Dumbest Household Injury

[lawrocket 3]

While it did not affect me for any longer than a few seconds, I went out partying one night in college. I came back to my room and laid down. I felt like I needed to cool down, so I wanted to turn on my fan. The problem was that it was unplugged.

No problem. Just plug it in. Problem: it was dark and I was not operating at peak mental capacity. So I simply took the plug and tried to plug it in blindly while laying down in the dark. I was getting nowhere until the idea hit me - I told myself, "Self, why not use your fingers to guide in the prongs?" A brilliant idea, I thought.

Within a couple of seconds I knew I had hit pay-dirt. Unfortunately, it was due to the jolt and numbness that went up my whole arm from 120 volts pumping through me.

I've certainly been hurt worse. But I don't think I ever did anything dumber than that in the household.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

When I was 6, my brother slammed the bedroom door on my finger...well it was still stuck in the door frame..my lil pinky still bends to the left abit. Finally opened the door after i kicked and screamed for about three minutes.

Then there was the time that I pryed two frozen bagels apart with a very large butchers knife...yep went straight into my palm...you know what??? I still pry frozen bagels apart that way to this day........


Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[DrewGPM 0]

My dad was cutting the grass when he saw something shiny ahead of him, but decided the mower would take care of it. It was a 6 inch piece of metal packing strap. The mower spun it and flung the thing out the back of the mower...directly into his lower leg. It chipped one of the bones and stuck out the other side, right through his calf muscle. He quietly turned off the mower and walked straight to his car...and drove himself to the ER. I was the lucky one who got stuck finishing the lawn AND cleaning all the blood off the floor mat in the car!

My brother was a cook at a new burger joint. His boss handed him a big strofoam container and told him to fill it with melted butter. Not thinking about it, my brother put 5 pounds of butter in the container and microwaved it until everything was melted. When lifted it out the microwave the bottom dropped off...it had melted along with the butter. All five pound of butter dumped directly on to his feet. The plastic parts of his shoes melted, and he had 2nd degree burns on both ankle and the tops of both feet.

[BillyVance 34]

A college friend of mine once told me a true story of being in a shop class in high school. The shop teacher was showing his class how to operate a table saw, but not too brightly... He was running a piece of wood through the saw while talking to his class, not paying attention to the saw. All of a sudden his class turn their faces from a bored look to one of horror, and the teacher stopped and asked what was wrong, with the saw still running full speed. A girl yelled "your thumb's been cut off!" Teacher yells "what?" She repeats louder "YOUR THUMB'S BEEN CUT OFF!!!" Finally the teacher looks down at his hand, then yelps "Oh fuck! Where's my thumb?!? Shit, there it is! Chris, go down to the administration office and tell them to call my wife, I need to go to the ER!"

Well, there he is, sitting in the ER waiting room with his wife, patiently holding the severed thumb in place to his hand at the amputation point. There was a kid sitting next to him, I think 10 years old. He leans over and says "wanna see a neat trick?" Kid nods. Then he does that well-known separating thumb trick that we all do sometimes, only he was doing it for real!!



I wonder how much therapy that kid needed after that?

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Girlfalldown 0]

My neck went out killing kittens once. Does that count? I couldn't turn my head for a week.

--------------

(Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.)

[livendive 8]

Licked the frost on the bottom of a recently cleaned freezer.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[NWFlyer 2]

Quote

Licked the frost on the bottom of a recently cleaned freezer.

And you took your avatar picture shortly after?

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[livendive 8]

Quote

My neck went out killing kittens once. Does that count? I couldn't turn my head for a week.

Only once? I've done that one several times.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[cameramonkey 0]

How about this one.

Second time EVER at my wife's Parents' house (she was just a GF at the time)...

Anyway, I was walking out the back door late that night in the dark to go to the hottub, and didnt notice they had closed the screen door. went RIGHT through it, bending and ruining the door completely. Dont worry. I wasnt seriously injured... Just STRAINED myself a little.


