Please respond to this poll.

[triednolike 0]

I am curious as to how many of you skydivers either have gotten divorced or know someone that has gotten a divorce as a result of one spouse choosing to make skydiving the only thing that matters? I think that I am about to go through this. There is absolutely no middle ground in this case. My spouse has resorted to lying about things that have to do with skydiving and I have never asked that he not do it, only that I am included. He is acting like a drug addict. Do all skydivers have addictive personalities? Or did I just get involved with the wrong one?

[phastasphuk 0]

Skydiving IS addictive!
But not that much that you would start to lie, and why should he lie if you never asked him to quit. Sounds to me that it's not the skydiving that's the problem, but maybe something else. Maybe he just doesn't want to include you in his skydiving world or have you hanging around the dz for some reason. I don't want to sound to hard in this matter, but the lies are there for some reason...
Well, these are just MY thoughts on the subject...
chris
How would you like too stick with me
How much do you love to freefall

[triednolike 0]

Actually, the lies aren't about the skydiving but about who he jumps and hangs out with. I don't believe any "hanky-panky" is going on, but I still can't understand why he would keep it secretive and then lie when I find out. I guess maybe it isn't skydiving that makes him lie, it could just be that he is a piece of s*** person and has no clue just how lucky he is. I have always encouraged and supported his interest in SD until he betrayed me.

[FreeflyPlaymate 0]

I am not sure how much you will value my opinion, I'm 21, and have never been married. However as an active skydiver, I can tell you the obvious skydiving can be very addictive. IT's sort of like an overload of life, a sensory overload everytime you step out of that plane. And then there's those times at sunset where you just can't understand how you got picked for something so special, but the sky and the sunset reached out to you and you dont know where your body stops and the sky begins...it's like you're a part of that awesome sunset. Right now you must be questioning where I am going with this. I can't tell you how my spouse feels for I don't have a better half...yet. What I can tell you is what I have experienced, my family, my brother who is a jumper, and my two little sisters wanting to show up to the dropzone...I get teary eyed now thinking about how special that is to me. It's so awesome to have them there on occassion. But the main reason why I go jumping is for me...it's my time, my time just me and that sky. And yeah of course there's the wacko's on the ground who I talk to and jump with...I get along with everyone there becasue I am a wacko myself. Even though I love my sisters or non-jumper friends to go to the dz, I am overwlemed with support eachtime I see a face show up...but I like that time...I need something for my own. And while this will be very hard to read...you may need to realize that maybe he needs something to call his own. And even though you want to be included, maybe from his perspective he is including you...by telling you what he experiences when he jumps, or maybe having you show up to the dz on occassion. Sometimes if we water flowers too much it can't grow, sounds to me like that may be the only case. Do you have any of your own hobbies that feed your spirit that you love to do alone? Sometimes we lie because we can't express how we feel. Maybe, now this is just a theory, maybe his skydiving, is something he doesn't want to completely share with you to the extent that you would like him to. well that's my $.02 I hope I didn't offend ya in anyway...just trying to shed light on any other perspective...
**BLUE ONES**
BITE ME.... :P

[skymama 35]

Maybe he lied about who he was going to be hanging around with because he didn't want to worry you needlessly. For example, if he had called you and said he was going to be partying and hanging around with a woman (I'm assuming) all night long, would you have been ok with that at the time?
As for not including you, maybe it's just his way of getting away from the "real world", and yes, sometimes that includes the role of being a spouse. We all need our private time, and maybe this is what he has found to be what he needs. If you were there, I'm sure he would be concerned about how you were doing, if you were bored, if you wanted to leave before him, etc., and maybe he thinks it would take away from his enjoyment of the whole experience, and that includes partying with the gang afterwards.
How much time is he at the dz? Is it just once a week? That seems pretty reasonable to me if it is. At least you know where he is, it's not like he's out cruising the bars or anything. Maybe you could compromise...one day spent at the dz equals one night out on the town spent with you, for example.
Just my $.02...but I think you guys need to work out these issues and get to the bottom of it, no matter how painful it might be. Skydiving can't break up a marriage unless there are some underlying issues already there, and maybe they might not have been discussed until now.
Good Luck-
Andrea
"Up high, I feel like I'm alive for the very first time"

