Skydiver Species List (funny)

[WrongWay 0]

Okay so I'm bored at work and thought it'd be funny to come up with a Skydiver Species List. In the words of a great comedian...."I mean this sincerely. If I offended you in any way.....you have no idea how much I don't give a f*ck." Please feel free to add to it...I bet this could get really funny if we wanted it to.

The Skydiver Species List

The Freefly Punk- This species can be identified easily when in groups...every one of them will have a baggy suit and a sidemounted camera. This species is known for being loud and obnoxious in the plane, and scoffing at Bellyflyers that hose their spot. It enjoys being vertical, and the most common phrase you'll hear from it is "Hey, can I see that video?". It carries its camera everywhere.....EVERYWHERE, so if you're in a public restroom and believe you are possibly in the presence of a freeflyer....cover up.

The Bellyflyer- Usually in groups of four, this species of skydiver can be identified by it's easily visibile and brightly colored grippers. You will commonly see this species around the mockup, practicing exit after exit, only to not get into the door until the green light is on. The Bellyflyer is sometimes thought to be on mushrooms, as they can be seen on the plane grabbing at imaginary objects in the air.

The X Jump Wonder- Often mistaken for the the Freefly Punk, this species has recently been added to the Endangered Species List. It enjoys tracking off the vertical axis and looking cool while swooping its overloaded canopy 20 feet to impress its whuffo girlfriend. It can commonly be identified by it's favorite phrases of "You don't know me" and "I'm special". It can also be identified by it's single, short logbook.

The Ancient One- This species of skydiver is commonly found near smaller Cessna DZ's or anywhere with a good wooden bench. It can be indentified by its 30 year old jacket covered in patches that say such things as "Pegasus" and "Star Crest". They can also be identified by their antique rainbow Wonderhog with 4000 jumps and a 300 ft accuracy canopy. A usually friendly type, they enjoy sharing stories with youngsters about how it was "back in the day when every jump was like Fandango". Also, they're ALL Senior Quadruple Master Jedi Riggers.

The Skyho- The Skyho can easily be spotted in crowded areas. She's the one at the center of the circle of cameras, naked and making out with other Skyho's. This species is known for showing up at every event that ends with the word "Boogie" and sleeps with every biological creature there with four legs or less. She also loves to go for the "big dogs", only realizing later that they put their pants back on and fall asleep the same as everyone else.

The Super Swooper- Gatorz glasses and Swoop shorts are the easiest way to identify this interesting breed of skydiver. If you're anywhere near the landing area and on the ground, be sure to look up, it's likely to be speeding towards your camera at Mach 4. This is an amphibious species, as it spends much of its time in shallow water.

The Dot Commer- The Dot Commer can be distinguished by it's greeting. It usually introduces itself at boogies by saying "Hi, I'm [insert username here]!". It is common to find members of this species bickering amongst themselves, usually in public places. The subjects commonly discussed amongst this species are along the lines of funny pictures, who wants to have sex with who, and asking when it's safe to start freeflying. This species usually has a very good relationship with their Network Admin at their workplace for the sole reason of leaving their precious site open to browse 7 1/2 hours out of their 8 hour work day.

Wrong Way
D #27371 Mal Manera Rodriguez Cajun Chicken Ø Hellfish #451
The wiser wolf prevails.

[gordy 0]

How very very true.

[bozo 0]

air.



The Ancient One- This species of skydiver is commonly found near smaller Cessna DZ's or anywhere with a good wooden bench. It can be indentified by its 30 year old jacket covered in patches that say such things as "Pegasus" and "Star Crest". They can also be identified by their antique rainbow Wonderhog with 4000 jumps and a 300 ft accuracy canopy. A usually friendly type, they enjoy sharing stories with youngsters about how it was "back in the day when every jump was like Fandango". Also, they're ALL Senior Quadruple Master Jedi Riggers.

---------------------------------------------------------

Guilty.... :o)

bozo

bozo
Pain is fleeting. Glory lasts forever. Chicks dig scars.

[sunshine 2]

Where's the description of the freefly chick turned packbitch? Yes, i want my own description.

___________________________________________
meow

I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug!

[D22369 0]

The Poser- Found in Pubs and taverns wearing brightly colored skydiving T-shirts bragging about their death defying dives they made that day. Be very cautious about cornering the poser and asking specific questions about how many jumps they have, or type of gear they use - as they may react violently when it is discovered that they only made one tandem skydive and wet themselves on the way down...

