PhoenixFire 0 #1 September 7, 2004 Instead of having a go at the Americans, I think we should help them out. The best way to overcome their problems would be to return them to Britain, and let have a civilised (note spelling - no z) system of government. Therefore, I hereby issue this notice of the revocation of independance of the United States of America and return to British rule. TO THE CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair,MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through. 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit". 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day". 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. Thank you for your cooperation.Peace Be Da Journey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tonto 1 #2 September 7, 2004 Betcha this ends up in speakers corner when the mods wake up... tIt's the year of the Pig. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixFire 0 #3 September 7, 2004 I don't know - I think they should clearly see it is satirical and not to be taken seriously Made me laugh anyways!!Peace Be Da Journey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tonto 1 #4 September 7, 2004 There are some people who are REAL good at taking everything very seriously. tIt's the year of the Pig. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tailgate 0 #5 September 7, 2004 Wow what an opportunity! to once again become a part of an empire on which the sun never sets. Oh wait that hasn't been the case in a while, now it takes what? A couple of hours. Although I have to admit, British babes can be really hot _________________________________________________ Let me live in my house by the side of the road and be a friend to man- Sam Walter Foss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixFire 0 #6 September 7, 2004 yea and I pity them - pretty sad ... ( I better hold my tongue or I will say something I shoudn't) "rather be quite and be thought a fool than open your mouth and prove it" ... or is it too late Peace Be Da Journey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mr2mk1g 10 #7 September 7, 2004 On behalf of Her Majesty the Queen Elizabeth the Second, Defender of the Faith, Sovereign of England, Wales, Scotland Northern Ireland, the Commonwealth and all her other Territories and Dominions, (including Berwick-upon-Twead), I do hereby reject the revocation of your Declaration of Independence. Cheers… but we wouldn’t ‘ave you if you paid us… and there’s no need to start tipping up tea chests this time, I'm sure Boston has a Starbucks. PS. You may find these short self-help books of use; available now from all good bookshops: “Democracy for Dummies” “16 Steps to Democratic Process” “Self Rule for the Self Obsessed” “Dude – how do I rule my country?” “7 Minute Democracies” (available on video) “So you’ve got yourself a country – What next?” “DIY Government” (kit form - some assembly required, please seek adult supervision). (And seriously - this really does need to be kept here in the Bonfire, lest the tongue come out of the cheek and people actually start to take this as anything other than the joke that it is). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 136 #8 September 7, 2004 QuoteThere are some people who are REAL good at taking everything very seriously. t unforunately sooo true... would be very nice though, wouldn't need a fancy passport to go jumping in these new nice British DZ's... scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
feuergnom 22 #9 September 7, 2004 ROFLMAO! and for putting it in SC - well if it wasn't a waste of bandwidth it would be nice to give it a try as a crosspost. sure the guys over there would love it The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle dudeist skydiver # 666 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #10 September 7, 2004 Sweeet - Maybe we can get some good beer for a change.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleWill 1 #12 September 7, 2004 Far be it for me to say who should rule the world - uhh I mean America but 98.85% + 2.15% = 101%. Quote"The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky." and "The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football." I am real confused by British loyalty to their monarchial debris. The only way for me to understand is that they are like expensive exhibits in a kind of living museum or something? At least they tend to be entertaining I guess. There is a lot of stuff worth doing but then there is a lot of stuff worth doing instead. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mr2mk1g 10 #13 September 7, 2004 There's not as much loyalty as you might at first think. And the Yanks love them FARRRR more than we do. All we ever do is take the piss out of them, but thus is the British way. From a pure bank balance stand point; the Royals make far more for charity than they cost to run (as it were). They make equally good financial sense if you look at their effect on tourism and all the foreign money they draw to the country. Simply put, they're very cost effective. Plus Prince Philip is funny as piss. As for the % sums - the overlap simply accounts for those American's who don't know what they know... a sizable proportion of any countries "members of the public" will fall into that bracket. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleWill 1 #14 September 7, 2004 Thanks for the clarification. Back on my side of the world; maybe Lesotho and Swaziland can learn to make their monarchy's equally harmless and cost effective. Although I think they might already be playing that card.There is a lot of stuff worth doing but then there is a lot of stuff worth doing instead. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixFire 0 #15 September 7, 2004 I just read this article on bbc.co.uk Swazi king chooses another wife Mswati chooses a new wife every year Africa's last absolute monarch, King Mswati III, has chosen a 16-year-old beauty queen as his latest bride-to-be. Where is the cost effectivness in that ? link to article http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/3630800.stmPeace Be Da Journey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #16 September 7, 2004 QuoteI am real confused by British loyalty to their monarchial debris. The only way for me to understand is that they are like expensive exhibits in a kind of living museum or something? At least they tend to be entertaining I guess. On an experimental basis, the inbreeding of the royal family seems to be a success. Things, such as large ears, seem to have been eliminated from the greater population and confined to a few. In the US, it has been tried with more limited succes because of the prying eyes of the US film media. The Appalachian mountain people were exposed in the film Deliverance and ruined their pristine developmental environment. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #17 September 7, 2004 Quote10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. Joe DiMaggio, the former baseball player who married Marilyn Monroe. It is well known that MM was having an affair with JFK. Jealous husband kills wifes lover. How obvious does it get? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TomAiello 25 #18 September 7, 2004 Quote9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. German cars? What about English cars? Ok, I'll take it--but only if you give each of us a new MINI.-- Tom Aiello [email protected] SnakeRiverBASE.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tonto 1 #19 September 7, 2004 Quote German cars? What about English cars? Ok, I'll take it--but only if you give each of us a new MINI. Which is, of course, a BMW - Thus the reference to german cars. I think even the new Rolls Royce is powered by the BMW 5 litre V12... tIt's the year of the Pig. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleWill 1 #20 September 7, 2004 Isn't the new Mini a german car?There is a lot of stuff worth doing but then there is a lot of stuff worth doing instead. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleWill 1 #21 September 7, 2004 Quote I just read this article on bbc.co.uk Swazi king chooses another wife Mswati chooses a new wife every year Africa's last absolute monarch, King Mswati III, has chosen a 16-year-old beauty queen as his latest bride-to-be. Where is the cost effectivness in that ? link to article http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/3630800.stm Peace Be Da Journey They are probably not cost effective at all but his promiscurities (It does tend not to be funny when 16yr old's is involved) will sure keep his country in the news.There is a lot of stuff worth doing but then there is a lot of stuff worth doing instead. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TomAiello 25 #22 September 7, 2004 Depends on how you figure it. The engine is actually brazilian, but the car is assembled in England. I guess nothing is ever purely any nationality any more.-- Tom Aiello [email protected] SnakeRiverBASE.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yoink 321 #23 September 7, 2004 QuoteQuote9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. German cars? What about English cars? Ok, I'll take it--but only if you give each of us a new MINI. deal... I'll swap you for a new GT40 Oh.. and I think the Bowler Wildcat is a totally British car. Made in Derby - TVR/Landrover engine made in blackpool & Derby etc... Nothing quite like a 5 litre racing 4x4... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixFire 0 #24 September 7, 2004 The convertible minis are awsome - living in london now - so don't know where i would drive it. but if i did get one - it would be black with black tinted windowsPeace Be Da Journey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kaerock 1 #25 September 7, 2004 Great, this'll mean that maybe the theme parks will be cheaper for that 97.85% of the geographically-impaired. http://redcoat.net/pics/world_according_to_america.jpg -R You be the king and I'll overthrow your government. --KRS-ONE Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