[skybytch 259]

Jump. Make skydiving something you share.
I couldn't imagine being with someone who hadn't experienced it - nobody but another jumper is going to sit and listen to me go on and on about how awesome my last skydive was, nobody but another jumper is going to understand why I'd rather have a new rig than a new car, or a weekend jumping instead of a trip to Hawaii...
Good luck!
pull and flare,
lisa
----
I am a nobody.
Nobody's perfect.
Therefore, I am perfect!

[skreamer 1]

Dunno if this is a troll, but here goes anyway :

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I have never asked that he not do it, only that I am included

OK, but how do you expect to be included? By joining in the social scene at the end of the day? That is fine, as long as you don't get bored by repeated stories about the days jumping and arguments about gear type, wing-loadings, exit orders, etc. etc. When you have two or more skydivers together at any given time, the conversation will tend to focus generally on skydiving and related matters (no surprize there then). Actually this is one of the beautiful aspects of the sport, since it allows plumbers, surgeons, professors, students and mechanics to interact on a level social playing field, free from all the snobbery and bull-shit that you find in *normal* society. I value the social side and the friends I have made through skydiving as highly as the activity itself.

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Do all skydivers have addictive personalities?

No, it is the sport itself that is addictive. Any *normal* person who has been exposed to the sport would be able to appreciate the absolute, full-on, heart-stopping, gut-wrenching, wind screaming in your ears, soul satisfying beauty that is freefall. Go ask anybody who has done just one tandem, whether they regretted doing it. They might never do a second jump, but for the rest of their lives they will remember that one jump. As for me (and most skydivers I suppose), I would sell my car, a kidney and my left testicle to keep skydiving (lady skydivers might have a problem with that last one!).
Sorry about the long winded post, but skydiving has given me so much, and I feel so fortunate to have found my *thing* in life. If skydiving isn't for you, then fine, but at least try to find something that you can feel equally passionate about, otherwise what is the point of living?
Jerry 'skreamer' Springer

[skybytch 259]

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As for me (and most skydivers I suppose), I would sell my car, a kidney and my left testicle to keep skydiving (lady skydivers might have a problem with that last one)

I'd gladly sell skreamer's left testicle to keep jumping!

pull and flare,
lisa
----
I am a nobody.
Nobody's perfect.
Therefore, I am perfect!

[triednolike 0]

Thanx everyone for your responses (.02cents worth). I did do a tandem once and wanted to love it as much as he does (as much as any skydiver I've met does), but unfortunately I didn't. (It scared the sh** out of me). I also have been to the DZ with him a few times. I haven't gotten too bored, yet. After reading your responses, I believe that what I have been trying to deny all along is becoming evident to me. I guess I was wanting to blame our "troubles" on something instead of admitting it is actually our own fault. I now realize that he needs to jump in order to free up his mind for the day to day BS that we all must deal with. I really never believed that "Skydiving" was the reason. I actually have a tremendous respect for you guys/gals. I am actually very intrigued by the sport, but I just choose to remain on the ground. Maybe someday I will be able to have enough courage to do a second tandem. Thanx again!!

[pyke 0]

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I'd gladly sell skreamer's left testicle to keep jumping!

I am with skybytch on this one!!
I got dibs on the funds from skreamer's lungs...they got to be worth some dosh...even if he is British!!
That ought to keep me in skydiving for a while!!!
j/k skreamer...we luvs ya!!
Kahurangi e Mahearangi,
Pyke
NZPF A - 2584
USPA C- ?????

