Tell me this is somewhat normal...

[skyesspot 0]

My 16 year old daughter is at it again... let's see...

3 tickets in 3 months (she got her license in Feb):
1 for driving on a restricted license
1 for speeding
1 for running a red lite

Didn't give me her car payment cuz she bought a snowboard with the money.

Didn't give me her insurance money cuz she "forgot" to get a work permit so her work had to keep her off the schedule until she did (2 weeks)

Has been cutting school and forging my name (I know this is a common one)

Has dropped her GPA from about 3.8 to a 2.8 (which also means her car insurance rates are going to go up)

Cut school today to go snowboarding which is bad enough BUT she took her paycheck w/her which I needed in order to make her car payment today.

Sigh... please tell me she will still be a decent human being when she is done w/this dang teenage stage.

p.s. I can't take her car away because we moved outta town and I can't get her to and from school. Altho she will be grounded whenever the brat gets home.

Life is too short. Don't sweat the small stuff.

[skybytch 259]

My mom feels for you.

Take away the license and re-introduce her to her legs and bicycle. Since she can't make her car payments, sell the car. It won't hurt her to ride her bike to and from school and work. And if she doesn't have a car, she doesn't need a job right? So she'll have plenty of time at home to work on getting her grades back up.

That's what my parents wish they had done when I was doing much the same stuff at that age. Actually... that's what I wish my parents had done when I was that age...

But anyway, yes. She will get over it eventually. You may not be sane when it finally happens, but she will be a person you like again someday.

[hooked 0]

I have to agree with you on this one. It seems as though everything is too easy for her. If she knows the car payment and insurance will be paid, what does she lose? In the long run, yes things will get better. A thought though, has her group of friends changed at all? Or has it just been the ability to drive herself? Hang in there Mom!

J

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Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings.

[skyesspot 0]

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Take away the license and re-introduce her to her legs and bicycle.

I wish I could but she has to go across a bridge to get to school.

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but she will be a person you like again someday.

At least that is encouraging.

Life is too short. Don't sweat the small stuff.

[Hazarrd 1]

make her take a taxi to school. the money you get from selling the car can easily cover the taxi fare each morning. and when her friends get to see how cool she is riding to school in a taxi, hah!

.-.

[Casch 0]

I know I'm only 18...but I'm NEVER having kids...too much to handle...

About the tickets...chalk that up to bad luck. Most people drive nearly the same, we speed from time to time, shit happens, I know I have run a light or two in the past because of either bad road conditions, or someone tailgating me and I wasn't too interested in being rear ended. If she just...didn't see the light...that's not good...and I drove my friends all the time on my restricted license. For the most part, she is the reason why people like me don't get tickets...we're right behind her so she gets caught first The grades thing is fairly normal. Thats about the time I started screwing up my grades, I pulled out of that (barely).

The snowboarding thing, sounds like she needs to learn a bit more responsibility with money. Let her have her fun today...then smack her down with restrictions. But do it lightly, if that makes any sense. When my dad would try and be heavy handed, I didn't respect him at all, and really didn't abide by his restrictions. But when he was cool about it, and treated me more like his best friend than his evil devil child, I respected that.

Basically, instead of making her cry because of the grounding, ground her and tear up in the process to really impress how dissapointed you are. That will get us every time...there's nothing worse than making your mom cry....


Long story short, yes it's normal for most of us youngin's. So don't be afraid to hit her below the belt

[lummy 4]

put a for sale sign in the back window of her car and make her drive it to school

OR, park the car down where they sell all the cars so she'll have to walk past it everyday....

Tell her she can buy it if she has the money...

I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. eat sushi, get smoochieTTK#1

[skybytch 259]

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I wish I could but she has to go across a bridge to get to school.

Drive her and her bike across the bridge. Then go on about your day.

Seriously, the car is the problem. She's not able to responsibly handle the freedom that having her own wheels gives her right now. Without taking that freedom away from her until she's shown that she can be responsible about it, I don't think the problem will be going away anytime soon.

[kai2k1 0]

First take away the car. Sell it and make her buy her own. Then take away the snowboard and sell that too. Teach her some responsibility and gradually help her get these things. It seems that she has forgotten what her priorities are.

There's no truer sense of flying than sky diving," Scott Cowan

[skyesspot 0]

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Tell her she can buy it if she has the money...

and r u going to do this when your daughter is going thru this???

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Seriously, the car is the problem.

I'm afraid you are right here.

I'm going to start w/grounding her and see where that gets me. Two months of family time should be a good start.

Life is too short. Don't sweat the small stuff.

