Student freak'n out!

[chrismgtis 0]

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Landing was the worst part. The door opened up with a line ready to board. I got all sorts of looks as Gary and I left the aircraft and I took the "Walk of Shame". I couldn't remember ever being that embarassed and I got the heck out of Dodge. An hour and a half later, I was still shaking.

You're jumping out of an airplane thousands of feet in the air with nothing but a back pack that contains a piece of fabric that is "supposed" to "pop out" and save your ass.

You were scared? Hell, you're the sane one.

I can understand being embarrassed about it, but I can tell you that I don't know one skydiver that would ever make fun of you for it.

Rodriguez Brother #1614, Muff Brother #4033
Jumped: Twin Otter, Cessna 182, CASA, Helicopter, Caravan

[Gato 0]

You are SOOO not alone. I was scared out of my mind on my first few jumps, and I also had a kick-ass instructor named Gary on 3 of my SL and PRCP jumps.

What helped me the most was doing EPs in a hanging harness, and realizing I had truly taught my body to react correctly, to make the right call if things go to shit. While this didn't cure my door fear, it helped create what I'll call "confidence momentum" that builds up every time I jump.

Here is a short list of my fears, some I've conquered, some I'll never conquer:

Aircraft emergency (Including engine failure, fire, pilot heart attack, wind shear).
Broken harness or leg strap.
Container lock.
DOOR!!! (I used to be afraid my fat ass would get sucked out, but we're wearing parachutes, aren't we?)
Hanging from a wing strut.
Hitting the tail on exit.
Losing sight of the DZ.
Losing altitude awareness, forgetting to pull.
Landing hard, breaking somthing.
Doing something stupid and getting bitched-out by the DZO.

This works very well for me: The moment I get settled into position on the plane, I begin breathing as deeply and SLOWLY as I can, and concentrate on relaxing my toes. Once I feel my toes relax, I move on to the rest of my feet, legs, etc. until my whole body is as relaxed as possible. By the time we're on jump run, I'm feeling good, and actually anticipating the Door call. Plus, it gives me something to do on the ride up, and keeps me from low-probability catastrophizing. (Dig that psych term - and, yes, I've had therapy.....)

Best of luck to you!

T.I.N.S.

[Jwelborn 0]

Great point with the breathing! Lt. Col. David Grossman teaches a breathing technique for combat stress that has worked well for me at panic prone moments.

Breathe in for a count of 4. Hold for a count of 4. Breathe out for a count of 4. Hold for a count of 4. Repeat for at least three breathing cycles.

Hope that helps someone!

The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.
Robert A. Heinlein

[yellowgt 0]

This is a good thread.

Jump 11 I had a reserve ride....took me all day saturday and most of the day sunday to figure out whether or not I was going to jump again.

After one of my instructors told me that he knows the feelings I have, that if I end up not jumping again....I probably will end up golfing.

My words (not given as instructor, because I am not)...is talk to you instructors.

As for the breathing method, it does work. Close your eyes and slow your breathing, it brings down your heart rate.

[Slacker1100xx 0]

This whole forum section is one reason I want to take up this sport; because of the people. Thank you all for your responses and advise.

I called my DZ yesterday to get the price of a tandem jump. I figured getting a tandem would get me back up and I could enjoy the jump more versus concentrating on the tasks I would have to accomplish during an AFF jump. It would at least get me out the door and allow me to enjoy the feeling and freedom of jumping, the whole reason I started. It turned out my ground instructor answered the phone and recognized my voice. His name is Jack, aka Jackhammer, and has 7-8,000 jumps. He's got a 3 foot red ponytail and works full-time at the DZ. This guys a true hardcore jumper. He explained that he gets pretty nervous if it's even been 2 weeks since his last jump. That really sets it in perspective for me, especially for someone with so much experience.

His advise was much like what all of you have recommended. He said a tandem would be fine, but also recommended going up with 1 or 2 instructors for a non-AFF jump. He said to just jump and let them hold-on to me the whole way to pull time. If I felt good, give them a thumbs-up and they would release me. The jump wouldn't count as an AFF, but it would be a jump for confidence. Come to think of it, that's pretty much what AFF 3 was.... He also agreed about just coming out to hang out without doing a jump.

I talked to my wife last night and she said she understood. I told her I had some unfinished business up there and I left my pride somewhere inbetween 10-14,000ft. She's scared to death about the idea of my jumping and would love for me to quit for good, but she supports me and understands. I have our summer cruise to pay for right now, but I think I'll act on everything ya'll have said in this forum and get this taken care of in the very near future. Thank all of you for your advice and for acting as my "personal therapists".

