Putting the "Fun" back in Funeral

[waltappel 1]

Warning: Man in the house. I know I shouldn't be here, but please be kind.

This is not really a women's issue, but I will forever be thankful that the only witnesses were women--kind, loving, forgiving, gentle women.
So anyway, I was at the funeral of a friend who I had known for years. After the service was over, all but a few of us had filtered out of the room. Those of us who were left, his sister and three close friends, including me, stood by his casket. We couldn't quite bring ourselves to say goodbye but we knew that we would have to sooner or later.

With a great deal of sadness, I mustered the courage to do it; to say a final farewell to my friend. I told the others that even though he couldn't hug me back, I wanted to give him one last hug; just one last hug. His sister motioned that it was ok. So I did.

I gently leaned over and hugged him. That was when it happened. The casket started sliding. Not just a little bit. A lot. If it continued, it would surely slide off its pedestal and I would immediately rise the the very top of the list of the world's ten most horrendous people. For a moment, I froze. It was the kind of freeze that I imagine someone doing after suddenly realizing they have stepped into a minefield. Hoping for the best, I slowly and gently stood up.

It was a moment that had potential for making a god-fearing Christian out of the most hardened atheist. "Oh God, PLEASE don't let that casket fall. If you spare me just this once, I'll change my evil ways once and for all--and I really *mean* it this time!!!"

Whether it was luck or divine intervention, I was spared. The casket stayed on the pedestal.

Needless to say, I will never, every do that again.

Oh, and the ladies who were there? Unlike any guy I know, they stayed silent. For reasons I can only imagine, they let me preserve what little shred of dignity I still had--until a few days later, that is.

Anyone else pull any good social blunders at a funeral?

Walt

[grue 1]

I've never been to a funeral, but a friend of mine had an interesting alleged incident at one. He was playing baseball in the field next to the church, and as the story goes, he hit a home run... through the stained glass window, and into the open casket.

I can't make any statement to the veracity of the story, but I got a laugh out of it when he told me

cavete terrae.

[flyangel2 2]

The funny part about this thread is that Walt can't reply to it

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

[normiss 622]

If you promise to act in your usual fashion as clearly admitted by youself even...I would like to extend an open invitation to my funeral. I hope that it will be many years from now ... but please....PLEASE!!! Break the tension in some similarly entertainingly yet embarrassing manner...

The only thing remotely similar I can remember at a funeral...trying to figure out who those three women were at my dads funeral...they did send flowers though...

[grue 1]

I'm going to be cremated, but at my service I want there to be a mysterious box to be given to my closest living relative and opened in front of everyone. It's gonna be full of springloaded snakes.

cavete terrae.

[Broke 0]

Bring a 4 year old to a wake.

"My daddy has a hairy penis."

Yup he was four

Divot your source for all things Hillbilly.
Anvil Brother 84
SCR 14192

[sunshine 2]

At my grandma's visitation about 8 years ago, my nephew was 2. Well he snuck into a different part of the funeral home where a different visitation was going on. When we found him he was swinging on the bar on the outisde of the casket. He couldn't have been doing it for more than 5 minutes, but damn it was funny.

___________________________________________
meow

I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug!

[skinnyshrek 0]

Hey Walt, i don't know if anyone mentioned a big Thank you for trying to help bob at the Dublin boogie. But Thank you. I know your banned you prick but your a good guy. As for funerals, i want to be snorted just like keith richards dad

http://www.skydivethefarm.com

do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM?

[CSpenceFLY 1]

[skymama 35]

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PLEASE!!! Break the tension in some similarly entertainingly yet embarrassing manner...

Want me to do a strip tease? I will, you know. I like you just that much to carry out your last wishes, even if I'll be 85.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[skinnyshrek 0]

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PLEASE!!! Break the tension in some similarly entertainingly yet embarrassing manner...

Want me to do a strip tease? I will, you know. I like you just that much to carry out your last wishes, even if I'll be 85.

