Sick and tired, I need a change...

[J-S 0]

I have a problem that has plagued me since a child, anger and frustration which leads me to destroy everything and hurt people. I didn't realize this was a big problem until recently when my girlfriend tells me how she feels about it. Sick of it to put it bluntly. She's embarrassed to go in public with me sometimes because I won't hesitate to start a fight with someone or tell someone to fuck off if they annoy me. It affects my relationship with her, you don't know how many times I've broken up with her for the stupidest of shit. It fucking kills me to hurt her (never physically, I would never lay a hand on any girl). She never knows what's going to set me off and I don't know either. The way I am is not fair to her.

I've been like this since a kid. It's not my parents fault, we were taught to have respect for people, yes sir yes ma'am, please and thank you's. And to this day I'm like that. My brothers turned out fine. It's just some demon inside of me. I have anxiety problems and so the childhood psychologist says ADHD, which is bullshit cause if I'm interested in something I can focus, I'm just really hyper and high energy. I was always in trouble in school, elementary school through part of high school, to the point of being arrested and kicked out of school and kicked out for the rest of the year. Which I couldn't return to and had to finish at night school. All because I'm fucked in the head.

I don't want to be like this anymore. I'm a really happy person but at the same time I'm not being like this. My girlfriend says I'm really sweet and outgoing, nice and all. It just when that switch flips, I loose it. I know I have some mental problem, Ive screamed and yelled in my sleep all my life, I punch while I'm sleeping, to the point where I can't sleep in the same bed as my girlfriend because I've punched her while sleeping and the yelling and screaming disturbs her sleep. As a kid it disturbed my family they made the basement my room. I still annoyed them from down there with my sleep yelling.

Anyway, I don't want to be spontaneously angry anymore for my girlfriends sake and for my quality of life and others that are effected about it. I tend to try not to make many friends on my own merit because I don't want to get close to people, I don't want to hurt them. I haven't jumped in a while because of the bond between jumpers that I can feel myself getting close to. I mostly do outdoor things by myself so I don't have to get frustrated with people.

It's strange, I love life and people and enjoy the experience, but sometimes my mind wants to be hostile towards it.

So there it is, it took me some balls to admit and write this. This is where I am, to confront this problem head on. So far I change the music I listen to (thank you all for the classic rock suggestions), no more aggressive negative punk rock or metal. That music actually makes me feel good because it's something I can relate with, I don't want to relate with it anymore. I stopped smoking pot, stopped drinking, even though it's only a couple of beers at a time. Used to drink when I was younger a lot, it was a problem. And I'm trying a therapist and sticking with it this time. Tried it for three sessions and the lady was looking to a past life I might of had, said I was a warrior and fighter in my past. That's not the bullshit help I wanted so I gave up.

I just wanted to know if any of you ever saw a therapist and if it worked? Does hypnosis work with therapy? Don't know what kind to see this time. I've contacted a few and hope to get a session this week.

Please don't think I'm a psyco or anything, I'm really respectful of others and try to help others when I can. I just have some switch I can't control. I want to find out how to make that switch turn on something positive in my life or figure out the moment or situation that flicks it so i can keep it off in my mind. I can't hurt anyone anymore.

Thanks for listening.

[ruleofpull 0]

I'm sorry, and I'm sad for you. I hope you find the change you need.

[davjohns 1]

Sounds like someone I know. My first guess would be some kind of traumatic event, but not necessarily. Otherwise, it sounds like a chemical problem. Possibly related to dopamine. You might want to discuss it with a doctor.

Glad you are dealing with it. Nothing to be embarassed about. Nobody is perfect. The first step to problem solution is to identify the problem. Most people never get that far. They think everyone else is the problem. Good on ya.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[davjohns 1]

And sorry about that counselor. Past life? Sheesh.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[airtwardo 6]

I know I have some mental problem...

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That's half the battle, now go get some face to face ~ one on one with a professional.

Good luck!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

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[cocheese 0]

Dude you're not alone. Stupid and/or inconsiderate people piss you off. You let them know. Now you're the bad guy.

The sky is the only cure I know. Find peace in the sky. There are less idiots and douche bags up there.

Smoking is better than climbing the tower. Exercise as much as you can. I'd make a shrink retire in two visits. So I can't help ya there.