[chrismgtis 0]

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I talked to my wife last night and she said she understood.

I wish my girlfriend was more understanding of it. I've done all I can to explain to her why I do it and why it means so much to me to be able to jump. One minute she is saying that she understands and supports me, the next she is using it against me. I've pretty much told her if she got in the way, she would be pushed aside until she could grow up and accept it. I'm more than fine being single the rest of my life if it means being able to do the things that I love.

So if she supports you doing it, feel lucky and don't take that for granted.

And yes the people do make this sport all the more worthwhile. The more time you spend at a DZ, the more often you will find yourself thinking that you never knew it was possible for so many down to earth people to gather in one location so frequently.

Rodriguez Brother #1614, Muff Brother #4033
Jumped: Twin Otter, Cessna 182, CASA, Helicopter, Caravan

[jee 0]

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but also recommended going up with 1 or 2 instructors for a non-AFF jump. He said to just jump and let them hold-on to me the whole way to pull time. If I felt good, give them a thumbs-up and they would release me.

I did at least 3 of these "comfort jumps" as we called them, after I had a total malfunction on my 1st AFF level 4 jump. Of course that led to my 1st reserve ride as well. In addition to the confidence building jumps I also rode the plane down several times as well.
I would not call it the walk of shame but more appropriately the walk of self preservation.
Take your time. The sky will be there.

[superwoman8433 0]

I totally know how you feel! I can honestly say for my first 15-19 jumps I puked. That is how scared I was. It took me 4 months to get through AFF. I have been jumping now for around 3 years and when I haven't jumped in a while I still get knots in my stomach. I look at it as a healthy fear, which I respect. I know the second I get comfortable is when something will go wrong. Still waiting for that first cutaway, expecting it will be the next jump and it is kind of funny because now, I kind of want it to happen just to get one under my belt. I know that sounds really strange but I am someone that looks at things that......if it doesn't happen, how will I get the experience? We learn from all of our experiences.

My advice is to learn from yours, what you have is a healthy fear for something you don't know very well. For me, the thought of "what if this or that went wrong...would I freeze?" Then I would have to depend on my JM to in a since save me. It all comes down to confidence (sp?) and fear. If you can balance the two some way.....your golden!! Just remember, we do this for fun. It may not seem like fun at first but I promise....it DOES get better!

One more story, a good friend started jumping and she road the plane down 3 times during her AFF and she told me that she didn't think she could handle the stress, etc. She now has more jumps then me and she has only been jumping a year. I hope I have helped.

Tiffany

[Slacker1100xx 0]

I understand completely. When I called my wife on my way home from my last (attempted) jump and told her it was a 'No Go', she was so relieved. She was supporting me jumping, but she was scared to death. I guess she knows me well enough not to tell me 'NO'. When I first met her, I owned a Honda CBR1100XX Blackbird motorcycle (part of my user ID). I told her my ex-wife told me no more bikes, so I traded her in on the bike. "Wife's gone, bikes back, best trade I ever made." My current wife was glad when I sold it, but she never complained out loud. I guess it was the same way about jumping. She knows I need to find an adrenaline rush. If she really pushed the issue, I wouldn't jump. To me, her being happy means a lot more.

In response to "JEE", that's exactly what Jack called it; a "comfort jump". That makes perfect sense to me and I'm glad to hear it worked for someone else.

In response to Tiffany, more sound advise. I'm one of those analytical types who has to research everything before stepping off. I agree that getting a number of jumps under your belt, with consistency, is the key. I told my AFF 1 instructors afterwards that I hardly remembered a thing because everything happened so FAST. The sensation of falling alone was awesome/unreal, but my mind was racing so fast, I think I finally blinked halfway through my debrief. Like I read in other posts and my ground instructor told me, I think too much. I spent so much time trying to analyze everything that I forgot to have fun and enjoy the experience. I think a couple of "comfort jumps" might be the right answer (kind've why I am considering a tandem). Let me relax a little, stop thinking so much, and actually get some enjoyment out of the experience. Heck, that's the whole reason I started in the first place!!

[chrismgtis 0]

That is nice that they are for allowing you to have these "comfort jumps". They should almost be required for those jumping straight into AFF without a tandem. Just out of fear for how they might react I always try to recommend that people do one tandem first before jumping into AFF. I don't like the idea of anyone I know freaking out on the airplane or in freefall and then being left alone under canopy.

Then again, maybe it's actually better sometimes to have objectives to keep your mind off of everything else and your eyes off the ground.