Yeah sure, we know you in person andrea you are shy. Like you would strip. 2 jump tickets say you haven't the how do you say balls in a feminine way?

http://www.skydivethefarm.com

do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM?

[skymama 35]

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Yeah sure, we know you in person andrea you are shy.

Yeah, but it's his last wishes, that's different.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[skinnyshrek 0]

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Yeah sure, we know you in person andrea you are shy.

Yeah, but it's his last wishes, that's different.

So what you are saying is when he dies, Deland will be a better place.lol

http://www.skydivethefarm.com

do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM?

[Zing 2]

Many years ago there was a bounce at a small dropzone I was involved with.
Without asking if we'd agree, another skydiver "volunteered" six of us to serve as pallbearers. Everything went well getting in and out of the church with the casket, but the dead guy's family was clearly not impressed with the dead guy's friends, and none of us had ever met any of these relatives before the funeral.
Duting the 30-minute drive to the cemetary, toasts were drunk, attitudes were adjusted, and we made it to the burial ground just a few minutes late.
As the funeral director opened the back of the hearse, we all looked up the steep, grassy slope with a lot of rocks hiding in the undergrowth at a crowd of the dead guy's disapproving relatives sitting in their chairs next to the gravesite ... watching us like a bunch of buzzards.
The dead guy was a veteran, so his casket was draped with an American flag, but the since it was windy, the funeral director had neglected to bring the elastic strap they normally used to keep the flag from blowing off.
"You'll just have to hold the flag with one hand and carry the coffin with other hand," says the funeral director.
We picked the casket up and one of the skydivers up front accuses the funeral director of loading the box up with extra weight. That sucker was REALLY heavy!
We start up the hill, about a 50 yard hike from the road, and nearly lose the flag a time or two, but we're maintaining a semblance of dignity ... until a guy at the front tripped on a rock, lost his balance, but held on to the coffin.
It was like watching dominos fall from where I stood, and there was an audible "thump" as the carcass shifted inside the box, and four of the six us fell to the ground and we dropped the casket, which of course, decided to start sliding back down the hill.
The only thing right we managed to do was that we kept the flag from blowing away and touching the ground. The dead guy's relatives weren't impressed. We, the pallbearers, chose not to attend the reception at the dead guy's parent's farm after the service.

Zing Lurks

[ladydyver 0]

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The funny part about this thread is that Walt can't reply to it

Funny thing is he told me about this earlier today...he will be amused that it was switched over to bonfire.

DPH # 2
"I am not sure what you are suppose to do with that, but I don't think it is suppose to flop around like that." ~Skootz~
I have a strong regard for the rules.......doc!

[LisaH 0]

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The funny part about this thread is that Walt can't reply to it

Funny thing is he told me about this earlier today...he will be amused that it was switched over to bonfire.

He's very amused. But now he can't respond. They did this on purpose

Be yourself!
MooOOooOoo

[ladydyver 0]

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The funny part about this thread is that Walt can't reply to it

Funny thing is he told me about this earlier today...he will be amused that it was switched over to bonfire.

He's very amused. But now he can't respond. They did this on purpose

- yep

DPH # 2
"I am not sure what you are suppose to do with that, but I don't think it is suppose to flop around like that." ~Skootz~
I have a strong regard for the rules.......doc!

[PsychoBob 0]

I had kind of the same idea. Except I want to be laid flat on a spring board in a casket with the top closed. Then when everyone has gotten seated, I want the director to start playing "Pop goes the weasel" real slow. When everyone is sure there's no way this is going to happen, the top pops open, I sit upright with the middle finger salute and a shit eat'n grin on my face.

"I'm not a gynecologist but I will take a look at it"
RB #1295, Smokey Sister #1, HellFish #658, Dirty Sanchez #194, Muff Brothers #3834, POPS #9614, Orfun Foster-Parent?"

