Why do people really think they cheat?

[DZOregon 0]

Obviously people cheat for other reasons than I listed. I was just cheated on, and am wondering what excuses people use to justify why they have or are cheating now. I understand it's not a reflection on me....but I'm just curious...my girlfriend used all of the above.

[SkydiveNFlorida 0]

Too bad you couldn't have an answer that says they don't cheat. Just viewing the poll it makes me wary of dating within the skydiving community. I have to keep in mind, tho, that (hopefully) many people couldn't vote because they don't cheat.

sorry you were cheated on. That sucks:(

Angela.

[Kdsosso 0]

Those that voted that the thrill is what makes you cheat, I can't help but wonder how long until that wears off? Is this something that men and women grow out of as they mature?

[dropdeded 0]

You need an option : I cheat because Im a fucking scum

dropdeded

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The Dude Abides.
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[narcimund 0]

I have a mixed history. My last boyfriend took me for a fool from day one through the last day two and a half years later. Now I'm living nearly five years of monogamy and trust, though that trust wasn't easy for me after the nightmare.

By the way, there was no skydiving in the shitty relationship and lots of skydiving in the good one. Take that as you will.

First Class Citizen Twice Over

[mujie96 0]

Because I've only met one person who was freaky enough to keep me faithful...and he's gone.

Just keep swimming...just keep swimming....

[tinfoil 0]

Found someone better, but was too lazy to break up with the SO.
Oh, and sorry to hear that DZOregon, nothing hurts more then when someone cheats on you.

“- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

[dove 0]

No balls (goes for chicks too).

Cheaters are cowards.

(and liars! That's for you freeflybella!)

Fall in dove.

[Mayhem 0]

Dove is right. Cheaters are cowards...and weak, very weak people.

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What have you done to make your life better?

[Squeak 17]

there are no excuses, people cheat because they are spineless cowards, (simply put)

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[Tonto 1]

I can't vote...

But there is an upside to being cheated on. My wife fell pregnant - and I've attached a pic of the child. I'm not with the wife anymore - but this? This is an absolute gift!

t

It's the year of the Pig.

[Squeak 17]

did she fall [regnent to you or the guy she cheated with?
If the latter are you the primary carer for their child??


If so, very noble

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[lazyfrog 0]

why isn't there a multiple answer choice ??

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Fumer tue, péter pue
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ourson #10, Mosquito Uno, CBT 579

[tandembrent 0]