[akarunway 1]

Quote

I have a problem that has plagued me since a child, anger and frustration which leads me to destroy everything and hurt people. I didn't realize this was a big problem until recently when my girlfriend tells me how she feels about it. Sick of it to put it bluntly. She's embarrassed to go in public with me sometimes because I won't hesitate to start a fight with someone or tell someone to fuck off if they annoy me. It affects my relationship with her, you don't know how many times I've broken up with her for the stupidest of shit. It fucking kills me to hurt her (never physically, I would never lay a hand on any girl). She never knows what's going to set me off and I don't know either. The way I am is not fair to her.

I've been like this since a kid. It's not my parents fault, we were taught to have respect for people, yes sir yes ma'am, please and thank you's. And to this day I'm like that. My brothers turned out fine. It's just some demon inside of me. I have anxiety problems and so the childhood psychologist says ADHD, which is bullshit cause if I'm interested in something I can focus, I'm just really hyper and high energy. I was always in trouble in school, elementary school through part of high school, to the point of being arrested and kicked out of school and kicked out for the rest of the year. Which I couldn't return to and had to finish at night school. All because I'm fucked in the head.

I don't want to be like this anymore. I'm a really happy person but at the same time I'm not being like this. My girlfriend says I'm really sweet and outgoing, nice and all. It just when that switch flips, I loose it. I know I have some mental problem, Ive screamed and yelled in my sleep all my life, I punch while I'm sleeping, to the point where I can't sleep in the same bed as my girlfriend because I've punched her while sleeping and the yelling and screaming disturbs her sleep. As a kid it disturbed my family they made the basement my room. I still annoyed them from down there with my sleep yelling.

Anyway, I don't want to be spontaneously angry anymore for my girlfriends sake and for my quality of life and others that are effected about it. I tend to try not to make many friends on my own merit because I don't want to get close to people, I don't want to hurt them. I haven't jumped in a while because of the bond between jumpers that I can feel myself getting close to. I mostly do outdoor things by myself so I don't have to get frustrated with people.

It's strange, I love life and people and enjoy the experience, but sometimes my mind wants to be hostile towards it.

So there it is, it took me some balls to admit and write this. This is where I am, to confront this problem head on. So far I change the music I listen to (thank you all for the classic rock suggestions), no more aggressive negative punk rock or metal. That music actually makes me feel good because it's something I can relate with, I don't want to relate with it anymore. I stopped smoking pot, stopped drinking, even though it's only a couple of beers at a time. Used to drink when I was younger a lot, it was a problem. And I'm trying a therapist and sticking with it this time. Tried it for three sessions and the lady was looking to a past life I might of had, said I was a warrior and fighter in my past. That's not the bullshit help I wanted so I gave up.

I just wanted to know if any of you ever saw a therapist and if it worked? Does hypnosis work with therapy? Don't know what kind to see this time. I've contacted a few and hope to get a session this week.

Please don't think I'm a psyco or anything, I'm really respectful of others and try to help others when I can. I just have some switch I can't control. I want to find out how to make that switch turn on something positive in my life or figure out the moment or situation that flicks it so i can keep it off in my mind. I can't hurt anyone anymore.

Thanks for listening.

http://weedphotos.com/

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[CSpenceFLY 1]

I agree that it could be Chemical or something traumatic. While I also think you should seek help you should also start learning to control yourself till you figure this out. If you know you have this problem you have no excuse to act like a dick all the time.

I own the right to say that cause I've been there. I learned to control it till I got better. I wish I could tell you what it is but I never figured it out. I believe mine was linked to a traumatic event and associated depression.

[riddler 0]

Therapy + Xanax. It will prevent you from getting shot. Someday, you will piss off someone with a faster draw and better aim.

If you're happy and you know it, thank your meds.

Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD

[jinlee 0]

Life is but a dream.... so relax and enjoy all of it, the good and the bad.

+1 - Xanax

[J-S 0]

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Therapy + Xanax. It will prevent you from getting shot. Someday, you will piss off someone with a faster draw and better aim.

If you're happy and you know it, thank your meds.

Thanks. I was On lorazepam for anxiety for a while, stopped taking it and went through a withdraw hell. Couldn't work or do anything for about 8 months. Curled up in bed for 3 months wishing I was dead. Couldn't eat, sleep, severe muscle spasms, the shits, mental confusion, couldn't even do 5+3 without getting confused. The world wizzed by while I was in slow motion. I will never take a pharmaceutical drug again. Not even aspirin.

[J-S 0]

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And sorry about that counselor. Past life? Sheesh.

Ya. It really discouraged me from trying someone else for help. I hope the next one works out. Thanks for the reply.

[Shotgun 1]

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I was On lorazepam for anxiety for a while, stopped taking it and went through a withdraw hell.

