Gato

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles I don't think anyone will get this one: "Why is there a watermelon there?" "I'll tell you later." Hint: Jeff Goldblum has the first line. T.I.N.S.

10 (THE Bo Derek movie) T.I.N.S.

Lords of Dogtown? Caddyshack, of course. T.I.N.S.

Only on the out-stroke. T.I.N.S.

Used to happen when I was a waiter all the time. It's no big deal, as long as everyone else is in the same shape as you. On the other hand, the guy who taught me guitar repair had the smell of stale Miller Lite coming out of his pores! Chew all the gum you want; your best bets are cologne and fruity soaps! T.I.N.S.

I think I got troll poo on my good mousin' hand. I wish I'd known about this Stiletto business before I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I mean, we'd all be very understanding if you couldn't resist having one off with a sheep, but a Stiletto with a 1.6:1 wingload? I salute you and your balls, sir, which I'm sure are as big as church bells. T.I.N.S.

Ah. Forgot to add that one. T.I.N.S.

Brian, I understand that the biggest Lotus canopy Big Air currently makes is a 190. In a previous show you stated that you more or less weren't interested in building student or tandem canopies. You also said that the Lotus should be fine for someone off student status. With an exit weight of 230lbs, it would be several hundred jumps before I'd be ready for that wingloading, if at all. If we aren't talking about post-landing reinflation issues, what are the major concerns in designing an airlocked canopy in the 210-230 sq. ft. range? Also, can someone custom-order a Lotus (or Samurai, for that matter) in that size? By the way, you and I both turned 40 recently - Happy Belated Birthday! Thanks, Chris Kansas City T.I.N.S.

If you won't tell us what you did, or what you intend to do again, then I have no choice but to create a list of speculations: Did you perhaps . . . . 1. Have sex with a farm animal? Domesticated? 2. Carry a beer in your jumpsiut on a sunset cross-country load? 3. Smoke a fat greenie before a sunset cross-country load? 4. Sleep with your wife's sister/brother/uncle? 5. Share a condom with another dude? 6. Fake some entries in your logbook? 7. Give a pilot the ol' reacharound? 8. Pee downwind while under canopy? 9. Perform a 90mph wheelie next to a bus load of junior high girls? 10. Steal some high-quality threads from Abercrombie & Bitch? To answer your question, it is ok to continue doing stupid stuff as long as you aren't putting someone else in jeapordy or making skydivers or Americans look bad, and are cool with living in constant denial. I've heard the definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." By this definition, you certainly aren't insane, but try not to let yourself be mistaken for a complete moron. I'd also caution you against taking the word of who ever said it was ok. Let's not forget the lesson we learned from Obi-Wan Kenobi. Good luck - you'll need it. T.I.N.S.

Vile pellets of ice, Weekend with no altitude; We'll stay in and screw. One more. Here is where i sit Back of the one-eighty-two Someone just farted. Have a good day. Gato T.I.N.S.

It's also poosible the joker didn't actually have the money and decided to bail out while he could. Remember, you can set up your auctions so that people with X-number of feedbacks cannot bid. Ebay admin should be aware of all the details, and if what you say is true, they will probably waive the seller's fees for you. Best of luck, Gato T.I.N.S.

Hey, thanks Lindercles, Phreezone, and GravityGirl - Your insight is very much appreciated. Mighty refreshing. Gato T.I.N.S.

Does anyone have an opinion on whether either of the recent incidents at Eloy would have been survivable if a Skyhook had been employed? Did either of them have one, and were unable to cut away anyway? I don't mean to offend anyone, but after seeing the Skyhook 100ft cutaway video, it seems a relevant issue. In considering a new container for myself, and taking into account traffic avoidance/collision factors, a rig equipped with this device sounds like a good idea. My apologies if I'm being inappropriate. I realize that no piece of gear is a substitute for high-level awareness and keeping one's head on a swivel, and that sometimes, shit happens regardless of how we've prepared for it. Gato T.I.N.S.

Of course, I'm interested in what you all think, but I'd like some riggers' opinions. I've done multiple searches on the topics of one's first rig and downsizing mains, and I keep seeing people talking about how you'll want to downsize several times before you reach 500 jumps. Therefore, it's best to buy all used gear first and put 100 or 200 jumps on it, and get rid of it so you can buy the ultra-plus-good custom job. Is this true? Is this what most people do? In addition, I've seen other people recommend getting a new container, sized to accommodate 3 mains: what you fly first, and what you're able to downsize to, twice in the same container. For example, the container is sized for a 190, and you squeeze a 210 into it now, later on going down to a 170. Is this realistic? I started jumping so that I can eventually fly a wingsuit. I know it's too early to think about this, and I'm OK with that. I do know that I won't want a small high performance canopy over me while in a wingsuit, regardless of what level I attain. My intention is to do everything I can in this sport in due time, and to do so conservatively and safely. If you can train in the wingsuit at 200 jumps, at what point should one look for a container with this in mind? My apologies if this is the wrong forum for this - it IS primarily about gear. Besides, I'm afraid some of the Bird-peeps might smack me down in the WS forum. Gato T.I.N.S.