Roy

They say I suffer from insanity.... But I actually enjoy it.

[markd_nscr986 0]

***The Ancient One- This species of skydiver is commonly found near smaller Cessna DZ's or anywhere with a good wooden bench. It can be indentified by its 30 year old jacket covered in patches that say such things as "Pegasus" and "Star Crest". They can also be identified by their antique rainbow Wonderhog with 4000 jumps and a 300 ft accuracy canopy. A usually friendly type, they enjoy sharing stories with youngsters about how it was "back in the day when every jump was like Fandango". Also, they're ALL Senior Quadruple Master Jedi Riggers.





Makes me want to dust of my wonderhog(with capewells) dig out the "Silly Suit",and see if that Para-Foil still works

And,maybe teach you"kids" how to play "Cardinal Puff"

Marc SCR 6046 SCS 3004

[Dougiefresh 0]

Shouldn't that be skyho turned packbitch?

<---- runs far and fast

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. --Douglas Adams

[D22369 0]

And,maybe teach you"kids" how to play "Cardinal Puff"
***

ummmmm.......is that a prison game? dressing up in gowns/hats/shoes/etc......? if so, no thanks ..... this "kid" would rather not.... but if its not.... what the hell is it!!!!!

Roy

They say I suffer from insanity.... But I actually enjoy it.

[livendive 8]

Quote

And,maybe teach you"kids" how to play "Cardinal Puff"
***

ummmmm.......is that a prison game? dressing up in gowns/hats/shoes/etc......? if so, no thanks ..... this "kid" would rather not.... but if its not.... what the hell is it!!!!!

Roy

Don't bother Roy...you're WAY too much of a lightweight to even try.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[D22369 0]

Don't bother Roy...you're WAY too much of a lightweight to even try.
***

well...........if your talking about the prison game....I defer to your "expertise"

hey....now that I have insulted you.....can me and the mutt crash at your place tonight?

Roy

They say I suffer from insanity.... But I actually enjoy it.

[livendive 8]

Quote

hey....now that I have insulted you.....can me and the mutt crash at your place tonight?

No problem. I'm ready for a solid drunk.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[fireflytx 0]

You need something for skysurfers and freestylists

"Well behaved women rarely make history"

[ACMESkydiver 0]

Quote

You need something for skysurfers and freestylists

Those pansies don't deserve their own designations!





(just remembering the poll you did a while back about freestyle)...

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[namdrib 0]

The Hopinpopenswooper- Easily recognized in the packing area by the unmistakebly small hankerchief that they refer to as "Their canopy". These individuals often get criticized by their peers for adding time to their "Climb To Altitude" so that they can get out of the plane at 5,000 feet in order to continue increasing their skills in canopy flight and making everyone gasp for air when they initiate their 270 hook directly over the most populated area on the DZ. These individuals tend to make certain that everyone at the DZ knows exactly what the wing loading is on their canopy. Most of the time, this is revealed as a "2.something or 3.something" number! Take extreme caution when approaching and criticizing this individual for they can pinpointedly kick your skull in as they pass you doing 80 mph. For the most part, these species are very outgoing, kind and relentless. Just take caution when they hold up their hand and yell "Downwinder"!

Unknowing attempting to take out all 4 wheeled vehicles remotely close to the landing area!

[ACMESkydiver 0]

Quote

The Poser- Found in Pubs and taverns wearing brightly colored skydiving T-shirts bragging about their death defying dives they made that day. Be very cautious about cornering the poser and asking specific questions about how many jumps they have, or type of gear they use - as they may react violently when it is discovered that they only made one tandem skydive and wet themselves on the way down...

Roy

Ain't that the truth...
I didn't think that species actually existed until I ran into one!!

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[TALONSKY 0]

I am not sure if I can be as good as the others but you forgot a group.
The Skydiving Penguin – They can usually be spotted waddling to the plane, or wearing a diaper like contraption on to the plane. When approached on the ground they are usually talking about GTI this or S3 that. They generally will not associate with others that do not have one of their weird looking suits, and always the first to board the plane.