Just curious, how much were you taking?

I have somewhat different issues than you, but I have found therapy (individual and group) to be helpful in the past. Of course, it largely depends on finding the right therapist for you. I've also had a lot of help from various self-help books, and I've turned into a junkie for relaxation/visualization CDs.

I hope you are able to find something that will help you to change.

[J-S 0]

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I was On lorazepam for anxiety for a while, stopped taking it and went through a withdraw hell.

Just curious, how much were you taking?

I have somewhat different issues than you, but I have found therapy (individual and group) to be helpful in the past. Of course, it largely depends on finding the right therapist for you. I've also had a lot of help from various self-help books, and I've turned into a junkie for relaxation/visualization CDs.

I hope you are able to find something that will help you to change.

The dr. told me to take 2 mgs a day. I did what the pill pusher told me for about 6 months. I felt great, until about a week and a half after I stopped. My first symptoms were being really dizzy, weak, and a foggy brain. I didn't know what was happening so I went to the ER, EKG and blood tests and all came back fine. They told me I was perfectly healthy. Gave me some crap for the dizziness.

That didn't help. My symptoms got steadily worse. So I looked up Lorazepam and withdraw symptoms and I had a few at that point. Found Benzobuddies.org and posted my symptoms. People responded thats what was wrong with me. That forum really helped me from not taking my life being everyone was so supportive and going through the same thing. People going through withdraw from benzos for years. I got lucky with 8 months.

Dr.s give that crap out like candy and don't understand the withdraws at all. Even people that taper down off of it correctly can still go through hell. Some people can taper off just fine. Others like me got fucked. I still post on there to let people know their brains will heal with time. Just to give back what some gave me to survive.

[skybytch 259]

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ADHD, which is bullshit cause if I'm interested in something I can focus

Actually, being able to focus on something we are interested in is a hallmark of ADD/ADHD. It's called hyperfocus.

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Please don't think I'm a psyco or anything

It's okay, I'm a psycho too. There's nothing wrong with having emotional or mental problems - no different than having physical ones, just less visible.

I hope you can find someone who can help you work through things. Hang in there.

[davjohns 1]

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It's okay, I'm a psycho too.

You chose the name 'skybytch' and you felt compelled to say this? Do you stutter as well?

Just playing with you. It caught my eye and I found it amusing.

David

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[davjohns 1]

Ummm....Ahh...Hmmm...

I'm not a fan of psychotropic meds. However, they can be effective while you work on coping skills for whatever is going on. If it is a neurotransmitter issue (I suspect) it may be the only way. Psychotropics are complicated and most docs are playing hit and miss. There's actually little way to avoid that. We just don't know enough about how things work in YOUR head. What works for one will put another through hell. You might want to try something else to see if it agrees with your symptoms / chemistry.

Again...not a fan...just realistic.

David

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[J-S 0]

Quote

Quote

ADHD, which is bullshit cause if I'm interested in something I can focus

Actually, being able to focus on something we are interested in is a hallmark of ADD/ADHD. It's called hyperfocus.

Quote

Please don't think I'm a psyco or anything

It's okay, I'm a psycho too. There's nothing wrong with having emotional or mental problems - no different than having physical ones, just less visible.

I hope you can find someone who can help you work through things. Hang in there.

Thanks skybytch for the response. I just looked up hyperfocus, I just discovered something about me. Makes me feel a bit better knowing I'm not the only one who feels like this.

As of today I told my girlfriend we need to separate for a few months and live alone. Going to take a couple months off of work and just really focus on myself for once in my life. Something I wish I did a long time ago before I fucked things up with my love of my life. I don't need any stress's or frustrations right now. Which means I have to sell one of my rigs (bought a used one while waiting for my container to made a while ago) to make some ends meet.

I hope my quality of life will be better for me first, then others.

[J-S 0]

Quote

Ummm....Ahh...Hmmm...

I'm not a fan of psychotropic meds. However, they can be effective while you work on coping skills for whatever is going on. If it is a neurotransmitter issue (I suspect) it may be the only way. Psychotropics are complicated and most docs are playing hit and miss. There's actually little way to avoid that. We just don't know enough about how things work in YOUR head. What works for one will put another through hell. You might want to try something else to see if it agrees with your symptoms / chemistry.

Again...not a fan...just realistic.

David

Meds are something I will just refuse now because of how addicted my body gets to things too easily. The reason I never did hard drugs with my friends. I have a really addictive personality. I'm trying to keep my brain chemical free without smoking or drinking or putting anything bad in my body, even high sugar, fat, or salty foods, which I eat mostly healthy to start with.

