Hugging the earth

[Michele 1]

It's a gorgeous day, hot but not too hot, light winds, and everyone seems so happy. I walk through the dropzone looking for familiar faces, but I see none til I get to the school. I go inside to say good morning to the staff, drop some photos and stuff off for Dennis.
I get outside, and there's Ed, teaching plf's to the AFF1 guys. I look at him closely, make sure there's nothing immediately wrong with him. He looks o.k., not a bandaid in sight, and when the class takes a break, he looks at me and comes over. I have the question on the tip of my tongue, but he once again anticipates me and says it was the sweetest opening he has ever had. And while I don't believe that, I do think it went o.k. because he would have said something else if it hadn't. He asks when I am jumping, and I tell him after Kimmer does.
Zclubber is there, bright blue eyes and great smile. We sit and chat, Kimmer ZClubber and I, pretending that we are just here, and that there's nothing we are doing that is unique and unusual. I keep waiting for the sweaty palms, waiting for my old friend fear to get here, but it is at bay this morning, and I am happy about that. I know that I have some things to get done today in the air, but I don't know all of it, and so there's nothing really to think about except the experience itself. I do know that this level is about matching fall rates, Dennis has warned me that this level may be difficult for me because of my arch, and I tell him "No, it won't be, because I can do this". He looks at me, grins, and says "atta girl, that's the right attitude". I stick my chin out in mock defiance, tilt my head back, and strut wth fake bravado for about three steps, and we both laugh. Kimmer and I get called into the harness room, and while we are there, Albatross walks by the window, and I say "oh look, there's Chris" to which Ed says "you need to be thinking in here, Michele, stop looking out the window. Work with me". He's totally right, so I drag my eyes away, and pay more attention to the practice drills.
Kimmer, Sinister69, Zclubber and I all gather out at the bleachers, and now the waiting for us has begun. I see Albatross, and shout for him. He turns, and comes running over, and gives me the best hug a girl can have (Albi, where did you learn to hug like that!). Steve and Craig are there, too, and Kimmer and I are surrounded by all these great men. When the next group of jumpers are landing, I can't help it, but an old line from a song creeps through my head, and I sing "It's raining men, hallelujia, it's raining men...." and now that song is stuck in my head for the rest of the day. But it's true, so I just sit there and enjoy myself.
I sit in the bleachers, waiting for Kimmer to take her jump. I don't want to be in the air with her, I want to wait for her on the ground. She gets called in to get ready to go, she has a quick call, so she suits up and walks out to the loading area. She has been having such a rough time, and I am so proud of her for sticking with it, for attacking the problem, and not allowing the problem to win over her. She is battling, and I cannot but admire and respect her for what she is capable of. She is winning this fight, but doesn't know it yet. Kim lands, and has had a hard time in the air, but she goes in and signs up again; she has declared that she will not leave until she has made it through the level. I know she will, and I know how she feels, and I wish I could help.
But now I am called over. Ed and I walk through the jump, and he tells me what he needs from me. He wants me to control the rate of fall, which seems easy enough, but I am worried about my arch. What if I go unstable, what if I can't do it, what if and how come and then what and well, hello, fear, how are you today? There is a weird separation in my head, with the voice of fear on one side, calling for me, and the reasonable and logical side calling for me on another. I make a deliberate choice to listen to the reason side, and try to shut out the other voices. I turn back to the task at hand, start to get suited up, and my video guy is there - and it's Clint Clawson, human being extraordinaire....and I know I am going to have a fun jump, whatever happens. I've got Ed, I've got Clint, it's a beautiful day, and I am going to jump. I try to convince myself that the tingling in my belly is excitement, but I am not sure it is.
We walk out to the plane, and we go through the jump once more. Climbing onto the plane, I realize that we are going to be in the first group out, maybe even first out,and that means I have to watch through the door. I try to sneak over to the other side of the plane, but Ed gently nudges me into the right seat, directly across from the door. O.K., so be it, I'll just close my eyes the whole way and pretend I am in a convertible. Which doesn't work, but is fun while it lasts. I touch everyone's knees that I can reach, just wanting human contact, reassurance, and I can't reach Moley's knee, so he lifts it up for me. Clint interviews Ed for my tape, and I can't hear them, but they are laughing. The door opens, and depsite my best effort to ignore the ground dropping away fast, I can't help looking out. All the things I have read here and elsewhere about bailing out, all the things I had been taught go through my head. Then we get to a height where we can just relax. So I try, I do the deep breathing, I go through the muscle groups and relax them, and then I wait. And wait, wait, wait.
