Rant: Child Custody Laws

[windcatcher 0]

WTH?!?!?!?!

I am kinda pissed off at the fact that in our society, the father can not readily have custody of his children as the mother can.

Who's to say that a father wouldn't be a better parent than some mothers?
I don't understand why these kinds of laws exist, where children cannot live with their father, unless the mother is found unfit to raise the children or if she signs over her parental rights.

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[panzwami 0]

hey, women don't need men. Don't you watch Oxygen?

[juanesky 0]

I take it that your experience is fairly recent.

The problem with today's court is that all men are presumed violent, unfit to be a parent. No matter good track record and clean background.

The irony is that "supposedly" they are looking for the welfare and well being of the child, while actively and unjustly swinging the balance of justice to favor women.

"According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

[windcatcher 0]

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I take it that your experience is fairly recent.

The problem with today's court is that all men are presumed violent, unfit to be a parent. No matter good track record and clean background.

The irony is that "supposedly" they are looking for the welfare and well being of the child, while actively and unjustly swinging the balance of justice to favor women.

I agree with you. Isn't there anything that can be done to change such a law?

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[lummy 4]

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I agree with youFrown. Isn't there anything that can be done to change such a law?

It's more than just changing a law,you'd have to change the bias of judges, attorneys, child advocates, friends of the courts, etc.... Having spent a lot of time in family court, I've seen countless times where the mom gets chance after chance while the dad will have to jump thru hoops just to be able to see the kid. It's sickening

I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. eat sushi, get smoochieTTK#1

[AlexCrowley 0]

Doubtful. The womens advocates have pushed hard enough that the entire system is distorted.

For example: spousal abuse is split equally 50/50 when you analyze the numbers. However, women focused groups have effectively silenced and eradicated any discussion about female abusers. Society still caught up in a masculine/feminine stereotyping doesnt accept males in a vulnerable role.

I'm lucky, in my seperation things were amicable enough - however I'm not stupid enough to try getting custody.

I recently watched my friend go through hell. His wife, in a fit of pique, called the police citing spousal abuse. He was hauled out of his house (the arresting officers were aware it was a bullshit charge but had to act) and barred from seeing his kids. Visitation was monitored once every two weeks. The case came to court, the judge couldnt throw it out (for whatever reason) but found that he wasnt guilty of abuse (so no jail time), however he had to go to anger management training, and still had to be supervised with his kids!

It's pretty sick. I work hard to not think too hard about it.

TV's got them images, TV's got them all, nothing's shocking.

[happythoughts 0]

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The problem with today's court is that all men are presumed violent

My attorney warned me to not be in a room with her before we went to court. If witnesses saw her crying, she could claim abuse. Therefore, when you go to court, her attorney asks, "Have you ever been arrested for abuse?". It is a very common custody tactic and used all the time.

Also, my wife did claim abuse in court. On questioning, she testified that it was "emotional abuse because he yelled when we were arguing".

The only time that I have ever seen a man get custody was when the woman had a b/f waiting and didn't want the baggage.

[justinb138 0]

I really don't understand it.

Some interesting stats on divorce/child custody & support laws:

“A randomized study of 46,000 divorce cases published in the American Law and Economics Review found that in only 6% of cases women claimed to be divorcing cruel or abusive husbands, and that adultery was cited by women as a cause of divorce only slightly more than by men. Surveys of divorced couples show that the reasons for their divorces are generally a lack of closeness or of "not feeling loved and appreciated."

“Studies show that the overwhelming majority of steadily employed divorced fathers pay their child support. While there are a few well‑heeled divorced dads who stiff their children, most non‑paying dads are either poor, unemployed, disabled, or incarcerated. According to a US Government Accounting Office report, two‑thirds of those fathers who do not pay their child support fail to do so because they are financially unable to do so.”

“There are almost as many unfaithful wives as there are unfaithful husbands. Research generally estimates that for every five unfaithful husbands, there are four unfaithful wives.”

“Domestic violence research overwhelmingly shows that women are just as likely as men to initiate and engage in domestic violence, and that only a small percentage of women's domestic violence is committed in self‑defense. Studies show that women often compensate for their smaller size by their significantly greater use of weapons and the element of surprise.”

“Official Department of Justice statistics show that men commit 70% of all murder of intimates. However, when other factors are accounted for, including unsolved murders, poisonings mistakenly classified as heart attacks, and contract killings classified as "multiple offender killings," women have been shown to be at least as likely as men to murder their current or former spouses or intimates.”

Most child abuse and parental murder of children is committed by mothers, not fathers.


A study of children of divorce found that 42% of children who lived solely with their mother reported that their mother tried to prevent them from seeing their fathers after the divorce. However, only 16% of children who lived solely with their father reported similar obstruction.

In another study, 40% of divorced mothers admitted that they had interfered with their ex-husband's access or visitation, and that their motives were punitive in nature and not due to safety considerations.

The government spends $340 on enforcing child support for every $1 it spends on enforcing visitation rights.

Nationwide divorced fathers are ten times as likely to commit suicide as divorced mothers, and more than twice as likely to commit suicide as married fathers.

The largest factor in predicting whether a child will graduate high school, attend college, become involved in crime or drugs, or get pregnant before age 18 is the presence (or absence) of a father in the child’s life. Studies show that this remains true even after adjustments for household income.

Children are 88% more likely to be seriously injured from abuse or neglect by their mothers than by their fathers.

Sources of info here:


http://www.glennsacks.com/sources_page_on_fathers.htm

[jenfly00 0]

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I take it that your experience is fairly recent.