And to make matters worse, earlier this year we got a young boxer (she's about 1 1/2 now). She apparently doesnt comprehend screen doors either. At home she went through ours several times the day I installed it, but quit when I installed one of those heavy duty aluminum screen protectors so she didnt scratch big holes in it when she wanted in. I didnt comprehend thats why she stopped crashing through until she took after her dad and ran through the exact same screen door at my inlaws....

Two wrongs don't make a right, however three lefts DO!

[livendive 8]

Quote

Quote

Licked the frost on the bottom of a recently cleaned freezer.

And you took your avatar picture shortly after?

Close enough. I started hollering (as best as one can with their tongue stuck to frozen metal), my mom walked in, saw my predicament, grabbed my head and yanked. I imagine warm water would have been a better solution, but at least this way we ended up with a hunk of meat in the freezer.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[JohnMitchell 16]

Quote

My neck went out killing kittens once. Does that count? I couldn't turn my head for a week.

That's okay. You turn everyone else's head just fine.

[Sebazz1 2]

I was 19 years old living on my own, broke, etc.. whatever. I was really sick with the flu and i wasn't thinking clearly. I was trying to open a can of tomatoe soup and rice with a screwdriver (no opener - ) and well the can slipped my finger slipped and SLICE! To the bone of my finger... Blood blood blood... 10 stiches later and one of those finger splint thingies to keep it imobile and I was purchasing a can opener with the change from my ashtray in my car

[grue 1]

Not me, but two of my best friends were, uh, "breaking in" the new house a few days after they moved in. They were apparently having some pretty athletic sex in the kitchen, and he set her on the stove, not knowing she'd turned one of the knobs a little bit when cleaning a few hours before.

Basically branded her ass!

We didn't hear the story until a few years after it happened, and we only heard it because they were both REALLY drunk and we were all telling funny sex stories

cavete terrae.

[grue 1]

ah, your mention of fans reminded me of my PERSONAL favourite injury.

A couple of summers ago, I was having a dream about weird commandos breaking into my future home to kill me and my family. In the dream, I told my imaginary wife to call 911, and then in reality, my phone rang, which woke me up. Unfortunately, my brain was still in the dream, so I had that strange blend of reality and dreamworld, so I didn't realise I was in fact in my dorm room. Well, my bleary eyes noticed the fan on the stand near my bed, and in the dark, I thought it was a commando here to kill me.... so I roared and dove off the bed to tackle "him". Snapped the stand in half, the cover came off, and the blade sliced open my arm

cavete terrae.

[complexity 0]

i was making my bed in the morning when I was about 13 years old and I rammed the corner of the pillow (where the zipper is) in my eye. Apparently i didn't have the quickest reflexes as a child and neglected to close my eye.

I ended up tearing the cornea and getting a disgusting blood vessel clot in my eye. It had to be one of the most painful experiences of my life. Also, everytime my pupil would contract it killed. I had to go to the hospital and they dialated my eye and I had to wear a patch over my eye for about three weeks. And then I had to wear sunglasses (even inside) as my eye was very sensitive to light.

i now have a pillow-free apartment.

[swedishcelt 0]

I once stubbed my toe on my bed and pulled off an entire toenail.

[ACMESkydiver 0]

Muenkel takes first place for sure...but:

Stone sober. Carrying files upstairs in our old house with a rickety carpeted stairway. My 4 year old daughter calls to me, so I lean back off the third step to try to peak into the downstairs room to see what she wants...
Broken ankle, ER, 2 surgeries, a year of phys therapy, much titanium.

March of this year, I'm REALLY drunk on whiskey, doing something that is paining my heart deeply, and I'm carrying a rig down the stairs and step half on, half off of a carpeted step with flip-flops and socks on & fell down the remaining stairs...
Threw out my back, got rear-ended two weeks later, have been in phys therapy/chiropractor/massage therapist every week since.

In my new house, I'm having an elevator installed.

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[2fat2fly 0]

Let's see...I've set myself on fire and I;ve peeled my foot with a pressure washer, and that's the one's that I'll admit too. The bad thing is doing something dumb, it's that I always call a friend to tell on myself

I am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried

[Rebecca 0]

First night of Christmas vacation senior year of high school, my parents went to a military function (as they call them). Mom was absolutely unable to just say, "Have a good night!" and leave without giving me a chore to complete in her absence. "Cut up the red cabbage in the fridge," she says.