[Zennie 0]

A lot of good responses her, but I'll throw in my $0.02 since I am married and my wife doesn't skydive, doesn't want to skydive and doesn't want to hang at the DZ.
It's funny, because just yesterday another married skydiver with a wife who doesn't jump and I were talking about our lot. Our experience seems very similar.
Initially my jumping was a source of tension. The most we've ever had, because up to that point we pretty much agreed on things. It got down to some really nasty arguments at times. First it was the danger, then the cost, now it's the time.
Now it's settling down, but she still doesn't like the fact that I'm gone most of the day on Saturdays. She's always welcome to come, but she doesn't like the jet fumes (Mmmmmmm.... burning Jet A.....) and she can't relate to most of the conversations. I normally don't stay late & party, so that's never been an issue.
So we made a compromise. She loves to dance. I hate dancing. I've agreed to do some dancing lessons with her. Actually, before I even started jumping my wife went out dancing with a friend of ours. Never had a problem with it. So I encourage her to do what makes her life meaningful. I just ask to be given the same courtesy.
Of course it doesn't help that I'm a very independent person by nature and she's more dependent. I think that's the true source of friction.
In any event, try to think back and see if you had any problems, or wanring signs, before he started skydiving. If so, the skydiving is probably just bringing some longestanding issues to the surface. If not, it may be what other people are mentioning... he just wants some time to himself. But personally I find it a little odd that he doesn't want you at the DZ.
------------
Blue Skies!
Zennie

[skreamer 1]

HA HA, very funny guys, now Lisa put down that knife....
And Pyke, where exactly were you guys intending to sell all my harvested body parts? Dropzone.com auctions???
/s
PS I met Emma, the Pie Queen, at Hinton today after they did their bra jump (I happened to be in the neighbourhood...). She is a total red hot babe, all I could do was blabber while she and the other bra babes were packing. This was how I found her, asked the dude selling food who Emma was, he said 'look for the hottest body in the bra jump group'. He was right....

[pyke 0]

well /s, I don't know if anyone on dz.com wants your lungs, so I was thinking maybe ebay, but who cares...as long as it brought me the dosh!!!
I think you can count out your liver...and mine for that matter...don't know a skydiver who's livers would be worth a shite anyway (well, there are the odd few, but they are in the minority)
anyhow...I wouldn't want to chop you up, dude, who else is going to show our HH around when he comes to the glorious UK this summer??? Take care of him bro, he means a lot to a lot of people!!!
Kahurangi e Mahearangi,
Pyke
NZPF A - 2584
USPA C- ?????

[froggie 0]

i hope that this might help you....
for the 4th of july skydivers from my DZ jump into the fireworks show (before they light em off obviously). last year, with only one tandem under my belt i stood on top of the ambulance rescue truck with my fellow squad members and enjoyed the night, i talked to the few skydivers that i knew.. but something was missing..
but this 4th of july i was out in the field, getting swooped by the jumpers demoing in.. after the demo i was sitting around with them drinking a beer. just like last year, the dz bus was parked behind where the ambulances were staged. but this year, as the fireworks went off, and i was standing around drinking a beer with all these good friends, i looked over and saw the ambulance, and the shadows of my fellow squad members standing in the same place i stood last year, and i had a 'moment'. just a few short lived seconds where i truely felt at home, like i had finally found my lifetime friends. it was a complete and total moment of pure happiness and a feeling of being at peace.... im still on that ambulance squad, and i still hang out with the other squad members, and i still care about them deeply, their still close friends. but i wasnt complete before. now, with all the aspects of my life including EMS, and the final piece (skydiving) i feel whole for the first time ever. maybe this is how he is feeling....? he still loves you, youre still his best friend, but now hes found that little something extra to complete him. that something extra is out there for all of us, and i hope that everyone finds it one day. Thing is, in the skydiving community, jumping is probably the highest percentage of 'completeness' that we find. for so many jumpers, its that missing link.
good luck
kel

[PalmettoTiger 1]

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I think you can count out your liver...and mine for that matter...

For sale: 9-cell Liver™ 1500 (grams). Used as a main. Only 500 beers. (I swear!) Always packed away from sunlight. May need reline/rehab, depending on your experience level. $700 OBT (or best transplant).
Blues, squares,
PTiger
"Beer: the OTHER other white meat."

