Scent of a Woman (A Gaseous Issue Poll)

[MarkFoster 0]

Knowing that males are more than shameless about when and where and how body odor is distributed (it is obvious that women are more courteous by far), I was wondering if any men had experienced any interesting moments with their partners (this poll could be reversed easily and I’m sure more accurately from a female perspective, reflecting I suppose a more frequent occurrence. But since it should be an immeasurably less frequent occurrence from a male’s perspective that is the one we’ll take for this poll and damned the political correctness.

In order to protect the innocent(?), disclosure as to whether or not the idea for this poll was derived from actual events will be withheld.

So…

The background…
You are in a budding relationship. You know... that stage when you’ve disclosed to each other a limited number of your more endearing “quirks”, but not yet those that may result in restraining orders. She is confident and independent yet delicate, feminine and gentle. In your eyes she is too attractive to be with you, yet she is. You both desire a progression in the relationship. All is fresh and exploratory and good.

The scenario…
You are engaged in pleasing her with mouth and tongue… her favorite time of intimacy. A few minutes into the endeavor, she involuntarily (you hope and pray) releases intestinal atmosphere.

This release is not one of those minor little puffs of odorless effervescence that we imagine are all that is possible for these angelic creatures… …no, this is one of those “truck-driver-after-a-week-of-beer-and-chili” liberations. This is the big bang that seems to last as long as the age of the universe, where time slows down and each second seems to be a year. This is the one where you are immediately rendered deaf and are positive that the damage is permanent. This is one where you begin to think about finding a plastic surgeon for grafting new skin over the 3rd degree burns you feel you must have suffered. Your tear ducts produce fluid like fire hydrants… and it’s not enough. You know the foundations of buildings for miles around the epicenter have been compromised. If you could still hear, there is no doubt that car alarms for blocks are screaming in outrage.

She looks down at you, smiles demurely and responds in a sweet, somewhat strained voice “Oops. Sorry” (you garnered this from lip-reading of course).

Questions bounce around in your head, orbiting the ringing from non-functional ears…
Was it deliberate, and if so was she being malicious or being playful? If she was being playful, could I survive malicious? Will my eyebrows grow back? On a more positive note, will I ever have to trim my noise hair again? Could I have suffered irreparable DNA damage due to immersion in what may be radioactive molecules with eon-spanning half-life? Is her voice strained because there’s another on its way…. my god, could the next one be bigger?

The poll questions how you would react to this life-changing (if not life threatening) event. Do you:

1. tell her you like it and thank her for giving so much of herself to you?
2. die immediately?
3. wish you were dead?
4. think about it and then die?
5. see dead people?
6. compliment her about her knees?
7. have a religious epiphany and join a Tibetan monastery?
8. recite biblical passages in Latin?
9. open the windows (or roll down the windows if you’re that cheap), crawl back and finish the activity as if nothing happened?
10. begin singing the Hungarian national anthem?
11. leap up so hard you crack the ceiling plaster, change into all black clothing, run from the room to the nearest freeway and lie down in the high speed lane?
12. offer your own personalized scent so she knows you’re comfortable in sharing?
13. wonder if the next time her stomach growls, you will suffer a massive seizure?
14. look for solids?
15. check to see if you’ve lost any fillings?
16. compliment her about her eyes?
17. stick fingers from both hands up your nostrils to the elbow and continue without the use of those hands?
18. recall that you do this on a fairly continuous basis and finally come to understand that this may be one of the reasons why she cries after sex (not necessarily the only reason)?

-------------------
...if ignorance is bliss, I'm in Nirvana... you don't know what you don't know 'til you don't know it.

GravityGone

[Rebecca 0]

HAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahaha!!!



Ahahahahahahahaha!!!

Dude, you laugh 'til you fart too, that's what you do!

Now, I have no problem adding a little Eau de Becca into the ether at any given moment, but that right there is one moment that's never presented itself!

Did she realize how bad it was?

Are you one of those in denial about girl farts, like OrangeJumper?

you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk?

[gmittar 0]

I like option #11 personally. Really, I'd have trouble getting over being in that proximity without some serious ass kissing by her.

|>.<|
Seriously, W.T.F. mate?

[Buried 0]

i'd send her to this thread

Where is my fizzy-lifting drink?

