out...
Cheers... Dave

[Viking 0]

i envy you Remember when Sex was safe and skydiving was Dangerous?

[nimbus 0]

yaaay! that's fantastic Michele..... hope I can make it to that point too..

[skybytch 259]

Yay Michele!!! Wasn't it an awesome feeling to not be feeling that?
Now, not to blow your good mood or anything...

Quote

So I don't think about it hard, because I don't want to find the fear if it has gone for good. It can stay gone.

The fear will be back... count on it. If you haven't jumped for a couple of weeks, when you're trying out a smaller main as you go through the demo program, when you're doing your first relative work jump with someone other than a JM or coach... there are lots of times when fear will be back to ride on your shoulders. The triumph is in pushing through the fear each time and taking action - which you have done repeatedly since your first jump.
In a way you should welcome the fear, because it alerts you to a situation that is different from the one you're becoming used to, which should throw a red flag up in front of you to be sure that you are ready for the new situation. Get the information, training, knowledge, reassurance, whatever you need to make the fear kick down a few notches, then go do your jump and be awesome!
When's your next jump?
pull and flare,
lisa
----
I am a nobody.
Nobody's perfect.
Therefore, I am perfect!

[Michele 1]

Hi, Lisa.

Quote

there are lots of times when fear will be back to ride on your shoulders.

Cool, tandems!
I know it will come back. I jus hope its' fangs have been dulled somewhat before it bites me in the ass again. Last thursday was a really difficult one, the worst I have ever had (yeah, all 12 jumps). Worse even than when I jumped after my mal. At least then, someone was in the air with me.
And you didn't spoil my mood. I've been smiling all day. Like this : I will need to get in touch with you about the demo program soon. I figure I'll get to Perris this weekend. Will you be around?
ciel bleu-
Michele

[Snowflake 0]

congrats you made it over the hump. The fear wasn't gone it's just so small compared to what your used to, I was waiting for this post it was around my 10-13th jump that i went up and asked myself the same question. it'll be back but nothing like it has been just a few butterflies. Now it's time for you to start rockin. jump your ass off no more 1 jump days. may I also suggest Canopy Control 150 from Skydive U (book and video package 16.95 cheap) it helped me so much under canopy.
PS I can't wait to hear about your SCR it better be a no show (cough cough)
Ready
Set
Go
o
o

JG

[Michele 1]

Hey, Snowflake...I hear I missed you when you were at Perris...my loss, too.
But please forgive me...SCR?
Silly Crew Relative? Stupid Crow Response? Sunset Crash Report? Salmonella Cramps Retaliation? Slide (on the) Crack (in your) Rear?
And in regards to the Canopy Control Vid, I am planning on borrowing it, and I fully expect to take the Canopy Control School with Jim Slayton and crew as soon as I have the extra cash. The adventure continues.....
Ciel bleu-
Michele

[Iflyme 0]

Bingo! Ain't it great!!! You ARE a skydiver, Michele!

[skymedic 0]

woooooooooohhhhhoooooooooooo...way to go girlll....now you are a skydiver chick...nothing better ..
Marc
Here I come to save the day!!!!!!!!!!!

[sinister69 0]

i knew you could do it girl! have fun out there for me since I won't be jumping for a few months. but you better have your A license by the time my leg is better. And don't get to connected to that alti, gonna need it back. Or you could keep it if you like it and just get me a new one when I get back in the air (hint hint). hehe. also, it was nice seeing a bunch of ya sunday. sorry I couldn't stay longer but it was really hot and my leg was hurting. felt like it was roasting in this cast. I am gonna try to make it out there every couple of weeks just to stay in touch. love you all, bye
Blue Skies!
Sinister69
http://home.pacbell.net/n1elson1

[rainman 0]

YEAAHHHHH!!!!
I'm so proud of you! (Forget the small details like me not knowing you ).
Many happy jumps, and soft landings!
Ramon

[PhillyKev 0]

Congrats....next emotion will be a desire to do something new. Now that the fear is gone from your solo, you'll do a few solos and have fun, doing flips and spins and practicing turns, but after a dozen or so you'll be thinking, hmmmm...what else can I do. And that's when you have to decide on which way to go, freeflying or RW. I guess you can do both, but personally, I want to concentrate on RW until I master that, then I'll move on to FF. I really enjoy flying with others and seeing their faces and connecting with them in the sky (besides, I just spent $300 on an RW suit :-)
cielos azules y cerveza fría
-Kevin

[gman 0]

Sinister! Is this you?
http://www.perriscam.com/images/PHOTO1810.JPG
Get well fast!
-G.L.-

[Michele 1]

Gman - yeah, that's him! Cast and all. And the lady behind him is Linda, who works in the Perris school.
What he won't say is he is pretty zonked right there - you can tell by the zany smile, and the spacy eyes...(lol - now, don't get offended, Sin).
ciels-
Michele

[DZBone 0]

Quote

you can tell by the zany smile, and the spacy eyes

Oh, I thought that's what he looked like all the time!
Hehe, just kidding, Sin.
Virtual Cast Signing:
Let's try that one again, a little more flair (flare) this time! -- Carl
Carl

[freaksister2 0]

Michele, SCR stands for Star Crest Recipient. It means you were base for an 8-way or larger star formation. Get a copy of the latest issue of Parachutist and go to the article about the RW revolution (the title is something along those lines). In the bottom corner of one of the pages is a good description of what the SCR and SCS (Star Crest Soloist) are and who invented them. (Bill Newell, not USPA). They are awards stemming from the days when RW wasn't like it is today, and they are in memoriam. The SCR is much easier than the SCS (I haven't yet attempted the SCS - maybe at Quincy!) You have to fly into the 8th slot or later on the SCS, not just lay base.
The best part of getting your SCR/SCS is the ceremony! hehe
Sis (SCR # 14358)

[skybytch 259]

The SCR is for the first 7 people to dock on a freeflown 8 way or larger star, SCS is for those who dock 8th or later on a freeflown 8 way or larger star. The formation must be a star and you can't launch a piece. Originally started in honor of Bob Buquor, an early RW enthusiast. The award program is being run by Bill Newell.
Even more fun than that is the WSCR and WSCS... only women can get the WSCR (first 7 to dock on a freeflown 8 way or larger ALL FEMALE star), guys can get a WSCS by docking 9th or later on a freeflown 8 way or larger all female star. Originally started by Purusha Crocitto (Purple Patti), who organized many of the first all female world record jumps.
pull and flare,
lisa
----
I am a nobody.
Nobody's perfect.
Therefore, I am perfect!