Rodriguez Brother #1614, Muff Brother #4033
Jumped: Twin Otter, Cessna 182, CASA, Helicopter, Caravan

[Gato 0]

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Let me relax a little, stop thinking so much, and actually get some enjoyment out of the experience. Heck, that's the whole reason I started in the first place!!

Exactly!!

Might I also suggest, if you have access to it, making a Static Line jump? There's no freefall to speak of, but all you have to do is climb out and let go, then fly the canopy. When I went uncurrent a few months back, that one SL jump I did to get reoriented was wonderful! I know you've done AFF, but honestly, that jump was so much fun for me, I'd recommend it to anyone feeling freaked out over jumping. Not much to think about except relaxing and flying, and you get some good canopy practice.

By the way, I noticed the OP of this thread now has 75 jumps - very cool. It can be done.

T.I.N.S.

[asolomon 0]

I have been reading all these posts here and cannot stop thinking - how human it is to be afraid, how human it is to feel uncomfortable about it and how unhumanly ashamed we get about the feeling of fear...
I had an amazing teacher once - he said to me - whenever you are ready - jump. If you are not ready, just dont. You must enjoy it...
... I have learned that if I dont feel right, I dont do it. Its like you cannot be half pregnant, you are or you are not. And if you are not, nothing wrong with it.

I still have butterflies in my stomach (and a small amount of 37 jumps on my record) - they say that one day they might disappear. Fear is good. If you dont fear, means you are or dead or about to be!

The fact that you come to the dz shows that you already have balls of steel. And the beauty about sky diving is that this is all about you only. It really does not matter - you do not prove to any body that you can do it. But if you jump, you better enjoy it to the full!

When I sit in the plane, looking at the clouds, cannot stop wondering why it took me so long to realize that sky diving makes me feel alive. Why I only started it recently, why it never crossed my mind before... and then, when the door opens, there is that nervous feeling while I crawl towards the door... and... the sky, the clouds, maybe the spirits of all the people that are not here any more - feels so uplifting and safe. Feels like the right place to be!

[sriddy 0]

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I owned a Honda CBR1100XX Blackbird motorcycle

You too? I love mine, although it doesn't get much attention this time of year.

As for the girlfriend thing, mine seems pretty cool with it. She'll even text me at the end of the day to make sure I "didn't break my penis." Talk about priorities.

So this isn't a complete hijack:

I'm still a student, and if i take a few weekends off, the next time I'm on the ride up, all I can think is, "What the FUCK am I doing???" Once I'm out the door, I think, "Oh right, AIRGASM!!!"

If this sport is for you, you'll find a way to work with the fear. If it's not, no biggie. You'll find something else you'll enjoy.

[AFFI 0]

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I have learned that if I dont feel right, I dont do it.

How can the way you "feel" affect the opening reliability of your parachuting gear?

Mykel AFF-I10
Skydiving Priorities: 1) Open Canopy. 2) Land Safely. 3) Don’t hurt anyone. 4) Repeat…

[jee 0]

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I have learned that if I dont feel right, I dont do it.

How can the way you "feel" affect the opening reliability of your parachuting gear?

Ummmmm.......He's not referring to the reliability of his equipment. He's referring to the fear factor.

[Slacker1100xx 0]

I printed out this post before going home Friday so my wife could read it. She was very impressed with the way everyone responded and it helped open her eyes to why I didn't want to just walk away from this. I understand that there is some level of fear with everyone, especially with a layoff. I congratulate each of you for overcoming that fear and taking that step to the door. I've decided not to walk away from this and I will get back up in the near future. Your response to this post is precisely the reason I wanted to jump in the first place, as I'm sure is true with everyone else here. There's also that "cool" factor that goes with telling others you skydive.

SRiddy, that's hilarious about your girlfriend. I love the idea of the independence of being able to step out the door alone relying on your own judgement and knowledge of the sport. That was the great thing about motorcycle riding. Dip into a 45 mph left-hand corner at 105mph, accelerate smoothly, drag your hand on the concrete, wave at wide-eyed drivers going the other way... An adrenaline rush with a sense of confidence. That feeling makes you want to hurry up and get through the AFF lessons to experience of jump 8; all on your own.

That time will come pretty soon when I get back in the air. It used to be a question of "IF", now it's a question of "WHEN". I think the next scariest thing will be when I tell my wife how much this sport is going to cost us!!