Healthy body, sick mind. That's me.

[NWFlyer 2]

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I'm trying to keep my brain chemical free without smoking or drinking or putting anything bad in my body, even high sugar, fat, or salty foods, which I eat mostly healthy to start with.

Healthy body, sick mind. That's me.

That was going to be one of my suggestions (in addition to reaching out for assistance as it sounds like you already are). Eat as "clean" as possible. Meats (preferably well-sourced from sustainable producers) and veggies primarily. Avoid processed stuff, sugar, simple carbs, etc. No, just eating well isn't going to solve the problem, but I think it can really help to balance out energy levels and help you to focus on the important stuff.

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[tmccann 1]

Dude,

See a professional. I'd recommend a traditional western medical professional trained in mental issues. I can see that you don't trust them, but your bad experience in the past seems to be more from going off meds yourself - if you don't give the docs your trust, and do what they recommend, it's worse than not seeing them. Have a problem with what they recommend? Tell them, and work with them to find an alternate solution. If you are going to take the meds, you need to take them consistently, and if you don't like how you feel on them, go back to the doc and let the professional adjust your dosage or mixture.

Whatever you do, don't just stop taking meds without talking to the person who prescribed them. Going off them cold-turkey is bad news. Very Bad. As in: Dont' Do That, Bad Shit Will Ensue. I've seen it several times with friends, and it scared the shit out of me each time.

It can be hard as hell to accept that mental issues can have physical causes, but it's just chemistry, like how my body doesn't produce insulin properly, so I'm labeled a "Diabetic". You may (or may not, I have no idea) have a chemical tolerance/deficiency, same as me, but with completely different effects. If so, then modern "shrinks" or "pill-pushers" can sometimes help. If you refuse to see one of those, then maybe an eastern medicine specialist can help, but you run the risk of them being quacks talking about past lives, etc...

Free advice, worth what you paid for it. Best of luck.

[skybytch 259]

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I just looked up hyperfocus, I just discovered something about me. Makes me feel a bit better knowing I'm not the only one who feels like this.

There are LOTS of us!!

Untreated ADD/ADHD could be contributing to your current issues. At least mention the childhood diagnosis to whoever you talk to. Treatment options are available that don't include medication.

[J-S 0]

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Dude,

See a professional. I'd recommend a traditional western medical professional trained in mental issues. I can see that you don't trust them, but your bad experience in the past seems to be more from going off meds yourself - if you don't give the docs your trust, and do what they recommend, it's worse than not seeing them. Have a problem with what they recommend? Tell them, and work with them to find an alternate solution. If you are going to take the meds, you need to take them consistently, and if you don't like how you feel on them, go back to the doc and let the professional adjust your dosage or mixture.

Whatever you do, don't just stop taking meds without talking to the person who prescribed them. Going off them cold-turkey is bad news. Very Bad. As in: Dont' Do That, Bad Shit Will Ensue. I've seen it several times with friends, and it scared the shit out of me each time.

It can be hard as hell to accept that mental issues can have physical causes, but it's just chemistry, like how my body doesn't produce insulin properly, so I'm labeled a "Diabetic". You may (or may not, I have no idea) have a chemical tolerance/deficiency, same as me, but with completely different effects. If so, then modern "shrinks" or "pill-pushers" can sometimes help. If you refuse to see one of those, then maybe an eastern medicine specialist can help, but you run the risk of them being quacks talking about past lives, etc...

Free advice, worth what you paid for it. Best of luck.

Popping a pill is too easy. Yes it make you feel good, but its a bogus feeling. I want to know what happens inside the mentals of my mind. Like what Im holding onto inside that I cant let go. A pill can cover or hide that just fine, but hold me back from discovering it and kicking its ass. Thanks for the advice though!

[J-S 0]

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Quote

I just looked up hyperfocus, I just discovered something about me. Makes me feel a bit better knowing I'm not the only one who feels like this.

There are LOTS of us!!

Untreated ADD/ADHD could be contributing to your current issues. At least mention the childhood diagnosis to whoever you talk to. Treatment options are available that don't include medication.

I defiantly will. I have a session today with a therapist, she was able to get me in hearing my desperation for help.

[tmccann 1]

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I have a session today with a therapist, she was able to get me in hearing my desperation for help.

Awesome. Very important to work with someone you trust, and that sounds like a promising start. Best of luck.