gjhdiver 0 #1 March 16, 2006 1. Cars with Four Headlights I'm sure that you people who drive these abominations worked very, very hard beging your parents/girlfriend for the extra money to lower your Acuras, fix a spoiler onto the back, slap a sticker of Calvin peeing on some corporate logo on the back, and install your second set of headlights. However, I'm lucky to derive vicarious benefit from it - all that extra light blasting through my back window not only helps be find that damned rearview mirror that I keep losing, it helps me reload my clip in preparation for the time when you finally get sick of tailgating me and try to pass me. Thanks guys. 2. Misuse of Homonyms by...well...EVERYONE For the record: "Than" is used when making comparisons. "Then" is used to describe events in sequence. "Your" is a possessive adjective. "You're" is a contraction of "you are," and should be used only in cases where the two-part form is also proper. "To" is a preposition, most commonly used to target and focus verbs ("I mailed the package to my father.") "Too" is used either in place of the word "also," or to say that there is "too much" of something. 3. Girls with Oversized Sunglasses This shit needs to stop immediately (unless you're Elton John - since you invented this, I'll let you stick with it for just a little while longer). 4. People using Alanis Morisette's Grotesquely False Definition of "Ironic" in daily speech IRONY: Noun -An incongruity (contradition) between what is expected in a particular situation and what actually happens (note: "Irony" takes a very different definition in the context of literature - this is the most widely known definition). Irony: A fire-extinguisher factory burning to the ground. Non-Irony: Rain on your wedding day (this is just bad luck, NOT IRONY) 5. Online Surveys Taking the time to answer 200 random Yes/No questions about your cell phone/number of "crushes"/number of tattoos tells us nothing about you as a person. It makes no progress in mapping your psyche, and reveals nothing more than an overabundance of free time. 6. The Sad Decline of Rudy Ray Moore Rudy Ray Moore is a cinematic artist like none other. His artistic credits include: Dolemite - where Mr. Moore plays a pimp whose "hoes" know Kung Fu and use it to clean up the streets The Avenging Disco Godfather - where Mr. Moore plays Tucker, a retired cop-turned-disco DJ-turned vigilante when his nephew picks up an addiction to P.C.P. For the money that Sting spent on penile enhancement surgery, or the money that Axl Rose stuffed into the G-strings of Brazilian pole-dancers, Rudy Ray Moore could have made more than two-dozen movies about kung-fu prostitutes. 7. Hipsters When the trucker-style mesh baseball cap becomes part of the uniform, it's no longer "ironic" (as everyone now knows, since we've set the record straight on THAT issue). Pabst Blue Ribbon still sucks - it has sucked ever since the long bygone days when it was the official beverage of the actual, honest-to-god American working class. Drinking it thus CANNOT make you cool. 8. "It sure is cold outside, so SO MUCH FOR GLOBAL WARMING." No one, anywhere, at anytime, is allowed to use the increasingly cold temperatures that we're witnessing during wintertime as proof against global warming. It is irrefutably true that the average temperatures on Earth have increased. It is also irrefutable that both the arctic and antarctic icecaps have been steadily shrinking. Warmer temperatures mean that more ice is falling into the ocean, and thus temporarily cooling the waters that reach North America. Furthermore, since more moisture is being evaporated into the atmosphere, a greater amount of precipitation in the winter is to be expected. Thus, unusually cool winters DO NOT UNDERMINE GLOBAL WARMING. You are still free to disagree on whether there is in fact global warming if you really insist. HOWEVER: no one is allowed to cite cold days during the winter as evidence of this view (ever....I mean it, not ever). 9. The phrase "Support the Troops" being used to silence all criticism of the war in Iraq Supporting the troops means not sending them overseas to die in a country that sees them as colonizers. It means not inventing false reasons for starting a pre-emptive war that "coincidentally" profits all the companies involved in Bush Jr.'s criminal empire, and creating support for such a war by scaring people shitless with the collective weight of the American media monopoly. 