What do you do as a third party who knows someone's cheating?

[WrongWay 0]

Quote

Quote

But why did you read his email and how did you?

They left it open.

Val, that's a complete disregard for a person's privacy. I know you were right about your accusations and I respect your wanting to do the right thing by telling her about the infidelity, but two wrongs don't make a right. Val you're a good friend of mine, and I have much respect for you, but invading someone's privacy to satisfy your personal curiosity is wrong, no matter what the cause.

Would you want me to walk into your house and look through your closets and drawers because you forgot to lock the door? Would it be okay if I thought you might have been cheating on Seth and I was looking for love letters from another guy? What you did is no different. Like I said, I have much respect for you, you're a good person, but that just wasn't right.

Wrong Way
D #27371 Mal Manera Rodriguez Cajun Chicken Ø Hellfish #451
The wiser wolf prevails.

[Vallerina 2]

Quote

Val, that's a complete disregard for a person's privacy.

I agree. They gave me reasons to suspect them twice before many months ago. I don't snoop unless there's a reason to! But, months ago, they left their email open, and it gave me reason to suspect. Since then, I haven't actually done anything about it. I don't purposely go through their things. Seth is a computer geek....I'm sure if I really wanted to have snooped, he could've done something long ago and got me into their files and crap. Pretty much, they were chatting in an inappropriate manner with someone while I was about 2 feet away from them. That's just stupid. I don't purposely read things, but it's hard not to just take a glance. It seems like they almost want to get caught for being that obvious around me.

I'm definitely not claiming what I did was right, but...

Quote

Would it be okay if I thought you might have been cheating on Seth and I was looking for love letters from another guy?

If I left the door open, invited you in, and then I started grabbing some guy's crotch, then, yeah, I wouldn't blame you for snooping.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[Vallerina 2]

I sent an email to the piece of scum (no, it wasn't an anonymous email.)

I gave them a piece of my mind (you guys think I'm a jerk in the forums....you should see what I say to people who I can't stand! ) I don't know why I was so nervous about sending it. It was the best thing to do, though, in this situation.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[wildblue 4]

Hey.... what's this nasty email in my inbox from you about?!?

Anyway, I completely agree with mr2mk1g - personal, vengeful feelings aside - was it really the best course of action? It might make you feel better, but it will probably have consequences for you and/or your friend.

it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

[Deuce 1]

Quote

it's a serious relationship.

No it's not Val. If one of the people is cheating, they're not serious about it.

What have you done in the past? Is this the first time you've had to deal with this? (Beer)

Anyhow, if you choose to tell your friend, just tell them the FACTS THAT YOU KNOW TO BE TRUE FIRSTHAND. You'll be best served by keeping vengeance out of it. You also risk losing the friend in a fit of "see, I told you so!" cause you probably didn't want them hooked up with doofus to begin with.

My principles have cost me far more friendships than they have gained me.

[Vallerina 2]

Quote

was it really the best course of action?

Emailing them about it....yes, it was the best course of action. Peeing on their toothbrush will be my fun passive-aggressive way of dealing with it as well. Hey...they're a jerk...the least I can do is pee on their toothbrush! Anyways, yeah, letting them know that I know what's going on was the best thing to do all around. I don't want anyone else getting hurt. I got to give them a piece of my mind (one of my favorite past times!)

Quote

What have you done in the past? Is this the first time you've had to deal with this? (Beer)

HAHAHA! Why, yes, this is a first. I will gladly buy a case...but I'll probably need to drink the whole thing myself!

Quote

You'll be best served by keeping vengeance out of it.

Well, I'm not telling the other person about it, so somebody has to get revenge on him. It might as well be me. I'm good at it.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[Deuce 1]

Quote

Peeing on their toothbrush will be my fun passive-aggressive way of dealing with it as well.

You're just weird, Val.

[kevin922 0]

Quote

Quote

anonymous email

Unless you know how to telnet and use sendmail commands, its really really hard to send a truely anonymous e-mail. And its very easy to track down who sent it to you.

Uh? How do you figure? In this situation someone goes and gets a hotmail account called "igotmyeyeonu" or something, sends the email.. and it's done. Unless the recipent gets a subpeona I seriously doubt it's "easily traceable" to the person who sent the email in this scenerio.

In fact the using the telnet sendmail thing may raise more flags than just doing the free email way. Going into someones mail server and trying to spoof email could be considered illegal in some cases and thus a subpoena could be generated to track you down. Likely? Absolutely not.. possible? sure.

[Paige 0]

Quote

Quote

Quote

But why did you read his email and how did you?

