Relationships for practical reasons?

[npgraphicdesign 2]

Had a very interesting discussion with a relative, and I was told that at this point in my life (31 years old and getting younger ) I should be looking for a relationship that's more practical and makes more sense for long term, rather than seeking that fire, passion, one and only, excitements, etc etc etc.

So...would you rather have...

a. A series of short-lived or semi-short (read: not for the rest of your life) relationships, where there is the fire, passion, excitement, etc, is present every single day, but it fizzles out eventually?

or

b. A lasting relationship that's more practical, in the sense that your s/o is a good partner, make a good wife/mother, and it's a life-long relationship, but the fire/excitement/passion isn't as prevalent as in option 'a'.

What do y'all crazy skydivers think?

[shah269 0]

i get the same very large steaming pile of monkey crap from my married friends and some of my family.
My favorite line thus far has been "Shah you should really lower your standards, so she has a kid or three or isn't the two piece bikini kind of girl, you are 34 maybe you should maybe rethink of what you want in your life."

As what I say? I tell them either thank you or just tell them point blank to go pound salt.

It's your life, you should never "lower your standards" just because others have. I know I'm not going to.

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[npgraphicdesign 2]

Quote

i get the same very large steaming pile of monkey crap from my married friends and some of my family.
My favorite line thus far has been "Shah you should really lower your standards, so she has a kid or three or isn't the two piece bikini kind of girl, you are 34 maybe you should maybe rethink of what you want in your life."

As what I say? I tell them either thank you or just tell them point blank to go pound salt.

It's your life, you should never "lower your standards" just because others have. I know I'm not going to.

Oh boy...

Using this post as a springboard, I'll make a slight addition to my first post: the comment my relative made wasn't in regards to physical appearance, having kids, etc. It was purely based on the choices I've made in the past.

[skyflower_bloom 0]

Quote

Had a very interesting discussion with a relative, and I was told that at this point in my life (31 years old and getting younger ) I should be looking for a relationship that's more practical and makes more sense for long term, rather than seeking that fire, passion, one and only, excitements, etc etc etc.

So...would you rather have...

a. A series of short-lived or semi-short (read: not for the rest of your life) relationships, where there is the fire, passion, excitement, etc, is present every single day, but it fizzles out eventually?

or

b. A lasting relationship that's more practical, in the sense that your s/o is a good partner, make a good wife/mother, and it's a life-long relationship, but the fire/excitement/passion isn't as prevalent as in option 'a'.

What do y'all crazy skydivers think?

First a, then b! In that order
I chose to have a child, and when I do choose to date seriously and introduce someone to my child it will be with an eye towards marriage/partnership and likely one or two more children. Might I have to sacrifice some of that red hot passion in that deal? Yep, but honestly I think in most all normal relationships it starts with the adrenaline and the rush, and settles into the oxytocin (bonding hormone) and comfort level. If you are looking only for passion, you end the relationship when the "fire burns low." If you are future minded then you do what you can to keep it going while acknowledging that it won't be that same newness and excitement, but it can still be rewarding and worthwhile.

It sounds like you've been with option a for a bit.
Do you want a family, a more settled life? Some rare folk are actually happier with multiple relationships, travel, excitement, risk, well into midlife and beyond. Others may regret not taking those other steps after having some of those other "learning experiences" in life. I think the reason we have so many divorces is that a) people do not know how to communicate with each other, but b) people expect that passion to carry over forever and it does not. I think you acknowledge that even if a relationship starts out fiery, there's either something there underneath that, or there's not. And while of course you want the "full package" brains and beauty and all of that (and I realize you are not talking physical attributes so much as chemistry) I think it's a gray area, not a black and white. Purely practical, it works for some, but some regret that- "staying together for the kids" is never a good phrase to utter in my book. (But then, I'm single ) But if you can accept that intense chemistry might not be quite as high on the priority list when looking for a life partner, while finding someone equally committed to making an actual partnership WORK, then yeah it might look different, but it need not be purely practical (when I think practical, I think boring. I say do whatever you can to keep it from getting boring- yes some aspects of life get predictable but spice that shit up! )

That's my two cents, if it made any sense.

edit- and btw 31's not that old Though in the sense that if you want children etc. your 30s are a good time to date more seriously with an eye to those attributes..

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

[agentsmith413 0]

i gotta agree with shah on this one. I've had family say something similar to me as well. I refuse to lower my standards just to be in a relationship(or get married) especially with someone who i plan on spending the rest of my life with. I know people who have stayed in a miserable relationship just so they weren't alone(and i'm aware that the OP isn't suggesting this). I promised myself that i wouldn't be that person and i plan on sticking to that. Being in a relationship just to be in a relationship is simply a problem waiting to happen.

