If I see another post about...

[Trent 0]

*this is the sound of the Texans taking the moral high road*
But I can't resist...
If you thought the Beverly Hillbillies had some class, that really doesn't say too much about where you must be from now does it???
And no, there is no basement in the Alamo.
T

[Dutchboy 0]

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hate it when people think the Beverly Hillbillies are from Texas...
Nor are the Dukes of Hazzard, btw!

That's right. The Dukes of Hazzard are from Georgia. All of the skydiving chicks in this state look like Daisy too!

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[SpeedRacer 1]

slogans:
Georgia: We put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism!
Texas: Si hablo Ingles
Alabama: Yes, we have electricity!
West Virginia: Where "Family Values" has a whole new meaning!
North Carolina: Tobacco is a vegetable.
Australia: Beer! It isn't just for breakfast anymore!
New Zealand: Where men are men, and the sheep are scared!
France: God's gift to themselves.
Israel: If Moses had turned right instead of left, we'd have all the oil by now!
The Entire Middle East: A quarrel with borders.
I apologize if there's anyone I haven't offended. Can anyone come up with others?
Speed Racer
"Blue Skies, Red eyes, Sore thighs!"

[SpeedRacer 1]

Hey Skreamer & MikeD
A few questions from an ignernt 'merican:
Weren't the first Brits Celtic people, who originally came from the part of the continent that is now called France? And much later, in the 11th century, didn't the Normans come from that same area? So it seems to me, y'all got a li'l Frenchie in ya.
Speed Racer
"Blue Skies, Red eyes, Sore thighs!"

[skyhawk 2]

Poster: SpeedRacer
Subject: Re: If I see another post about...
slogans:
Georgia: We put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism!
Texas: Si hablo Ingles
Alabama: Yes, we have electricity!
West Virginia: Where "Family Values" has a whole new meaning!
North Carolina: Tobacco is a vegetable.
Australia: Beer! It isn't just for breakfast anymore!
New Zealand: Where men are men, and the sheep are scared!
France: God's gift to themselves.
Israel: If Moses had turned right instead of left, we'd have all the oil by now!
The Entire Middle East: A quarrel with borders.
I apologize if there's anyone I haven't offended.
Can anyone come up with others?
Speed Racer
"Blue Skies, Red eyes, Sore thighs!"

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
beer never was for breakfast its a 24hr drink :-)
wise aussie saying
cure for hangover - - - drink more :-)

[skreamer 1]

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So it seems to me, y'all got a li'l Frenchie in ya.

Well he better get the hell out, I'm South African dammit!
/s
PS Trent - no more of the witty comebacks please, everything previously had been said very tongue in cheek (by everybody concerned) and everybody else seems to appreciate that. Anyway time for bed (maybe work gets shut down because of the cattle diseases, my boss is a real cow so I live in hope!)

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[miked10270 0]

HI Speedy,
First, let me assure EVERYONE that I have NEVER had a "little Frenchie" in me (rumour innuendo or, indeed, photographs should be treated as lies & forgeries). I would never partake in activities as enjoyed by Greeks (such as George Michael).
Anyway... Who haven't we insulted yet? Italians? Italy is a country divided into 2 distinct areas, the largely industrialised North, administered by companies & a local government called the Mafia, while the South is largely agricultural where the farmland is run by the Mafia. The largest Italian city is New York, which is linked to the mainland by a comprehensive communications system called the Mafia.
The ancient Italians, called the Romans, were the first people to introduce taxation (Latin: Protectio).
We could also have a go at Luxemburg, but it hardly seems fair since the population is about 9. In fact, Luxemburg is so small that on a clear day, standing on the roof of Luxemburg's parliament, you can't see Luxemburg at all 'cos a tree is in the way!
The Germans? Germany is situated in the centre of Europe thus lending itself to expansion (Lebensraum - which seems to be German for invasion) in any direction. Prior to about 1900, Germany consisted of seperate states which spent all their time fighting each other. Then they all united and started fighting everyone else. In 1945 they were again separated and once more fought each other. In 1990 they re-united... So maybe we should all be getting a bit nervous by now?
Holland? Actually, Holland doesn't have any land, it's more like de-hydrated sea! It's a little known fact that Holland is the reason that Britain was admitted into the EU... We're sort of a first reserve in case holland disappeared under an unusually high tide. Holland invented the Meerschaum Pipe, a lidded smoking device where the lid is obviously designed to exclude fish and the larger plankton.
Mike D10270.

