Skystorm 0 #1 March 12, 2002 I know that some of you will want to flame me for putting my personal life on this forum, fact is I don't care. I need advice.My boyfriend and I have been going steady for about a year. But I still have no idea what I mean to him. I have told him that I loved him and the only answer I got back was "yeah" or "I told you not to fall in love with me". He told me he loved me once when he was on ecstacy and once when he got high.I feel that he just uses me. He lives with me (pay no rent), although we have dinner at his parents every night of the week. In a year he once came to fetch me at my parents house. He says that he doesn't want to meet my parents because we're not getting married.I've done about everything to be fun to be with. Done things that I normally wouldn't do just to please him. And I get nothing in return. And I'm not making this up, or just seeing things. When he wants to be, he's a real fun guy to be with. But everything has to revolve around him.When we go to parties I'll stay for as long as I possibly can, even if I wanted to go home hours ago, just to please him. I can sit there and fall asleep, or as it has happend got a migraine and his only reaction is :"Go sit in the car, I'm partying"Last night (6pm) he went out to get some take aways. I finally tracked him down (9.30pm) in a bar, drinking with his buddies. I don't mind him going out with his buddies, I just feel he should've at least phone me to tell me he'll be late. He came home at 11pm, eventually. When I tried to explain to him that I didn't feel he was treating me right, he would just laugh at me, or go :"Huh, did you say something?" It took every inch of strenght in me not to physically attack him. I finally asked him if he wanted me. He just said "yeah". So I told him that if he wanted me he would have to start working at our relationship, because I'm quitting. He just rolled over and went to sleep.Should I cutaway or should I try (yet again and again and again) ? I'm at my wits end here. I love him, but this is not working for me.Please, I need advice and fast. I'm going out of my mind.Hang onto Heaven, when hell is on your back Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #2 March 12, 2002 Take this for what it's worth based on the fact I'm saying this solely from what you posted above. And, you asked. But it sounds like you're in love with being in a relationship, but not necessarily in love with him. You may have a co-dependent personality and just be afraid to be alone. I've been there, stayed in a lousy relationship just because it was a relationship. If he really treats you with that level of disrespect and you allow it to continue then you need to look at your personal level of self respect. Danger is that even if you cut him away, you'll end up again with someone just like him. The course of action I took is to cut away and not pull a reserve. Got to (getting to know) myself. Staying out of any kind of relationship and just enjoying being who I am as opposed to who "we" are in a relationship. Once you're comfortable with yourself you'll be ready to share your life with someone as opposed to devoting yourself to someone.cielos azules y cerveza fría-Kevin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #3 March 12, 2002 I agree.. NEXT..Find someone that feels the same way about you as you do them.Blue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #4 March 12, 2002 QuoteFind someone that feels the same way about you as you do them.I would take a step before that though. Make sure you feel about yourself the way you want someone to feel about you before getting into another relationship. Otherwise you'll never find that person.cielos azules y cerveza fría-Kevin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #5 March 12, 2002 That's deep.. Let's take a moment to reflect...Blue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skystorm 0 #6 March 12, 2002 Phill,Your words hit a cord.This is the second relationship this has happend. The last one lasted for four years. I walked out with nothing... Not even my self-respect. Literally NOTHING. It took me a long time to pull myself together again.Why in the world do I let this happen?????Hang onto Heaven, when hell is on your back Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #7 March 12, 2002 The same reason all of us do.. We want to be loved and not taken for granted. Maybe we don't like to be alone?I just got a dog.. It helps :)Take a relationship vacation...Blue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
E150 0 #8 March 12, 2002 I think you have said it all. The hardest thing to do is leave someone you love. I had to do it just over a year ago!He sounds (form what you have said), selfish, thoughtless and arogant. He certainly does not seem to be wanting the same thing form the realtionship as you do. I'd say he does not make you feel special, even though you are putting in every effort to make him happy. Love is about making eachother feel special. You love him enough to sacrafice your own happiness ..... you can not live like that, not for long. I think you know in your heart what you want to do. It's just scary admitting it and very hard to do. Good luck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ScottishJohn 25 #9 March 12, 2002 Cutaway. The guy sounds like a loser. my 0.02p worth Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Remster 26 #10 March 12, 2002 Before this thread gets too demorolizing.....QuoteDone things that I normally wouldn't do just to please himVideo?And yes, I'll aggree with the other's opinion: the relationship isnt good, and the fact that its the 2nd you've had like this, you need too look at yourself too to make sure it doenst happen again.RemsterMuff 914 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites E150 0 #11 March 12, 2002 The fact that you have come on here and asked peoples opinions says a lot. When I was in my 'wrong' relationship, I had a few people tell me how wrong it was. I heard them OK, but still did my own thing and stay with him. I left when I realised for myself.Sounds like you already want to leave, you just want us to back you up and give you the confidence to do it. Which is fine. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites rhino 0 #12 March 12, 2002 I think you need to find a boy toy.. And use men for a little while just for sex.. Maybe that will make you feel better?? lolOh.. And yes.. Post it on the video archives,, ;)Blue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites GrumpySmurf 0 #13 March 12, 2002 "You have to happy being alone before you can be happy with someone else." Having someone in your life should not be the source of your happiness, but an augmentation to an already satisfied life (easier said than done, though). Work on being happy without a mate and fill your life with things you enjoy, it becomes much easier to identify incompatibilities and hopefully avoid mistakes of the past. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites rhino 0 #14 March 12, 2002 I am hardly EVER happy alone.. I actually HATE being alone.. So I know how you feel.. Don't quit just keep trying and learn everytime.. Raise your standards.Blue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Skystorm 0 #15 March 12, 2002 Yeah, I know what to do, but I'm scared as hell..(UN?)fortunately no video. LOL, sorry to dissapoint you guys, maybe I should give it a week more and get a video?Seriously, thanx you guys, I appreciate each and every reply made to my ranting. Now if I could only work up the guts to kick him out... Anyone who wants to volunteer to come and kick his ass out of my apartment? I'll be forever in your debt, by the way... Hang onto Heaven, when hell is on your back Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Scratch 0 #16 March 12, 2002 Hey there has been some really good insight here.PhillyKev, E150, Rhino and co. have brought up really valid points.The only things I think I can add are this.If it is not working now it will never work.It sounds like he does not respect you, a relationship requirement way more important than love.Self respect generates respect in others. You need to learn to love and respect yourself before you can walk into any long term relationship as an 'equal' partner.You know what is wrong, you posted it. Now you need to do something about it. I assume there are no kids to complicate matters so if I were to give any advice it would be this.Cut and get a bit of freeflying in, be selfish, go find yourself.If you feel you need help in doing that go see a professional but learn who you are and what you need.You are not half a person that needs to be completed by somebody else......nobody is. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Skystorm 0 #17 March 12, 2002 rhino,I could never do that, OR COULD I?? [evil grin]We do have some talent over here, but they are too young. Shouldn't I be worried that I'll scar them for life? LOL Hang onto Heaven, when hell is on your back Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites SkymonkeyONE 3 #18 March 12, 2002 Getting him out? A simple proposition: put his shit outside and change the locks. If he gets stupid, call the cops...period. My webpage HERE Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Scratch 0 #19 March 12, 2002 QuoteAnyone who wants to volunteer to come and kick his ass out of my apartment? Do it yourself. Just remember, watch his eyes, keep your chin down, lead with your left and kick him when he is down( You are just a little girl after all....hee hee) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites rhino 0 #20 March 12, 2002 HEY!!! Those youngsters have to learn some how right??Blue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Scratch 0 #21 March 12, 2002 Come to think of it all you Namibian girls shoot pretty well and brawling is so unladylike. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites TequilaGirl 0 #22 March 12, 2002 Actually if his name is not on the lease - just call the cops and say he is trespassing..........they will kick him out for you and throw him in jail........(*evilgrin*) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites jfields 0 #23 March 12, 2002 QuoteGetting him out? A simple proposition: put his shit outside and change the locks. Ditto what Chuck said. Kick him to the curb. Like other folks have said, move on and learn about yourself. Do it in that order, because it doesn't sound like you can grow and learn with him.Next person needing relationship advice? [cough] Clay? [cough] Justin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Skystorm 0 #24 March 12, 2002 I do have a Rossi .38 Special (short barrle) and I had a few friends showing me a few tricks on fighting. I always did wonder how big a mess my .38 would make on short impact. [evil grin][little girl voice] "Oh, but Officer, I was cleaning my gun and it suddenly went off. Fancy a blow-job?" [/little girl voice] lolYou guys gave me good and solid advice, thanx. It seems we have our own panel of Dr. Ruth's in here.I'll look in tomorrow morning again. Have to go home and face the music. Let you know in the morning.Hang onto Heaven, when hell is on your back Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites rhino 0 #25 March 12, 2002 Just sit the guy down.. Tell him you love him but this isn't going to work. Tell him he has a week to be out of your house. If he gives you flak "providing he isn't on the lease" take a day off, invite some friends over, rent a moving truck and politely put his things in the truck for him and change the locks. No reason to get nasty unless he leaves you no other choice.Blue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 Next Page 1 of 6 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
ScottishJohn 25 #9 March 12, 2002 Cutaway. The guy sounds like a loser. my 0.02p worth Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 26 #10 March 12, 2002 Before this thread gets too demorolizing.....QuoteDone things that I normally wouldn't do just to please himVideo?And yes, I'll aggree with the other's opinion: the relationship isnt good, and the fact that its the 2nd you've had like this, you need too look at yourself too to make sure it doenst happen again.RemsterMuff 914 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
E150 0 #11 March 12, 2002 The fact that you have come on here and asked peoples opinions says a lot. When I was in my 'wrong' relationship, I had a few people tell me how wrong it was. I heard them OK, but still did my own thing and stay with him. I left when I realised for myself.Sounds like you already want to leave, you just want us to back you up and give you the confidence to do it. Which is fine. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #12 March 12, 2002 I think you need to find a boy toy.. And use men for a little while just for sex.. Maybe that will make you feel better?? lolOh.. And yes.. Post it on the video archives,, ;)Blue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GrumpySmurf 0 #13 March 12, 2002 "You have to happy being alone before you can be happy with someone else." Having someone in your life should not be the source of your happiness, but an augmentation to an already satisfied life (easier said than done, though). Work on being happy without a mate and fill your life with things you enjoy, it becomes much easier to identify incompatibilities and hopefully avoid mistakes of the past. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #14 March 12, 2002 I am hardly EVER happy alone.. I actually HATE being alone.. So I know how you feel.. Don't quit just keep trying and learn everytime.. Raise your standards.Blue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skystorm 0 #15 March 12, 2002 Yeah, I know what to do, but I'm scared as hell..(UN?)fortunately no video. LOL, sorry to dissapoint you guys, maybe I should give it a week more and get a video?Seriously, thanx you guys, I appreciate each and every reply made to my ranting. Now if I could only work up the guts to kick him out... Anyone who wants to volunteer to come and kick his ass out of my apartment? I'll be forever in your debt, by the way... Hang onto Heaven, when hell is on your back Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scratch 0 #16 March 12, 2002 Hey there has been some really good insight here.PhillyKev, E150, Rhino and co. have brought up really valid points.The only things I think I can add are this.If it is not working now it will never work.It sounds like he does not respect you, a relationship requirement way more important than love.Self respect generates respect in others. You need to learn to love and respect yourself before you can walk into any long term relationship as an 'equal' partner.You know what is wrong, you posted it. Now you need to do something about it. I assume there are no kids to complicate matters so if I were to give any advice it would be this.Cut and get a bit of freeflying in, be selfish, go find yourself.If you feel you need help in doing that go see a professional but learn who you are and what you need.You are not half a person that needs to be completed by somebody else......nobody is. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skystorm 0 #17 March 12, 2002 rhino,I could never do that, OR COULD I?? [evil grin]We do have some talent over here, but they are too young. Shouldn't I be worried that I'll scar them for life? LOL Hang onto Heaven, when hell is on your back Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkymonkeyONE 3 #18 March 12, 2002 Getting him out? A simple proposition: put his shit outside and change the locks. If he gets stupid, call the cops...period. My webpage HERE Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scratch 0 #19 March 12, 2002 QuoteAnyone who wants to volunteer to come and kick his ass out of my apartment? Do it yourself. Just remember, watch his eyes, keep your chin down, lead with your left and kick him when he is down( You are just a little girl after all....hee hee) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #20 March 12, 2002 HEY!!! Those youngsters have to learn some how right??Blue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scratch 0 #21 March 12, 2002 Come to think of it all you Namibian girls shoot pretty well and brawling is so unladylike. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TequilaGirl 0 #22 March 12, 2002 Actually if his name is not on the lease - just call the cops and say he is trespassing..........they will kick him out for you and throw him in jail........(*evilgrin*) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jfields 0 #23 March 12, 2002 QuoteGetting him out? A simple proposition: put his shit outside and change the locks. Ditto what Chuck said. Kick him to the curb. Like other folks have said, move on and learn about yourself. Do it in that order, because it doesn't sound like you can grow and learn with him.Next person needing relationship advice? [cough] Clay? [cough] Justin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skystorm 0 #24 March 12, 2002 I do have a Rossi .38 Special (short barrle) and I had a few friends showing me a few tricks on fighting. I always did wonder how big a mess my .38 would make on short impact. [evil grin][little girl voice] "Oh, but Officer, I was cleaning my gun and it suddenly went off. Fancy a blow-job?" [/little girl voice] lolYou guys gave me good and solid advice, thanx. It seems we have our own panel of Dr. Ruth's in here.I'll look in tomorrow morning again. Have to go home and face the music. Let you know in the morning.Hang onto Heaven, when hell is on your back Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #25 March 12, 2002 Just sit the guy down.. Tell him you love him but this isn't going to work. Tell him he has a week to be out of your house. If he gives you flak "providing he isn't on the lease" take a day off, invite some friends over, rent a moving truck and politely put his things in the truck for him and change the locks. No reason to get nasty unless he leaves you no other choice.Blue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