OK. Head of cabbage, check. Big ass serrated knife, check. Cutting board, check.

So I saw. And saw and saw and saw away at this impossibly dense purple ball. After a while I decide to switch to the bigger ass straight-edge knife and apply downward pressure. It starts to give, I'm almost through, using two hands... and I curl my left pinky under the tip of the blade RIGHT when it cuts through to the board.

The only reason the whole tip didn't squirt into the sink was the curved up end of the blade.

My brother ran in from playing in the snow, saw the blood and flesh and screamed Oh My God! as he ripped off his knit hat - which puffed his red-orange hair into a sphere around his head. I laughed so hard.

The docs at the ER knew me from my volunteer shifts and tried to do a really neat job, which was nice until the shot wore off in the middle of it all...

Not too bad, considering what a klutz I am.

you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk?

[yardhippie 0]

the list is long...

around 8: while trying to lift a fallen fence post (fence still attached) my grip slipped and a nail sticking out of the post jammed into my thigh.

around 12: I ran a stop sign on my bicycle and hit a truck.

around 14: I stepped on a very large nail, in the middle of a pile of wood.

round 17: while ducking under a set of stars I hit my head on one of the beams supporting them, 6 stiches.

most recently: stepped on the rail that the hangar door rolls on and sprained my ankle in the middle of a boogie.

Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD
"What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me
"Anything you want." ~ female skydiver
Mohoso Rodriguez #865

[MarkFoster 0]

mmmm... so many.

... at office (spent so much time, felt like home):
sneezed while opening the mensroom door, violently jerked the door back and hit my forehead, partially knocked myself out, hit floor, bruised tailbone, left door-edge shaped crease down middle of forehead, went back to office, answered ringing phone, still dizzy, sat down to talk, missed chair, bruised tailbone again.

... unfortunately true story with witnesses.

-------------------
...if ignorance is bliss, I'm in Nirvana... you don't know what you don't know 'til you don't know it.

GravityGone

[labrys 0]

Almost cut the tip of my left index finger off slicing potatos for breakfast. The skin under my fingernail held it on. Had it sown back together and 2 days later cut it all the way off chopping turnips for stew.

You can hardly see the scar from where they re-attached it the second time.

Owned by Remi #?

[Muenkel 0]

Quote

Stone sober. Carrying files upstairs in our old house with a rickety carpeted stairway. My 4 year old daughter calls to me, so I lean back off the third step to try to peak into the downstairs room to see what she wants...
Broken ankle, ER, 2 surgeries, a year of phys therapy, much titanium.

March of this year, I'm REALLY drunk on whiskey, doing something that is paining my heart deeply, and I'm carrying a rig down the stairs and step half on, half off of a carpeted step with flip-flops and socks on & fell down the remaining stairs...
Threw out my back, got rear-ended two weeks later, have been in phys therapy/chiropractor/massage therapist every week since.

In my new house, I'm having an elevator installed.

I think I'm in love with you.

Chris

_________________________________________
Chris

[1969912 0]

When I was about 9 or 10, I cut the bottoms out of a bunch of empty Baskin Robbins cardboard ice cream containers, you know, the ones they have in their stores. I then slipped them over my body, so that I was entirely contained, including my arms, in a cardboard tube. "Hey, Mom, look at...." Then I tipped over, unable to stop the fall with my arms. Big bleeding gash on head.

"Once we got to the point where twenty/something's needed a place on the corner that changed the oil in their cars we were doomed . . ."
-NickDG

[gremlin 0]

Apple Pie Injury - I was eating an applepie which was on a thin foil pie tin. Trying to delicately cut a slice I realised that the tray was bending - so I put my other hand under the tray and stabbed the applepie. The knife went straight into my finger and required 3 stiches. On return to my room I realised that I had bled all over the apple pie - but is just added flavour!

I'm drunk, you're drunk, lets go back to mine....