[spectre230 0]

[VivaHeadDown 0]

I think with an endorsment like Skreamer's, Emma should think about adding a picture of herself to her bio...you know, for educational purposes (or something like that) : )

[Skystorm 0]

Tried,
I went out with a guy who wanted me to centre my life around him. I always had to do the things he like, we never did what I wanted to do. When I decided that I wanted to skydive he didn't engoured me, but he did went to the DZ the first time I jumped. When we reached the DZ and all the other skydivers found out I was a first timer, they made me feel right at home. They joked, laughed and gave tips on what to do and what not. I felt that I belonged, the first time in my life. The problem was that this was a sport mostly dominated by male skydivers. And I had a very jealous boyfriend, altough I never cheated on him, nor will I ever cheat on a boyfriend. When I returned after my first jump to the club house I was absolutely vibrating with life. Everybody congratulated me and joking, but my boyfriend was sulking. I was scheduled to do 2 jumps that day, but after my first he simply told me to get in the car so that we could go home. He forbid me to jump again.
Since then, every time I heard a plane, or saw one of the skydivers I wanted to cry, I wanted to go home to the skies. We went out for another 2 years before I finally worked up the guts to send him packing. But it still took me about 10 months to get back to skydiving, because I felt that I would betray him somehow. He made me feel guilty about doing the things I like.
Now I'm skydiving again, and dating a skydiver, and no one will ever tell me to stop skydiving again. My mother tried, and she failed miserably, because it made me more determined to sucseed.
It's awesome being with someone who understands the sport and supporting you all the way.

[Emma 0]

Awwwww, Skreamer...ya little sweetie !
Didn't stay for a beer though, didya? Maybe the weekend after next, though full clothing will be worn, and if you only have one testicle left by then, please make sure this won't unbalance you as I have enough trouble with FS as it is!
Em

[triednolike 0]

Spectra & Sky: FYI!! I was here before he became a skydiver. I never have or never will ask him to give it up. I have been nothing but supportive and encouraging towards his passion. I just can't help get the ass when I am lied to. I realize now that our source of problems are deeper that that. I just can't help it when he goes to DZ every other weekend and stays overnight there(because it is 2 1/2 hrs. from our home), then on the weekends he's home he talks of nothing else except how he can't wait till he goes again. I am not exagerating about this at all. But still, I continue to support his desire for the rush, but I will not support nor tollerate the secrets and deception. Please don't think that I am blaming skydiving for his shortcomings. I hold him completely responsible(even if he doesn't). I have made the decision to move out w/ my 2 boys and focus on our happiness and wellbeing. Who knows, I may decide to do that second tandem someday to see if maybe I can overcome the fear that I experienced the first time. I just might become a skydiver like the rest of you. Thanx again for responding and I hope all of you stay safe and continue to enjoy life!!

[jhus 0]

I think the answer to this is the same as all marital problems- talk to your spouse about it, and really try to understand his point of view and what is important to him. If you are using comment like "...he is a piece of s*** person..." or "...he doesn't understand how lucky he is..." then that definately sounds like you have some serious problems with your relationship. Maybe he is using skydiving to escape your problems, and he is lying about it because if you become involved with his skydiving, then it is no longer an "escape". I don't think skydiving is the root of the problem here- you need to figure out what the real problem with your relationship is.
jhus

[Rhonda66 0]