They left it open.

Val, that's a complete disregard for a person's privacy. I know you were right about your accusations and I respect your wanting to do the right thing by telling her about the infidelity, but two wrongs don't make a right. Val you're a good friend of mine, and I have much respect for you, but invading someone's privacy to satisfy your personal curiosity is wrong, no matter what the cause.

Would you want me to walk into your house and look through your closets and drawers because you forgot to lock the door? Would it be okay if I thought you might have been cheating on Seth and I was looking for love letters from another guy? What you did is no different. Like I said, I have much respect for you, you're a good person, but that just wasn't right.

Gotta agree totally here. Can't snoop in other business. Reading email like that leads to problems. I had an ex who did that and it bothered the hell out of me. Yes, I did forget to sign out and close out the browser but that didn't give him the right to snoop in my business.

Tunnel Pink Mafia Delegate
www.TunnelPinkMafia.com

[AggieDave 6]

Quote

h? How do you figure? In this situation someone goes and gets a hotmail account called "igotmyeyeonu" or something, sends the email.. and it's done. Unless the recipent gets a subpeona I seriously doubt it's "easily traceable" to the person who sent the email in this scenerio.

Yeah, basically I guess I'm pretty "old skool" when it comes to computer "games"...yup, and I hate script kiddies as well. Even though I haven't worn my black hat nor my white hat even (rarely) in a while.

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[airdvr 197]

Just finished up a fairly messy divorce...married 15 years...2 kids. X was having an affair with the guy she works for. Not sure how long it had been going on but I suspect well over a year.

I wish I'd have known about it. I wish someone had clued me in. Seems I was the last one to know about it (although I had suspicions).

Please don't dent the planet.

Destinations by Roxanne

[Vallerina 2]

Quote

Can't snoop in other business. Reading email like that leads to problems.

Wrongway knows the whole story now, so I'm sure his opinions on what I did changed a bit.

But, basically, when someone is typing at their computer, and they're two feet away from you, if you accidentally read something that throws up a flag by glancing at their screen, and they leave their email open, that just makes them an idiot. I'm almost sure it's one of those, "He wants to get caught," kind of things.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[ianmdrennan 2]

Quote

Well, I'm not telling the other person about it, so somebody has to get revenge on him. It might as well be me. I'm good at it

Wow...now that's something to be proud of

Time to get that chip off your shoulder Val and live your own life. It sickens me that people can cheat on one other, and it how spiteful you're being about this.

If your actions would be any different if it was a "friend" then you're just as bad as they are. Just in a different way.

Being purposefully mean to people has a way of backfiring. Everyone always gets what they deserve in one way or another.

Blue ones,
Ian

Performance Designs Factory Team

[weegegirl 2]

Quote

Gotta agree totally here. Can't snoop in other business. Reading email like that leads to problems. I had an ex who did that and it bothered the hell out of me. Yes, I did forget to sign out and close out the browser but that didn't give him the right to snoop in my business.

Yeah, I'm with you guys... I had an ex emailing me to see how my life was going months after our breakup. He wanted to try and get back together. When I wouldn't respond, because I thought it would be easier than telling him I had moved on and was seeing someone new.... he took it upon himself to go into my email by guessing my password and read all of my stuff. Obviously he was hurt reading what was in there and threw a fit. I labeled him psycho, changed my password and moved on.

[Vallerina 2]

Quote

Everyone always gets what they deserve in one way or another.

I don't actually believe that, unfortunately. You see rich jerks getting away with crap all their lives and dying happy.

Quote

If your actions would be any different if it was a "friend" then you're just as bad as they are. Just in a different way.

#1 You don't know the whole story (which I'm not going to post.) #2 There are a few people that I'm protective over, and if someone hurts them, I will want to hurt them back. I don't think that's uncommon. Parents feel that way about their children quite frequently. #3 I dealt with it in an appropriate manner. The things I wanted to do by instinct, I did not. If this were a friend, I would've sent them an email letting them I know that I knew they were cheating. I may not have been as mean if it were a friend that was cheating, but I would've done the same basic thing.

Someone I don't care about is hurting someone I do care about. I'm a naturally vegenful person. Just because I post the things that I want to do doesn't mean I actually will. It's more of a way to vent, I guess.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[Paige 0]

Quote

Quote

Can't snoop in other business. Reading email like that leads to problems.

Wrongway knows the whole story now, so I'm sure his opinions on what I did changed a bit.

