0
Beer

Help for an alcoholic

Recommended Posts

Unfortunately, this is a topic I know something about. I won't go into it, but suffice it to say I've studied this stuff.

I have decided that conversations about AA should be avoided, since they inevitably end up in an argument, just like religion and politics. People are too polarized and dogmatic to really make any progress with a conversation.

There is a LOT of research in this area. For several reasons, though, it is almost impossible to design a valid experiment to test the actual effectiveness of a given method. The consensus in the literature is that just about all of the quit drinking methods have the same success rate. But unfortunately it is low. One size does not fit all, and there are a lot of ways to attack the problem. A doctor would be the first obvious choice.

Having said that, here are some resources for the original poster to look into. These are links to web sites, and a book, that are the most popular alternatives to AA, and easily accessable from the internet. Maybe your uncle will find one of these or more than one, useful.

http://www.rational.org/

http://www.smartrecovery.org/

http://www.amazon.com/Easy-Way-Stop-Drinking/dp/1402736479

http://wqd.netwarriors.org/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

Unfortunately, this is a topic I know something about. I won't go into it, but suffice it to say I've studied this stuff.

I have decided that conversations about AA should be avoided, since they inevitably end up in an argument, just like religion and politics. People are too polarized and dogmatic to really make any progress with a conversation.

There is a LOT of research in this area. For several reasons, though, it is almost impossible to design a valid experiment to test the actual effectiveness of a given method. The consensus in the literature is that just about all of the quit drinking methods have the same success rate. But unfortunately it is low. One size does not fit all, and there are a lot of ways to attack the problem. A doctor would be the first obvious choice.

Having said that, here are some resources for the original poster to look into. These are links to web sites, and a book, that are the most popular alternatives to AA, and easily accessable from the internet. Maybe your uncle will find one of these or more than one, useful.

http://www.rational.org/

http://www.smartrecovery.org/

http://www.amazon.com/Easy-Way-Stop-Drinking/dp/1402736479

http://wqd.netwarriors.org/



Thanks for those sites. Fixed the clickies.

Unfortunately you are right about the arguments. And too many (though not all) of the AAs turn people off by pushing "God".
"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.



Sorry, but to me, this is a cop out.

Admit you have a problem and need help, but don't ever think you're powerless.

No one is truly powerless unless they give up.
Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
The serenity prayer and AA make perfect sense to me.

I am also an Athiest. I have a lot of faith that god doesn't exist.

Spirituality is more than a belief in a magical being. It is a belief that there is something out there that is greater than yourself, and that you are a part of all that. Many people are very spiritual yet they don't believe in god. Maybe AA needs to reword some it's stuff.

There are a lot of different 12 step programs out there. Many of them treat issues other than addiction. I really believe that AA has a lot to offer. There are probably millions of people out there who will say the same thing.

You don't have to be a bible thumper to attend....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

Quote

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.



Sorry, but to me, this is a cop out.

Admit you have a problem and need help, but don't ever think you're powerless.

No one is truly powerless unless they give up.



You can say that because aren't alcoholic;) or perhaps floating the river in Egypt:$

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

Quote

Quote

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.



Sorry, but to me, this is a cop out.

Admit you have a problem and need help, but don't ever think you're powerless.

No one is truly powerless unless they give up.



You can say that because aren't alcoholic;) or perhaps floating the river in Egypt:$


To me powerless = no options.

In any situation, there's always options. One may not like them or they may not necessarily be smart, but they are still there and a decision is made. Indecision is a decision too.
Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

To me powerless = no options.

To you. Maybe it's different for others. I've been involved with alcoholics, and, well, each one has their own bottom that they have to reach. I.e. the point where they're not willing to go lower.

There is always lower, until you're dead. But some people don't want to go all the way there. After all, living as a homeless person on the streets, crime, and shacking up with some loser are also options.

But if someone has tried everything that they can think of and muster on their own, and it hasn't been enough, and they can see a chasm of ruined life and relationships that they still value in some ways below them -- then they admit that they can't figure it out on their own, and ask for help.

Call it what you will. Think of AA as finding a tool that you use to help. Some people can open all jars, others need tools, and yet others need someone to help.

Wendy W.
There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[reply

To me powerless = no options.

In any situation, there's always options. One may not like them or they may not necessarily be smart, but they are still there and a decision is made. Indecision is a decision too.



A really good point, but it's kinda like trying to "will" yourself out of having diabetes. Alcoholism is the worst kind of junkie there is, in terms of the strength and grip of the addiction. It alters your brain in such a way that simply quitting isn't a realistic option.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

Quote

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.



Sorry, but to me, this is a cop out.

Admit you have a problem and need help, but don't ever think you're powerless.

No one is truly powerless unless they give up.



The powerlessness is real. A real alcoholic (and that definition is a whole other discussion) has no control once they start drinking. Once they have reached that point, taking that first drink is like pulling the handle on a slot machine. It might be good, but the odds are against it.

The best intentions in the world won't matter. Committments, responsibilities, penalties, from family, job, the legal system or anywhere else won't matter.
Once the drinking stars, the odds are it won't stop.
This doesn't mean that someone who goes out intending to get good and ripped and have a good time is an alcoholic. Or even someone who planned on having one or two and ended up staying longer than planned is one.
This is about the person who time and time again says "only one or two" and doesn't stop. The person who swears to themself that it will only be one or two, and wakes up the next morning not understanding how it happened.

If you haven't seen it or been there, it's hard to understand. But it's very real.
"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

Quote

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.



Sorry, but to me, this is a cop out.

Admit you have a problem and need help, but don't ever think you're powerless.

No one is truly powerless unless they give up.


Call it what ya want.

The reason Im not gonna drink today is because if I do, all bets are off, and the choice is no longer mine. Period.:|

Its not a question in my mind and let me tell you, THAT is a huge relief.
------------------------------------------
The Dude Abides.
-

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

Quote

It alters your brain in such a way that simply quitting isn't a realistic option.



What a load of shit.


You know, before I married an alcoholic, I would have said the same thing... and I did for years - watching the drinking and sayin "just stop! that's all i it takes to fix things", but now I know better. Andy, wiht all due respect, you might want to soften your tone a little here. [:/]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

Quote

It alters your brain in such a way that simply quitting isn't a realistic option.



What a load of shit.



Hey, Andy, please don't knock it like that. I had an alcoholic cousin who struggled with it for years. The alcohol changed her, and even when she was sober, she wasn't herself anymore. The alcohol was more a part of her than she was some days. Alcoholism is more than just refusing to turn down a drink. It's much more pervasive than that. My cousin's family took her off of life support on July 4th. She couldn't control the alcohol and it ended up taking her life.
TPM Sister #102

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

Quote

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.



Sorry, but to me, this is a cop out.

Admit you have a problem and need help, but don't ever think you're powerless.

No one is truly powerless unless they give up.


.....................................................................

I don't think many people truly understand what it is like to be in the grips of addiction. I'm not sure I know either, because I've never been there.

I have seen my brother suffer and die from alcoholism. If he could have pulled himself up by his boot straps, and beat alcoholism, he would have. Some people don't have the will left to do that. They may not have boot straps to pull themselves up with. Admitting you are powerless may be a big step toward getting help, because you can't do it alone....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
There's a difference between "I need help" an "I'm powerless." Powerless is "do it for me" vs. "help me."

Fo the people who were addicts to something, beat it, and don't do it anymore, you are not powerless. Knowing, recognizing, and compromising for your weaknesses and faults is what gives you power.
Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Bolas, with all due respect, I don't think I can completely agree with you. I understand what you're saying about "don't do it anymore," but that's the problem with the addiction--it's just not that cut and dry. My cousin tried over a period of decades to "beat it and don't do it anymore," and she couldn't. Believe me, she was one strong-willed lady. It wasn't a lack of commitment or effort on her part. She would clean things up and the world would improve for a time, and then it would fall apart again. It was a pattern that she repeated over and over. Did I resent her for it? Yes, sometimes. But I also understood that it wasn't just a matter of deciding to change things. Sometimes it really does require something more.
TPM Sister #102

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Does it really matter what tools people use to help themselves? What is the need that some folks have to call others inadequate because of how they choose to address problems. It's like calling the guy with the bad leg weak because he uses crutches, when with only 8 hours a day with a personal trainer he'd be able to walk without it.

Wendy W.
There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

There's a difference between "I need help" an "I'm powerless." Powerless is "do it for me" vs. "help me."

Fo the people who were addicts to something, beat it, and don't do it anymore, you are not powerless. Knowing, recognizing, and compromising for your weaknesses and faults is what gives you power.



No, powerless isn't "do it for me" as much as it is "I am not in control". It is the powerlessness to stop once they have started.
And most alcoholics in recovery will freely admit not having power over alcohol. They have simply found a way not to take that first drink.

And anyone who walks into AA is told early on that this is something they have to do for themselves. The others can offer help, support and advice, but nobody can do it for them.
"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

There's a difference between "I need help" an "I'm powerless." Powerless is "do it for me" vs. "help me."

Fo the people who were addicts to something, beat it, and don't do it anymore, you are not powerless. Knowing, recognizing, and compromising for your weaknesses and faults is what gives you power.



Spoken from a point of ignorance and completely out of context. Before you start on telling people what there addiction means to them try reading up a bit more on the contexts of the words used.

The phrase is POWERLESS OVER OUR ADDICTION.
Unless you have an addiction it's very unlikely that you can fathom the concept of this sort of powerlessness.
Trust me when i say i am a strong man in many many avenues of my life but I am powerless when it comes to drugs and booze.

One has always been to many and a thousand never enough for me.
You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

and you turn to a SKYDIVING-forum, about an ALCOHOLproblem!? oh, the irony.. :D
[/url]

not so ironic, there are quite a few recovering skydivers on these forums, they just dont make as much noise as the idiot drunks do.
You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

It's God based and that's what makes it work for so many.

As far as some accepting another "higher power" - no one that has been in our circle of recovered/ing for 10+ years has any other than God. AA, done "by the book", works as written in the strictest interpretation - this only from my perspective and experience but it's been a while now...
.



AA/NA are NOT God based, some member try to make it so but neither organisation is God based. I'm an atheist and do not have any god concept and i have been clean and sober since August 10th 2000. I also have quite a few clean and sober friends who do not believe in god.
You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

0