[bluegremlin 0]

this is my opinion, sorry if its a bit harsh.

If i was like that my father would throw me out the house and tell me to make my own way. The problem is that your letting her be to dependant on you, Rather than saying pay me the payments tell her that its her responsibility, if she doesnt pay dont pay the fines/charges, let her take it. You need to let her be independant or else when ever she has a problem shes just going to come running to you and expect you to fix everything or give her the money she needs. the way it wound is that she doesnt respect what your doing for her and she needs to learn to grow up and realise that life is hard and if she makes a mistake she has to deal with the conciquences rather than making a mistake and running to you and you fizing the problem for her, if you do this then she will never learn. you need to give her a taste of what shes giving you, dont pay for her licence, spend the money on skydives, see how she likes it. If she gets angry at you just say "You spent the money on snowbording and you get the car, why should i miss out and you get something for nothing" If shes responsible enough to drive then she should take control of her life more, it shouldnt be you. or in a sentance STOP BEING SO SOFT WITH HER OR SHE WILL DO IT FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE. Driving is a pivelage not a wright.
By the way does she pay you money for living in the house??

[skysprite 0]

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I wish I could but she has to go across a bridge to get to school.

Drive her and her bike across the bridge. Then go on about your day.

Seriously, the car is the problem. She's not able to responsibly handle the freedom that having her own wheels gives her right now. Without taking that freedom away from her until she's shown that she can be responsible about it, I don't think the problem will be going away anytime soon.

I agree. She is doing nothing to show you she can handle the responsibility. Three tickets is showing quite the opposite. People can run into bad luck, but still, that's three times. And she wouldn't have been stopped and then cited for driving on a restricted had she not been doing something wrong then as well, I would think.

On top of that she's not making her car payment and insurance payment? I assume the car is under your name? If you can make the payments yourself and want to/need to keep the car, take over payments, but also take her keys. You get what you pay for.

~skysprite

[lazerq3 0]

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I wish I could but she has to go across a bridge to get to school

I dont see where thats a problem.. if you can drive across a bridge then you can walk or ride a bike acrss it!!! she just may have to be more careful..but I agree that if it was my kid the car would already be gone!!! And the snow board...I dont care if she did buyit withher own money... if she hasnt paid for the car payment , then theres collateral... I'm a firm believer in tough love and sometimes thats what it takes...emphisis on the tough!!

jason

Freedom of speech includes volume

[skyesspot 0]

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if she doesnt pay dont pay the fines/charges, let her take it

The loan is in my name because she is a minor, so it's my credit. Same w/the insurance. Since she can't legally enter into a contract, she can't get her own insurance. And I do believe that as a parent I am responsible for her. She is the way she is partly because I have been too soft on her and now that is going to have to change.

Bad-Ass Mama will be making an appearance!!!

Life is too short. Don't sweat the small stuff.

[lummy 4]

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Bad-Ass Mama will be making an appearance!!!

I'm HIDING in the corner....

I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. eat sushi, get smoochieTTK#1

[skybytch 259]

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She is the way she is partly because I have been too soft on her and now that is going to have to change.

Don't diss yourself too hard. The single parent thing ain't easy.

This isn't gonna be easy either, but she'll thank you for it. Someday.

[dgskydive 0]

WOW! At 16 there was no way that my parents would have got me a car, no matter how far away school was. Plus with that many tickets in that short amount of time she IMHO can't handle the responsibility of the car! See if you can work out something with a friend of hers that lives near the school, for her to stay at there house during the week. Tell the parents to treat her like a red-headed step child. Have her go to bed early and not allowed to leave the house, stuff like that. I bet after a week or so of that she will be happy to coemhome and try and be more responsible. Take away the damn snow board. Or sell it to come up with the money she should have used for her responsibilties in the first place. Can a 16 yr old open a bank account on there own? I can't remember. If they can't, hell even if they can set it up so that she has to have a joint account with you. Talk to her boss, see if they will give her paycheck directly to you. Explain to them that if this can't be done she may not be working there for much longer, if she is a good employee they may want to keep her around and give you the checks! just some ideas off the top of my head. I figure I wouldn't want those things to happen to me if I was 16.

16 yrs old! I think all of us were little shit heads at that age in one way or another. I am sure she will grow up into a fine person!

Dom

[lazerq3 0]

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Can a 16 yr old open a bank account on there own?

Well...My 4 yr old has her bank account!!! Hell she even has more money in hers than I do in mine!!