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, all used up, and loudly proclaiming: Wow, what a ride!

[shah269 0]

This is why I love my friends at the DZ. None of them any any one at any DZ would ever suggest anyone friend or other "settling". After all if you aren't happy and are not with someone who makes you want to wake up every morning and make them a cup of tea or a pot of coffee.....why live?

And it's not about looks, it's about the total package. Who wants to be stick with a partner who doesn't in a way make them happy.

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[shropshire 0]

Quote

"Shah you should really lower your standards

PAH ... depends if 'shes' prepared to lower her standards

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[happythoughts 0]

Quote

And it's not about looks, it's about the total package. Who wants to be stick with a partner who doesn't in a way make them happy.

that's based on the theory that attractive women will not
treat you as well as less attractive ones.

[shah269 0]

Quote

Quote

"Shah you should really lower your standards

PAH ... depends if 'shes' prepared to lower her standards

I've seen it on both ends. But I have to say women do it better than we guys can.

I know two women who were and are still rather attractive. But life threw them a bit of a twist, and a little of this a little of that a two year long fling with a "tool" a little one pops out aforementioned tool skips town and well.....suddenly the girl who was once very picky and only dated guys of a given "look" are now looking at guys of a given "stability" if they can provide good father material.

Hell it can happen with out kids. I know of another woman who had this, "adjustment" due to what I can best describe as "baby fever". Suddenly it wasn't looks were out and his ability to "donate" was in.

So if a guy is in the right place at the right time....and he's willing to pick up a bit....you could in theory do well.

But don't think about it too much, never look at relationships as transactions or equations because once you start seeing things that way.....there is no way back from it. Yet on the same note, I would not recommend lowering or adjusting your standards to meet other peoples desires for you.

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[TriGirl 277]

Quote

.....suddenly the girl who was once very picky and only dated guys of a given "look" are now looking at guys of a given "stability" if they can provide good father material.

I know of another woman who had this, "adjustment" due to what I can best describe as "baby fever". Suddenly it wasn't looks were out and his ability to "donate" was in.

... never look at relationships as transactions or equations because once you start seeing things that way.....there is no way back from it.

I've seen this kind of behavior several times. I call it the interview process -- one of my girlfriends is seriously looking for a husband and has a checklist that must be met. Unfortunately, she keeps getting so hopeful about these guys who happen to meet the criteria on her checklist, but are not necessarily either compatible with her, or are even interested in a long-term relationship. I realized later that I was being interviewed by a couple of different guys the past few years. Now that I know the pattern, it's easy to see the ones who are in full "hiring" mode, trying to fill the open job of wife/mother.

See the upside, and always wear your parachute! -- Christopher Titus

Shut Up & Jump!

[Amazon 7]

Quote

i get the same very large steaming pile of monkey crap from my married friends and some of my family.
My favorite line thus far has been "Shah you should really lower your standards, so she has a kid or three or isn't the two piece bikini kind of girl, you are 34 maybe you should maybe rethink of what you want in your life."

As what I say? I tell them either thank you or just tell them point blank to go pound salt.

It's your life, you should never "lower your standards" just because others have. I know I'm not going to.

Ok so size 9 women are out..

[Bolas 5]

You know how they say say beggars can't be choosers? Bullshit.

I'm a choosey beggar. I'd rather be without than with the wrong one.

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[shah269 0]

Quote

a checklist that must be met.

well there is really nothing wrong with that. You have to know what you "want" in life.
I have a list, right on my kitchen wall. And it's not an impossible list. And yes there is a "body type" listed.

But who has the right to walk in look at my list or any ones "list" and start making changes or start judging what makes me or any one happy? Thus why I just tell those who have the audacity to even suggest or criticize to go pound salt.

And to the OP I highly suggest the same thing. After all what are you going to do if you do lower your standards or "adjust" your wants and needs and after a few years you realize that you are unhappy? Then who do you blame? Yourself for lacking the will to stand up for what you believe in or your family or friends who pressured you?

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[shah269 0]

Quote

You know how they say say beggars can't be choosers? Bullshit.

I'm a choosey beggar. I'd rather be without than with the wrong one.

+1

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[happythoughts 0]

Quote

And yes there is a "body type" listed.

People only support the rules when the rules support them.

When people are young and attractive, they are in favor
of all the advantages that youth and looks provide them.