[lazerq3 0]

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That's right. The Dukes of Hazzard are from Georgia. All of the skydiving chicks in this state look like Daisy too

uuuhhh.. have you seen daisy duke lately??

[skreamer 1]

Hey Mike
How about we pick on Switzerland for a change, they are so bloody pacifist and non-confrontational it makes me sick! I don't have your Milliganesque style of writing, but I'll have a go anyway :
I think Switzerland is stupid.
I think their cheese is stupid.
I think their banks are stupid.
I think their Alps are stupid.
I think everybody in Switzerland is stupid.
I think Switzerland is stupid.
/s

[Dutchboy 0]

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uuuhhh.. have you seen daisy duke lately??

Sure, she's at the DZ every weekend with her five totally hot female relatives. It's easy to see the resemblance too since they're always practically naked. About once a month they all do a big way nakie jump.

[Trent 0]

All of my comments are intended to be tongue in cheek. I apoligize if they have given away the Texas superiority inherent in all Texans. I have to learn that much of the world is just not ready for us.
Yeah yeah, it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Don't worry, I've been laughing at all the posts... I just keep posting to fan the flames, since this thread has given me so much enjoyment while at "work".
I love everyone, never fear. (Well, except Oklahomos)
Trent!

[skreamer 1]

Hey Trent!
I just checked and South Africa is BIGGER than Texas (but don't worry you're still 27 times bigger than England), so I'm not scared of you, or John Wayne or anybody (except Freaksis, she scares the hell out of me!).
/s

[OmriMon 0]

heheheeh skreamer u still have the leash marks on your neck and your ass is all red and sore?? Free Skies,
Omri

[skreamer 1]

Yep, Sis gave me a kickin' and I kept on lickin'!
hahahahahaha
/s

[OmriMon 0]

ahhhhhh u're nasty man!
Free Skies,
Omri

[skreamer 1]

Nope, nasty is when you kiss your granny goodbye and she tries to stick her tongue in your mouth.
Woo-hoo, I'm hitting form!
/s

[miked10270 0]

Hey Skreamer,
No, no, NO!!! don't attack the Swiss!
If I remember correctly, one of the codicils of The treaty of Vienna (which ended the Austro Hungarian wars) was that the Swiss were prohibited from "exporting" men under arms, including mercenaries 'cos they were so vicious & effective. The exception to this was that they could serve in The Vatican, 'cos the Pope at the time wanted the best soldiers in the world to protect him!
Don't let that smug "Today we just make Cuckoo Clocks & Cheese" routine fool you for an instant!
Apparently their tactic is to fatten you up on their chocolate (which is irresistible). Then, when you're too bloated to move, their army shows up & takes all your possessions (house, car, clothes, RIG!!) to pieces with those cunning little penknives!
Beware of the Swiss!
Mike D10270.

[Jessica 0]

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I apoligize if they have given away the Texas superiority inherent in all Texans. I have to learn that much of the world is just not ready for us.

Too true. Say, have you ever traveled in Europe? Europeans generally roll their eyes at Americans, but say you're from Texas, and you're in! Or at least you get a smile instead of a scowl.

[skreamer 1]

lmao
OK Mike, my guess about your job in the *real world* is that you are the Dean of a history department at some fine English university. Either that or you page frantically through Encyclopedia Britannica before posting...
So, which is it?
/s

[miked10270 0]

HI Skreamer,
Actually I'm a cop, the plain common or garden uniformed variety. At least, that's my paid job... But, I was the victim(?) of a fairly expensive education, which included perhaps the best history teacher in the known universe. The sort of teacher who could make history really come to life, & that's how a lot of it stuck. This fully prepared me for my true vocation in life, viz: being a great dissappointment to my mother!!
Mike D10270.