The problem with today's court is that all men are presumed violent, unfit to be a parent. No matter good track record and clean background.

The irony is that "supposedly" they are looking for the welfare and well being of the child, while actively and unjustly swinging the balance of justice to favor women.

I agree with you. Isn't there anything that can be done to change such a law?

We start with addressing the artificial standards and expectations forced upon genders from birth and perpetuated by the mothers raising the children.

-----------------------
"O brave new world that has such people in it".

[Lindsey 0]

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WTH?!?!?!?!

I am kinda pissed off at the fact that in our society, the father can not readily have custody of his children as the mother can.

Who's to say that a father wouldn't be a better parent than some mothers?
I don't understand why these kinds of laws exist, where children cannot live with their father, unless the mother is found unfit to raise the children or if she signs over her parental rights.

You live in Arkansas, right? There are no such laws here. The child goes with the parent the judge deems most appropriate. There is nothing written into the law that favors a mother here.

Peace~
linz

--
A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail

[chadkal 0]

I live in Ar., and I was told by a Judge that under no circumstances would joint custody ever be granted here, and that unless a mother was proven to be unfit, then there is no way that I would get custody. I have known others who have heard this same story. It may not be written as law, ( I don't know ) but it may as well be if that's what judges are saying.

[rhino 0]

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I am kinda pissed off at the fact that in our society, the father can not readily have custody of his children as the mother can.

Join the club...

[rhino 0]

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I agree with youFrown. Isn't there anything that can be done to change such a law?

Unfortunately their isn't any 1 person that a 50 cal round cold kill to fix things. If their were it would all be fixed..

[rhino 0]

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There is nothing written into the law that favors a mother here.

You sound like a friendly Friend of The Cunt rep..

Oops friend of the court I mean....

[TrophyHusband 0]

Nationwide divorced fathers are ten times as likely to commit suicide as divorced mothers, and more than twice as likely to commit suicide as married fathers.


a little off topic, but this means that married men are still 5 times as likely to commit suicide than dicorced women.

"Your scrotum is quite nice" - Skymama
www.kjandmegan.com

[happythoughts 0]

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married men are still 5 times as likely to commit suicide

Single men die younger than married men, but married men are more willing.

[Lindsey 0]

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I live in Ar., and I was told by a Judge that under no circumstances would joint custody ever be granted here, and that unless a mother was proven to be unfit, then there is no way that I would get custody. I have known others who have heard this same story. It may not be written as law, ( I don't know ) but it may as well be if that's what judges are saying.

Interesting. That's what I always thought too...until I got into the custody brawl. Despite the fact that my ex had been reported for child abuse, had admitted to leaving my 7 y/o son home while he went to work overnight, and that he admitted that I had always been the primary parent and a very good parent, the fact that I was seeing another person after we separated (but weren't divorced) DID threaten my keeping custody of my child. I did get custody, but there were certainly no guarantees. I basically had to demonstrate that I had NEVER done anything to jeapordize my child in order to keep custody....he had jeapordized him at every turn it seemed, but still had a shot at taking my child away from me. Jerk. But I guess in Arkansas, a woman seeing another man--wearing the scarlet letter--is possibly as wrong as child abuse.

linz

--
A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail

[happythoughts 0]

I guess that all of us have personal stories.
However, the truth is probably what my lawyer told me:

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We're not here to decide the outcome. You're gonna get f-ed. We're just going to decide how bad.

For $2K, you can get divorced. For $5, I can get you better enforcement of the custody decision. For $10-12, I can get you custody, but it will be very nasty and you'll spend another $8 on therapy for the child (and he was serious).

btw, in Florida, cheating on a spouse is a reason to get divorced, but it doesn't matter in custody disputes or property division.

Even alchohol or drug problems are attributed to the emotional damage of the relationship. The spouse must pay for rehab too.

[Lindsey 0]

Yeah....I spent the $10,000 and got custody of my child. A nurse I know had her child taken from her because her ex accused her of using meth. Not until she proved with a hair test that she had used NO drugs did she get her child back. That was in the same district that I am in.

Now, maybe I would've gotten custody anyway. Maybe the threat of him taking my child, and his relentlessness, had me feeling less confident than I should've felt. In the end we did slam the sorry jerk and left him looking like the fool that he is. BUT never once did my attorney leave me feeling that we had it all wrapped up. In fact, at one point when we thought we might have a different judge than we were supposed to have, he said he was worried. So....basically...I don't know what the odds really were. What I DO know is that I went a year without sleep, but eventually got custody. I know women here who have lost custody over not much of anything. Maybe it's just where we live though.... I don't know.

linz

--
A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail

[rickjump1 0]

Lindsey, you're a good mom.

Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.

[Lindsey 0]

Thanks for saying so Rick. I think I'm a pretty good mom too. BUT the point is that I wasn't just handed custody because I was the mother. I was granted custody because I was THE PARENT....the ONLY parent that my child had really had....because my child had been MY priority for years while he and I had been my ex's LAST priority....and because I spent a lot of money making sure that all of my i's were dotted and t's were crossed.

People talk like the system is set up so that men always get a raw deal. Despite the fact that they really didn't have any dirt on me and that I had LOTS of dirt on him, there was nothing automatic about my remaining the custodial parent.

Maybe we're progressive that way....lol. I kinda doubt it.

linz

--
A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail

[slug 1]

Hi lindsey

IMO The system is set up so that both lawyers win

R.I.P.