It's time to get the goggles and helmet on, and I notice that my hands are shaking. Almost too hard to geet the clasp hooked under my chin, but I do, and then the door goes up. John is at the door, but he just gets this really odd look on his face. Steve his student is waiting, and then the door closes. We have to go around. Now I am doubt my legs, will they work, because the trembling from my hands has moved into the rest of my body. I can't figure out what I am tripping out for, but I figure it will go away in the air, it almost always has, and then Ed sticks his tongue out at me. Which makes me laugh, and I feel better.
The door opens, and John and Steve go out. It's my turn. I kneel, grasp, and elevate myself out of the door into a flaoting exit. I take a deep breath, relax, smile, and let go. I am falling, feet to earth, straight down. I am stand flying, which isn't quite what I should do on my ninth jump, but it's fun! Oh, I think, arch....and so I do. And we are leveling off, Ed is right there, and I go into a gentle left spin. He grabs my arm and stops the spin, and then the hugging begins. He goes up, I try to go up. It doesn't work - I'm still falling away from him. He goes down, falls past me, and I meet him easily. He goes up again, and I really push my arms down and forward, "hugging the earth", and I shoot right up to him. I am so surprised! He gives me a big thumbs up and says "yeah!", thank god I can lipread. I am grinning, and having soooooo much fun. I can do this, I am not unstable, I can meet Ed in the air, and this is a blast!
It's now 6k and I have to stop. Clint is floating right in front of me, and he's sitting - just like an indian, crossed legs, right there - he is such a darling! He grins, and I grin back. I look at my alti, o.k., we're at five, and now we're at 4.5, and - oh, shit, I forgot to pull at 4.5 so I do at like 4, but it feels rougher than usual. Something feels off, wrong, out of place. I look up, the canopy is fine, so it's something else. I discover that I had a personal equipment failure, and I have to unzip the neck of my jumpsuit and get my bra back over my breasts. After those gymnastics are done, I get the toggles in my hand, and everything is just incredible.
I spot the dz, and it is far to the south. I get the wind at my back, trying to run with the wind, get over the hangar. I make it over the hangar, and I start to circle, to play. I see a hawk - under my feet - and I match his movements. I mirror him from above, as much as I can, and I feel the turns and the freedom and the dance, and I am here, in the sky, and I join the sky for a moment, and I feel the joy and the bliss which comes with this merging. I let go, and let the wind take me, held by the sky, cupped in the palm of God's hand. I see the patterns in the brown summer dead grass - someone has made a daisy chain which stretches outward under my feet, and I thank this unknown person. The picture they drew could not be seen from the ground, but the gift of this transitory art seen only from the sky is miraculous, an unexpected communication from the land.
I turn back into the wind, set up to land, and I will go long again, into the grass, I know I'm not supposed to land there, so I had better stand on my feet. I pass over Steve, and I hollar WHHHHHOOOOOOOHHHHHOOOOOOOOOO, the wild skydiver mating call, and I hear answering hoots from several places on the ground. Steve waves at me, so I kick my feet at him, and then, I wait - wait - and, now, start, flare, reach with my toes, and I set it down and whoop again, and Ed whoops back, and I get the canopy to lie down and run around the back of it. Albatross Sin and Kimmer are whooping it up on the side, it was a great landing, and I found the peace I crave in the sky.
Kimmer takes her next jump, and when she lands and starts jumping up and down I know she has done well. Zclubber jumps again, and he does equally well. We hang out, get something to eat, and sit around and chat with people. Zclubber and I stay through sunset, and I notice how soft the air has gotten, how gentle and gauzy it is now, in the leaving of the day. I marvel that I can see this, feel this, know this thing called life, and learn it in a different way than I had known it before. I have a deepening gratitude of the beauty around me, and people, the things, the world itself, that has become known to me in a manner that I never knew before. I watch an owl take flight in the darkness, underlit by the hangar lights; I see a little plane take off in the darkness, it's lights brightly shining, and I notice the lights in the hills, ringing the dropzone like a necklace. My eyes are opening, and I like what I see.
I take my graduation jump next week, Saturday the 28th.....how amazing is that?
Ciel bleu-
Michele