[turtlespeed 212]

Quote

I am not sure if I can be as good as the others but you forgot a group.
The Skydiving Penguin – They can usually be spotted waddling to the plane, or wearing a diaper like contraption on to the plane. When approached on the ground they are usually talking about GTI this or S3 that. They generally will not associate with others that do not have one of their weird looking suits, and always the first to board the plane.

Also they are seen thrusting their fingers in and out of anothers palm just before climb out. WTH is all that about?

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[malboy 0]

The 'all the gear and no eyed deer' distant relatives of the poser and hopenpopperswooper, this species is very proficient in the 'talking' discipline of skydiving. often posesses the newest looking gear and shiny reflecting goggles. this species has always done everything you have done better than you the first time they ever tried it, and every time they have tried it since... although no one has ever seen it. strangely, the 'deers' often seem to do their best skydiving when no one is watching... according to them.

www.ewancowie.com
www.facebook.com/ewancowiephotography

[feuergnom 22]

Quote

The Bellyflyer is sometimes thought to be on mushrooms

there's nothing better than a handfull of shroooms - PSYCHEDELIC!!!!!

The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle

dudeist skydiver # 666

[namdrib 0]

Almost Forgot this species!!!

The "Need to be Bowling" Species: This is a rare and unusual breed, can be identified by the unbelievable number of Cutaways that they have had in the past year. You know the type. "I don't know what is going on, I had my first cutaway on AFF level 3, and have had 7 cutaways in the last 200 jumps!!!" But for some ungodly reason, they continue on, having their brush with death on a regular basis. Not forgetting that they have been asked several times, "So, how do you feel about bowling, you know, they have made some pretty awesome advances in that sport here lately. Maybe you should give it a try!" They just chuckle and drive on. Let's all raise a glass of Natural Lite to the bold and the brave "Need to Be Bowling" species everywhere!!! Cheers.

Unknowing attempting to take out all 4 wheeled vehicles remotely close to the landing area!

[cocheese 0]

Nice thread.
"The Dreamer" :
This species is usually found
on the sunset load. The dreamer is home in new or different situations that don't require a lot of thinking or planning.This species is often found on exotic aircraft, jumping with newbies, or trying to resemble a clown in the sky.
Rarely seen at a mock up, or wearing a camera helmet. This species seems to only be in it for the moment.
A high pull and solo are part their weekend diet, but raft dives,tracking dives, freefly zoo dives and tandem geeking are their 4 major food groups. Often says the words : Dude, cool, incredible, let's do it.

[NWFlyer 2]

Yes, I can poke fun at myself...

The Newbie Usually seen wearing an exceedingly large student rig. Can be spotted trailing after the training director saying "Can you get me on the schedule - I'll clear my weekend and skip work and do whatever, just get me more jumps." During weather holds can be seen reading the SIM or peppering the skygods with endless questions or watching their own video over and over again. Still hops up and down in giddy anticipation at every 5-minute call. Depending on where the Newbie is in the student progression, facial expression in the plane ranges from abject terror to nervous anticipation to unbridled excitement. Steer clear of the newbie in freefall as tracking tends to take place at random and though it might be deliberate, it won't necessarily be where you expect it to be. Post-dive, the Newbie can be seen filling every inch of available logbook space.

Outside the DZ, you can find the Newbie easily. He or she is surrounded by a group of glazed-eyed Whuffos as they babble on (yet again) to increasingly bored friends.

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[skydivejo 0]

hehe this tread is frigin ace they all so true thats the best part!!!!!!!!

those who do it cant explain it! those who dont, cant understand it!.. if riding in a plane is flying then ridding in a boat is swimming!? experince the eliment get out!!

[malboy 0]

thats sooo true!

i still fill in every inch of logbook space and even do little drawings if i have time!!

sad, i know

www.ewancowie.com
www.facebook.com/ewancowiephotography

[Nightingale 0]

ROFL.

I was at an indoor range, and the guy a lane or two over was wearing a shirt that said "A&F Freefall Festival". I was wearing my chicks rock boogie shirt. When I left to get more targets from the front desk, the guy was out there and asked me "you skydive?" I nodded. He started telling me stories of jumping from "48,000 Feet!" and that he had 5000 jumps and about his black parachute. me: "oh. what kind? one of those round ones?" him: "yeah. those!". This guy was 20 something years old. I just asked "oh... are you a USPA member?" him: "huh?" me:"have a nice day." and put my ear protection back on.