Hi -
I feel so bad for you about this..
I know to an extent how you're feeling though. My fiance started jumping a few years ago when we went and made a tandem jump together. He got hooked right away and signed up for AFF and I didn't like it at all and couldn't understand why in the world he'd want to do it again, but I supported him anyway. He spent every waking moment going to the DZ and every other moment talking about it...I felt like I meant nothing to him anymore, but I didn't give up and I went to the DZ with him as much as I could and that was fine with him. I was bored as hell most of the time, but I stuck by it because I knew it was important to him. It really sucked to feel as if I came second in his life to skydiving and nothing I could say would make him stop even for a minute. Yes, it bothered me when he jumped with other women and then I realized that I guess I was just sort of jealous because he had all of these new friends in his life and my life was the same old, same old. The more I nagged him about doing stuff with me instead of jumping, the more he'd want to jump...
...so, after watching him jump so many times, I thought there has to be something about this sport that makes him want to do it so much so I decided to give it another chance. I got hooked after my second tandem and we started jumping together and I'll tell you that nothing has ever brought us closer together...
....but I know that you may never want to jump again and that is understandable too and he should realize this. My point is that once I gave in and stopped bothering him about being at the DZ so much, it wasnt' such a big deal anymore. We go and jump together now maybe once or twice a month, but skydiving isn't his entire life anymore. I realized that the problem in the relationship wasn't really the skydiving - the problem was that I wasn't letting him have his own life separate from me and it made me very jealous - I accused him of things that he didn't do and I thought he was lying to me about who he was jumping with and what he was doing. He did stretch the truth a few times, but I think like someone else said above that in our case it was because he just didn't want to get me worked up over nothing and he didn't want to go through the 100 questions ordeal - do you know how annoying it is to be asked, "where have you been?", "Who was there?", "who did you jump with?" every time you get home from the DZ - especially if you are completely faithful and you just want to jump? I know that it made me look like an insecure, jealous girlfriend and that certianly isn't going to help any realtionship.
In your situation, it isn't right of course if he is indeed lying and you know this for a fact and spending the night at the DZ is a little rough, but I think you're right that the problem is something other than the skydiving and you are probably the only person who knows what the problem really is - even if you don't want to admit it now...if it wasn't skydiving, it would probably be something else - now my fiance has taken up model aircraft flying and he wants to be at the airfield every night - and I'm just gonna sit back and not say a word because just like the jumping, it will get old eventually. I also started flying the planes -Hell, if you can't beat em', join em' - it works every time.
I think it's all fine and dandy to say that skydiving is addictive and no one can make you quit, etc., but if someone in your life is really important to you, then you have got to be willing to compromise to an extent. Your husband is both a husband and a father and you are his reponsibility - he needs to make sure that you are happy and taken care of to a reasonable extent - if you are being totally unreasonable that's one thing, but if you are trying to accept his new hobby and he doesn't want anything to do with you, then there is definitely another problem - have the two of you tried talking? I know this is so corny, but if the communication has broken down between the two of you then you can just forget it...
How long has he been jumping now? Could it be that the novelty just hasn't worn off yet? I don't know anyone who is at the DZ 24/7 and has nothing else to do in life so I doubt that he is so "addicted" that he can't spend some time with you AND fit in plenty of time to jump...
Well, there's my $1.02 - I wish you lots of luck - your husband should get his act straight though considering you have two children together...
Rhonda

[melissagsc 0]

I have made the decision to move out w/ my 2 boys and focus on our happiness and wellbeing.
if you had said two girls I would have known you were Kristina...and who is Kristina she is the wife of my boyfriend who sounds like your husband. I think ultimateskygod is probably more into it than your man....but I am the other woman who skydives...so know this he will continue and it's to bad you really can't understand..or maybe you do and the issues are deeper...I can't imagine being with anybody but skydivers...they are my friends and family for sure...Jumping isn't for everyone..sorry you didn't like it Kristina didn't either. She and I had a long talk today and I told her to get on with her life to be happy...do what makes her happy and don't worry about USG (ulitmate sky god)(it's a joke)..the funny thing is she warned me..."he's all about him"...well maybe..but we are happy and free fall is great. Don't be surprized either if he heads south like FLA...next. and don't be surprized if your sons all want to jump...like DAD. I'm sure they will. Just think he could have been a BASE jumper too!

[skreamer 1]

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she is the wife of my boyfriend who sounds like your husband

WTF???

Quote

I told her to get on with her life to be happy

How nice of you...

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and don't be surprized if your sons all want to jump...like DAD

How considerate and re-assuring of you, why did you feel the need to say that? Maybe right now freefall is great, but you have even less jumps than me and one day you will realize that skydiving alone isn't enough to sustain a relationship. But I am still gobsmacked by your post. Whoever Kristina is, I feel really sorry for her.
Will

[wildblue 4]

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How considerate and re-assuring of you, why did you feel the need to say that? Maybe right now

No kidding... let's kick 'em while they're down?