[livendive 8]

LMFAO! I've got a buddy staying at my house right now who just a few weeks ago told me what an eye-opening experience it had been the FIRST time that happened to him (according to him, it smelled so bad he came up gagging!). AND, it's apparently happened to him on more than one occasion, as he couldn't believe it has never happened to me!

I was also talking to someone last week who related that she started doing this to her ex on purpose when the relationship was on the rocks.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[craichead 0]

Quote

Really, I'd have trouble getting over being in that proximity without some serious ass kissing by her.

Huh...interesting. I've never done that to my husband, but I frequently warn him when there is elevated danger of it happening.

There was one time where HE farted in my face! It was truly by accident, and I didn't mind. I just started laughing hysterically!

So what? It happens sometimes. But then again, my husband and I have farting contests, so why should we care if either of us lets one go at a "romantic oral moment"?

_Pm

__
"Scared of love, love and aeroplanes...falling out, I said takes no brains." -- Andy Partridge (XTC)

[Conundrum 1]

do you mind if I share this story on another board, that shit was just too fuckin funny

*dead*

[craichead 0]

Quote

Are you one of those in denial about girl farts, like OrangeJumper?

Girls may fart, but Girls Don't Poop!



_Pm

Edited to fix clicky!

__
"Scared of love, love and aeroplanes...falling out, I said takes no brains." -- Andy Partridge (XTC)

[MarkFoster 0]

for self-protection I cannot answer that question

-------------------
...if ignorance is bliss, I'm in Nirvana... you don't know what you don't know 'til you don't know it.

GravityGone

[popsjumper 2]

Quote

...Girls may fart, ...

Ladies don't fart...they poot.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[cloudseeker2001 0]

If I got her off so well that she let one slip out, I'd be mighty proud of myself and would simply suffer through it! Besides, why stop! After all, that would not be the best time to come up for air!!!!!!!

"Some call it heavenly in it's brilliance,
others mean and rueful of the western dream"

[gmittar 0]

Quote

If I got her off so well that she let one slip out, I'd be mighty proud of myself and would simply suffer through it! Besides, why stop! After all, that would not be the best time to come up for air!!!!!!!

I think the air "above" would be far finer than the air below at that point. Seriously, I've had the urge to fart while recieving oral and you better fucking believe that sphincter was rock solid locked down like a mofocking nuclear missile silo! I expect the same

|>.<|
Seriously, W.T.F. mate?

[UntamedDOG 0]

She would be a corpse by the time I'm finished with her.

[antifnsocial 0]

OMG, you DIDN'T just say that? You have NEVER made her wake in the brown cloud with morning mojo and think she should still be WAY turned on??? You hypocrit.

Please feel free to reply to my posts and pm's, but only if you're smart enough to understand what they really mean.

[m1m 0]

16

[FrEaK_aCcIdEnT 0]

Quote

Quote

If I got her off so well that she let one slip out, I'd be mighty proud of myself and would simply suffer through it! Besides, why stop! After all, that would not be the best time to come up for air!!!!!!!

I think the air "above" would be far finer than the air below at that point. Seriously, I've had the urge to fart while recieving oral and you better fucking believe that sphincter was rock solid locked down like a mofocking nuclear missile silo! I expect the same

been there and completely agree. if i wouldnt shit it her face she shouldnt shit in mine.

ExPeCt ThE uNeXpEcTeD!
DoNt MiNd ThE tYpOs, Im LaZy On CoRrEcTiOnS!

[normiss 622]

good Lord WHY did I click on this thread??????
why?????

[Ashtanga 0]

I thought I would bring this back up so we understand the Chicken Thread.

[Darius11 12]

I am laughing my fucking ass off dude. That’s some funny shit.

Where is the put the blanket over her head so she suffers with you option.

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

[wjca 0]

Quote

I am laughing my fucking ass off dude. That’s some funny shit.

Where is the put the blanket over her head so she suffers with you option.

Or as I like to call: The Turtle Game. First person to poke his/her head out is the turtle, the loser.

[hungarianchick 0]

Holy shit, I really needed that!

I hope my SO would opt for No 10. It would be really flattering!

"I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food."

[gmittar 0]

OMG, I just reread this after the chicken thread, best laugh all week!

|>.<|
Seriously, W.T.F. mate?

[benforde 0]

LOL...

#11