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Yep, that's exactly what I think. /sarcasm
I think your wife is insecure and jealous, if that means I'm on her side, then I guess I am. :confused:
At any rate, good luck to you. I hope you can figure it all out.
My assumption that you were on her side was based on the spirit of your messages which seemed to indicate that you think I should have known these things about her before we married and therefore cant complain about them, and also the fact that you feel I was out of line in using profanity with regard to her behavior.
If I was wrong, then I stand corrected.
I DO think you should have known her better before marrying, but I don't agree with her behavior. I think it's immature.
I don't think anyone should be calling their spouse names like that, not just you.
Truce?
ChrisL 2
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Truce?
Truce
As I just said to another in PM, if I had only wanted people to affirm my actions, I would have posted it on the "chris-is-right.com" forums
I wanted other points of view and thats what I'm getting.
I'm not disapointed, hurt, or upset
__
My mighty steed
My mighty steed
ChrisL 2
Quoteoption, he saw the signs of insecurity in addition to many other fine qualities. The good outweighed the bad. He loved her, he married her, he loves her still but as in any relationship, there are things about her he doesn't love. That's called marriage!
Very well said!
Chris ~ You should try to work on this issue of your wife's insecurities together with your wife. You may think that it's her problem and she should get over it, but having a "secretive friendship" (not that I think that there is anything wrong with you being friends with your ex) with an old girlfriend is not going to help your relationship with your wife at all. As a matter of fact, your wife will probably become even more jealous and insecure before this is over, once she finds out.
My advice is to tone down the friendship with the ex for a little while, until you can talk things over with the wife. Let her know that you want to have this person in your lives. Then, when your wife is ready to meet the ex, invite the old friend over to visit with the two of you. You two can then integrate her into your lives together. Who knows? Maybe the wife will become friends with her, too. Above all, your ex shouldn't be taking away from your confidences with your wife or from your private time with your wife.
I agree with you on all points. Others have said pretty much the same thing.
I really do want to tell her. Even though theres nothing going on it makes me feel kind of sleazy.
The real problem is, that there is no way I can bring this up without having a MAJOR explosion.
It is completely unavoidable and that simple fact really makes me angry.
As you and others have said, it will be worse if she finds out on her own.
The worst thing of all is that no matter how it turns out, I will have to pay a price for it.
My wife will basically say "Its her or me" and by all rights my response to that SHOULD be "If you force me to chose, then I will chose her for no other reason than you forced me to chose."
If i chose my wife, then I lose a friend in favor of someone that forces me to give up friends to cater to theri childish insecurity.
Its a lose/lose situation
I predict that I will lose.
Frustration is: I'm 40 years old and my wife is 43.
I honestly thought this kind of nauseating highschool crap was WAY behind me
__
My mighty steed
My mighty steed
I can understand a woman's insecurities driving a guy totally batty. Even I have my insecure moments. Rare, but they happen and it bugs my husband because he wants me to see myself as the amazing person that he perceives me to be.
Does having a 'secret friendship' help your wife's insecurity, or does it give her good reason to doubt you? If you would refrain from telling her something like this, how can she believe there is nothing else you are not telling her? These you need to answer for yourself.
If you are emailing your friend regularly, do you talk with her more about your life, what is going on, how things are treating you more than you discuss everything with your wife? If you are always open and communicating with your wife, then emailing someone else isn't a big deal. If you and your wife are not talking a lot or being open with each other, and you are emailing someone else on the side, that is a problem. You are giving something that your wife deserves first to another woman.
Have you considered counselling or working directly with your wife on the insecurity thing? Insecurity is as much a hell for her as it is for you to deal with it. No woman wants to feel that way about herself, she just doesn't know any other way. It isn't easy to break that.
Last night, I had a hell of an insecurity night. I accused my husband of being critical of my router work on the cabinets even when he hadn't said a word, I just went by the look on his face. An arguement ensued. I asked him how was I supposed to know that he wasn't being critical of me. He replied 'because I told you.' That shut me up. My husband has never lied to or misled me in any way, and he never would. I was wrong for projecting my insecurities on him and causing an arguement as a result. Insecurity isn't the only issue, trust comes into play too.
Have you let her know just how much it bothers you that she doesn't believe in you? It isn't the insecurity that drives you nuts directly, but the fact that it drives a wedge between you, puts you in the position of having to hide things, and that you feel as though she doesn't trust you when she refuses to believe what you say?
Everyone else here hit on the idiot and asshole comments. But you also say you dearly love your wife. Make sure she knows that and work with her instead of against her or behind her back to help you both learn to cope with things like this. If not, it will be a reoccurring theme forever.
Jen
Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda
Does having a 'secret friendship' help your wife's insecurity, or does it give her good reason to doubt you? If you would refrain from telling her something like this, how can she believe there is nothing else you are not telling her? These you need to answer for yourself.
If you are emailing your friend regularly, do you talk with her more about your life, what is going on, how things are treating you more than you discuss everything with your wife? If you are always open and communicating with your wife, then emailing someone else isn't a big deal. If you and your wife are not talking a lot or being open with each other, and you are emailing someone else on the side, that is a problem. You are giving something that your wife deserves first to another woman.
Have you considered counselling or working directly with your wife on the insecurity thing? Insecurity is as much a hell for her as it is for you to deal with it. No woman wants to feel that way about herself, she just doesn't know any other way. It isn't easy to break that.
Last night, I had a hell of an insecurity night. I accused my husband of being critical of my router work on the cabinets even when he hadn't said a word, I just went by the look on his face. An arguement ensued. I asked him how was I supposed to know that he wasn't being critical of me. He replied 'because I told you.' That shut me up. My husband has never lied to or misled me in any way, and he never would. I was wrong for projecting my insecurities on him and causing an arguement as a result. Insecurity isn't the only issue, trust comes into play too.
Have you let her know just how much it bothers you that she doesn't believe in you? It isn't the insecurity that drives you nuts directly, but the fact that it drives a wedge between you, puts you in the position of having to hide things, and that you feel as though she doesn't trust you when she refuses to believe what you say?
Everyone else here hit on the idiot and asshole comments. But you also say you dearly love your wife. Make sure she knows that and work with her instead of against her or behind her back to help you both learn to cope with things like this. If not, it will be a reoccurring theme forever.
Jen
Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda
Fine...I don't drink beer anyway so I'll take a coke.
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