Please respond to this poll.

[chicagoskydiver 0]

My wife would love it if I quit skydiving, but she accepts it because she knows it makes me happy, and she doesn't want me to resent her for making me quit, which I would. I would be thrilled to death if she wanted to share it with me as a DZ whuffo. As it is, I can't even mention it around her, she just wants nothing to do with it. I don't know why he wouldn't want to share such an important part of his life with you, it sounds to me like something else is going on here. Just a suggestion...maybe you could try some marriage counseling to get whatever it is out in the open. That's how I got my wife to accept my skydiving.
Hackey

[SpeedRacer 1]

Yeah, I'm sorry, but I agree with Skreamer on this one. Sounds like we're gonna have Jerry Springer on the DZ!

Quote

)..the funny thing is she warned me..."he's all about him"...well maybe..

Sounds like you two are a perfect match!
Speed Racer
"I think I think, therefore, I think I am, I think!"

[dove 0]

My whuffo husband has absolutely NO interest in jumping out of a plane. He doesn't even like to fly in small commuter planes (much less with the door open - lol!) And he does at times get jealous. But he also knows how happy skydiving makes me and for that it is worth it for him to let me go. I have never asked him to give up any of his passions (many of which don't include me!) and he knows that so he gives me the same freedom. Besides, skydiving makes me SO happy and giddy - ain't nothing like some Sunday night nookie with a frisky freefaller! If he ever asked me to give it up, I would take it as a sign that he no longer loves me as much. For to love me is to want me to be happy and I MUST have skydiving to be truly happy and complete. I hope you can patch things up, but if not, I hope you both find extreme happiness in your new lives.
Elisa

[skymedic 0]

I so wish I could talk about all my problems (wife problems) with you guys but I dont even know where to start.
I kind of am in the same boat as this other guy in that my wife is jealous of the fact that I skydive and take away from her but well never mind I dont even want to start into this stuff. it just gets me so worked up and frustrated...sorry for the stupid post just trying to vent some anger,worry,emotion and it is tough to do when you really dont know who is looking on the other end....
Marc
A-38578

[triednolike 0]

PEOPLE!!! You are not listening! I am not jealous or asking him to stop jumping. I am merely asking him to stop sneaking around behind my back and stop lying about it. I don't think this qualifies as an unreasonable request. If he thinks it is then we are better off not being together.

[mouth 0]

From what you have said it doesn't seem like his sneaking around and lying has anything to do with skydiving unless that is the only outlet for him; however, I do see major problems with your relationship. Any relationship not built on trust and communication is not a true relationship. Like others have told you already....the problem may stick it's ugly head up when he goes jumping but the jumping is not the problem....the problem is how much respect he puts into your relationship.
The decision is yours to make. Talk to him and confront him or deal with things as they are. If you aren't willing to jump out then you are never going to land under canopy. If you need help see a counselor.

[Rhonda66 0]

Are you absolutely positive that he is sneaking around and lying about it? If so, then you know you don't need to be asking us what the problem is because it has nothing to do with skydiving - we ARE listening and we're trying to help you out, but of course only you know what the real problems are - to answer the initial question then - yes, skydiving can be addictive BUT not to the point that it should break up your family, especially if you are willing to let him jump and you are supportive - from our point of view then from what you've told us, there shouldn't be any problems here so the problem seems to be more deeply rooted in your marriage...
Rhonda

[rainman 0]

Quote

I am not jealous or asking him to stop jumping. I am merely asking him to stop sneaking around behind my back and stop lying about it. I don't think this qualifies as an unreasonable request.

It sounds like a very reasonable request to me!
At a DZ where I've been a couple of times, there is a sign that I find very interesting:
"Beware of propellor." Oh no, that's a different one.
"If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it is yours.
If it doesn't, it wasn't yours to begin with"
From what you write I think you did set your husband free, it's up to him to prove he's (still) yours.
Ramon

[triednolike 0]

That is exactly what I've done. I told him that the next move is his. I have tried and tried to talk to him but we have reached the point that we ONLY argue. My statement to him was: "Where would you like to meet to continue this discussion? The Lawyer's office or the Counselor's office?" I guess now I'll just wait and see. Thanx again for the insight. It has helped me to realize I have been trying to put blame where it doesn't belong. Betrayal sucks but Karma is a bitch!!

[Michele 1]