"Sweety...can you loan daddy some money to go jumping?"

jason

Freedom of speech includes volume

[Keith 0]

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She is the way she is partly because I have been too soft on her

No offense, but Partly??? You seem to be making plenty of excuses for her. Why should she change if you're not willing to? If I had tried to pull any *one* of the numerous stunts you describe, my Mom, much less Dad, would have made rue the day I was born. *And*, from the day I was old enough to get a job, my parents told me if I wanted *it* then I could pay for *it*. The only thing they provided after that was a roof and food. The car isn't the problem, your unwillingness to put your foot down is.

Keith

Don't Fuck with me Keith - J. Mandeville

[wzettler 0]

skybytch, your first post was awesome!!! I agree.

I think when Jesus said "love your enemy" he probably meant don't kill them.

[flyangel2 2]

Wow, believe it or not, that sounds like some of the shit my son pulled when he first got his driving license. He has improved greatly because of some of the changes I made.

First off, the car. Yes, you are responsible for paying for the car since the loan is in your name. But, do what I did when my son was staying out all hours of the night when he first got his car. Take the car away. The car is in your name, and you have every right to do that. Yes, it's a pain in the butt you having to take her to school, but that will show her that you mean what you say. How did she get to school before she got the car? I don't want to hear any excuses, I'm a single mom that had to do the same thing with my son. Yes, it's a pain for me to take them back and forth, but it will only last a few months. The end result is that I now have a son that knows I mean what I say. We did end up selling that car, and now we have another one. He is on time with the car payments to me, cause he knows I mean what I say.
Do you have access to any of her banking accounts? You should, she's a minor, just take the money out of her account. If she doesn't deposit her check, talk to her boss.
Insurance, that's a good one. I would prefer my son to have good grades, so we have worked out a deal in my house. If the grades stay at a B+ or higher level, I allow him to do work around the house to pay off the insurance. If the grades drop or the work isn't done, I just pull the money out of his account.
You wouldn't believe the turn around in my son when I stood my ground with him. He had a new found freedom when he first got his car, and was out of control. Now I have my nice loving son back and am glad I went through what I did to get him.
You are not alone, hang in there.
BTW, sell the snowboard at some kind of swap meet or pawn shop. Get the money and use it towards the car payment. She should not be allowed to keep it.
Again, good luck.

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

[Layton 0]

ok im gona say something that nobody has said.my youngest daughter has been showing the same behavior for about the last 6 years.she is now 21.the drop in gpa is a big sign to me anyway that maybe she is getting high or drinking.being a recoverying addict i see all the signs.i hope im wrong but when it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck im calling it a duck.get her tested and go from there.good luck if nothing else i knnow this ALL KIDS ARE LIARS!!!!! all of em yours mine all of em.***if you are going to be stupid you better be tough

[skygod7777 0]

get her to start jumping, and then once she has made a few, tell her that if she doesn't start bringing her grades up, she can't jump anymore.

that's what my dad does to me (except i was already jumping)

and trust me it works well. i have a 3.0, and never skip school anymore. the only time i miss school is when i go on a jumping trip, which is why i have to keep good grades.

later

[skysprite 0]

After thinking about it more, I wanted to add onto what I said before...

Sometimes kids are given too much freedom, but often they don't realize that even little freedoms are in fact responsibility. Kids also may not realize how good they have it. They may not have a realistic view of finances. My advice is to give her a clear understanding of her finances.

Game plan (modify as needed):

Sit her down and tell her you guys need to have a heart to heart. Strongly voice your concern over her recent actions, grades, etc. Tell her you'll always love her no matter what, but you will only continue to support and help her if she ___________ (i.e. stays in school, keeps up with her financial responsibilities etc. You fill in the blank.)

Next, set up a basic budget for her to look at and review that shows "the real world", so to speak.
-Set up rent that you will charge her to live in your home, should she continue to act out.
-Set a "utilities payment" and include that.
-Include in the budget plan her car payment and insurance. And better yet, make her look up a number to an auto insurance dealer and have her call for an insurance quote for herself. Kids get a much nicer payment on their parents plans, and some don't realize the real cost of insurance. Jot this down on her budget, but most important is to make her call for herself.
-Outline a basic grocery budget for a month.
-If she has a cell phone bill or any other bills that you typically pay, jot those down.

Have her compare this to what she makes at her job, and ask her if she'd prefer to have all of that extra responsibility, or if she'd like to make her car payment and insurance payment, then save what ever is left for snow boarding.

Do you see what I'm getting at? It's time for me to go home, so will elaborate more there, if need be.

~skysprite

[Mindcake 0]

wow...thats some rough stuff......just remember that they do grow up...eventually.....and that I am sure she loves you very much.....

Don´t belive the hype