Our female cat (Mehitabel) was playing with something under a piece of wrapping tissuse paper the other day. When she came out with it, I thought it was a stick or something like that. It turned out to be only the ASS AND TAIL of a small mouse. I don't know where the rest of it is. God, I hope she ate it. Black Rodent Death, Gato T.I.N.S.

Hello masterblaster - If it turns out you can't find this anywhere, send me an mp3 of the tune, and I'll transcribe it for you. There are basically 4 different forms of transcribed music that most of us utilize: manuscript (standard musical notation), chord number charts, tablature, and lead sheets. What you are asking for would commonly be called a Lead Sheet, where only the chord symbols are listed, sometimes with the lyrics, but not usually. I can normally generate a lead sheet in just a few minutes. Also, you should recognize that most pop and rock songs are made up of a formula, what I call "Song Part Modules." That is, several key parts that repeat themselves in a specific ordered arrangement. So the partial chart you found already may contain these Modules, and you just repeat as necessary. Partial charts like that do require a bit more thought and preparation, but it's good for you and helps train your ears. I teach guitar full-time, so if you ever need help, feel free to send me a PM. This offer is also extended to any other skydiver. Blue skies and clear notes, Gato T.I.N.S.

At first, I thought you were asking if I've ever farted and sneezed at the same time. Yes, but it's very dangerous. Here's an example of my wife's childhood lyricosis: "Bingo jet had a light on......" by Steve Miller T.I.N.S.

You must have lived it, To know my day exactly; You kindred spirit. Nice. T.I.N.S.

Before we get too off topic, here's a couple more sexy ones. Dripping showered breasts Glistening shiny bootie Are you wet elsewhere? Ruthlessly sliding, Bouncing girl makes me her horse And I'm a sweet ride. Is that too arrogant? T.I.N.S.

Hey J - I couldn't agree with you more. C T.I.N.S.

I started thinking about this in the previous poetry thread, and realized I was about to hijack a thread. I thought this might be fun, especially if both men and women get into it. For those who aren't familiar with it, Haiku is one form of Japanese poetry, a revision of a much older form called Hokku. Modern Haiku consist of 3 lines in the following way: Line 1 - 5 syllables Line 2 - 7 syllables Line 3 - 5 syllables There's almost always a reference to the season in the traditional form, but we're here to speak (elegantly) about boot knockin' and oral pleasures and whatnot. Here's a couple to get the ball rolling. Winter in midwest, Under Armour hugs my balls, Head from a whuffo. Sit Lewinski style - White dress is better than blue, Giving noggin love. Okay, one more, really dirty this time (For the ladies.) Nuzzling the mound, Under skirt lifted high, oh Glazed donut face. Oooooh, I like that one. T.I.N.S.

Maybe we should have a collection of skydiving haiku. Here's one: Opening head-on, Steering into gentle winds, A pilot am I. I used to pass filthy/erotic haiku back and forth with a girl I once worked with. BIG FUN! T.I.N.S.

Hey Ryan - You describe almost exactly how I've been feeling for the past month and a half. I haven't had a jump since Nov. 18, right after which my car died. Being stuck at home and not able to jump because of the weather has left me depressed more than a few times recently. Strangely enough, I flew to Texas to see my family for Christmas, and the plane rides kind of put me back in that sort-of out of control frame of mind for a little while. I've also gotten out on my rollerblades a few times and scared the shit out of myself that way, with the same basic outcome, the little mini-rush. Not the same as jumping, but it's something. I'm about to list a bunch of stuff on ebay to build up my "jump egg" and I plan on making a trip to Florida as soon as I can gather enough fundage. I can feel the tunnel calling me. Anybody need a toucan cookie jar or a set of ladies' golf clubs? Blue Skies, Gato T.I.N.S.

I think your estimated costs are a bit high. My static line progression will end up costing around $1700 US (around 1375 Euro) to get an A license - one would think a comparable school across the Atlantic would have similar pricing. If you are having to pay much more than 1600 Euro, perhaps you should think about being trained in another country. Hope you find what you're looking for - I think I did. Good luck and stay safe, Gato T.I.N.S.

Hello Tom - Thanks for the reply - you and I must have been posting simultaneously. I'll be out as early as I can, I'm playing the Ameristar tonight and won't be back home until 12:45am. Gotta get that rest. Even if I can't jump, I'd at least like to get some harness training and maybe learn a bit more about spotting and landing. Thanks again, Tom. I'll see you all tomorrow morning. Chris (Redhead Bean-Field Lander) T.I.N.S.