[zelda 0]

Michele, I have to tell you that I have really begun to look forward to reading your posts! I've been grounded since November but expect to be back within a few weeks, and reading your stories brings back everything I felt when I was doing it!

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It's time to get the goggles and helmet on, and I notice that my hands are shaking. Almost too hard to geet the clasp hooked under my chin, but I do, and then the door goes up. John is at the door, but he just gets this really odd look on his face. Steve his student is waiting, and then the door closes. We have to go around. Now I am doubt my legs, will they work, because the trembling from my hands has moved into the rest of my body. I can't figure out what I am tripping out for, but I figure it will go away in the air

Oh, glory, do I remember that!

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I discover that I had a personal equipment failure, and I have to unzip the neck of my jumpsuit and get my bra back over my breasts. After those gymnastics are done, I get the toggles in my hand, and everything is just incredible

HAAAW HAW HAAAA!!!! I remember that, too!
Thanks, Michele, for sharing these stories, and doing it so well...if you're not a writer now, you should be.
blues,
zelda

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[mouth 0]

Congrats Michele....you ROCK chick.
Albi was to give you a big hug from me which I think he accomplished. I am so very proud of you.

[Rhonda66 0]

Man, you actually had my eyes tearing by the end of this post....
Congrats. - you deserve it a hundred times over - great job :)
Rhonda

[Grogs 0]

Very cool Michelle. Sounds like you had a nice jump. Good luck on your graduation jump next week!

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I look up, the canopy is fine, so it's something else. I discover that I had a personal equipment failure, and I have to unzip the neck of my jumpsuit and get my bra back over my breasts.

LOL. Good thing there were no guys under canopy around you while you trying to do this. They probably would have run into you trying to get a peep. And don't worry, it's not only girls that have this problem. I got under canopy after a head down jump and my freefly pants were down around my legstraps. If I hadn't had the container on I would have had them come off completely.

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[Shark 0]

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I take my graduation jump next week, Saturday the 28th.....how amazing is that?

Guess we'll have to take a break from our record attempt to watch your L7 skydive. Better yet, we should be on the plane with you!

[skymedic 0]

"well, hello, fear, how are you today? There is a weird separation in my head, with the voice of fear on one side, calling for me, and the reasonable and logical side calling for me on another. I make a deliberate choice to listen to the reason side, and try to shut out the other voices."
Michele, they do make medication for this type of problem...
and good job.
Marc
A-38578

[Divadiver 0]

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I had a personal equipment failure

ROFLMAO!! HAAAAHAAAAA!!! I think what you and Grogs are shooting for is a NAKID Skydive!! I've had my goggles slide up on me, but no personal equipment failures!! Too funny!!
You are something else! And it's all good!! Congratulations!!
Diva

[phastasphuk 0]

You go girl!
Hope your next jump goes just as well as this one, coz then I will have another great story to look forward to! chris
How would you like too stick with me
How much do you love to freefall

[PLFKING 3]

Hey Michele !
Never thought I'd say this, but you are almost to the point of replacing Stephen King as my favorite writer.....
Very good stuff.
The PLF Maharaj

[AggieDave 6]

Holy Shit! I haven't laughed that hard in a while! "Personal equipment failure..." That has to be one of the funniest things I've heard in a while! Only thing ever to happen to me is have my t-shirt pull it's self up, just about around my neck once, but that doens't quite compare.
AggieDave '02
-------------
Blue Skies and Gig'em Ags!
BTHO t.u.

[FallingMarc 0]

Beautiful, just beautiful! I'm really looking forward to reading about your graduation jump...
I can't call the exhilaration of skydiving "indescribable" anymore. You've proven that it's possible to put every emotion, every aspect, into words with as much feeling as I know we all experience... thank you for sharing your experiences here!
Blue skies,
Marc

[nimbus 0]

Michele, I'm so happy for you. I'm really glad you've persevered and you inspire me to do the same. Your writing is enchanting and your wonder at the world is marvellous. I'll be thinking of you graduating and trying to catch up!
larissa

[skybytch 259]

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Dennis has warned me that this level may be difficult for me because of my arch, and I tell him "No, it won't be, because I can do this".

Yes you can!! And you're doing it damn good too!!

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I take my graduation jump next week, Saturday the 28th.....how amazing is that?

Wooo Hoooo!!!! I am SO proud of you, Michele. I'm really bummed that I can't be there to throw you in the pool... err, I mean give you a high five and a big ol' hug when you land on Saturday. But know that I'll be cheering you on even though I'm not there...
pull and flare,
lisa
----
I am a nobody.
Nobody's perfect.
Therefore, I am perfect!