When looks fade, they are in support of the idea that
personality and character are now the most valuable.

Unfortunately, there isn't any absolute linkage between age and increase in character.
Character is just as easy to find in the attractive.

In many cases, it follows the rule of the Tea Ceremony.
A person who works diligently in one aspect of their
life, is more likely to work diligently in others.

Continue your search.

[shah269 0]

Actually of the "list" 8 of items listed are character.
One has to do with the cats and one has to do with body type. And that has to do with lifestyle and well...my choice of bikes.
Maybe if i were to invest in a side car I could "adjust" the list
But nah! Why should I?

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[happythoughts 0]

Quote

Actually of the "list" 8 of items listed are character.
One has to do with the cats and one has to do with body type. And that has to do with lifestyle and well...my choice of bikes.
Maybe if i were to invest in a side car I could "adjust" the list
But nah! Why should I?

exactly. if 8 items are character, then it is a good list.
why should people decry the list because it contains one
item regarding one expectation of good health?

[ManagingPrime 0]

Quote

Had a very interesting discussion with a relative, and I was told that at this point in my life (31 years old and getting younger ) I should be looking for a relationship that's more practical and makes more sense for long term, rather than seeking that fire, passion, one and only, excitements, etc etc etc.

What do y'all crazy skydivers think?

I think you've been talking with my mother.

[npgraphicdesign 2]

Quote

Quote

Had a very interesting discussion with a relative, and I was told that at this point in my life (31 years old and getting younger ) I should be looking for a relationship that's more practical and makes more sense for long term, rather than seeking that fire, passion, one and only, excitements, etc etc etc.

What do y'all crazy skydivers think?

I think you've been talking with my mother.

That depends...is she single?

[shah269 0]

No clue?

Funny story, I was dating this gorgeous girl from Brooklyn this past summer. Melinda. Gorgeous red head with the most beautiful green eyes. Simply amazing. And I trusted her with out question.

And I remember the first time she came over my place for dinner and walked past the list....and just stopped in her tracks. And asks if the list was negotiable....this girl was a size 0. I just looked at her and laughed. Here was a girl who was stunning and she was asking if the list was negotiable.

I was so upset when I realized I just could not be with her. She was here in the country illegally and though she was everything a guy would have wanted in a life partner I was just not in a place where I could deal with that.

I'm sure she is going to make some guy very happy one day. Sadly, it's not going to be me.

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[ManagingPrime 0]

Quote

Quote

Quote

Had a very interesting discussion with a relative, and I was told that at this point in my life (31 years old and getting younger ) I should be looking for a relationship that's more practical and makes more sense for long term, rather than seeking that fire, passion, one and only, excitements, etc etc etc.

What do y'all crazy skydivers think?

I think you've been talking with my mother.

That depends...is she single?

Yup. PM me for her number.

Maybe if she finds somebody she will lose some interest in my relationships.

[DrewEckhardt 0]

Quote

Had a very interesting discussion with a relative, and I was told that at this point in my life (31 years old and getting younger ) I should be looking for a relationship that's more practical and makes more sense for long term, rather than seeking that fire, passion, one and only, excitements, etc etc etc.

31 is still young, especially for a guy who doesn't have eggs with an expiration date. Wait until you find the right person with whom you have fire, passion, excitement, etc. who can also be your best friend, a good partner, etc.

[popsjumper 2]

Sorry...I'm not qualified to help you.

I'm holding out for that petite, blond, blue-eyed coed.

Had one back in the day. Still kickin' my own ass for screwing it up.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[Southern_Man 0]

Screw what your relative wants. He/She doesn't have to live with your choices, you do. Doesn't sound to be like you are interested in the settled, stable thing but regardless, it is your choice to make.

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

[npgraphicdesign 2]

Quote

No clue?

Funny story, I was dating this gorgeous girl from Brooklyn this past summer. Melinda. Gorgeous red head with the most beautiful green eyes. Simply amazing. And I trusted her with out question.

And I remember the first time she came over my place for dinner and walked past the list....and just stopped in her tracks. And asks if the list was negotiable....this girl was a size 0. I just looked at her and laughed. Here was a girl who was stunning and she was asking if the list was negotiable.

I was so upset when I realized I just could not be with her. She was here in the country illegally and though she was everything a guy would have wanted in a life partner I was just not in a place where I could deal with that.

I'm sure she is going to make some guy very happy one day. Sadly, it's not going to be me.

Hey I'm moving to Brooklyn in a few months...PM me with her number.

And can't believe you left the 'list' out in the open...