[chrismgtis 0]

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I understand that there is some level of fear with everyone, especially with a layoff. I congratulate each of you for overcoming that fear and taking that step to the door. I've decided not to walk away from this and I will get back up in the near future. Your response to this post is precisely the reason I wanted to jump in the first place, as I'm sure is true with everyone else here. There's also that "cool" factor that goes with telling others you skydive.

I've packed plenty of times now and probably jumped 30 or more of my pack jobs. That adds a level of fear to it. I see a lot of people that have been jumping as long as I have or less and have less experience than I do, jumping their own pack jobs and they seem so comfortable with it and seem to be doing a really good job at it.

Then there's me where I am so concerned with my pack jobs that I analyze so many details, down to the smallest thing. I'm still trying to get over that fear.

At first it wasn't so bad and I started to get comfortable with my pack jobs. Then I had line twists on and off for a while and it took a while to figure out why and I had one cut-away from a really small malfunction (which could probably have been easily avoided).

I think I'm just always afraid that I'm going to make that stupid mistake that should have been easily avoided if I had paid more attention. I feel like I have serious ADD sometimes and that it'll make me do something stupid. So I'm really fighting myself to trust my pack jobs.

If someone packs that I trust, I can jump without much more fear than driving to the DZ, so this is where most of my fear comes in.

I guess we all have fear factors in different ways.

Rodriguez Brother #1614, Muff Brother #4033
Jumped: Twin Otter, Cessna 182, CASA, Helicopter, Caravan

[rygon 0]

I think the way you still try and skydive, even though you fear it quite a bit, shows that you arent doing it for the coolness factor of telling others that you skydive (although as said..it sounds pretty good) and im sure you will eventually do another jump..then you will be so buzzed that you will wat to jump again straight afterwards.

Ive only done 12 jumps and my 2nd was my most fearful ...i was bricking it on the way to the dz...waiting to jump and even in the plane...got to the door and i went into automatic, just wanted to get it over and done with. It went great and i am now doing my level 7 (again...due to having no jumps in 2.5mnths) ...I feel ok about it but everyso often i still get nervous just thinking about my next jump...then i go through it all in detail with every eventuality (aircraft emergency, loosing the instructors, every type of mal..how to spot them and deal with them, plus the canopy ride down etc) thats where i realise i know it off by heart and that if something did happen then at least i know it well...that makes me at ease (plus the breathing slowly on the plane)

may be worth getting your instructor to go through a kit check with you if you havent already done one before

[meteor 0]

How cool to read all these posts and see that so many of us go through the same mental gymnastics when dealing with fear. It has helped to remind me of my student jumps. Driving to the DZ and praying sincerely to God that it would be too windy to jump. Getting there and having one of our Instructors, who I had terrible performance anxiety when dealing with him, grab me and get me ready for a jump. It wasn't Rick McClures' fault, I just wanted to do the jump correctly and not disappoint him or myself. I eventually got through the S/L progression and got my 'A' but I had to learn alot more about myself than about skydiving. Yes this sport is extremely cool but what I have gotten from it personally far outweighs the "jumping out of a perfectly good airplane". All the advice about gear checks, breathing, relaxation, etc. all work and I have used them all. Especially after seeing a friend die in this sport and a personal injury that nearly ended my skydiving. I had to go back to those techniques to get back in the air and face all those demons.

FEAR can stand for: Fuck Everything And Run or
Face Everything And Rejoice!!

Facing our fears and managing them helps us to grow and be our best!!

[funjumper101 15]

There is no shame in passing on making a skydive if you aren't ready for it. You weren't ready to make a jump, so you didn't. Good on you. When you are ready, you will. On the basis on your description of how you felt, I call your decision really good judgement. Hold your head up high and pat yourself on the back. You did good.

If the DZ allows it, try doing an observer ride. You get a good chunk of the skydiving experience without planning to make a skydive.
Way back when AFF was relatively new and I was a student, I found that doing an observer ride before an AFF jump burned off a good portion of adrenaline.
Less adrenaline in my system = way better performance on the AFF dives.

A couple of observer rides saved me a lot of $$. No repeating jumps anymore. My awareness of what was going on went up a whole lot.

YMMV

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This is a great post. I know it's from a while back, but it's new to me. I am going through the same thing right now. A few weeks ago, I went to do my AFF 4 at skydive Atlanta (Thomaston, GA). I was supposed to jump with one of their best instructors, Gary. Gary is a great guy and is an encyclopedia of knowledge. We spent the previous couple of weeks briefing the jump, but were weathered out.

It seemed I was getting more and more nervous with each jump. Level 1 was ok, level 2 was a little scarier. On level 3, I starting sweating really bad around 10,000ft, but I made the jump ok (although my arch sucked!!).