But, basically, when someone is typing at their computer, and they're two feet away from you, if you accidentally read something that throws up a flag by glancing at their screen, and they leave their email open, that just makes them an idiot. I'm almost sure it's one of those, "He wants to get caught," kind of things.

Whether he's an idiot or not, he still deserves his privacy. I agree that if you glance over and see something, he is the idiot there and probably wanted to get caught. Just because someone leaves their email open, it doesn't give anyone the right to read what is in their inbox. I thought it was a psycho move for my ex to do that. It simply was not his business.

Tunnel Pink Mafia Delegate
www.TunnelPinkMafia.com

[Vallerina 2]

Okay, let me come up with an analogy. Let's say you have a sister you're really close to. One night, you're over at her place, and it's just a common thing for you to use their computer. If her jerk of a husband actually left something up on accident, and you saw it, what would you do? Months ago, that's basically what happened. He was dumb enough to leave his email open. I saw "stuff," but I had no proof, so I just sat and waited. I did not snoop for no good reason. If you are dumb enough to cheat and talk about it in your emails and then leave that email open, and I happen to read something, that's not really snooping. Months ago it was left open, and I had permission to use the computer. They were stupid.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[Paige 0]

Quote

***I labeled him psycho, changed my password and moved on.

I did the same for my ex that did that. It's simply none of their business and they should have stayed out of it. Privacy issues are a big deal now a days. You never know what passwords, credit card numbers you could find in emails from companies they ordered from.

Gotta remember to sign out of stuff if you aren't on your own computer, it can lead to big problems. As for your case, that sucks. I had an ex do that with my voice mail because that was before email was popular. It sucks when people butt into business that is simply not theirs.

Tunnel Pink Mafia Delegate
www.TunnelPinkMafia.com

[namdrib 0]

Quote

What do you do when someone you dislike is cheating on someone that you care about?

I would definitely say something. If you didn't, and the person that you liked found out anyway, you would definitely pay a price. But you have to know that your information is accurate and not a "Hunch". Hope that helps.

Unknowing attempting to take out all 4 wheeled vehicles remotely close to the landing area!

[skymama 35]

Quote

But, basically, when someone is typing at their computer, and they're two feet away from you, if you accidentally read something that throws up a flag by glancing at their screen, and they leave their email open, that just makes them an idiot. I'm almost sure it's one of those, "He wants to get caught," kind of things.

Or, maybe he just thought he could trust you not to read his personal mail.

Cheating on someone is wrong. Reading someone else's mail is also wrong. It seems a little hypocritical to me for you to be giving that guy a hard time when you also did something that was a little less than scrupulous. It doesn't matter how you justify it by saying that he deserved it by leaving his screen unattended. Wrong is wrong.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[Vallerina 2]

Quote

Just because someone leaves their email open, it doesn't give anyone the right to read what is in their inbox.

It may not be right, but I don't know of many people who could just sit on their hands if someone they care about is getting hurt. I didn't snoop the first time on purpose. However, when you read subject lines like, "Girls in Buffalo give great head," it's pretty difficult to say, "Well, that's his own business even if he is hurting someone that means a lot to me." Maybe I'm too protective over people I care about, but oh well.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[Vallerina 2]

If you accidentally come across information that someone you love is getting cheated on, could you really do nothing about it? Like I said, months ago he left the email open, and it's just about impossible to not read something on the screen when you want to actually use the computer. I had permission to use the computer.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[wildblue 4]

Quote

Uh? How do you figure? In this situation someone goes and gets a hotmail account called "igotmyeyeonu" or something, sends the email.. and it's done. Unless the recipent gets a subpeona I seriously doubt it's "easily traceable" to the person who sent the email in this scenerio.

Actually, that still stamps the originating IP address on it - so it's not that hard to figure out where it came from (depending on where you send it from)
It's really not hard (and perfectly legal) to send a truly anonymous email. It's even a lot easier to do now than it was 5-8 years ago.

it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

[Vallerina 2]

A better question for you, Andrea. Let's say your daughter has a bf, and he has a laptop. He told you that you could use his laptop. You go to use it, and when you open it up, he left his email open, and you read, "(A name other than your daughters), you rock in bed!" Maybe I should've done nothing about it, but I can't let someone get away with hurting someone I love like that.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[namdrib 0]

I'm afraid that I am going to have to still side with you, Val. No matter how you came up with the information, the cheating thing is the lesser of the two evils. People that cheat DO get caught no matter how they are caught does not matter, the fact is, that is the worst of the two evils. Stick to your guns, chic. It will all come out in the wash!

Unknowing attempting to take out all 4 wheeled vehicles remotely close to the landing area!