Out of Control

[SarahC07 0]

Looking for a bit of semi-serious guidance here... or at least insightful comments

I feel like my life is out of control. My room (which I am 100% responsible for) is cluttered and distracting, my house (50% under my control) is semi-messy and not as clean as I would like, and I'm working part-time while attempting a full-time graduate business degree in order to minimize debt. Other areas of my life are suffering, but I won't bore you with the details...

There are simply not enough hours in the day for the demands in my life... or at least I feel like this is the case. Working out? ha! Eating healthy? Get in line. Now, I've been "busy" before and I would like to think I do a relatively good job at managing my time, but this schedule is ridiculous. I can manage to juggle 5 balls but not 10 balls.

I'm sure everyone can relate, but this is truly the first time I've felt so out of control and actually boxed-in, like there is no good answer, no good solution, like my best option is to understand that this total life chaos is temporary (will graduate in May 2012), learn to deal with it and keep moving forward.

I've tried lowering my standards so far as organization and household cleanliness goes, but it just stresses me out more to live in a cluttered, disorganized home. I made decent grades this past fall (3.5 GPA) but I felt like I was just trying to keep my head above water. I was focused more on getting an A and not really on learning the material.

Any brilliant words of wisdom? Or should i just suck it up and deal? I could take out another loan to pay for living expense while I'm in school (and ditch the job), but is my mental and physical health (for the next 1.5 years) worth the additional debt?

I knew working part-time while attempting a full load of graduate level courses would be tough and I was willing to see if I could tackle both. I would prefer to learn to deal with my situation, but I'm beginning to feel like I've exhausted my creative problem-solving / time management skills...

Your advice, criticism, and gentle harassment are all welcome.

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[obelixtim 105]

Cry us a river.....

You're a softcock....harden up a bit.

No one said life has to be fair....its quite a long journey.

I've always said: Look one year into the future, and assess whether this issue was even important.

99 times out of 100 you won't even remember it.

You don't live in the squalor and hardship that lots of people in the world have no choice or option about.

Your complaints are minor, short term irritations.

Thats all.

Get on with living.

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My computer beat me at chess, It was no match for me at kickboxing....

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[happythoughts 0]

roommate. i had two. the key is picking good ones and
having clear house rules. check among your friends at school. like-minded serious students.

it can save you time.
- whoever cooks, the others clean and put away.
- everyone does one evening of cleaning of the common area each week.
(if you are a slob, keep your door closed.)

you split the bills. rent and electric.

so, that solves two problems. less time spent on chores
and paying some bills.

[SarahC07 0]

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No one said life has to be fair....its quite a long journey.

I'm absolutely not looking for 'fair', I'm looking for my sanity. It has managed to disappeared.

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I've always said: Look one year into the future, and assess whether this issue was even important.

99 times out of 100 you won't even remember it.

Thank you.

[obelixtim 105]

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Thank you.

Cheers. Wasn't trying to be a meanie. Good luck, and look after yourself, because in the big scheme of things, its the best policy.

Take care, and don't be afraid to say what you think....

To anyone.......

My computer beat me at chess, It was no match for me at kickboxing....

[SarahC07 0]

Ah, I have one roommate already so all bills are split. I'm looking for another. I really feel like my expenses are pretty low already...

I've implemented clear house rules and they are followed for the most part. I've taken the lead on paying the bills and gathering payments from the roommates.

Thanks for the input but I've got those bases covered.

[Shell666 0]

Sometimes you need to just back up and take stock of things.

If your room is a mess and it makes you crazy, start small. Clear away a corner a day (or a week). Donate what you don't need to charity. THAT gives you a good feeling!

Sounds like being disorganized makes you a little crazy so take that away from the equation. And that just might give you more time to focus on other things. A little bit of cleaning each day can go a long way. It clears your house and head of clutter. Even just 10 minutes of clearing away clutter helps.

If you can live with a "little" disorganization in the main part of the house, having a clean sanctuary will help a lot.

I'd say keep your job as it's a break from the chaos of school. It'll give you that little bit of money that you don't need to take out in a loan. AND it's a BREAK from school.

Good luck. I wish you the best!!!

'Shell

[thrillstalker 0]

i felt a lot like that my last year of college. work, an internship, hard classes, building my portfolio, trying to stay sane and failing. i have a photography degree and it takes a lot of work and time.

it all piles up on you at times. do you say fuck it and leave the pile alone or do you say i can handle this shit and get it done.

for my graduation present to myself i bought an a license package and learned to skydive, so there is light at the end of the tunnel.

"Never grow a wishbone, where your backbone ought to be."

[bluepill 0]

Get a friend round. Ask them to be ultra strict with you and have them help declutter your room.

It's so easy to hang on to shit we don't need and so hard to let it go out the door. If you have a trusted friend and you give them the brief of how stressed the chaos is making you, then they can be really ruthless in getting rid of the crap with you.

If they know you well, maybe they can help you take a step back from the coalface, look at your activities and declutter your lifestyle as well. We often think we are maxed out when in reality we're not optimising our time, but we are too maxed out to see it.

Once that is done, as your expenses are low, I'd suggest getting a cleaner in for the rest of the house once evey couple of weeks.

BP

PS: My dusters and I are free on Wednesdays.

[rnicks 0]

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We often think we are maxed out when in reality we're not optimising our time, but we are too maxed out to see it.

This is 100% true.

To the OP, My first year of grad school, I felt much like you did. I worked full time midnights while going to school full time during the day. It was awful. I was tired all the time. But when I really thought about it, I wasn't utilizing my time as wisely as I could. Once I focused and made a plan, I still worked full time while attending school full time, had time to clean and make my own meals everyday (I hate fast food!), go to the gym 5 days a week, and still made time to do something fun 2 days a week.

Sit yourself down, make a schedule and stick to it. It will work. And remember to do something fun for yourself at least once a week. That's important! Good luck!

[popsjumper 2]

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-Once I focused and made a plan.
-Sit yourself down, make a schedule and stick to it.
-And remember to do something fun for yourself at least once a week. That's important!

There's most of your answer.

Make a list of things to be done.
Prioritize it...study should be up near the top.
Knock off one item per day.

Also....
-Delegate!
For example, let somebody else take charge of collecting payments.

-Incorporate!
Motivate others in the house and use them to help.

-Consummate!
Finish what you start.

-Reductionate (I made that up)
You can reduce your overall workload if you simply make it a habit to:
-Put things away when you finish with them.
-Put it back in its place rather than leaving it laying around.
-Hang it up instead of dropping it on the floor.
-Wash your dishes NOW instead of letting it pile up.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[airtwardo 6]

Quote

Quote

-Once I focused and made a plan.
-Sit yourself down, make a schedule and stick to it.
-And remember to do something fun for yourself at least once a week. That's important!

There's most of your answer.

Make a list of things to be done.
Prioritize it...study should be up near the top.
Knock off one item per day.

Also....
-Delegate!
For example, let somebody else take charge of collecting payments.

-Incorporate!
Motivate others in the house and use them to help.

-Consummate!
Finish what you start.

-Reductionate (I made that up)
You can reduce your overall workload if you simply make it a habit to:
-Put things away when you finish with them.
-Put it back in its place rather than leaving it laying around.
-Hang it up instead of dropping it on the floor.
-Wash your dishes NOW instead of letting it pile up.

~and spend less time on the interweb!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[skymama 35]

Spend 15 minutes a day cleaning up your room. Can't find the time? Set your alarm earlier, you won't even miss those 15 minutes once you start moving.

Once you get it clean, make a point of making sure nothing is laying around when you go to bed. It takes 5 minutes to put everything in its place and you wake up to a calm environment which helps set the mood for the day. Make a place for everything; bookshelves for books, racks for magazines, inbox for important mail and trash the rest, etc. There should be no piles of anything anywhere.

Incorporate working out into your day- take the stairs whenever possible, walk quickly through campus and take the long route to class, park your car farther away from stores. If you sit a lot, do stomach contractions as you sit (pull your belly button to your center and hold it as long as you can), lunge across the room when you go to get something, bring a resistance band and use it on breaks.

Eating healthy- it's really easy to grab a banana, hard boiled egg, yogurt, make a whole grain turkey sandwich, etc. I fuss at my own daughter all the time for this!

Make a list of everything that needs to be done, and cross them off as you go. It feels good to cross things off, you'll feel so productive! Try all the hints you've heard from everyone and let us know how it goes.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[SarahC07 0]

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~and spend less time on the interweb!

I knew I had THAT coming when I started typing my original post.

[Andy9o8 0]

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I've implemented clear house rules and they are followed for the most part.

The highlighted phrase in that sentence jumped out at me. Is it your house to begin with, and your roommate is your tenant? Or do you and your roommate have essentially equal status?

[davjohns 1]

You aren't alone, Sarah. Most people feel like their lives are out of control from time to time. They want to clear out responsibilities, stuff, relationships or anything they perceive to be eating up their time, patience and money.

Chances are, this is a temporary feeling inspired by facts / events. Once you get on top of something like a project due in school, you will probably feel better. Staying ahead of deadlines will help prevent this feeling in the future, but it will return from time to time. Take a deep breath, figure out what needs to be done now, and get to work.

Hang in there. You can do it.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[warpedskydiver 0]

Offer a guy some pussy if he will clean for you.

Problem solved.







It does not always have to be you, your roomie can chip in with the "chores"

[sandi 0]

Don't despair, you can do this. I understand what you're feeling. I'm in a very demanding phd program and I'm a single mom. I had a point that I was ready to quit because I was exhausted and stressed and there just weren't enough hours in the day to do everything I needed to do for school and still be a good mom.

So what I've learned is to schedule everything. When you have so many demands on your time that helps to keep things under control. If you saw my calender you would think I'm some crazy obsessive organization freak. I'm not, but I've learned the hard way that I have to have control over my time. So my time is split between my daughter and my work. I need to write a lot and I was having trouble finding time to write. So now I have scheduled writing time every day.

As far as cleaning goes you may need to get used to it not being perfect. My house is never as clean as I would like it but I want to spend my time with my daughter not cleaning. So I usually spend about an hour on Saturday mornings cleaning and I try and keep up with little things throughout the week. Just spend a little time every day so its livable even if its not perfect. If you do a little every day then you never need to spend a whole day cleaning.

The most important thing I've found for me in maintaining my sanity is exercise. My first couple years I felt like you do - that there is just no way to find time to workout. But after I hit bottom -- totally frazzled and I got a B in a class (that was traumatic for me, I don't get B's) I realized that to be successful and productive I need to take care of myself. Now I get up at 5:30 every morning and workout and I am so much happier and healthier. It means getting up earlier but it has made a huge difference. Just having that hour to do something for me has made me feel more in control and better able to handle the demands on my time.

So the lessons here are
1. don't neglect yourself - you'll be more productive if you are happy and healthy
2. don't stress about things that aren't that important - when you graduate and get a great job you can hire someone to clean your house and you won't care that it wasn't spotless for a couple years.
3. figure out what you need to do -- prioritize -- and make a schedule.

I don't know if this helps, but just know that you're not alone.

You can do this, don't ever doubt yourself!

[SarahC07 0]

My house.

[Roxxx 0]

Do "The DVD"

Trash, Dust, Vacuum, Dishes... the rest will fall in place.

Or, go out drinking so you don't have to look at it.

whatever works for ya.

[nigel99 151]

Haven't got a clue on whether you are a pack-rat or not (unfortunately many of your gender are).

If you do tend to keep stuff then being brutal about trashing things and keeping what you own to a minimum can work wonders. Most of my relatives are pack-rats and struggle to keep their homes clean, my wife is brutal - to the point where the kids have to be careful to put their stuff away - cause if it is left lying around for more than 2 days it gets put in the trash.

Stay out of debt as much as you can - it sucks big time.

For the easy life move in with a guy who will pay your expenses - word is Shah is available

Experienced jumper - someone who has made mistakes more often than I have and lived.