[Trent 0]

Just a little unrealistic humor that you limeys and yankees might like... see? I can appreciate a good joke.
You know you're a Texan when:
You only know five spices: salt, pepper, Ranch dressing, BBQ Sauce and ketchup.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over Wrangler Jeans and CowboyBoots.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have more miles on your tractor than your car.
You have 10 favorite recipes for Deer meat.
You've taken your kids trick-or-treating when it was 90 degrees outside.
Driving is better after it's rained because the potholes are filled withmud and you don't have to take those back roads to go "mudding."
You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel night gown with only 8 buttons.
You owe more money on your bulldozer than your car.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on 25 percent of the page, but requires 6 pages for local sports.
You can write a check at Dairy Queen for 2 Hunger-Busters and fries.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
Your leaf-blower gets stuck on the roof.
You think the start of Deer season is a national holiday.
You frequently clean grease off your barbecue pit, so the coyotes won'tprowl on your deck.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
The major county fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's sausage making.
You find 70 degrees Fahrenheit a little chilly.
The trunk of your car doubles as a sauna.
You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry, and your Cowboy Boots.
You know 4 seasons - Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer, and Deer Season.
You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your Texan and Yankee friends.

[skreamer 1]

You're a bobby???
For the record, would whoever has been posting using my alias about stuff like drugs and prostitution please STOP!!! It is not funny and I would hate for my good friend Inspector Mike to have to arrest me...
/s
*phew*

[grasshopper 0]

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it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye

and then it is fun and games without depth perception

[Dutchboy 0]

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Too true. Say, have you ever traveled in Europe? Europeans generally roll their eyes at Americans, but say you're from Texas, and you're in! Or at least you get a smile instead of a scowl.

This reminds me of when I was in Holland with my brother. There was this huge texan with his ten gallon hat, boots, etc. staring at the sign at the bus stop. He heard my brother and I speaking English and he turned around and with a strong accent said "I wonder if you boys could help a fellow American in need". We both found it quite hilarious that he couldn't figure out their simple bus system. It was even more funny that nobody could understand him, even though they start learning English at 12 years old.

[freaksister 0]

HAHAHAHA!!!!
I am rolling in floor after reading those Texas jokes!! I grew up on a ranch so I know all about that (except the nightgown and tube socks thing, EEWWWW!) I don't wear boots (anymore) and my horse died (yes I really had one)

Our ranch is for sale, and my friend Heather keeps trying to get me to turn it into a dropzone! To use someone else's phrase (I think jtval): Great googly moogly! Turn the ranch into a DZ? Outside of Pampa, Texas? You have GOT to be joking! The bunkhouse would be cool though, we got a jacuzzi tub, mirrored ceilings, the whole nine yards (or 640 acres, that's how big the ranch is) Not very big for a Texas ranch, though...I grew up killing rattlesnakes by chopping off their heads with garden hoes and driving out to our trash dump with my dad and cousins to shoot beer cans with .22's and handguns (they wouldn't let me have the shotguns, too big for a seven-year old, LOL)
All the time I was growing up, my dad, good ol' Dr. A,(who was an abdominal surgeon during the week and a rancher on the weekends, lol) would set quail traps before Christmas. On Christmas morning, we would go out and get the traps, take the quail inside and together he and I would clean them. I can still remember how the blood smelled, weird. Anyway, we fried them and that was Christmas dinner...Fried quail, mashed potatoes, corn, etc. It was damn good too!
Hungry?
Sis
OH...and Skreamer, you better watch out! If I'm not afraid of rattlesnakes, I sure as hell ain't afraid of you!
Also, to dispell any myths, we are NOT backwards country folk. My whole point here is that educated people can be farmers, ranchers, TEXANS....and Okla"homos" too...my dad graduated summa cum laude from medical school at Tulane University, but taught me how to clean game...go figure! Never judge a book by its cover!