Someone make me laugh PLEASE!!

[kai2k1 0]

Thanks....

There's no truer sense of flying than sky diving," Scott Cowan

[freeflyimpaired 0]

Try this:

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.

He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.

Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make theguy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as the drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."

[kai2k1 0]

I had to read it twice, but i finally got it LMAO!!

Thanks

There's no truer sense of flying than sky diving," Scott Cowan

[freeflir29 0]

Quote

I had to read it twice, but i finally got it LMAO!

Did you sit in the front or the back of the short bus on the way to school?

[tronaut00 0]

HAHAHA....Thats awesome!

[CloudOnMyTongue 0]

Last night my mother went out late, after dark. Once she opened the door the kitten ran out, like she normally does. So my mother went out looking for her. The kitten is all black and her name is Sunshine.
So my mother is outside in the middle of the night yelling "Sunshine, come here. Sunshine where are you?" some kids walk by and laugh at her.

It took a few hours for her to realize how silly she looked out in the yard at night yelling for sunshine.

[freeflyimpaired 0]

This ones a little old so you may have seen it before but still funny, I wonder if its true.


This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. So here, thanks to John Sedgwick, is this Bricklayer's report.

Dear Sir;

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a more complete explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions, and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3, accident reporting form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.

At approximately the same time however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs.

I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope.

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."

[HardCorr 0]

ROTMFFLMAO!!! <--Yeah, that funny!!!

I guess he never used the 10% rule!

The key to being a good teacher, is to be a good listener...

[itllclear 1]

I was at Perris when this whuffo comes up to me and asks "Why are there all those flags (wind indicators) all around the DZ? '

So I say "Well, you know how sometimes next to the highway you see the crosses with the flowers on them? "

"Harry, why did you land all the way out there? Nobody else landed out there."

"Your statement answered your question."

[hollyhjb 0]

I think they did something with this on Mythbusters. I didn't see that episode, but I remember them showing it on a teaser...they might have something about it on the discovery channel website.

"I reject your reality and substitute my own" ~Adam Savage

[SkydivingNurse 0]

What's the hardest part about eating a rabbit?









Those little feet hitting you in the face.

[ladyskydiver 0]

Want to laugh? The day is gorgeous so far - beautiful blue skies and going to be warm. Am I on my way to the DZ? Nope...I'm sitting here in a red velvet dress and heels to go with mom to church. Although after that, I'm heading to the DZ. It'll be entertaining showing up at the DZ all dressed up. Thank God they know me there and won't think I'm some whuffo chick with my hair and makeup all done.

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[kai2k1 0]

Yeah, thats funny!!, Im going to do the RW thing today and hang out with my grandma and go to the cemetery to see my mom.

Have a great day Cora.

There's no truer sense of flying than sky diving," Scott Cowan

[Rdutch 0]

Have you heard about the new Micheal Jackson burger? 40 year old beef 7 year old buns.

Ray
Small and fast what every girl dreams of!

[lawrocket 3]

You know what Michael Jackson does in the bathtub? He blows Bubbles.

http://www.netplugged.com/photos/michael_jackson&bubbles.jpg - reference for picture of Bubbles the Chimp...

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[SpeedRacer 1]

see if you can look at the attached gif WITHOUT laughing.

Speed Racer
--------------------------------------------------

[BillyVance 34]

Quote

see if you can look at the attached gif WITHOUT laughing.

Too funny!!! You're not gonna see that scene on Sesame Street!

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[mnealtx 0]

Or this one?

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[ladyskydiver 0]

Well...church went ok. I learned that I can still bite my tongue.

DZ peeps didn't think "whuffo" they thought other things.

Hope you have a great day doing RW.

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[kai2k1 0]

It was alot of fun yesterday, I got to drive my uncle's 1967 Mustang convertible at the park. I'm surprised that he even let me since he just put the new engine in it and it had about 15 miles on it.

We playeed volleyball most of the afternoon with only minor injuries. My left foot is slightly sprained but i didnt even realize it till this morning.

There's no truer sense of flying than sky diving," Scott Cowan

[ladyskydiver 0]

Quote

1967 Mustang convertible

drool

Quote

We playeed volleyball most of the afternoon with only minor injuries. My left foot is slightly sprained but i didnt even realize it till this morning.

Umm...be careful. Take care of yourself.

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.