10. "Executive Power" I apologize in advance for the canned summary of Constitutional Law I that is necessary for a full explanation of why George W. Bush is a threat to the very fabric of American government. Article II of the Constitution clearly states that the only powers that the president of the United States has are those "necessary and proper" to "faithfully execute" the laws passed by congress. This was pointed out in the Supreme Court's holding in Youngstown Steel Co. v. Sawyer, where Harry Truman attempted to seize American steel mills to keep them producing war materials for use in Korea while the workers striked. Any "inherrent" powers the executive branch has but that remain unlisted in the Constitution are exclusively in the realm of foriegn relations - the President is in fact the only branch of government vested with powers in the international sphere, and certain powers must be inherrent to any "head of state." Thus, when the text of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act specifically forbids eavesdropping on the private communications between people in the United States, the President has now power to do anything but "faithfully execute" this law. Thus, Bush's eavesdropping on suspicious-looking Arab-American citizens and members of P.E.T.A. cannot be justified under any half-cocked bullshit about executive power. 11. Intelligent Design Do you enjoy electricity? Jet engines? Semi-conductors? Thank the scientific method. Almost all of the technological progress that mankind has enjoyed has taken place in the past 300 years. This is thanks to a system of thought that focuses only on natural explanations for phenomenon in the world around us that survive numerous tests and retests. The "theory" of evolution was also derived from this same marvelous mode of thought. However, let us define our terminology: technically, evolution is in fact only a "theory." However, "gravity" to this day is referred to as Newton's Theory of Gravitation. EVERYTHING in science is a theory, since the only proof that scientists rely upon for formulating their beliefs are PAST observations of PAST events. However, take comfort in the fact that this minor technicality does nothing to impair the "truth" of scientific observations the next time you use a USB flash drive; everytime you plug one in, you are single-handedly proving the truth of Quantum Mechanics. Thus, no true scientific theory would look at the complexity of the world around us, throw up its hands and say, "It's SO COMPLEX! I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND IT! IT MUST HAVE BEEN A SPOOKY INVISIBLE FATHER FIGURE LIVING IN THE SKY WHO CREATED IT." This is not to say that there might not be some sort of creator - however, calling the belief in such a being "science" is anathema to the very underpinnings of our civilization as we know it. In sum - you are free to believe in it. However, you're not allowed to call it "science." Ever. Thank you. Please feel free to add your own. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
coconutmonkey 0 #2 March 16, 2006 <> Lighten up Francis! Hearts & Minds 2 to the Heart- 1 to the Mind- Home of the Coconut Lounge, Spa, & Artillery Range Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #3 March 16, 2006 annoyances: People who live under a f&*king rock, where human scientific advancement is concerned. It's f&*king 2006. There are hundreds of thousands of cancer survivors walking around today. Yet I still hear idiots walking around asking "Dya think there'll ever find a cure??" HELLO!! We've been curing cancer for over 3 decades now, and getting better at it all the time! Shit, 40 years ago cancer was a death sentence. Who do you think all these living people walking around are, muppets??? Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
squirrel 0 #4 March 16, 2006 people that posts rants on DZ.com during working hours. unless of coarse you work for yourself, and in that case...rant away. ________________________________ Where is Darwin when you need him? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Girlfalldown 0 #5 March 16, 2006 This isn't the Gareth I know. I much prefer when you're insulting people directly. -------------- (Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #6 March 16, 2006 Gareth, your you're my hero. "There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gjhdiver 0 #7 March 16, 2006 Quotepeople that posts rants on DZ.com during working hours. unless of coarse you work for yourself, and in that case...rant away. Yes indeed, my time is my own. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #8 March 16, 2006 QuoteDolemite - where Mr. Moore plays a pimp whose "hoes" know Kung Fu and use it to clean up the streets Rudy Ray Moore could have made more than two-dozen movies about kung-fu prostitutes. -Quentin Tarantino made one...'Sin City'. Not my personal fav movie to watch, but oh well.... You had me up until about item #8. Then you just start degrading into political bitching.~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amazon 7 #9 March 16, 2006 DUDE....... you're English...... everyone annoys you Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gjhdiver 0 #10 March 16, 2006 Quote You had me up until about item #8. Then you just start degrading into political bitching. This is true, but it is a list of what annoys me, to be fair, and I do find 8 through 11 annoying, though I would imagine the issue of intellegent design/evolution to be an issue of science rather than politics. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