[skydivermom 0]

I'll say Thank You for Walt because I know he appreciates that. I was standing right next to him when this "almost blunder" happened. I was ready to catch the casket had the unthinkable happened.

This was such a "Walt" moment!

Mrs. WaltAppel

All things work together for good to them that love God...Romans 8:28

[skinnyshrek 0]

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I'll say Thank You for Walt because I know he appreciates that. I was standing right next to him when this "almost blunder" happened. I was ready to catch the casket had the unthinkable happened.

This was such a "Walt" moment!

To go through what walt did due to a sellfish act is terrible. He tried his best to revive bob which is fucking awesome. No human should have to go through that due to an arrogant act. I applaud people like walt and blaine. iF I EVER KILL SOMEONE AND MYSELF DUE TO ARROGANCE I WANT EVERYONE TO FLAME AWAY. I don't deserve a thread about how cool or funny i was.

http://www.skydivethefarm.com

do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM?

[skydivermom 0]

He's pretty awesome for sure.

Mrs. WaltAppel

All things work together for good to them that love God...Romans 8:28

[sharimcm 0]

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I was standing right next to him when this "almost blunder" happened. I was ready to catch the casket had the unthinkable happened.

This was such a "Walt" moment!

I didn't laugh then when the casket started to slide, but it cracks me up now... I was going to help you catch it Kathleen. I think that would have been more of an adrenaline rush than skydiving.

And without "Walt moments" where would we be?

"I had a dude tip his black cowboy hat to me after I provided him with a condom outside my hotel room at 3-something in the morning." -myself

[LisaH 0]

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I was standing right next to him when this "almost blunder" happened. I was ready to catch the casket had the unthinkable happened.

This was such a "Walt" moment!

I didn't laugh then when the casket started to slide, but it cracks me up now... I was going to help you catch it Kathleen. I think that would have been more of an adrenaline rush than skydiving.

And without "Walt moments" where would we be?

YAY for the girlies for saving the day!

Be yourself!
MooOOooOoo

[BillyVance 34]

Good stories!

My most embarrassing funeral moment may not have been noticed by anyone else, for which I am most grateful.

This was some 22 years ago. A girl I knew for years had died in a car wreck while she was still in high school. Well, my mom and I were late leaving home for the funeral home. I was driving the old 1964 Buick, and I was in a little bit of a hurry. On a 5 lane road I was in the outside lane and a car in front of me slowed down to turn off, and I quickly pulled the turn signal lever down and looked behind me to move over. Well damned if the lever just broke at its connection to the steering column. It was just hanging there. All of a sudden the fucking horn started blaring. I couldn't get the goddamn thing to shut the fuck up! In my mind I was like "oh fuck fuck fuckity fuck!"

After a couple of minutes I pulled over into a parking lot, knowing we were way late already. I tried to find a position that would let the horn stop, and once I found that position, got several tissues to jam into the opening at the steering column to prop the lever up. It worked, but not too well. We took off again, with the goddamn horn cutting in and out.

Finally we arrived into the nearly full funeral home parking lot with the damn horn still cutting in and out. Luckily everyone was inside for the services and only a funeral home attendant was outside. He came over to find out what was going on. I told him. He had me pop the hood, then he disconnected the horn. Problem solved.

Services had already started and we couldn't go in, so we sat in the employee area with a door that opens to the room the services were in and I could see through the window in the door everyone in there.

To this day, I was just thankful that I was able to say goodbye to my friend at the visitation the night before. I'm sure looking back on it, she was laughing her ass off at me.

On an additional note, I took that car to college with me. The horn started becoming undependable. I mean we had it fixed after the faux pas with the funeral. But while I was in college, I found that it would not blow when I wanted to. But then figured out that if the steering wheel was in just the right position, I could blow the horn.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[skinnyshrek 0]

The horn started becoming undependable. I mean we had it fixed after the faux pas with the funeral. But while I was in college, I found that it would not blow when I wanted to.


Sounds like married life

http://www.skydivethefarm.com

do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM?