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ChrisG

JESUS-help my team, please.

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I read in Skydiving magazine that one of the
Golden Knights said that Jesus helped them win
the nationals.
My first question is- IS THAT FAIR?????
I mean, come on, how could you lose if Jesus is
helping you?
I heard that Airspeed and Majic are looking into this,
and are thinking of filing a protest!!!

Anyway, my team sucked really bad this year,
and I want to look into getting Jesus to help us.
This may be a GK secret, but can anybody tell me
how you go about getting Jesus' help?
I dont pray, so thats out.
Does it matter if your a beer guzzling, foul mouthed adulterer, that constantly goads women
to show their tits? If so, I wont tell him that.
Does it matter if sometimes you make fun of Jesus? Maybe he will forgive me for that, and
realize I was just joking. Can he take a joke?
Does it matter if your not really good at skydiving?
Does anyone think I will be struck by lightning
when I post this?

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Does anyone think I will be struck by lightning when I post this?



I f I was religious I'd say yes but since I'm not preach in brother man. Maybe your team could have the elemental forces behind you. Earth, wind, fire, water.

earth- could move in a way so that your teamcould have more freefall.

Wind- could creat a large updraft and make your team fall slower.

Fire and water- I'm not really sure how they could help but who knows.

So if gods not working out I'd say go wicken. I don't think elemental forces care how moral and just you are.:)



Mother Hen

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I can't believe Jesus would know anything about skydiving. Sure, being a carpenter, he could make the perfect box, but not the perfect boxman !
If you want advice from a religeous figure you'd be better off getting it from Jobu.
Gerb

I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

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I just love that. "Jesus helped me win".

How come nobody ever says "Jesus kicked my ass!"

When was the last time a quarterback BLAMED Jesus.

"Well, yeah Brent. I took three steps back, the pocket collapsed and that 400 pound defensive lineman, in the arms of Jesus, sacked me and broke my back. Jesus doesn't want me to play football ever again".

Man, Jesus HATES me today!

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Well the GKs obviously have their Personnal Jesus. I mean, nothing against them, but it is like that with military people.
All wars are always fought in God's name or at least with his great blessing.
The Germans had Gott mit Uns (God is with Us) on their belt buckles in WWI and WWII. Their personnal Jesus must have not liked them as 300,000 were left to the wolves in Stalingrad alone.
My Grandfather told me of people praying in battle during WWII and their heads being ripped off right after that - he gave me a very graphic description. Never went to church himself. Had a good long life surrounded by a really loving family - his personal Jesus must have liked him.
Big question of religion - if there is a God who favours ones over others, than he truly has a sick sense of humor. I would not get too excited about what the GK dude said. It is his personnal perception of religion. Who cares?
I strongly support what an orthodox Jewish fundraising guy said once to me, stopping me in New York - "Help yourself. If you don't help yourself nobody will help you. Donate money to the State of Israel";)
jraf

Me Jungleman! Me have large Babalui.
Muff #3275

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How NOT to Pray!

Little Johnny went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided he should take a look at himself and the way he acts, so she said, "Well Johnny, it isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. So why don't you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one instead."
After his temper tantrum his mother sent him to his room. He finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus.
Dear Jesus:


I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle.
Your Friend,
Johnny

Now, Johnny knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (brat). So he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try.
Dear Jesus:
I've been an OK boy this year and I want a new bicycle.
Yours Truly,
Johnny

Well, Johnny knew this wasn't totally honest either, so he tore it up and tried again.
Dear Jesus:
I've thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a bicycle?
Johnny

Well, Johnny looked deep down in his heart (which, by the way, was what his mother really wanted). He knew he had been terrible and was deserving of almost nothing. He crumpled up the letter, threw it in the trash can and went running outside. He aimlessly wandered about depressed because of the way he treated his parents and really considering his actions. He finally found himself in front of a Catholic Church.
Johnny went inside and knelt down, looking around not knowing what he should really do. Johnny finally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the statues. All of a sudden, he grabbed a small one and ran out the door. He went home, hid it under his bed and wrote this letter.
Jesus,
I've got your mamma. If you ever want to see her again, give me a bike.
You know who.


Brisco

Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

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I dont pray, so thats out.
Does it matter if your a beer guzzling, foul mouthed adulterer, that constantly goads women
to show their tits?



O.K. this is what I'm seeing, "Your dreams, they aren't as empty as your conscience seems to be". LOL:D:ph34r:;)Thats a quote from a song. I'm getting really frustrated trying to remember who sings it!:S I think its LZ?
-


"How do you keep your feet on the ground when you know you were born to fly?"

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Seriously. I have nothing against religious inspiration, but I think it's just plain stupid when it's invoked any way other than "help me to do my best" in sports.

Yes, Evander, I'm sure you kicked Tyson's ass because your God was stronger than his God. I'm sure God has nothing better to do than watch boxing. Whatever.

Joe

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O.K. this is what I'm seeing, "Your dreams, they aren't as empty as your conscience seems to be". LOL:D:ph34r:;)Thats a quote from a song. I'm getting really frustrated trying to remember who sings it!:S I think its LZ?

-



nope...it's the Who.

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Seriously. I have nothing against religious inspiration, but I think it's just plain stupid when it's invoked any way other than "help me to do my best" in sports.

Yes, Evander, I'm sure you kicked Tyson's ass because your God was stronger than his God. I'm sure God has nothing better to do than watch boxing. Whatever.

That's the one I was thinking of! Why didn't Tyson say "Jesus let Evander kick my ass!"

Joe

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"Well, yeah Brent. I took three steps back, the pocket collapsed and that 400 pound defensive lineman, in the arms of Jesus, sacked me and broke my back. Jesus doesn't want me to play football ever again".



OMG - thanks for the laugh today!!

Butthead: Whoa! Burritos for breakfast!
Beavis: Yeah! Yeah! Cool!
bellyflier on the dz.com hybrid record jump

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