malboy 0 #11 March 16, 2006 yeeees..... feel better now? its not a sunday, so why are you bitching? its a well known fact that only on sunday nights when you're knackered and hungover from the dz at the weekend is bitching allowed. this is the well documented 'sunday fever' when you sit in the pub on a sunday night and complain about everything you can think of because the weekend is about to end and you dont want it to. unless of course you skydive all week, in that case you dont have the right to complain about anything, ever! www.ewancowie.com www.facebook.com/ewancowiephotography Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #12 March 16, 2006 QuoteI would imagine the issue of intellegent design/evolution to be an issue of science rather than politics. ..or religion rather than politics. Science or religion, depending upon which side you stand on. ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #13 March 16, 2006 QuoteQuotepeople that posts rants on DZ.com during working hours. unless of coarse you work for yourself, and in that case...rant away. Yes indeed, my time is my own. But don't people who don't know the difference between coarse and course annoy you even more? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #14 March 16, 2006 I got a headache! Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #15 March 16, 2006 Quoteif your gonna be dumb, youd better be tough Please reread Gareth's Rant #2. And here's a couple apostrophes. [ ' ' ] You'll be needing both of them. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
malboy 0 #16 March 16, 2006 your'e absolutely correct!www.ewancowie.com www.facebook.com/ewancowiephotography Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sebazz1 2 #17 March 16, 2006 You forgot to mention ratty old Eclipse rigs as one of your options unless secretly you really adore them? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eeneR 1 #18 March 16, 2006 QuoteShit, 40 years ago cancer was a death sentence. Who do you think all these living people walking around are, muppets??? Tell that to my mother who was put 6' under from it. It still is. I know quite a few people who have had it "Cured" and it came right back again. There is no "cure" we can attempt destroying it and hope it is gone, but that doenst always work. So as far as im concerned there really is not a "Cure" yet. Just a way to remove it...that doesnt always work.She is not a "Dumb Blonde" - She is a "Light-Haired Detour Off The Information Superhighway." eeneR TF#72, FB#4130, Incauto Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydemon2 0 #19 March 16, 2006 Lance Armstrog is really a advanced robot put in place of the dead Lance (who did die of cancer) to give people hope that they can beat their death sentence (cancer). A side benifit is the French have not won a tour de france in a while and even lost the 100yr. anniversery of itBeauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone! I like to start my day off with a little Ray of Soulshine™!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
txojumps 0 #20 March 16, 2006 1. People who feel the need to make lists *************************************** Awright, guys, you don't have one, so don't act like one Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NtheSeaOrSky 0 #21 March 16, 2006 Too bad we can't yet 'cure' stupidity Life is not fair and there are no guarantees... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bob.dino 1 #22 March 16, 2006 QuoteYou had me up until about item #8. Then you just start degrading into political bitching. Global warming and ID are matters of fact not opinion and in my opinion don't qualify as political bitching. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #23 March 16, 2006 QuoteQuoteYou had me up until about item #8. Then you just start degrading into political bitching. Global warming and ID are matters of fact not opinion and in my opinion don't qualify as political bitching. Ok. Omit 'global warming'. Happy? ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #24 March 16, 2006 I'm sorry for your loss. I spent a few years doing cancer research (Dana Farber Cancer Institute & Genetic Therapy, Inc.), but I'm sure no facts or data that I post will outweigh someone's personal experience when cancer takes a life. Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jshatzkin 0 #25 March 16, 2006 Quote I spent a few years doing cancer research (Dana Farber Cancer Institute & Genetic Therapy, Inc.), So, I am sure you know that (some) people simply go into REMISSION, but are not CURED of cancer Jen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
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