[Albatross 0]

The landing was a thing to see especially after the less than graceful ones that you have described. Everyone here would have been smiling ear to ear like I was to see her settle like a butterfly and then being to jump and dance and scream. It is that type of passion and excitment that makes me want to teach and why I love to jump with low timers (even if I have only 100 jumps). Michele I have been there every step since your incident and I want you to know that if you can overcome all that you have delt with from door deamons to self doubt then you can walk on water in my book. I would bet cash that you could do anything because that is the type of person that you are. Le all love you and I know that we will all take the time to be there in the plane if at all possible for that grauation jump.
Ready, Set, GOOOOOOO
Albatross

[DZBone 0]

Nice one, kiddo.
One more to go. No pressure, but you should have quite the audience there for your graduation!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

[Michele 1]

You guys are all so special to me. Stephen King I am not - he's my fav too!
I so want you guys to be there, so I can share this with you. You have all been there for me, holding my hand, lifting me up, encouraging me, laughing and crying with me, I want to give you all hugs. (o.k., pretend you have my arms around you right now - there!). And yeah, no pressure? yeah, right, sure! Performance anxiety in a girl? It could happen. What if I tank? You guys will laugh your butts off, I'm sure (actually, I will probably laugh the hardest).
I told Dennis that I wanted to go in the SkyVan, and that I wanted a sunset load for my graduation jump....he said, well, we'll see. So I told Rob (one of our pilots) that I wanted at least some extra alti, and he said I have to earn it. Whatever on earth could he mean? (uh, yeah, like that'll happen...I'm shy!)
As for the pool, you're not getting me near the water....
In any event, I can't wait for the jump. Should be an adventure, to say the least. And even if you're not in the plane with me (or not at Perris, even), you all are in the plane with me, every time. And each time I jump, you jump with me (Skymedic, that would explain all the "voices").ciel bleu,
Michele

[hottamaly 1]

"It's raining men, hallelujia, it's raining men...."
That's the best part of this sport, lots of men. (eye candy)
congrats on your persaveriance.

[hottamaly 1]

Hey skybytch, how do I get the smiley faces "in" my post. ( like at the end of sentences and such. I know you're a seasoned computer guru and know I can trust your answer. Also, how do ya get certain coments that you are replying to selected out of the meat of the post? Ya, I'm a computer woffo :-(

[Albatross 0]

As a man with a brain or two I resent being treated like a piece of meat. I do have thoughts and feelings you know. SO if you are going to look come feel me and tell me what you are thinking. I want to have some fun too.
Ready, Set, GOOOOOOO
Albatross

[mouth 0]

OH Albi...you know all the chicks are looking at you checking you out (yes, I've heard all the way across the US). That is why chicks like to hug...they get to share your mind because you generally talk to them and your body.

[Divadiver 0]

Michele:
Last night was the first night of my scuba diving class and the drill sergeant was making us do six laps in the pool. I was on my back making my way across the pool when suddenly I had a personal equipment failure!! My strap was floating along beside me and my top was starting to come down . . . I got so tickled thinking about you, I started laughing and trying to fix the problem at the same time. Of course the laugh echoed back at me in the pool about 3 times louder than when it came out of my mouth, so everyone's thinking, what's up with that chick?? Yeah, I'm down here with my hand in my top, laughing and having a good time, all by myself!! Too funny!!
Well, they had to find out sooner or later, may as well have been the first class! Diva

[Michele 1]

Diva - how funny! Made me giggle right along with you this morning!
Mouth - too right! And that is why we hug him - just to hear his body and mind talk to us........
And Albi, you will always be very special in my heart.
I am going to look at all the men, too!!!! After all, it is summer in southern california, and you all walk around without your shirts on, and then you wonder why we girls look......geesh.
ciel bleu-
Michele
Edited by michele on 7/25/01 10:31 AM.

[dove 0]

Michele -
You are awesome girl!!!! It is so wonderful to read your posts! Have you gone back to read your first posts? My gosh, but you have come a LONG way, baby! You almost didn't come back to the dz - could barely get yourself out the door of your home and now you are graduating! Wow. Sounds like you are having the time of your life too. I know I am certainly happier, freer and more easy going than I ever was before skydiving. And can you believe each and every jump is more fun than the last?!?!?! We will all be with you on your graduation dive. The first double-digit big way graduation dive in the history of skydiving!!!! Cheers!
Elisa