dzoregon what your going through i wouldn't wish on an enemy. i believe that men or women will eventually go and seek out whatever it is THEY feel they are not getting at home. real or imagined. one thing i've learned, if one person in any group has a problem, the entire group has a problem. green grass and high clouds forever, brent

~~~~Green grass and high clouds forever~~~~
no matter where you go, there you are!

[Darius11 12]

I wish you had the option of not cheating.

I did not vote.

I was cheated on and it hurts.
But you'll get over it man it is so much better to find out now then 4 years from now.

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

[freeflybella 0]

Quote

and liars! That's for you freeflybella!

For total clarification, Dove is referencing my firm belief that cheaters are liars who lack integrity and behave as if the world revolves around them - not that I am a cheater.


Although: I do wonder about the 'no balls' thing. I'd say cheating and thinking you won't get caught takes some balls - or lying straight to your SO's face takes balls. Or is it just sociopathic? They certainly don't seem to have the courage to look deep inside themselves, truthfully figure out what they need (even if that is multiple partners simultaneously), and then express that to the people they encounter - so as not to hurt them.

Cheaters just plain scare me - as people who seem to lack conscience and integrity. I grew up in that shadow and fight everyday to be a trusting, open, lively person. Not just with my SO but also with the many friends I have who have cheated.

Action expresses priority. - Mahatma Ghandi

[shedao 0]

Quote

For total clarification, Dove is referencing my firm belief that cheaters are liars who lack integrity and behave as if the world revolves around them - not that I am a cheater.

Well in todays world it seems that a lot of people are self absorbed. We are constantly bombarded with magazines, TV, radio, etc, telling us that if we aren't constantly happy and pleased then something must be wrong. And then we are told that what we have is never enough, we must continually strive for more. Self-absorption has now become an attractive quality apparently.

But fortunately it's not always the case. The majority of people I've met don't buy into it and have old fashioned values and respect.

[dove 0]

Quote

For total clarification, Dove is referencing my firm belief that cheaters are liars who lack integrity and behave as if the world revolves around them - not that I am a cheater.

Hehe - yeah, guess that could be interpreted the wrong way. Curse you for cheating on me Shani!

Coward as in doesn't have to guts to cut off a relationship that he/she knows is over; coward as in doesn't have the balls to come clean to his/her current SO; coward as in too much of a pussy to admit that there are problems and to actually commit to working on them or getting out of the relationship all together.

I don't think it takes guts to lie to someone. Just total lack of respect for other human beings.

Fall in dove.

[Nightingale 0]

I have a friend who habitually cheats on his live in girlfriend... (and he gets hell from me whenever I find out what he's been up to!)

his reasons:

1. he's got two kids with her. If he leaves, he's afraid she'll make it very difficult for him to see his children.
2. he supports her financially so she doesn't have to work and can be a full time mom. If he leaves, she'll have to get a job, and he doesn't want his kids in daycare.
3. he's not in love with her. she is aware of this, yet chooses to stay.
4. she is aware of quite a bit of the cheating that has gone on, and he knows this. she chooses to ignore it, so he's taken that as approval to continue.

Personally, I think his actions are dead wrong, and that cheating is not justifiable under ANY circumstances. If you've committed to be with someone, either uphold your end of the commitment, or admit that you can't and go your separate ways.

My friend is well aware of my opinions in the matter, and it has definitely affected our friendship in a not so positive way.

[freeflybella 0]

Dove: I certainly didn't mean it takes courage to lie. I think we agree in theory.

Plus, the whole thing is just evil. Someone cheats on their SO, they lie, their friends are caught between telling and being the 'bad guy' or not telling and actually having complicity - and then if the SO finds out, not being able to trust friends, blah, blah, blah...an entire cycle of lying, distrust, betrayal that goes WAY beyond just some dickhead (chicks, too) cheating on an SO.

If everyone realized that every single little tiny thing they do in life has an effect on the entire world - would we all care for each other more?

There's a buddhist saying loosely translated "A butterfly flaps it's wings in the West and arises a tsunami in the East".

Anyway, to the original poll: Whatever excuse someone uses is probably not even close to the real reason they cheat. If they lie and are cowards and lack integrity - they probably don't have what it takes to look deeply into themselves for the truth.

Action expresses priority. - Mahatma Ghandi

[trumpetfish 0]

why?

ignorant self-grasping.

[livendive 8]

You don't have an option for "I don't cheat".

I've been cheated on by a couple of women, including one that I was married to. It sucks pretty bad and I just wouldn't do that to someone.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[NoShitThereIWas 0]

Cheating is bad for everyone involved. I have never been a cheater but have been cheated on and have seen it happen to others all the time.

Not only does cheating breakdown any structure or foundation of a relationship but it perpetuates a cycle of lies and deception involving everyone and usually turns out to be a bad and ugly situation.

If I am in a relationship and there was any reason for me to start a new relationship with someone else, my SO would know about it well beforehand. I feel I owe it to them first to be honest and to try and better things on the homefront before just moving on to something else.

I feel sorry for the lady who is in the position of having two kids with her SO and knowing of his cheating, but not doing anything about it. That is a very sad situation and a difficult one to piece apart. Both of those individuals are living out of fear. Sometimes you never know the outcome of a situation or decision until you see it and I would never judge them but I just can't see myself being there and I don't believe that can be healthy. That one is hard but I would always support two people in that situation to go separate ways. In some ways it is harder, but at least you can be true to yourself and know that you are not constantly living in a lie.

I think cheating is the ultimate betrayal to a monogamous relationship and I think it is usually pretty clear when a relationship is exclusive and when it is not.

Roy Bacon: "Elvises, light your fires."

Sting: "Be yourself no matter what they say."

[Nightingale 0]

I completely agree.

I've always advised him (but ONLY when he asks for my opinion) that if he's not in love with her, he needs to leave. The kids are going to pick up on it eventually, too, especially when the two of them are shouting at each other all the time...

they're both living in fear, and both a little too comfortable to leave. now, from my perspective, that situation would be a living hell.

For me, relationships are based on trust... if that trust is broken, the entire relationship has no foundation left. I couldn't handle being in a situation where every time your SO goes out the door to work or to hang with friends, you're wondering if they're actually with someone else...

My policy, since being cheated on, has been that once a relationship is clearly a committed one, cheating means its over. period. I can forgive a lot, but that kind of betrayal is simply unforgivable.

[samanthashows 0]

I personally don't think that you can really love the person that you are with if you cheat on them. I have been dating my honey for 3 years on and off and he was totally in love with me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I always thought that he was the person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with but wasn't ready yet and didn't want to be married. I cheated on him alot in 2 1/2 years and about 4 months ago decided that I could not live with him and that I did love him. It was so weird the day that I fell in love with him, I know what day it was too and from that day on I started trying to get him back. He was done with me and had moved on and never wanted to be with me again. Although, he still had feelings for me and wanted me to be happy but never thought he could make me happy. I have spent the last several months trying to make things up to him and we are back together again and happier than we have ever been before. He is learning to trust me all over again. For the first time in my life I honestly trust myself and don't want to be with anyone else ever again. He is still a little gun shy but he has given me another chance and we are making things work. His friends ask him why he took me back and tells them that I have changed and that I am proving to him that he can trust me and that he is the person that I want to share my life with. They all think he is stupid but hey whatever makes him want to give me another chance.
When I told him that I had changed and that I did love him and want to be with him he said I couldn't change and that I never would. He has since changed his mind about that. Like I said, it hasn't happened overnight and he is still scared and protecting himself from another heart break but things couldn't be better between us. I love him more than anything and I am thankful that he has given me another chance to be with him.
This is probably more than you all wanted to know but what the hell I was bored so I thought I would tell ya anyway....
Maybe some people do get bored or too comfortable with the way things are at home I don't know but I don't think that you can honestly love someone and cheat on them. If you really love someone you spend everyday making sure they know that you love them and that is what I do now.

Samantha Weaver