Level 4 was another matter. Once again, at about 10,000ft, I started sweating like I was in a sauna (it was 40 degrees outside). As soon as my goggles touched my face, they fogged up. When the door opened, I watched a group of 6 jump (FALL) out and I just looked away; I had no desire to move one inch towards that door. Gary said, "Are you ready to skydive" and I said 'NO!!!'. He sent the tandem out and then started talking to me about it. The pilot asked if I needed a go around and I said I couldn't do it.

Landing was the worst part. The door opened up with a line ready to board. I got all sorts of looks as Gary and I left the aircraft and I took the "Walk of Shame". I couldn't remember ever being that embarassed and I got the heck out of Dodge. An hour and a half later, I was still shaking.

It's been about a month now and I have started bowling. I told everybody that if I had a panic attack doing that, I better start knitting in a dark room. I keep watching the videos and dream of jumping once I pay some bills off, but it's a mental battle right now. I feel I've let myself down and I'm very disappointed in myself. The responses to this post have been great and I hope to take the steps to conquering this feer and joining the rest of you in the sky.

[asolomon 0]

Yes, was refering to the fear factor... and i am "she" not "he"... they say females have the 6th or 7th sense, or was it the cat?
Still, there were few times I had "strange" feeling, should have known... check my other post ;-)

[Slacker1100xx 0]

Good idea about the observation jump, I hadn't heard of that before. Not sure what they would think about that being it's in a King Air and they really pack us in tight. Come to think of it, though, if you pay your jump fee, it's no different to the pilot. I'm curious, though, about what exactly you are observing. Is it the exit of the jumpers? Did watching the jumpers go help with your anxiety?

GATO: This site doesn't offer static line jumps, but it makes a lot of sense to me. I checked around and the closest static line place is a few hours away. However, it might be a good investment.

To the rest of the responses, I agree with METEOR; it's very encouraging to hear so many other folks having to deal with the same thing. The best part has been this post has helped encouraged my wife to support me through this. It also make her feel a lot more confortable, at least with the community of people in this sport. Thank you to each of you.

[jee 0]

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and i am "she" not "he"...

Oops!!
Of course I was using the term "he" in the non gender specific sense.

That's very cool. Thank you. The more girls the better.

[funjumper101 15]

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Good idea about the observation jump, I hadn't heard of that before. Not sure what they would think about that being it's in a King Air and they really pack us in tight. Come to think of it, though, if you pay your jump fee, it's no different to the pilot. I'm curious, though, about what exactly you are observing. Is it the exit of the jumpers? Did watching the jumpers go help with your anxiety?

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Back in the day, observer rides were a lot more common than they are now. It used to cost just a jump ticket. A ride to altitude should cost the same, if you get out, or not. I have seen gear rental charges added to a jump ticket for an observer ride. This covers the staff time to gear up and train the observer, and retrieve the oberver and gear when the airplane lands, so I am told.
For a non-skydiver, or very new student, the experience is pretty intense. Getting geared up, boarding the plane, the cheers as the wheels break ground, the commentary on the way to altitude, the door opening, the climbout, and the exit are all a new environment. You can't help but pump a bunch of adrenaline.

I wasted a lot of money on AFF dives that I should have been able to complete, but didn't. Too much adrenaline = bad performance, for me. Two for ones were really expensive and discouraging.
One of the instructors suggested that I take a slot on the first load of the day as an observer and just chill out and enjoy the experience. This worked really well for me. A fun ride, cool to watch the exit, and riding with three comedic up jumpers having a blast was a great way for me to chill out and get ready for my own jumps. I did two observer rides on two different Saturday mornings. They helped me considerably.

YMMV

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[Sletzer 3]

Slacker,

I jump at Skydive Atlanta and know for a fact that they allow observation passengers. For someone already through some AFF classes it might be as little as the $23 lift ticket.

The point of a ride along is to get swept up in the emotion and excitement of eveyone else on the plane without the fear of having to jump. Plus, at the end the pilot dives the shit out of the plane, which I've always wanted to experience anyway = )

After you get pumped up watching everyone jump a time or two, you might just jog over and sign up for a jump. Either way, it's as close as you can get to actually jumping without shelling out over $200.

I'll be there this Sat & Sun (Sun for sure) Feb 9 & 10 getting my A license checkdive. If you're there maybe you can watch my goofy ass jump out of the plane and you'll feel much better about yourself

I will be kissing hands and shaking babies all afternoon. Thanks for all your support! *bows*

SCS #8251