Things I've learned watching porn:

[Conundrum 1]

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy when rooting.

11. People in the 70's couldn't shag unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum. If there is two of them they "high five" each other.(and the girl isn't disgusted!)

15. Double penetration makes women smile.

16. Asian men don't exist.

17. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

18. There's a plot.

19. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

20. Nurses suck patients cocks.

21. Men always pull out.

22. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before f*cking the both of you.

23. Women never have headaches... or periods.

24. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".

25. Arseholes are clean.

26. A man ejaculating on a womans butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

27. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.

28. Men don't have to beg.

29. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

30. Women still look perfect even after shagging three dudes and her best friend. ( I think i need to find out what brand of make up they use!)

[Casie 0]

and most importantly.....TOYS


OH...did I mention anything about them LONGASS NAILS......geez

~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!

[turtlespeed 212]

You mean this it wasn't common knowledge before?

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[Remster 24]

I donno what kind of porn you ladies whatch, but toys and begging run a-plenty in some! lol

Remster

[wingnut 0]

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NO TOYS are allowed

you are very limiting in your por selection... the ones where they use all of a 24" double sided toy are truely amazing.. how it's done still is a mystery... not that i've ever seen aporn before or anything...

______________________________________
"i have no reader's digest version"

[Casie 0]

Sorry, forgive me....I was trying to be funny in mentioning something that's OBVIOUSLY always there....not being there

~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!

[MrBester 0]

Having worked in a Porn Cinema for 1,5 years I can assure you that almost all of your observations are correct. There's one point I'd like to add though (and believe me, watching all kinds of porn for 1,5 years certainly gives you a different point of view on the matter...):

- Men suck better than women.

That's all. Move along.

[Casie 0]

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not that i've ever seen aporn before or anything...

Yah......me neither

~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!

[diablopilot 2]

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1. Women wear high heels to bed.

ALL RIGHT!!! YEAH!!!!

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19. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

You're not suggesting this isn't true are you?

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You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously.

[TribalTalon 0]

ooooooooooooooh YEAH! what, doesnt everybody say that? i find porn to be naked comedy. some of those tapes are just hilarious, especially if you've already had a couple to drink.

[sunshine 2]

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19. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
You're not suggesting this isn't true are you

#19 is true in Sunny's World.

___________________________________________
meow

I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug!

[yardhippie 0]

Quote

Quote

19. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
You're not suggesting this isn't true are you

#19 is true in Sunny's World.

yea but your a perv!

Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD
"What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me
"Anything you want." ~ female skydiver
Mohoso Rodriguez #865

[Remster 24]

Quote

Quote

Quote

19. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
You're not suggesting this isn't true are you

#19 is true in Sunny's World.

yea but your a perv!

She probably sniffs old pull ups too....

Remster

[skyedivr 0]

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- Men suck better than women.

That's all. Move along.

I BEG your pardon!

my power is beyond your understanding.

[Casie 0]

I think everyone in their own mind likes a good butt smack'n!

~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!

[crzjp20 0]

Quote

Quote

Quote

19. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
You're not suggesting this isn't true are you

#19 is true in Sunny's World.

yea but your a perv!

and your not??? i mean your from arkansas!!

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Fear is not a confession of weakness, it is an oportunity for courage.

[Remster 24]

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Quote

- Men suck better than women.

That's all. Move along.

I BEG your pardon!

See, begging....

Remster

[yardhippie 0]

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I think everyone in their own mind likes a good butt smack'n!

hmm... porn kitty is a kinky cat!

Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD
"What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me
"Anything you want." ~ female skydiver
Mohoso Rodriguez #865

[PhillyKev 0]

I learned that I have a larger tool than most porno stars

[chopchop 0]

Where's Ivan? He seems to be slacking in his unofficial job capacity..

chopchop
gotta go... Plaything needs a spanking..

Lotsa Pictures

[Paige 0]

Quote

Quote

19. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
You're not suggesting this isn't true are you

#19 is true in Sunny's World.

Paige's too

Tunnel Pink Mafia Delegate
www.TunnelPinkMafia.com

[hookitt 0]

That's ok.. it's an old thread and this thread kicks the old threads ass entirely.

I've learned alot today.

My grammar sometimes resembles that of magnetic refrigerator poetry... Ghetto

[ryoder 1,384]

#31. Watching porn videos in reverse is just as good as watching them in forward. In fact, you can't tell the difference! It makes rewinding so much more fun.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[chopchop 0]

I'm just curious.. has anyone watched a porn on their laptop on a commercial flight?

chopchop
gotta go... Plaything needs a spanking..

Lotsa Pictures

[DrunkMonkey 0]

#32: DVD porn is far better than VHS--get to skip all the nonsensical plotline crap if you want.