Hi, Tried.
I have been reading your posts, and the responses. I would like to offer an observation based on nothing else than reading - which means that I miss all the vocal inflection, intention, body language, etc. Please keep that in mind. Also realize that I have been betrayed in a major way, and I understand that Karma is bitch. Please forgive me if I step on your toes here. It is not intended. That being said...
Communication is vital. And I notice that there is little or no communication going on - his lying, your issuing ultimatums. There is a control thing I sense happening here, and there will always be a fight against the control (from wherever it comes...). It may be that he lies because he doesn't trust you to accept it, and that the truth will simply instigate a fight, so he avoids the issue (not an o.k. thing at all). It may be that you are giving deadlines and ultimatums as your way of declaring yourself, your intentions, and letting him know his actions are unacceptable to you (again, not really an o.k. thing, either).
BUT: is either way a good way to resolve the problem? Is there perhaps another way to communicate with him? I know that if I heard the option of Counselor or Lawyer, I would be on the phone to my - lawyer.....because there is a threat in that statement which I would not tolerate. There is a control, too, inasmuch as 'I'll give you the options to choose from, but thy're my options, and your wants and needs don't matter".
When I work that hard to control something, I try to see what it is I am really trying to control - and what would happen if there was no control, and if I just let things happen. What am I afraid of that I have to control so hard, and take so much time and energy making the people around me do what I want them to do?
If you need to control something, control *your* life. Is this what you want? This fighting, arguing, un-trusting? Will it get better? Can *you* take steps to change your communication so to be able to tell him what is really going on? Get totally vulnerable, tell him your heart. Tell him your fears, and dreams, and needs - without demanding it from him. Figure out what you are missing and what you want. Then take the steps needed to get it into your life. *Ask* him for it, don't demand it. And then, if he can't or won't give it to you, move on. And learn to give it to yourself, so it never is dependent on someone else to give you what you need and want. And then, when you have a good relationship, it is not based on "I'll get it out there", but instead "I have it inside, I can easily get it for myself". This allows for a choice in relationships - a choice that has no pressure, no ultimatums, no nothing other than a genuine enjoyment of being with each other.
If you and your husband cannot do that for each other, then take the steps you need to get it for yourself. But don't issue ultimatums, don't threaten. He knows, he is aware, and he has to make the choice for himself and his life. Just as you, Tried, need to make the choice for your life.
I know, easier said than done. I truly wish and hope for the best for both of you, but especially your children. I really don't mean to be harsh, and if this comes across that way, I am very sorry.
Ciel bleu-
Michele

[cloud9 0]

Well triednolike or Sue Me from my town.
I think your a troll
If not your the most incensitve person I've heard from in a long time, airing this out on a public forum full of stragers, if I were he I'd dump you for sure now. You don't deserve a skydiver. Remember it was you that said please respond!

[Vlad 0]

My wife prior to her AFF classes went with me to dz several times, was cooking for me and fellow skydivers, helped to pack rigs, acted as a photographer and was happy ! I know that she would do that even if she did not want to skydive (and she wanted badly). I would do the same for her if she decided to go to a dance camp for example, or whatever. So, being a skydiver is not necessary for a happy marriage (but it brings such an excitement, when both people are skydivers !!), LOVE , FRIENDSHIP, and PATIENCE are !

[triednolike 0]

In reply to:
Get totally vulnerable, tell him your heart. Tell him your fears, and dreams, and needs - without demanding it from him. Figure out what you are missing and what you want. Then take the steps needed to get it into your life. *Ask* him for it, don't demand it. And then, if he can't or won't give it to you, move on.
______________________________
I did get vulnerable and totally opened up to tell him how I felt and what I would like to happen (to stay together of course), but this didn't seem to make a difference. I am trying to stick it out, but I must take care of myself first. I have made the decision to seek help on my own (for myself), and I invited (not demanded) him to go along. We haven't actually attended any counseling sessions together, yet, but I will remain hopeful since he said he would be willing. I just want to be sure that he goes only because HE wants to and not for my sake. I know that I will benefit from therapy whether it's on my own or as a couple. Hell, I think all of us could benefit from seeing a shrink. Life sure throws us some sh-- don't it?
I will remain strong and true to myself and my children. I will make sure that I never let it get to a point that I start to hate him. I believe that I will always love him whether we stay together or not. Thanx for responding and helping me to see just a little bit clearer. Take Care!!! T

[bluestar 0]

Looking at these post it is obvious that this is not a skydiving related issue. Regardless of the skydiver non-skydiver status of participants of a relationship, couples have problems everyday!
I not sure what you intended to accomplish with your post. If you were looking to pass the blame of your relationship problems off on a sport, plese don't. I don't know either one of you, but from what you said he sounds inconsiderate and you sound very controlling albeit passive. I fail to see how either of these issues, or any other you might have , relate to skydiving!
I have already wasted too mush time responding to this post but please don't blame skydiving for the problems in your marrage, we have enough problems with the perception of our sport.
Good luck and I hope you guys can work something out were you are both happy (regardless of what that me be).
Kevin

[triednolike 0]

RE:
If you were looking to pass the blame of your
relationship problems off on a sport, plese don't. I don't know either one of you, but from what you
said he sounds inconsiderate and you sound very controlling albeit passive. I fail to see how either of
these issues, or any other you might have , relate to skydiving!
I have already wasted too much time responding to this post but please don't blame skydiving for
the problems in your marrage, we have enough problems with the perception of our sport.
____________________________________
Please don't misinterperet my uncertainties and questions as trying to pass off blame and/or responsibility.
I DO realize it is only a symptom of a much bigger problem. I was only trying to get some insight from
people who are dedicated and love the sport of skydiving. I have learned some useful information and
believe I have opened my eyes just a bit from talking to most everyone that responded. I thank you all
for the consideration (except you, melissagsc) of taking the time to share your thoughts and "wisdom".
Take Care!!! T